fiver Posted September 25, 2011 Posted September 25, 2011 [FONT=verdana, arial, helvetica][sIZE=2]Ok so I have a unique situation. I met a girl and we have gone on 6 great dates thus far. The last one being the 6th we talked a bit more about how there is a connection, and its been fun. She made a comment she didn't things would move this quickly, which I said I didn't think they were. We only go out about once a week and don't really talk much during the week. A couple of texts or phone calls about every other day or so. We are both busy with work and our social calenders. Now since the 3rd or 4th date kissing has been long make out sessions, and the 6th date we cuddled and spent the night together. No sex, but both were naked with lots of touching. Sorry to be graphic, but just to give you a background. Fast forward to this week. I was out of town most of the week but came back for a couple of days with a family member visiting. I asked the lady friend if she would like to join for dinner one night. She said yes. The day of the dinner she called and said she couldn't make it, too much going on with work and what not. Her work computer had crashed and she was stressed. I said not a problem. We both were out of town again until the following week and I said lets get together after we both get back. She said ok, let me check my schedule. A couple days go by, no texts or calls. She calls me then yesterday afternoon and says we need to talk. Uh oh thats never good. She says shes got to much "stuff" going on right now and can't date. She says its nothing to do with me I am a great guy..yada yada yada. Then says she would probably kick herself for this, but its what she needs to do. I asked her if she just wanted a break or to back off a bit she said she just can't do it right now. I of course said ok, but if things change stay in touch. I really like this girl, have not felt a connection like this with someone in a long time. Im pretty confident she did as well. Things were always smooth and great. The last time we hung out we were close to the sex line and then this happens. I don't know what to think or do. I am at a loss for words. A side note is she was offered a job out of town, but countered because she doesn't really want to move out of town. I don't know if they matched what she asked for and just wants to break ties because of it. Or if she is just scarred it might come through and would be a tougher choice. Other thing I think about is that she is just scared to commit and wants time to herself. I don't know what to think or do. Should i call her? Should I text her? Should I just let it go, even though I don't want to? What can I do to help her feel at ease? I am glad she was comfortable enough to have that talk with me, but at the same time why end a good thing? If I was to talk or text what should I say or how should i approach it with out sounding desperate/needy or to strong? Thanks in advance Confused Nice Guy[/sIZE][/FONT]
bluenightowl Posted September 25, 2011 Posted September 25, 2011 [FONT=verdana, arial, helvetica][sIZE=2]Ok so I have a unique situation. I met a girl and we have gone on 6 great dates thus far. The last one being the 6th we talked a bit more about how there is a connection, and its been fun. She made a comment she didn't things would move this quickly, which I said I didn't think they were. We only go out about once a week and don't really talk much during the week. A couple of texts or phone calls about every other day or so. We are both busy with work and our social calenders. Now since the 3rd or 4th date kissing has been long make out sessions, and the 6th date we cuddled and spent the night together. No sex, but both were naked with lots of touching. Sorry to be graphic, but just to give you a background. Fast forward to this week. I was out of town most of the week but came back for a couple of days with a family member visiting. I asked the lady friend if she would like to join for dinner one night. She said yes. The day of the dinner she called and said she couldn't make it, too much going on with work and what not. Her work computer had crashed and she was stressed. I said not a problem. We both were out of town again until the following week and I said lets get together after we both get back. She said ok, let me check my schedule. A couple days go by, no texts or calls. She calls me then yesterday afternoon and says we need to talk. Uh oh thats never good. She says shes got to much "stuff" going on right now and can't date. She says its nothing to do with me I am a great guy..yada yada yada. Then says she would probably kick herself for this, but its what she needs to do. I asked her if she just wanted a break or to back off a bit she said she just can't do it right now. I of course said ok, but if things change stay in touch. I really like this girl, have not felt a connection like this with someone in a long time. Im pretty confident she did as well. Things were always smooth and great. The last time we hung out we were close to the sex line and then this happens. I don't know what to think or do. I am at a loss for words. A side note is she was offered a job out of town, but countered because she doesn't really want to move out of town. I don't know if they matched what she asked for and just wants to break ties because of it. Or if she is just scarred it might come through and would be a tougher choice. Other thing I think about is that she is just scared to commit and wants time to herself. I don't know what to think or do. Should i call her? Should I text her? Should I just let it go, even though I don't want to? What can I do to help her feel at ease? I am glad she was comfortable enough to have that talk with me, but at the same time why end a good thing? If I was to talk or text what should I say or how should i approach it with out sounding desperate/needy or to strong? Thanks in advance Confused Nice Guy[/sIZE][/FONT] I've been in this situation a few times as well. Calling and texting almost never work. She'll just run faster and as you get more rejected, you'll feel even more attracted and infatuated with her for all the wrong reasons. The best thing is to to disappear and wait to see if she comes around. She has to want to be with you, and you don't want to be with someone who isn't into you either. In addition, as much as you think you have a connection, do you really want to be with someone so hot and cold. That's not a great connection in the long term. With experience now, I wouldn't be chasing someone like this. To me whenever there is drama this early, its best to walk and focus on YOU.
