babyygirllhi Posted September 26, 2011 Posted September 26, 2011 Long but please read!! Its been 3 months since my ex of 1 year dumped me and I still have days where I cry like a baby and I still miss him unbearably. I cant handle thinking about our past, like literally can't handle it bc I miss him so bad. I'm 24 and he's 22. And I still seriously feel like we are meant to be ... :/ First of all, just so you get a little background, I met my ex and he was this guy who first of all didnt know how to communicate, was very independent, and never had a girlfriend. he had been working to save money towards starting his own online business when we met and had planned to move in with his friend and work with him, however we met and he just disregarded all those plans just left his life to come be with me.. bad move but I didnt see this :/ Also, I moved to sweden 4 years ago and when we met I had plans to move back to florida in about 1 year. He said he had always wanted to move south and to a diff country. So he visited florida and loved the place, said it's the number 1 place he would want to live. (i should have seen this coming, he might eventually want to move to florida, or eventually be with me, but he isnt ready now. he should have stayed with his friend and done his plans..) This made for a bad relationship where it was obvious he was TOTALLY not ready for commitment and just seemed very immature, didnt know what he wanted in life, never been in love before, etc. He is very serious about himself, and wanting to make himself into the person he wants to be by the time he is 30 (he says). So I guess he is egoistic I guess. He had a very hard time exprssing his feelings for me and never made me feel loved (except when i would tell him i felt that he didnt, then he would get very upset that i felt that way and tell me he does). He is a very kind guy though. Obviously just doesnt know how to "give feelings". So anyway, since he wasnt truly wanting a relationship, he wasnt all there and actually was a bad boyfriend, just not happy with his life i guess. Anyway, I felt that he wasnt ready during the entire ralationship and he knew I felt this. This was always the cause of our fights. That he wasnt "there". We travelled to Asia together for 3 months, and from day one he said like "im depressed i thnk, i just dont feel good." and i know it's bc he had been planning to work with his friend to come up with a business idea since he doesnt want to work, he wants to be free, so since he wasnt doing anything about it, he was depressed. Once he broke up with me, he made plans with the guy he was going to Now he is working on an online page called "social freedom" with his friend... I totally see all this now, and can see this is why he was able to break up (even tho he says he is still in love). Because he pushed everything else away (he seriously couldnt do 2 things at once .. it was either have a gf and dont do anything else, or dont have a girlfriend and do the other stuff. And he said after breaking up like "im wierd, i'll want to be alone forever. If I were to be with a girl it would be you.." After Asia he spent a few weeks deciding what was wrong, if he could be with me and give me 100% or not, etc. I went through HELL. Then he finally broke up but said hes still in love and all my plans changed you know, bc I was planning to be with him and move back to florida and it was all just crazy. I was devestated. He was there for me as like, the best friend in the world! He helped me move back to the city I had been living in in sweden and everything. And during this time we stil saw eachother and it was amazing when we were together! He would kiss my forehead in the mornings, look up at me throgh the window when leaving etc...But he kept saying like "im just not feeling good, i lost myself, im depressed, cant think straight, etc". I truly think he needs a lot of time to himself to be able to be happy and he never got that. Anyway, I moved back to the city i had lived in and we had NC. After about 1 week i bought a ticket for flroida and ended up telling him im moving back. he was shocked. he wanted to see me to say bye etc. he beggged. so finally he took the train 1 hour to spend the night with me and say bye. before coming tho, i told him i had slept with someone else, in order to help move on, and he was like "um ok, well thats understandable." then about a minute later he goes "ouch, that hurt, thats painful". Anyway, so while he was on his way to catch the train to see me, he called me and goes "i just want you to know that if I come, we cant talk at all about you and that guy. I cant handle it". So he came and it was amazing! we hadnt seen eachother for 3 weeks, so when we saw eachother it was us running to eachtoher and hugging, giggling, tears, etc.that night we talked for hours, made love the entire night and trust me , i know this guy, he wasnt using me for sex! somehow the other guy i slept with came up and he goes "someone else entered you.." and then shook his head and said i cant handle it! and then started kissing me again to forget it ... the next evening he left, we both cried and looked back at eachthoer. and that was it .... A bit before i moved (about 1 week after seeing eachtoher) i sent him a text saying "you lost the best thing you ever had" and about one week later he replied on facebook saying "im not sure how to reply to ur text. i hope you are doing good. im so glad we got to see eachother and say bye. you are an amazing person, i miss you and i will miss you. kisses and hugs." I can't put into words the amount of love I have for this guy and I feel like he must have it to, but be unhappy where he is in life and just not ready. I'm moving on, but it's been the hardest time of my life and I just CANT let go. It's been NC for almost 1 month and I deleted him from facebook.He was a horrible boyfriend, like just not there, not ready, yet I still felt so unbelievably amazing with him and I opened him up and he made me feel so alive, so unreal, and we were SO attracted and truly best friends, can talk for hours but he wants to be alone and says I'm perfect but he just needs to be alone. He had said i'm the perfect girl, even after we broke up. Then once he said "I cant lie, it's possible we get back together but it wont be for years." he said that after saying we will never be together, then started crying and told me that. He is obviously eccentric and has his own problem which makes it so we cant be together, but is it that i'm not right for him? Or could we truly be right for eachother but he isnt ready? Do you think he still misses me, would be able to stand it if I had a new bf, etc? I won't break NC bc I won't be able to handle it , but im afraid to have it in the back of my mind that he truly does love me and after he finds himself, will want me back. He even told me that he was going to a psychologist, just because he thinks its good for everyone to do. (this was during our breakup). Im not looking for advice on how to move on, I am trust me, but im SOOO afraid to have it in the back of my mind that he will want me one day. Since he has told me he is still in love and stuff. Im also very afraid that im in love with this guy, who obvoiusly is sooo bad as a boyfriend :/ Last thing, he even was having unprotected sex wtih me and c*mming inside me AFTER we broke up. Its like he is just SO selfish you know. And proud, he says it would be the worst thing if anyone thought he was insecure. Which prob explains why he has a hard time showing his feelings. Which is probably why he doesnt feel a need to say he misses me etc. Is this guy gonna regret this one day?!???
Unrequitedlove Posted September 26, 2011 Posted September 26, 2011 It's crystal clear to you that he was in a relationship with you without being able to fully commit. He obviously has issues within himself that also caused him to leave you in the first place. Will he regret it? He might regret hurting you and continuing to be with you knowing he wasn't emotionally ready to be with you, but it seems as though he wont regret stepping away from you because he has to concentrate on improving himself and his future. Time will tell if it's meant to be, but as of right now, it's best that you learn from the relationship and do what's best for you.
reimeivn Posted September 27, 2011 Posted September 27, 2011 i am 4 5 months out and still feel bad. just got back home and cried a whole bunch. it is hard to suddenly not have somebody who you love so much in your life anymore. i hope you will find something else to take your mind off this and feel better soon.
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