lonelynyc Posted September 26, 2011 Posted September 26, 2011 I have a major interview scheduled for tomorrow. Landing this position would mean a substantial raise in salary and just be an incredible upward climb for my career. So why can't I stop thinking about my ex? As most of you know by now, because I have posted it incessantly in the last few days, my ex told me via email on Thursday night that she has been hurt by some guy she's interested in who hasn't reciprocated. This is, mind you, a mere 2 weeks after she asked me to rub her back and told me she still loved me. I am devastated that this self-centered, cold-hearted, incredibly insecure woman has completely moved on from me in just 2 weeks while I still feel so much love for her. Everyone tells me I need to get over her, that she's not worth it... Knowing all of this to be true doesn't make it easier to accept. So here I am, the night before a potentially life-altering opportunity, and I'm self-sabotaging. Anyone been where I am before? I would appreciate any advice.
futuregopher Posted September 26, 2011 Posted September 26, 2011 I have a major interview scheduled for tomorrow. Landing this position would mean a substantial raise in salary and just be an incredible upward climb for my career. So why can't I stop thinking about my ex? As most of you know by now, because I have posted it incessantly in the last few days, my ex told me via email on Thursday night that she has been hurt by some guy she's interested in who hasn't reciprocated. This is, mind you, a mere 2 weeks after she asked me to rub her back and told me she still loved me. I am devastated that this self-centered, cold-hearted, incredibly insecure woman has completely moved on from me in just 2 weeks while I still feel so much love for her. Everyone tells me I need to get over her, that she's not worth it... Knowing all of this to be true doesn't make it easier to accept. So here I am, the night before a potentially life-altering opportunity, and I'm self-sabotaging. Anyone been where I am before? I would appreciate any advice. Focus on yourself and the interview! This is a golden opportunity to show how great you are; not just to her but everyone else. Imagine what you would do with the extra salary and imagine how successful you will be with your career! It sounds like you have a lot going for you and you should be proud of that. Good luck in the interview!
Dark Phoenix Posted September 26, 2011 Posted September 26, 2011 I was in that position a few months ago. Carbonite Inc. moved one of their locations from India to Maine. I had just graduated with my associates degree and had just been dumped by my ex about 2 months prior of when my interview was scheduled. I hadn't been on NC for very long and that false hope of reconciling with her was still burning in my heart. I was thinking things like "This is a HUGE opportunity, nobody gets an opportunity like this straight out of college... when my ex hears about this she is definitely going to want me back". I had this mindset all the way up until the interview, and even after the interview. I nailed the interview so I was sure that I had the job, heck I was the only person to score 100/100 on the test they issued me prior to the actual interview... and the interviewer told me that he was surprised. I didn't get the job though, I believe because I transferred to a four year degree and companies are less tolerant of hiring college students as opposed to college graduates (even though I held a degree). My advice to you: Turn those thoughts of your ex into fuel for your interview. Mine was driven off of false hope but even that seemed to work (as far as the interview went). Sure I was devastated when I didn't get the job but understand that factors outside of the interview, and outside of me being strung up on my ex contributed to me not getting the position. You've already got a job and are looking for that promotion so it is very unlikely that you will run into these obstacles. Think positively and let those thoughts fuel you, I'm sure you will do fine. Good luck!!!
Author lonelynyc Posted September 26, 2011 Author Posted September 26, 2011 I was in that position a few months ago. Carbonite Inc. moved one of their locations from India to Maine. I had just graduated with my associates degree and had just been dumped by my ex about 2 months prior of when my interview was scheduled. I hadn't been on NC for very long and that false hope of reconciling with her was still burning in my heart. I was thinking things like "This is a HUGE opportunity, nobody gets an opportunity like this straight out of college... when my ex hears about this she is definitely going to want me back". I had this mindset all the way up until the interview, and even after the interview. I nailed the interview so I was sure that I had the job, heck I was the only person to score 100/100 on the test they issued me prior to the actual interview... and the interviewer told me that he was surprised. I didn't get the job though, I believe because I transferred to a four year degree and companies are less tolerant of hiring college students as opposed to college graduates (even though I held a degree). My advice to you: Turn those thoughts of your ex into fuel for your interview. Mine was driven off of false hope but even that seemed to work (as far as the interview went). Sure I was devastated when I didn't get the job but understand that factors outside of the interview, and outside of me being strung up on my ex contributed to me not getting the position. You've already got a job and are looking for that promotion so it is very unlikely that you will run into these obstacles. Think positively and let those thoughts fuel you, I'm sure you will do fine. Good luck!!! I'm sorry you didn't get that job, but you sound like one strong dude to be able to channel all of that into something positive. I feel like this breakup has eroded all of the strength that made me who I was in the past. I have been through all sorts of terrible things from childhood onward, but losing my ex is the only thing that has thrown me completely off balance. I feel like I'm losing my mind a bit. I feel like she has feelings for someone else, which is crazy to me. She seemed like she still loved me 2 weeks ago (not just sensing things here, she said it to me). Could she be confused or is she just completely over me? I don't know. This question is driving me insane. I'm really under the impression that I could become a Fortune 500 CEO and she wouldn't give a **** at this point.
