suddenlylonely Posted May 12, 2004 Posted May 12, 2004 Hi... I've been in a 3 year relationship with a girl who I met in highschool. Last year we moved in together for about 5 months.. but then suddenly she realized it wasn't what she wanted. I was pretty hurt, but before I had a chance to figure stuff out and get back on track with myself, she contacted me, and made it clear she was in SOME ways regretting the decision. Anyways, eventually we decided to "see eachother" and hopefully fix the issues we were having in the relationship. Anyways.. 3 months go by and things are pretty good but we clearly still have some issues. She starts to want a lot more time to herself (which is fine)... we stop having sex, and generally her interest level seems to be dwindling slightly (but she still called me a lot and told me she loved me) So my whole predicament started last Wednesday night when I approached her about where we were headed and her behaviors. Most of the time she would avoid my questions and I just got frustrated. I gave the issue a rest, and later on that night I left her house on good terms; we kissed and she said she loved me. I call her Thursday to possibly make plans that night and she said she was busy with her girlfriend. I said no prob and left a message for her Friday sayin I'd come by to say Hi for a bit (but I knew she was busy both Fri and Sat with her girlfriends). She left a message on my cell saying that wouldn't be possible as she would be out with her friend after work and during the night. I tried calling her that night, somewhat late after she'd be home... but no answer. I also left a message. I called her Saturday before going to a house party as well as after the party, but no answer or replies to my messages. Saturday night she was going out to a popular nightclub with 2 girlfriends... which I made clear before I didn't quite like because she has gotten carried away before with guys hounding her. Called her mothers day... nothing! By now I *knew* something bad was going on I didn't call her Monday but called her Tuesday at work and she said she couldn't talk to me because people were around. I said I was expecting a call later explaining whats going on... and she replied "You can expect a call." Click. I was blown away... What did I do to deserve this treatment? To no surprise, I received no call. I even left *another* message for her saying that if she is upset with me, call me so we can work it out. If she feels different about me now, or whatever, thats fine, just call me and explain things. But she still hasn't called me. I've begun to get stuff straightened up in my life and have tried forgetting about this ugly situation and just moving on. The whole idea of her not giving me the common, decent respect to call me and tell me whats going is just tearing me apart inside though. I keep fearing that when we got back together, she used me for emotional support, sex and whatever else while she shopped around for another guy. And then figured ignoring me while she gets on in her life would be the best approach to get me away. That possibility makes me wake up every morning almost vomitting in disgust. Shes a control freak and loves to play little mind games. Shes one of those kinda girls ... So i'm pondering what my best approach should be.. Call her and tell her its over, I want my stuff back and say bye.. or just not contact her and wait for her to call me? What does everyone think? I've never heard of someone doing this and am totally confused and angry. Thanks for your time! SL GPS
Confusedgrl Posted May 13, 2004 Posted May 13, 2004 Just let he be. You don't deserve someone like that. Try and get over her, and in time you will.
SoleMate Posted May 13, 2004 Posted May 13, 2004 I think your instincts are almost certainly correct. She appears to have minimal or no connection to you, based on her actions. You can choose to give yourself closure, because I don't think this girl is planning to. As you suspect, she would probably be happy to have you available as a "fallback" guy if her current hunt is unsuccessful. So, she's a user and you got used. There probably were some feelings and some love, but there were also a lot of self-serving thoughts as well. Get your stuff back, be strong, take the high road. Telling her "it's over" is optional, but be sure to let all your friends and acquaintances know that you are now single. Figure out what you will do/say in approximately 5 weeks, when she comes crying to you saying that you are the only one she has ever loved... And next time, before you hand your heart over, get to know the girl well enough BEFOREHAND so you can be sure that she will not abuse your feelings. If she is a "distant, unavailable, mind-game playing, control freak" while you are dating casually, then move on.
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