M2155 Posted September 25, 2011 Posted September 25, 2011 I'm not sad and I'm not even sure if what I'm feeling is hurt anymore. It's some close cousin of hurt. As you know my ex went back into a relationship with his ex. Things were not all rosey and breezy with us, I thought about taking a break a couple times to shake things up, but I think I really did love him because it hurt like hell when he finally left (or rather when he finally made it known to me). Like many of you, I want answers even though I know answers wouldn't do me any good and I would feel lame as h*ll asking at this point. I want to know if he ever thinks of me or feels guilty atlthough it wouldn't do any good either because he is very happily involved with her. I want to write that e-mail because I assure you has no clue of the pain this experience caused me since he also didn't know how deep I had fallen for him. I saw my future with him. But I can almost accept that maybe she was the girl for him all along and I was the one he was "figuring things out" with- except when I see or hear of them, I feel like a complete idiot! How did I not see this? If it were not for a few photos I would have never known she even was his ex and I certainly had no clue he had feelings for her. I'm bragging, supporting, being patient for a great guy while behind my back he gives his heart fully to another woman. I'm not blaming myself because I couldn't know his true feelilngs inside, although I could have done better trying to find out. But whatever this feeling is of being blindsighted and in the blink of an eye they are one big happy family, just gets to me. (Wasn't someone on here coming up with a drug to forget the ex?) I don't know what the word is, maybe I am a hater. I don't know but I want it to go away:sick: NC is easy but forgetting is not.
mike588 Posted September 25, 2011 Posted September 25, 2011 [quote=M2155; Like many of you, I want answers even though I know answers wouldn't do me any good and I would feel lame as h*ll asking at this point. I want to know if he ever thinks of me or feels guilty atlthough it wouldn't do any good either because he is very happily involved with her. I want to write that e-mail because I assure you has no clue of the pain this experience caused me since he also didn't know how deep I had fallen for him. You know were in the same boat and I want answers too. I so wish in my last email to her 6 weeks ago that I would of demanded answers. I'm 6 weeks into N.C and am not gonna break it. At that time my mind was still in a fog but now that all the pieces of the puzzle have come together I want to tell her about her lies and,,, oh now I see why you did this or that etc.,,, just to let her know now I really see how she used me,, espically during and after her surgery!
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