hcromwell Posted September 26, 2011 Posted September 26, 2011 Some of you have seen my posts... 3 weeks ago in the therapist office...she said marriage over done...like she has been saying for last 11 months Now, since then she has been complimenting my "efforts" although i have not changed the approach that much She said yes to me taking her away...she is letting me put my arm on her in bed...had not touched her in 9 months.. Now please help me as i am going to go insane...what is the deal? Doctor upped her zoloft...is that it? Did she see the papers i brought home from work (divorce papers info) from july. Still doesn't wear ring, won't say she loves me....but a serious thaw. crazy
LuckyCharms Posted September 27, 2011 Posted September 27, 2011 I don't know about to others, but that sounds very strange to me. It could be the prescription I suppose. Drugs and treatments can and do drastically alter people's otherwise consistent behavior. Or maybe she's feeling guilty and trying to ease her conscience. Or maybe she really is slowly turning herself around and opening up a little at a time. I don't blame you for being confused.
worldgonewrong Posted September 27, 2011 Posted September 27, 2011 Man, I'd give ANYTHING for a bit of thawing.....
Owl Posted September 27, 2011 Posted September 27, 2011 Don't know your history, but I'd caution you that this could also simply be a tactic to change your behaviors or actions. It could be that what you're doing is working...or it could be that she's trying to soften a blow that she knows is about to fall. I wouldn't place much hope on change at this point...not until you see some full blown, outright DEDICATION to change from her.
Author hcromwell Posted February 8, 2012 Author Posted February 8, 2012 and now we are having sex again(not alot but having it)...she is trying to be nicer...she says i love you back when i say it to her...ring been on since october... Still something is not right...and now its on my end...part of me...feel like i sold out to stay with her...my father said i'm nuts but there is a part of me that took her **** for so long that i am harboring resentment.. and part of it is that she is still not back all the way...and how much longer do i have to deal with a life like this...if she isn't sure about me...next... rambling i know but what do you all think?
worldgonewrong Posted February 8, 2012 Posted February 8, 2012 and part of it is that she is still not back all the way... well, what do you mean by that? Elaborate, please. also, do you suspect she's having or has had an affair?
Yasuandio Posted February 9, 2012 Posted February 9, 2012 Resentment will not bring you closer. Probably need only choose to feel and express things that draw her closer - not push her away (in the alternative, do and show nothing then). There are loads of positives in your camp to build on! But you don't want to go overboard either, as that to can push her away. I am firstly concerned about your MC, if that is what she/he is. It is critical the one you choose is pro-marriage. Next, as others are noting, I am becoming pro DB/DR. Please research this site, and read as much as you can about the techniques and patterns of couples in the "piecing" state. This information is absolutely free on divorce-busters website. You can almost glean every strategy and techniques from the site - but the two books are very cheap on Amazon. The hardest thing to do are the simple recommendations which seem counter-intuitive. Once you understand the material, you can start your own thread there, and people with like-wise experience can take you thru it day by day. Piecing (your marriage back together) some say is more difficult than the torture of the separation. Please have a look at that sight seriously. I so wish I had your opportunity to work with - there is a good chance for your marriage to survive if you play your cards right. But one wrong move - such as expressing your "resentment" at the wrong place at the wrong time, could screw up everything. Do you wanna be "right" or do you want your marriage to survive? Best to you, Yas
Author hcromwell Posted February 10, 2012 Author Posted February 10, 2012 Wow interesting line about the piecing a marriage together harder than separation. Never thought of that but very true. Separation or even the thought of it was like a vacation...but not one based in reality. I guess it's just a time and effort thing...i should be happy with the progess i have made...and build on it. I keep having to remind myself...acting like a bitch won't make her closer to me. thanks...not sure how you figured out what i meant in my rambling last post...but you were on it.
Yasuandio Posted February 10, 2012 Posted February 10, 2012 My pleasure. I might also take this opportunity to remind you that your previous marriage is dead. You are "piecing" together a new, stronger, and better marriage. No, you are correct, there is no room for bitching whilst this tender project in underway. Listen, listen, and listen some more. If necessary, "lovingly detach" if that is was it is going to take for you to "listen empathcally" to your spouse - and really hear her. The favor will be returned. I assume you are aware of the 5 Love Languages material? Keep up the great, positive attitude. Movement in the right direction, no matter how slight, is a heck of a lot better than the reverse (ain't it grand that YOU have control over this?). I hardly think anyone would disagree with that. I only wish I had this wisdom and the DB/DR comprehension level three years ago.
Author hcromwell Posted July 20, 2012 Author Posted July 20, 2012 Now been almost 8 months since she started saying love you and wearing ring.... If I a m honest...she is trying her best to be a good wife. I am doing my best to be a good husband. But, when I'm alone at time with my thoughts... I can't wrap my head around her change...like wtf was that all about? Was it simple question of security...I was self employed then when down in flames. Things much better siince I got job. How do I move on from all the really awful crap she threw at me? Should I just shut up and man up....
standtall Posted July 21, 2012 Posted July 21, 2012 Crom..most married women with minor children do not leave marriages unless. 1. Drug/alcohol issues by either person. 2. Physical/emotional abuse by either person 3. Mental issues 4. Third party involvement. This list is not all inclusive and there are some scenarios that are none of the above, but this would cover most. Now, I have read your posts, and in IMHO, it would seem it is 3 or 4 based on what you wrote. It sounds like she has been depressed..maybe over your failed business and the financial consequences that came with it, or maybe depressed over the loss of an affair partner. 1
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