Author eleanorhurting Posted September 29, 2011 Author Posted September 29, 2011 We stopped dating because i did not feel he took me seriously. but i was also very insecure and made many mistakes when we started dating so it is really my fault. i wish things would have been different.
solobeary Posted September 29, 2011 Posted September 29, 2011 Today I cried so much I could barely study. I cried in the morning and in the afternoon. I talked to him and we ended up talking about how ****ty I feel and that he thinks Im a wonderful person and that he hates it when I feel the way I do. But then the conversation turned into talking about how much we wanted to have sex but we shouldn't. And then I decided to go back into NC. I guess Ill really start progressing when I go NC for sure. I mean I know this isnt just about him but he is part of all the things that I keep dragging around that make me feel the way I do. It is like a temporary relief. He makes me feel good when we talk but I know after it is going to be worse. But at the same time sometimes it hurts so much and im so lonely that I long for him. I need to stop this. Eleanor, it really might help to go see a psychologist who uses CBT. CBT is about working through your thoughts in a constructive way over a set period of time, and has been found to be quite effective in scientific trials. You can work through the issues with your psychologist, and will hopefully be feeling better in a few months time and have learnt some psychological tools to get your life back on track Given your situation that is a better option than antidepressants (at least try the CBT to see if it works first). Best of luck. Break ups are so bad
Author eleanorhurting Posted September 29, 2011 Author Posted September 29, 2011 They are. But this goes beyond a breakup. I have had low self esteem for a long time and breakups take a toll on that. I need to start valuing myself for me and not for how other people accept me. Easier said than done.
BLuvv Posted September 30, 2011 Posted September 30, 2011 @Eleanor: I can definitely relate to how you are feeling and I agree this is more than just sadness from a breakup. I've suffered from depression and anxiety and I know how hard it can be. I'm still working on it and of course it doesn't help to deal with a breakup. If you read my thread you can see how I suffered from not just letting go and moving on: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t299786/ I think you are best to be strong and take care of yourself and go no contact. Everyone here has been so supportive and you are not alone. Also, I think maybe you should find a different psychiatrist or maybe a counselor- not all psychiatrists are the same. I just today had my second appointment with my new psychiatrist and so far I'm really feeling good about turning things around. There is hope and there is help. I've slowly felt better as I've made decisions to get better, get help, and take care of myself. Don't give up and just now that the bad days won't last forever. Best of luck to you! B
Author eleanorhurting Posted September 30, 2011 Author Posted September 30, 2011 Thanks. Today I didnt contact him and I didnt cry all day. But I know the hard part comes around the 4-5 day mark. I cant wait to get past everything.
BLuvv Posted September 30, 2011 Posted September 30, 2011 Thanks. Today I didnt contact him and I didnt cry all day. But I know the hard part comes around the 4-5 day mark. I cant wait to get past everything. You're welcome! I'm proud you are being strong and I'm happy to help support you because I am right there with you. I am on day 4 today..it is hard because it's Friday. Those are my hardest days because we usually hung out then and while we were working we'd text and make plans. I've spent a lot of Friday nights pouting since we no longer hang out as much in the year we have been "just friends". I'm so tired of doing that. After our fight Monday which just over text he said we would hang out later, and normally I would've just let things go and later go back to the miserable status quo. This time if he contacts me I'm not going to just go along with things. Sometimes it just takes that first step to stand up for yourself to realize you can do it. And I believe you can. Be gentle with yourself and it's okay to cry. In fact I think it's incredibly cleansing. Apprently, tears you cry when upset contain many more toxins your body is releasing, I think it's from pent up stress and feelings. As long as you don't get stuck crying forever, it's fine to break down sometimes. Even though I was raised in my family to keep a stiff upper lip and was given little sympathy for crying, now that I'm older I realize sometimes you just gotta cry and let it out. And know there are people who will be there. The good days will follow the bad and don't be discouraged if you have bad days, it's normal for moods to go up and down. I'm incredibly hard on myself and I imagine you are too, so be kind to yourself and just do things that make you feel good. Treat yourself a little and just find things you love to do. Hope you have a brighter day! B
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