eleanorhurting Posted September 25, 2011 Posted September 25, 2011 ever since december i dont feel like i ever really recovered. my psych told me i had an adjustment disorder. i have had ups and downs but i have never felt like i have been completely out of the dumps. i have tried faking it til i make it but that is all it is. Faking it. i feel like every day i know i will feel sad at some point extreme sadness but i just let it happen and then continue living. i dont want to feel this way anymore.
Author eleanorhurting Posted September 25, 2011 Author Posted September 25, 2011 in december? a very bad breakup.
K.K. Posted September 26, 2011 Posted September 26, 2011 It's been since December for me too and although it has gotten easier from counting down at day 1..2..6..9.. it still hurts. There's a constant ache in my guts. Seems like letting go hurts almost as bad as hangin on. Forgetting that person little by little. Ugh. I think it's exactly like that thread title says.. "You never really get over it you just learn to live with it." It hurts but you still have to get out of bed in the mornings and go about your day. It takes some longer than others too, I guess. I've become pretty worried lately that I'll never get over it as long as he is my last memory of love, sex, and intimacy. But moving on seems futile at this point. It all sucks.
Author eleanorhurting Posted September 26, 2011 Author Posted September 26, 2011 i dated someone else and it didnt work out. But i just dont feel like I ever got out of the original slump you know? I look at other people who are happy and I wonder if I will ever be happy too. NOt just about relationships but about everything in general. I just dont feel like im good enough.
wilsonx Posted September 26, 2011 Posted September 26, 2011 What does your daily routine consist of? Do you do things that make you happy? Dating when you are not happy is a bad idea, sure you can do it but you havent solved the original problem which is your own unhappiness, how is dating going to make you happy? It wont it will make you codependent
betterdeal Posted September 26, 2011 Posted September 26, 2011 (edited) I just dont feel like im good enough. Sure you are! You're good enough to be happy, certainly. Just make a few small changes and you'll start to feel happier. What are you hobbies, interests? What did you like doing when you were a kid? Is there any thing you've meant to do but never got around to - like learning to play guitar, say? This is an interesting and reflective time for you - a very interesting time. The best of folk go through quiet, reflective periods. It's a time to rebuild your relationship with the world. Edited September 26, 2011 by betterdeal
Author eleanorhurting Posted September 26, 2011 Author Posted September 26, 2011 You are right that dating when you were sad to begin with was a bad idea. I just at the moment was in one of my "highs" but when things started turning out different than what i thought they would be all the feelings of being down came back. Right now I am living by myself 2 hours away from home. I dont really have hobbies except watching TV and studying. I am looking into taking ballet lessons. I am trying to get over the last person I dated and it has been hard. I just found out he started dating his ex who he swore he didnt have feelings for 2 weeks after we stopped dating. It was my choice (because he clearly was stringing me along) so I feel like it was my fault for letting him go. I really am trying to be happy again but I feel like that is all it is. Trying.
TheDovic Posted September 26, 2011 Posted September 26, 2011 Hi Eleanor, What type of therapy are you doing? I suffer from depression and know a lot of talking therapies can actually worsen symptoms. In fact, the only psychotherapy specifically for depression and anxiety is CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy). All research points to this being the most effective treatment for depression. I started it 3 weeks ago and have come down from severe depression to moderate already. My therapist fully expects all of my symptoms to have disappated before my 8th and final session. Almost everyone who suffers from depression has a full recovery following treatment with CBT and are much less likely to relapse in the future. Are you taking antidepressants? The combination of them and CBT is deemed to be the best chance for sufferers to relieve symptoms in the short term and sustain this relief in the future.
betterdeal Posted September 26, 2011 Posted September 26, 2011 He's jumped back to his ex in a matter of weeks? To me that says he's too unstable to have a meaningful relationship that will last the storms and bad times that life inevitably throws at us. I think you made the right choice. And, you know what? It's okay to feel sad. You'll feel better if you let yourself feel sad. Sometimes you just have to let your emotions flow, and that's how we let them out - by experiencing them. And it is sad and exhausting to have such a big change in your life. Take a break. Accept it is not so good right now but, you know what else? Good times are ahead. You want to feel happy and you will feel happy. Don't push yourself too hard. You'll feel good sooner than you realise.
Author eleanorhurting Posted September 26, 2011 Author Posted September 26, 2011 my psychiatrist has not given me antidepressants. I am thinking of going to a psychologist instead.
