mike588 Posted September 25, 2011 Posted September 25, 2011 Hello, You all know my story, now that I'm close to 2 months of healing I'm reflecting on my/our relationship and realized that I should of seen the red flags and what was really happening. I know it's "typical" for the guy to pay for dates but after 30+ movies out did she never offered to pay once, Nope I payed for 50+ dinners out, did she offer to pay for one? Nope Surprised her with many small gifts, Did I ever get one? Nope Was I there for her surgery? Yep I had a medical scare, was she there for me? Nope. She completely forgot about my test results until a week later. What a joke. Out at events like an Art/ Craft shows I'd buy her something small like earrings etc. Did she ever buy me anything? Nope Drove my car all over hell with/for her. Did we ever use her car? Nope Gave her MANY back rubs, massages, Did I ever get one? Nope. (Maybe one.) Wow was I lucky. I'm looking at the financial aspect of this disaster and: I spent (guessing) $3,500.00 Ahhhhhhhhhhh Sh*t! ,, LOL Her, $50.00 And the list goes on but at this point I'm to embarrased and feel so stupid that I don't want to list anymore. What a fool. Actually thinking about all this now really helps me get over her even faster. Hummmm ,,,wonder if her ex that she went back to will be treated the same wonderful way?? Probably not cause I was her rebound guy and never really had her heart and actually I really don't care anymore! Anybody here had a similar experience??
immitable Posted September 25, 2011 Posted September 25, 2011 Didn't have similar experience but you should be happy to be such kind and giving person, some girl out there is going to appreciate that.
lonelynyc Posted September 25, 2011 Posted September 25, 2011 Don't be embarrassed at all bro. What happened to you has happened to me, and countless other men and women (a lot of guys are complete free-loaders too). With my ex, things started out differently. She was an incredibly selfless lover, always offered to pay for herself when we went out, etc. But that changed rapidly as she became accustomed to my generosity. Aside from the countless nights out I paid for, including a $500 hotel room on Valentine's Day this year (don't ask) I spent around $2,000 bailing her out on rent payments, buying plane tickets, helping her pay off credit card debt incurred from outrageous frivolous spending. I'm a young man, only 1 year out of college and I also have to take care of myself--unlike my ex, I don't have parents who can assist me financially in any way. Even though told me she understood I was just lending her all of this money, not once since the breakup 2 months ago did she ever mention paying me back. Never took her for that type of classlessness, but there you have it. It kills me that she's probably taking some guy home to the apartment I paid the deposit for, walking around town with the $500 designer bag I bought for her. What can we really do though? Just live and learn I guess.
Unrequitedlove Posted September 25, 2011 Posted September 25, 2011 Oh, boy! She sure is lucky. An ex boyfriend of mine of a year and a half made sure I paid for everything at one point because I made more than he did. How'd I feel at the time? More financially stable and in love. Now, I think of how much of a fool I was because I allowed myself to get used. My last ex-boyfriend was the same way (I sure pick them well). At one point it was expected of me to pick up the tab on anything and even when he had money in his pocket, as he got used to being supported financially. Surely, I made more money than he did, and it never bothered me, but now that I think of it.. Good riddance. I believe in 50/50 in a relationship. The funniest thing about those two relationships was the fact that they were surprised at the fact I'd made effort in covering certain expenses, and no other girl in their lives has ever done that, just for them to use me. -_-
rubberball Posted September 25, 2011 Posted September 25, 2011 I did that too - only i was paying for the dates, and the family dates, we had 3 kids between us. hotels, trips, anything she wanted. She spent money like it was water and complained that she was in debt. Her dad even asked me to try and get her on a budget. She never tried. she HAD to have all these things she couldnt afford.
january2011 Posted September 25, 2011 Posted September 25, 2011 You took a chance based on your emotions. Unfortunately, she didn't feel the same way about you. Being generous with your time, money and care is not a bad thing. But perhaps you need to re-wire your people-picker to ensure that your attentions are directed at the right person. I would suggest that you paid the price for a very important life lesson. One saving grace is that she didn't stick around to marry you and have kids then try to take half your current assets and future assets.
M2155 Posted September 25, 2011 Posted September 25, 2011 Yep I did it. I gave freely, never really expected/wanted anything in return other than appreciation. I don't feel so bad because most of the time it wasn't because he asked, I considered myself helping or sharing and I think now the ex has plenty to remember me by. In the future though, I'm going to be careful not to give much more that the other person gives (I don't mean value-wise but effort).
Author mike588 Posted September 25, 2011 Author Posted September 25, 2011 Yep I did it. I gave freely, never really expected/wanted anything in return other than appreciation. I don't feel so bad because most of the time it wasn't because he asked, I considered myself helping or sharing and I think now the ex has plenty to remember me by. In the future though, I'm going to be careful not to give much more that the other person gives (I don't mean value-wise but effort). Ditto on giving freely and I also just wanted to be appreciated. As far giving/doing, I landscaped her whole yard BIG TIME front and back, and I'm sure she remembers me every time she gos outside.
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