aurora19 Posted May 12, 2004 Posted May 12, 2004 Ok, so the past couple of weeks I have vented and sought advice from this lovely web site over the final demise of an unhealthy on and off again relationship that ended because he found another. I have gone through the tears, the heartbreak, the regret, the rejection, the clarity and the hope of all of it. Basically in a nutshell you were all telling me "You don't love him, you hurt each other, not meant to be, move on." I believe I have finally come to terms with that . I feel good about it finally being over, but...... I still can't get over the anger and jealousy towards this new girl, his new life, his new relationship, most of all his disposing of me from his life completely! Any one who has gone through this or is going through this, can you lend me some advice? It is driving me bonkers! I think about them together, making love, kissing, holding hands, calling each other pet names....all the things we used to do....and it makes me sick to my stomach! People I went to high school with know her and I badger them with questions and even though every opinion of her has been bad, it makes me feel even worse. She has this picture up on a bar web site (I found it b/c ironically I am on the same one) and I have printed it out and compared pictures of us and put hers next to his to see how they look together. I know it's psycho and I don't even know what I am looking for! I have nightmares about her trying to take my ex away from me, even when he is happy to be with me. Last night I dreamed that I beat the **** out of her. I keep imagining what it would be like next time I see her out, I imagine myself hitting her or calling her nasty names! And I am not a violent person, it takes a lot for me to hate someone...just doesn't usually happen. I know it's better that we are no longer together, I mean yeah it's been over and a mess for far too long, but I can't stand that he is happy with some other chick. Even through all the crap we swore we would ALWAYS love each other in our own special way and be friends forever! We used to talk about EVERYTHING, EVERYDAY no matter what and now he's gone! I can't understand his distance and I am sure it is all her fault! I keep driving myself nuts thinking about them, about her, I hate her guts and I don't even know her! I hate him for trying to make me who I wasn't, trapping me for so long, keeping me from moving on and then when he tries to move on I have no choice but to let him go! He left me when I was just a mess on the floor, mostly thanks to our relationship. When I was ready to give in and be with him for real, he up and left me for her! I am so ANGRY! Does the jealousy ever go away, will I ever be able to accept her and be happy for them, will he ever be my friend again if she is in the picture? Is it a dumb move to be a bitch towards him if I ever see him again!!!??? Is it better to show him that you are happy, instead of pissed off and hateful??
meanttolive4ever Posted May 12, 2004 Posted May 12, 2004 i had a dream last night that my ex was with his new gf at my house at a party. it was weird. But i've come to terms that he has a new gf..but ive also come to the conclusion that she'll never be me. Dont worry about them..worry about yourself. i do want to beat her butt tho..seriously and his.
Nubemeister Posted May 12, 2004 Posted May 12, 2004 Ah.. Yeah that happened to me when my Ex started dating and found a gf. I felt jealous...actually I was pretty pissed. But time has given me "Time" and well...now I don't care as much as I thought I would. During that time I said that If I ever saw him that I would just ignore him. He lives on the other side of the city so I don't think I would be crossing paths with him anytime soon. But...meanttolive4ever is right. Worry about yourself...and don't worry about them. You'll be ok..
meanttolive4ever Posted May 12, 2004 Posted May 12, 2004 Originally posted by Nubemeister Ah.. Yeah that happened to me when my Ex started dating and found a gf. I felt jealous...actually I was pretty pissed. But time has given me "Time" and well...now I don't care as much as I thought I would. During that time I said that If I ever saw him that I would just ignore him. He lives on the other side of the city so I don't think I would be crossing paths with him anytime soon. But...meanttolive4ever is right. Worry about yourself...and don't worry about them. You'll be ok.. yea i mean if you keep worrying about it then youre gonna drive yourself crazy and you'll never get on with your life.
Author aurora19 Posted May 12, 2004 Author Posted May 12, 2004 You guys are right and every time I do focus on me and my life I feel happier than I have for years, but it is REALLY hard to stay focused on that! We all live in the same small town just blocks from one another and I keep looking around for them. It's stupid how out of the way I will go on a drive home in hopes of seeing them. I saw my ex for the first time in months last Friday. We were siting in traffic right next to one another! I panicked and my heart dropped to my stomach, my hands were shaking! He didn't even see me, he looked really happy! I actually turned around and followed him, lost him, but how pathetic! I mean what would I actually do if I did bump into them,nothing!!! I still haven't seen them together, that will be a doozy! Don't know if I will be able to handle it! How is it that you aren't in love with someone anymore, but the sight of him still makes you a wreak and the thought of him with someone else is heartbreaking! He said that if he saw me with someone he would fine about it, think that's true?
meanttolive4ever Posted May 12, 2004 Posted May 12, 2004 Originally posted by aurora19 You guys are right and every time I do focus on me and my life I feel happier than I have for years, but it is REALLY hard to stay focused on that! We all live in the same small town just blocks from one another and I keep looking around for them. It's stupid how out of the way I will go on a drive home in hopes of seeing them. I saw my ex for the first time in months last Friday. We were siting in traffic right next to one another! I panicked and my heart dropped to my stomach, my hands were shaking! He didn't even see me, he looked really happy! I actually turned around and followed him, lost him, but how pathetic! I mean what would I actually do if I did bump into them,nothing!!! I still haven't seen them together, that will be a doozy! Don't know if I will be able to handle it! How is it that you aren't in love with someone anymore, but the sight of him still makes you a wreak and the thought of him with someone else is heartbreaking! He said that if he saw me with someone he would fine about it, think that's true? he probably said that he would be fine with it ..but deep down inside he knows it would break his heart..that my opinion.
MESO Posted May 12, 2004 Posted May 12, 2004 i just had a dream where my ex told me that she has a new boyfriend... it made me sick to my stomach just thinking of it... ill prolly vomit right when i here about it in real life
Author aurora19 Posted May 12, 2004 Author Posted May 12, 2004 Originally posted by meanttolive4ever he probably said that he would be fine with it ..but deep down inside he knows it would break his heart..that my opinion. I hope so. I know it might be selfish, but I have to hope he still cares somehow. Four years is a long time to be dealing with someone and he has walked away as if it were four days!!
Author aurora19 Posted May 12, 2004 Author Posted May 12, 2004 sometimes i wonder if we are meant to be, maybe we just had bad timing, maybe we have to grow up more! I mean is it possible that years from now when we have worked through our issues we could fall in love again? I know that is so sad and pathetic, I'm just mad!
Author aurora19 Posted May 12, 2004 Author Posted May 12, 2004 hey guys, i am supposed to be going to dinner with my mom and her friend in about an hour, we are going to a local restaurant that the ex frequents. i am fearful of seeing him or worse, both of them! i don't want to ask to change the location b/c my mom would be upset i'm letting him weigh in on my decisions or affect where i want to eat (she's a very strong women)!! any advice as to how i should handle everything if i see him or them?
meanttolive4ever Posted May 12, 2004 Posted May 12, 2004 Originally posted by aurora19 sometimes i wonder if we are meant to be, maybe we just had bad timing, maybe we have to grow up more! I mean is it possible that years from now when we have worked through our issues we could fall in love again? I know that is so sad and pathetic, I'm just mad! it could take 4 days or 4 years....all i can say is if its meant to be then then it will be
Recommended Posts