U1987 Posted September 26, 2011 Posted September 26, 2011 So many PUA's say that if you're in a loud setting like a party, club, bar or concert, you should never lean in to hear a girl when you're talking to her; it shows weakness, and if you're talking to a girl for the first time, it comes off as intrusive. The man should stay upright (or even lean back if possible) and beckon the girl to lean towards him if he can't hear her speaking. The thing is when I'm out on a first date, this I chronically forget this. I catch myself leaning in to hear the girl speaking, say "oh ****" in my head and reflexively move back, and I'm worried it's making for awkward body language. It's just that when I can't hear something, I reflexively lean in to hear better. How do you defeat the urge to lean in when talking to a girl in a loud setting?
laotzu Posted September 26, 2011 Posted September 26, 2011 Jesus. Lean in, try to make some incidental body contact. Do PUAs really say that? That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard. I always use it as a way to get closer to a girl. I mean, really... lean back from her? I'm 6'2". I can't get over how dumb that is. That's taking the whole power context thing to an extreme. Here's what you do: (a) Make sure you smell good, preferably like aftershave or whatever (b) smile © lean in and smile (d) analyze the situation and see if she likes you, and is making good eye contact (e) if things are going well, very light touching or at least close talking (f) do some other stuff or else go home.
Cypress25 Posted September 26, 2011 Posted September 26, 2011 That sounds like bizarre advice, but so does a lot of PUA stuff I hear about. Just turn your head to the side and tilt your ear towards her mouth; she'll take the hint and lean in a little closer. Don't lean back though, that's obnoxious. Are you trying to make it difficult for her? You could avoid this problem entirely by not going to a loud place for a first date. First dates usually involve a decent amount of conversation. Go somewhere quiet, where you can talk easily. Save the loud places for later.
Pierre Posted September 26, 2011 Posted September 26, 2011 So many PUA's say that if you're in a loud setting like a party, club, bar or concert, you should never lean in to hear a girl when you're talking to her; it shows weakness, and if you're talking to a girl for the first time, it comes off as intrusive. The man should stay upright (or even lean back if possible) and beckon the girl to lean towards him if he can't hear her speaking. The thing is when I'm out on a first date, this I chronically forget this. I catch myself leaning in to hear the girl speaking, say "oh ****" in my head and reflexively move back, and I'm worried it's making for awkward body language. It's just that when I can't hear something, I reflexively lean in to hear better. How do you defeat the urge to lean in when talking to a girl in a loud setting? Who writes all these stupid rules? Who cares who does the leaning? Is there a written rule about when to kiss? When to have sex? When to hold hands?
Author U1987 Posted September 26, 2011 Author Posted September 26, 2011 Is there a written rule about when to kiss? Yes; MID-date, MID-conversation. So many guys build up the first date towards the first kiss at the end. It's clichéd and predictable.
Feelin Frisky Posted September 26, 2011 Posted September 26, 2011 Right, those rules are suspended for tall guys. To not lower my head to hear seems like a sure way to say get lost.
Forever Learning Posted September 26, 2011 Posted September 26, 2011 So many PUA's say that if you're in a loud setting like a party, club, bar or concert, you should never lean in to hear a girl when you're talking to her; it shows weakness, and if you're talking to a girl for the first time, it comes off as intrusive. How do you defeat the urge to lean in when talking to a girl in a loud setting? The answer is, you don't defeat the urge to lean in. The urge is there because it makes sense and is the right thing to do. PUA = Pick Up Artist Pick Up Artist = Player Player = Moron These "Pick Up Artist" rules can get a little bonkers to put it mildly. Use some common sense with each 'rule' they mention. Not everything you read is true or even computer screen worthy - it's been created by another human with possibly a faulty mindset. And that mindset must be considered and reflected on, before being adopted as one of your own personal golden rules to live by or operate under. If a guy leans in to hear what I am saying in a loud setting, that's not intrusive or weak (the mere idea that it could be a sign of "weakness" by leaning in to hear what someone is saying, is just so retarded). Leaning in means he cares enough about what I am saying to want to hear it. It's really that simple. God, between all the extreme twisted porno out there and these Pick Up Artist websites, I feel so damn bad for everyone under age 25 trying to get their bearings in life. But I digress. If he didn't lean in, and couldn't hear me, I would think he didn't care so much about the conversation, or maybe that other things were earning more of his attention than I was (like eye candy on the dance floor). I might get the impression I was boring him. So yes, if you can't hear her talking because it's too loud, by all means, lean in to hear what she's saying. And don't go to a loud place on the first couple dates in the first place - conversation is essential in getting to know each other and establish a connection. Good luck!
rightfield Posted September 26, 2011 Posted September 26, 2011 Here's another idea. If the lady really seems interested in talking to you, and you strike up a healthy conversation, get the F out of the loud environment! I did that last week. Just tell her that you really want to hear what she has to say and ask if she'd like to step outside and talk, or to another area where you can both speak without screaming.
Mme. Chaucer Posted September 26, 2011 Posted September 26, 2011 I assure you that your preoccupation with stuff like PUA rules and how to "act" to "get" what you are trying to "get" from other people (even if they do happen to be the gender you're not) will be sending out all kinds of awkward vibes when you are interacting. You will NOT be able to engage if you're thinking about those stupid constructs, and no one will be remotely interested in engaging with you. The girl (at least, 99% of them) will be looking for the quickest way to exit the encounter. Just the thought of talking to a guy who is busy thinking about whether he should or should not be leaning towards me to hear what I'm saying (instead of being present in the moment and the conversation) makes me tired. A girl is not going to stick around for even a moment if you're doing that - most people are pretty good at picking up on all kinds of cues.
Recommended Posts