Author fiver Posted September 25, 2011 Author Posted September 25, 2011 Im not going to continuously call or text her. I figured I would call once, or send one text. Im sure she will respond. The conversation we had about stopping the other day was short. I would just state my case, short and sweet. Then be done. If I get answers good, but if I change her mind, even better. It was such an quick stop, I don't know what to think. I know she was into me, so thats the more strange thing.
laotzu Posted September 25, 2011 Posted September 25, 2011 Sounds like she definitely likes you, but just not quite enough to stay interested or to commit (as you mentioned). Not sure what you could do to turn the situation around, frankly. Go big or go home? Stand outside her window with a boom-box, professing your undying love? Probably not either of those. In the long run, best bet is to withdraw from her, make it ambiguous whether you'd be interested in the future since you're looking for commitment, and then fade out and see what happens. Sometimes, they're just not that into us, either.
laotzu Posted September 25, 2011 Posted September 25, 2011 Sounds like she definitely likes you, but just not quite enough to stay interested or to commit (as you mentioned). Not sure what you could do to turn the situation around, frankly. Go big or go home? Stand outside her window with a boom-box, professing your undying love? Probably not either of those. In the long run, best bet is to withdraw from her, make it ambiguous whether you'd be interested in the future since you're looking for commitment, and then fade out and see what happens. Sometimes, they're just not that into us, either.
FitChick Posted September 25, 2011 Posted September 25, 2011 Since she broke it off, it's her move. No contact at all. If she truly likes you she will worry a bit and perhaps contact you. If she doesn't, you haven't wasted time, energy and emotion. You can find the right person at the wrong time. I learned that painful lesson.
mullberry Posted September 25, 2011 Posted September 25, 2011 Same as me (although she bailed after 4th date and I hadn't got her into bed!). Things were going really well but I think I had been a bit pushy trying to see her during her busy week. Obviously because I liked her and also how hard is it to get to know someone when you see them 1 day in 7??? In my case, by the time I saw her again, all my insecurities had resurfaced! And it was almost like starting again. Its her bday in a months time and I was thinking send a happy bday text. But after reading the above maybe I should just let it go (although I also don't want too, she was really cool). Sorry to hi-jack interesting to hear of someone in similar situation!
Author fiver Posted September 25, 2011 Author Posted September 25, 2011 Same as me (although she bailed after 4th date and I hadn't got her into bed!). Things were going really well but I think I had been a bit pushy trying to see her during her busy week. Obviously because I liked her and also how hard is it to get to know someone when you see them 1 day in 7??? In my case, by the time I saw her again, all my insecurities had resurfaced! And it was almost like starting again. Its her bday in a months time and I was thinking send a happy bday text. But after reading the above maybe I should just let it go (although I also don't want too, she was really cool). Sorry to hi-jack interesting to hear of someone in similar situation! Glad, or well not glad I should say. SORRY. Its nice to know that I am not the only one is this unique situation. the thing is thats weird and maybe you felt the same. Is we have a lot in common, very similiar backgrounds and things were great. She would sometimes make the move to hold hands or kiss or whatever. It was all going so well then out of no where I get the call. I've decided or have been kicking around the idea of calling later on this week. I know it will most likely get sent to VM but I at least can drop a line. Something to the effect of good luck, did you get the job out of town? Hope things are ok stay in touch, yada yada yada. The conversation we had the other day was so short and I was so off guard that I would like some answers and feel maybe I deserve them. Like if she was scared I could help ease the transition or what not. Im sure I am rambling but you get the idea. Something different about this girl and this situation that I don't feel its over. But I also don't want to come back to strong and creepy! I hate the games
bluenightowl Posted September 26, 2011 Posted September 26, 2011 Glad, or well not glad I should say. SORRY. Its nice to know that I am not the only one is this unique situation. the thing is thats weird and maybe you felt the same. Is we have a lot in common, very similiar backgrounds and things were great. She would sometimes make the move to hold hands or kiss or whatever. It was all going so well then out of no where I get the call. I've decided or have been kicking around the idea of calling later on this week. I know it will most likely get sent to VM but I at least can drop a line. Something to the effect of good luck, did you get the job out of town? Hope things are ok stay in touch, yada yada yada. The conversation we had the other day was so short and I was so off guard that I would like some answers and feel maybe I deserve them. Like if she was scared I could help ease the transition or what not. Im sure I am rambling but you get the idea. Something different about this girl and this situation that I don't feel its over. But I also don't want to come back to strong and creepy! I hate the games If you really want to talk with her, and you think there is a chance, you might suggest taking a break for now until she is ready to date at the end of the chat if you might she is mixed up or not ready or scared. It leaves the door open, and gives her space. Often however, things never do turn around. I think another person said it well. Maybe she is the right person, but at the wrong time. Thus moving on might be good, and then perhaps by chance, things later might click, but I wouldn't wait around for her. Best of luck!
