rifty Posted September 25, 2011 Posted September 25, 2011 Hi all, Want some feedback on this situation. My girlfriend and I are both in our first serious relationship (with each other) following both our divorces a few years ago. Once we started dating each other, it was like the stars had aligned for both of us. We have been together just over a year but during that time we've been utterly star-struck with each other. Everything clicked together on every level, the sex was off the hook, we were thick as thieves, our personalities are very similar, we were soul mates. But a few months ago I started to notice I didn't have that deep need to see her as much as in the beginning. Worse, I noticed my attraction has been fading in the bedroom too. The sex is still good when we have it but I'm now certain my attraction to her is no longer there. This weekend I broke the news to her that I'm not attracted to her anymore. It was horrible for both of us and even though I'm the one ending the relationship, it's complete agony for me. I can't stop myself from breaking down now that we're apart. I'm losing my best friend and confidant. She was the light of my life for a time. I don't want it be over but I can't change the way I feel. I now think what has happened is that she was my transitional relationship after my divorce. Have I just made a huge mistake or is this a relationship that's run it's course?
mike588 Posted September 25, 2011 Posted September 25, 2011 Is there anything that she did to make your feelings change? You said that you've been divorced for years so it's probably not a rebound or do you still have feelings towards your ex wife? What's making you not interested in her anymore,, looks, attitude,?
sleepykitten Posted September 26, 2011 Posted September 26, 2011 Maybe the "honeymoon" period has just ended, and youre down to a normal relationship?
sleepykitten Posted September 26, 2011 Posted September 26, 2011 I have to say this happened to me after my divorce too, i met someone a few mths later and the first yr was incredible, after that the next yr was the complete opposite, i wish i had had the strength to leave him when i knew it wasnt working anymore.
Mack05 Posted September 26, 2011 Posted September 26, 2011 I wish i had had the strength to leave him when i knew it wasnt working anymore. That is key right there. It's never easy leaving someone we still have strong feelings for. But when the relationship is not working you have to look in the mirror and accept the reality of the situation. Yes you are losing a lot and it's perfectly normal to crave the person you are missing but the relationship was not working for you mate and if you stay in a relationship that is not working you will end up resending each other..
TheDovic Posted September 26, 2011 Posted September 26, 2011 That is key right there. It's never easy leaving someone we still have strong feelings for. But when the relationship is not working you have to look in the mirror and accept the reality of the situation. Yes you are losing a lot and it's perfectly normal to crave the person you are missing but the relationship was not working for you mate and if you stay in a relationship that is not working you will end up resending each other.. Totally agree with Mack. I've a friend who lost attraction for a girl he was with but out of fear of losing his "best friend" he stayed with her for almost 9 years (of misery). He finally summoned the courage a few months back and it really hurt him (still does) but he seems happier now than I have ever seen him (even though he is single).
Author rifty Posted September 26, 2011 Author Posted September 26, 2011 I have to agree with most of the replies in this thread. I think this simply ran it's course... It was my first serious relationship coming out of my divorce the year before and it was simply incredible in every way. Now things are winding down and it's very hard to face that it's not working for me anymore. But I'm certain that's what has happened. Staying in it won't work and just prolongs the suffering for both of us. It just sucks as I miss her all the same and I know the pain this brings on her part...
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