Lucio Posted September 26, 2011 Posted September 26, 2011 get a grip. lock her away in a corner inside for at least tmr. if u want to be on forbes or fortune 500, u need to be able to do that. good luck tmr!
Author lonelynyc Posted September 26, 2011 Author Posted September 26, 2011 get a grip. lock her away in a corner inside for at least tmr. if u want to be on forbes or fortune 500, u need to be able to do that. good luck tmr! I don't know what I want anymore.
Lucio Posted September 26, 2011 Posted September 26, 2011 i get what u mean, but u definitely don't want her to look down on u! stand up for tmr at least ok! u can crumble after u walk out of the room. but from now till then, pretend that nothing's happened.
Author lonelynyc Posted September 26, 2011 Author Posted September 26, 2011 i get what u mean, but u definitely don't want her to look down on u! stand up for tmr at least ok! u can crumble after u walk out of the room. but from now till then, pretend that nothing's happened. I actually like that advice. It seems like the only thing to do. My father is dying, the woman I love is gone forever, but I can still land a good job. I should worry about the only thing I can control. At least for now.
Lucio Posted September 26, 2011 Posted September 26, 2011 i'm glad u like it tell us if u got the job. and u owe me a feast if u do. haha!
HollyHoliday Posted September 26, 2011 Posted September 26, 2011 Landing this job is something that will not only benefit you, it will propel your life into a whole NEW future, something that you can have for yourself outside of your breakup. It is probably impossible to completely forget about her tonight and tomorrow, but do your best and focus on bettering yourself, and putting all of your hard work to use. This is something for YOU, and just you! Good luck! Let us know!
ken_25 Posted September 26, 2011 Posted September 26, 2011 Let me first say, I haven't been in your exact situation. Though I feel you need to tell yourself "Why should I let her hold me back today?". She isn't worth it, a woman that does what she's been doing isn't worth the regret you may feel for letting this hurt your chances at obtaining something you wanted. Do not let your ex prevent you from getting something like this. She may pop up in your head, but you must focus while you're in there. You can do it, you are capable of this. If you land this job, it will better you mentally and financially. You'll have the rest of the day and upcoming weeks to think about her. so just for a few hours, block it out as best as you can, and focus on this opportunity.
M2155 Posted September 26, 2011 Posted September 26, 2011 You ex has ruined a few days for you now, don't let her ruin this. Don't give her this, this is for you. The future you! Besides, once you get IN the interview I bet you won't be thinking about her so don't worry too much. It fascinates me sometimes how I can think about him all day (during and after we were together) but when I'm in a meeting that I'm really into, I don't. A new career move is a new challenge that can give you something to channel all that emotional energy into. GO FOR IT!! And remember to take notes/write questions before hand ask for the job in the end! (i.e. say you really want the job, if you do) Good luck;)
stillafool Posted September 26, 2011 Posted September 26, 2011 You have to tell yourself convincingly that your ex isn't in love with you, never was in love with you and will never ever come back to you and believe it. This will help you move on because she has.
Author lonelynyc Posted September 26, 2011 Author Posted September 26, 2011 Just got out of my interview. I feel like I aced it. But, as Lucio predicted, I crumbled as soon as I left. I'm just too lonely to enjoy anything. All I can think about is how we used to celebrate things together. If I get the job, I'll just have to enjoy it alone this time. What really pisses me off is that she alluded to this new guy she's interested in being significantly older (and I'm thinking, better-established). I'm by no means a slouch or slacker, but there's no way I can compete professionally with some guy in his 30s. I'm only 23 (she's my age). With her spending habits, maybe she's looking for some sort of sugar daddy. Who knows? I thought we could build a future together. All of that is gone now, and I have never felt this alone.
Lucio Posted September 26, 2011 Posted September 26, 2011 well done buddy! u are now allowed to sulk all u want for the rest of the day. just let yourself go! take a long crazy drive to nowhere. order your favorite food. shop for and buy a new gadget. go for spa or a new haircut. sleep. you've done well! reward yourself. if u get the job, we will all celebrate with you here. i've just finished my exec summary and sending it to some VC. you can wish me luck this time
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