mullberry Posted September 26, 2011 Posted September 26, 2011 Fiver - Huge amounts in common! Very similar backgrounds! Not unique after all! I'm wondering if (despite only 4 dates I went comfortable too quick - had a somewhat untouchy feeley 4th day date, which although great fun I now regret) although she said she had a great time?! She said something very positive after every date. But I can't see how contacting her is going to work to be honest. Now that she's sent me the "I'm too busy to date" text it would be weird to hassle her. Its one of those situations where you just hope you bump into each other and can talk (oh that would be great! And so unlikely). My other idea was to send a text stating (not asking her) that I think she was daft and should reconsider. If you ask you will look weak and unattractive, but a statement of their stupidity in doing this may give you the upper hand (talk about games!). I dunno, datings hard.
bluenightowl Posted September 26, 2011 Posted September 26, 2011 Fiver - Huge amounts in common! Very similar backgrounds! Not unique after all! I'm wondering if (despite only 4 dates I went comfortable too quick - had a somewhat untouchy feeley 4th day date, which although great fun I now regret) although she said she had a great time?! She said something very positive after every date. But I can't see how contacting her is going to work to be honest. Now that she's sent me the "I'm too busy to date" text it would be weird to hassle her. Its one of those situations where you just hope you bump into each other and can talk (oh that would be great! And so unlikely). My other idea was to send a text stating (not asking her) that I think she was daft and should reconsider. If you ask you will look weak and unattractive, but a statement of their stupidity in doing this may give you the upper hand (talk about games!). I dunno, datings hard. You just need to meet the right person at the right time (ie. when they are really ready for a relationship). When you do, they won't play these BS games , and this happens all the time.
Author fiver Posted September 26, 2011 Author Posted September 26, 2011 Fiver - Huge amounts in common! Very similar backgrounds! Not unique after all! I'm wondering if (despite only 4 dates I went comfortable too quick - had a somewhat untouchy feeley 4th day date, which although great fun I now regret) although she said she had a great time?! She said something very positive after every date. But I can't see how contacting her is going to work to be honest. Now that she's sent me the "I'm too busy to date" text it would be weird to hassle her. Its one of those situations where you just hope you bump into each other and can talk (oh that would be great! And so unlikely). My other idea was to send a text stating (not asking her) that I think she was daft and should reconsider. If you ask you will look weak and unattractive, but a statement of their stupidity in doing this may give you the upper hand (talk about games!). I dunno, datings hard. Mullberry---How long ago was this for you? How is it working out thus far, and have you done anything yet? I am 3 days in on the no contact since we had our talk if you will. I replay it back in my mind and it just doesn't make sense. The fact that she admits that this might be a dumb decision but can't date anyone right now has too much going on. That she does feel a connection with me, and she might kick herself for this. I honestly think we got moving fairly quickly and with a pending move got scared and didnt want to deal with the heartbreak. So I appreciate everyones replies. I am still on the fence about what to do, or how to react yet. I have sought advice and some say run, some say go for it. More time is needed for me to game plan I guess. It would be nice to hear that it did work for someone. Whether they stayed in touch as friends or what.
mullberry Posted September 26, 2011 Posted September 26, 2011 Sorry fella, I got my text last week and was also hoping to hear how yours went!! I am also replaying it around and it doesnt make sense to me either. Although I know I was pushing her a bit hard to see me more often than she was really able too. Probably made too many requests for her time and pushed her away? I have written an email which basically sets out amusing reasons why she should reconsider, but have not sent it.... I may wait another week or two and send it or just text a 'hi, how you doing?'. Of course I also realise it may have been an easy way of letting me down gently. Someone on here was right when they said if its this hard right off the bat, maybe best to run for the hills, HOWEVER, feint heart never won fair lady and all that??!! Bit of a conundrum! The only thing to work out is how to do it and not come across as needy etc which is why a bit more time is probably a good thing. You will never know what is going on in her head (and thats the problem) all your thinking will do is make up what you want to be going on in her head and you cant possibly truly know. What I think I know is that if I contact too soon she will likely get a little shiver of "creep". You have to remember it was only 4 or 6 dates, that was all and you dont know each other that well. I will let you know when / if I do anything. Good luck.
Author fiver Posted September 26, 2011 Author Posted September 26, 2011 Good luck to you as well. I think the more time that passes the better for both of us. I have a rough idea of what I want to say. I am going to call, whether its this week or the next. Good thing is I am somewhat busy with work a trip upcoming with friends. I supposed sitting at replaying it doesn't help, but its the question of why that drives me nuts. Let me know how yours turns out as well! I will post what happens with mine as well.
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