That_girl Posted September 26, 2011 Posted September 26, 2011 I have been seeing someone casually for about 2 months. We are a part of the same social circle and we've actually known each other for many years through friends, but we started hooking up this summer. The first time we slept together I acted really weird because I don't typically have sex with guys that I'm not in a relationship with. He said he understood that he can't "have his cake and eat it too" with me. But that he really liked me. So I continued to sleep with him. We're still sleeping together, about once a week. And we spend the night at each other's places. All of our mutual friends know that we're seeing each other. And when we're together, it totally feels like we're a couple. But I don't really know where exactly we stand. He doesn't really say much regarding the relationship we have, he just says that "it's not like that" whenever I mention the fact that it kinda feels like friend's with benefits. BUT at the same time, he doesn't call me very often. It's usually just on weekends, and ONLY to hang out (have sex). We do kiss alot and he does all of these romantic things like spoons me while we're sleeping. And hugs me in bed. But he hasn't really opened up to me about what he's feeling about all this and I feel like it's been long enough. I went on a date with someone else last week and I really like him. I'm going to see the new guy again...but do I tell the guy I'm sleeping with? I don't feel like this is a relationship by any means. We both have feelings for each other I'm sure, but not to the point where he actually cares enough to just call me and ask about my day. Also, when we first started hooking up, he told me he wasn't looking for a realtionship. I don't know what to do. I don't necessarily think I want to be his girlfriend either. We have chemistry and everything, but not the ind of chemistry that makes you fall in love with someone. And I don't like the casual sex thing. It's not fulfilling and doesn't really feel good. The new guy I went out with is so much fun, so full of life, and we had so much in common. I feel like I've known him forever. Can I pursue this without telling the guy I'm sleeping with? I mean, if things did end up working out with the new guy- I'd have to cut this of immediately. I just wish I knew where we stood.
january2011 Posted September 26, 2011 Posted September 26, 2011 Also, when we first started hooking up, he told me he wasn't looking for a realtionship. I think you have your answer. He's given himself an 'out' and an opportunity to pull the "I told you so right at the beginning" card. Unfortunately, I know many women who fall for this in the belief that they can 'change his mind'. I've been there too and it included coming up with the 'reasons' why he "doesn't just want sex" such as the spooning and kissing, etc. Thus, in my opinion, he might not like the terminology but this is a FWB situation. I don't multi-date so can't advise you regarding whether to tell your FB about the new guy. I think that what what you have with the new guy seems much more fulfilling and feels good - something you're not getting from the FB. That suggests that you want much more than sex. At this stage, I don't think you'll get what you want from the FB. New guy, however, sounds more promising. Regarding where you stand, ask him. But be prepared for him to reiterate that he wasn't looking for a relationship and that nothing has changed.
Author That_girl Posted September 26, 2011 Author Posted September 26, 2011 Although it kinda sucks to hear that...mainly because it's probably the truth...I'd actually be kind of glad if that were the case. Maybe because deep down I'm not 100% into him. I don't have that vibe where I want to see him all the time, or get really excited when he's around. He's kinda "fun for now" Also, it just confirms that I'm not really going to hurt him if I do decide that I don't want to pursue this anymore.
january2011 Posted September 26, 2011 Posted September 26, 2011 I'm glad that you're not 100% invested. I suspect that deep down you already had all the answers. Best of luck with the new guy.
january2011 Posted September 26, 2011 Posted September 26, 2011 you know its the truth. you know gals go for the casual hottie guy. you know but you cant come out and say it. To be fair, I think that_girl already had reservations and has taken it on the chin that the two-month guy is unlikely to be able to offer her what she's looking for. I don't think any additional confessions will add anything.
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