Do you ever find peace?

[Koekie]

Do you find peace within yourself after someone left you for someone else? I mean it boils down to them taking full stock of you and proverbially saying your just not enough. The love you give them is just not enough.

 

I'm not sure if you have read a previous thread of mine explaining the whole story, but in a nutshell, its complicated. He left me when we were living in seperate countries and the other woman was right there with him. Is the reason I didnt want someone else, because where I live there isnt really anyone else to find? Am I being unfair in not understanding the obvious, that I was countries away and she right there? But I went to see him, I was there and he was clearly unhappy, the messages I later read, proving him so impatient and excited about seeing her when I finally left. All the time he was cold to me.

 

He since moved to my country and we are together although now, after 8 months, the whole thing has just dropped down on me and I am hurt confused and feeling like second choice all over again. He keeps saying I am pushing him away, why cant I give us a second chance and I wonder is it my pride stopping me? I have become obsessed with the other woman, I keep looking at her page on facebook, searching her face for clues as to what I lacked. I have gained weight and that does not help at all. Nothing else interests me anymore.

 

Its so much worse than when someone just cheats on you when they actually leave you. I still wonder if she and I lived in the same country with him, if he would be with me now? I would give anything to know. Thoughts of why is he with me is tormenting me night and day. You see I helped him move here, to try and find a good job. This country I live in is by no means easier to live in though. He tries to tell me he moved here for me, but he only broke it off with her when I found texts proclaiming their love when he was again involved with me. I dont believe he moved here to be with me, especially after the other woman and I had contact and she told me he told her he is coming here to make money so they can get a house and get married. But if this was the case would he have then broken it off so quickly with her? I wish I could find answers before I really lose my mind. She later found out about me and they had a very big ugly fight and have not spoken since, I wish they were still speaking, then I would know if he would have gone back to her if given the chance. Or am I being stupid? Is that not how life works out? If it worked out with each and every person we would all be with the very first person we loved.

 

He finds it very hard to show affection and talk about feelings. This makes it so much harder. I have struggled to find love, because there have been so few men who have made my heart yearn and explode for them. I love with my everything. It is who I am. There have only been 3 since I started dating my so many lovers 15 years ago. There have been many, but only 3 got my heart and all three broke it into lots and lots of pieces. I am attractive, usually vibrant and confident, but I feel like a hag at the moment.

 

In the heat of an argument I asked why cant he show me the excitement and love he showed her? Furious he answered because I am not her we are two different people. My aching heart took this the worst way it could. He says he meant that it was easier to be affectionate to her because she made it easier, she never asked she never argued. I am a very strong proud person, could that be what he meant?

 

Searching searching searching for the answer to inner peace. This turmoil is quitely killing who I am.

[Andymk]

Hey Koekie,

I think you can't punish yourself for him leaving.

You are who you are.

At some point you have to stand up and say "this is who I am, this is what I offer. If that's not enough for him, nothing else will change that. I will remember our happy times, but I will move on, and open my heart to someone else who will appreciate it more"

 

We live and learn. It's what makes us human.