Author eleanorhurting Posted September 26, 2011 Author Posted September 26, 2011 I so want to ask my recent ex if hes really dating his ex girlfriend again. Just weeks after we stopped dating. Do you think he will deny it? Nothing good will come of asking him right?
betterdeal Posted September 26, 2011 Posted September 26, 2011 See your GP about anti-depressants and look for a therapist who offers CBT. Have a look at this site, which offers a form of CBT for free: http://moodgym.anu.edu.au/welcome I don't think much good will come of doing anything with your ex. It will upset you and you'll have a fresh set of questions rattling around in your head.
goingoncrazy Posted September 26, 2011 Posted September 26, 2011 I am new but going to be old enough. I will agree to betterdeal as this would just upset you but in case of a depression i think you better to consult the psychiatrist which gives you proper guidance not to take antidepressant with out proper checkups
ShannonMI Posted September 26, 2011 Posted September 26, 2011 ever since december i dont feel like i ever really recovered. my psych told me i had an adjustment disorder. i have had ups and downs but i have never felt like i have been completely out of the dumps. i have tried faking it til i make it but that is all it is. Faking it. i feel like every day i know i will feel sad at some point extreme sadness but i just let it happen and then continue living. i dont want to feel this way anymore. Yes, sounds like clinical depression to me. I've dealt with depression all my life. It's a horrible illness and there is no such thing as faking it till you make it or snapping out of it. You need to go see a doctor who may prescribe you a anti-depressant and may suggest you start therapy. I'm sorry you are feeling this way. Hang in there.
Author eleanorhurting Posted September 26, 2011 Author Posted September 26, 2011 My mom and my friends keep telling me that its all in my head and that I need to help myself get out of this. I have an appointment with my psychiatrist this friday I hope he will be able to help me since he usually just tells me to "hang in there"
betterdeal Posted September 27, 2011 Posted September 27, 2011 My mom and my friends keep telling me that its all in my head and that I need to help myself get out of this. I have an appointment with my psychiatrist this friday I hope he will be able to help me since he usually just tells me to "hang in there" They're right that it's in your head - Where else would depression be?!? And you are helping yourself by asking for help. See your doctor about anti-depressants. Talk to you psychiatrist about it too. Also, look for other therapists who offer CBT or maybe hypnotherapy. Both can help you work your way out of depression. Psychiatrists (in my experience) tend to look for what's wrong but not offer a way to fix it.
Author eleanorhurting Posted September 28, 2011 Author Posted September 28, 2011 I relapsed. I saw him. I feel terrible now.
Author eleanorhurting Posted September 28, 2011 Author Posted September 28, 2011 I think I need to start NC again. I need to stick to this. I have to. I can do this. everytime I relapse i feel better temporarily but then I just feel worse.
Author eleanorhurting Posted September 28, 2011 Author Posted September 28, 2011 im so sick of myself already!
Viv Posted September 28, 2011 Posted September 28, 2011 Hi eleanor, It does sound like it would be worth talking to your doctor about getting some more help, when people are really depressed there comes a point where you can't just pull yourself out of it. Don't beat yourself up about the NC, it is really hard, and much harder when you're down. I started on anti-depressants a couple of weeks ago, and don't regret it. Good luck with the NC, you can do it, sometimes you just have to reach the absolute bottom first, to realise it's the only way.
moviegal67 Posted September 28, 2011 Posted September 28, 2011 You have been through a lot and you may have what is known as situational depression. Going to a psychologist would be good and having someone who will not give advice per se but who will help you get back to "normal", or what you were like prior to the break-up. But, and I am sure you know this, these experiences will never go away and we must learn to use break ups as a learning experience and the psychologist will help you to internally boost your self-esteem and confidence so that when the right person comes along you will be there with open arms and an open heart. Best of luck!
Author eleanorhurting Posted September 29, 2011 Author Posted September 29, 2011 Today I cried so much I could barely study. I cried in the morning and in the afternoon. I talked to him and we ended up talking about how ****ty I feel and that he thinks Im a wonderful person and that he hates it when I feel the way I do. But then the conversation turned into talking about how much we wanted to have sex but we shouldn't. And then I decided to go back into NC. I guess Ill really start progressing when I go NC for sure. I mean I know this isnt just about him but he is part of all the things that I keep dragging around that make me feel the way I do. It is like a temporary relief. He makes me feel good when we talk but I know after it is going to be worse. But at the same time sometimes it hurts so much and im so lonely that I long for him. I need to stop this.
69ways Posted September 29, 2011 Posted September 29, 2011 I really understand you. My fiancee me 8 months ago and the reason was depression. The problem was that she tried to pinned it on me in the beginning of the break up. Now 8 months down the road , she is still single and writes to me but I needed to go NC to protect myself. What I dont get with depression is why not ask for help but instead break up with your bf or gf?
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