Lilmissohdear Posted September 25, 2011 Posted September 25, 2011 Day 6 NC Hi Gorgeous, I miss you so much today. I have an urge to text you so badly. I have that gut feeling that something is wrong for you and I know I have been right about it so many times in the past. I'm not your girlfriend anymore though so you don't get the luxury of my comfort texts. It's hard for me to hold back. It's not in my nature really but I will make it part of my nature so that we will both learn from this. I am feeling very sad today in a weird kind of 'mourning' our future together. All the plans that we made. I never imagined a future without you in it. I don't know why it is hitting me today? You asked me to wait a year for you...that was unfair and sh*tty because even though I said "no" I feel as if we're still hanging in the air...within reach. Is that what people mean when they say their heart is frozen? I always imagined it to mean cold but now I wonder if they are just stuck at a certain point. Not quite broken. Unable to move on. I suppose NC feels a bit like taking matters into my own hands and smashing my heart to bits myself. I suppose I want to know that you're sad. I want to know that you miss me. I don't know why as that would probably be quite torturous. Those last messages that you sent full of 'Remember I will love you always....You're the other half of me.....You're my soulmate'. Well I can't be can I because you wouldn't just throw away your soulmate? Where you trying to sweeten the blow? Leave the bridge unburnt? You were my best friend. I will love you always. I hope it gets easier soon. I preferred the angry stage
Author Lilmissohdear Posted September 25, 2011 Author Posted September 25, 2011 After chatting to an online friend she told me about a tool on the pof site called 'Is he a keeper?'. I am struggling today so have given it a go. I feel a bit sick at it's accuracy. I have highlighted the things that have struck me the most. Your Love interest is a type ATIG Connected-Aloof refers to the degree to which your love interest appears to strongly bond with others [C] versus being more detached or solitary [A]. Buoyant-Temperamental refers to the degree to which your love interest appears to be cheerful and agreeable versus more self-absorbed or moody [T]. Virtuous-Indifferent refers to the degree to which your love interest appears to have strong respect for and interest in others [V] versus being more ambivalent or apathetic . Expressive-Guarded refers to the degree to which your love interest appears to be open and communicative [E] versus more reserved or private [G]. Presently your love interest is characterized as Aloof, Temperamental, Indifferent and Guarded [ATIG]. If you’re looking for someone solely for a friendship or casual relationship, then your love interest definitely seems to be a keeper. This person’s tendency to be emotionally distant can be a turn off to some, while desirable for someone preferring a bit of distance. If you’re definitely looking for something committed at the moment, we suggest you look elsewhere. Important Details Aloof [A]: He seems very independently-minded and therefore might assert some substantial autonomy from you in some aspects of his life. This is someone who’s willing to share friends and start to connect with your family, but you might expect conflicts between your work and daily life schedules to limit the amount of free time you have together. This is someone that can provide an exciting love life, but creating a fulfilling, joint social life will be more of a challenge with this person. Be aware that an aloof love interest often causes women to break up for reasons related to disagreements over him not being emotionally available and open with her. Therefore, as the relationship progresses it’s crucial to explore what makes him feel safe enough to be more open and sharing. Temperamental [T]: He seems to be very sensitive to circumstances within and outside his control. This can make him look noticeably anxious, irritable, preoccupied or sad at times. In fact, you may find that he overindulges in activities like gambling or drinking to help cope with stress. He may even complain of feelings of panic, isolation or feeling overwhelmed during times of stress or conflict. During these periods, you can also expect him to come across at times as somewhat pessimistic, self-absorbed or entitled. Be aware that a temperamental love interest often causes women to breakup for reasons related to arguments about him making few or no sacrifices in the relationship. Instead, the women seem to make the significant sacrifices. Therefore, as the relationship progresses it’s crucial to explore to what extent you’ll have to serve as his “anchor” and whether you’re comfortable with such a role. Indifferent : He seems to have values and perspectives that could be incompatible with yours. You can anticipate experiencing this in the way he treats himself and relates to others. For example, you shouldn’t be surprised if he doesn’t focus on healthy living. His ambivalence also might make you feel very uncomfortable – never knowing for sure how he truly feels about any given issue. Further, some behaviors can mark him as being downright superficial, dismissive and even careless. You could be embarrassed to have someone who’s extremely indifferent being around your friends or family for extended periods of time. Be aware that an indifferent love interest often causes women to breakup for reasons related to conflicts about his insensitivity and inconsiderateness. Therefore, as the relationship progresses it’s crucial to explore whether you can deflect his selfishness and to what extent rely on him to meet your needs. Guarded [G]: He seems expressive with physical affection, generally speaking. You can also anticipate that he’ll willingly share his views and feelings – especially when he feels a lack of support from his social circle (family, friends and coworkers). But, it’s probably more difficult for him to sustain deeper levels of reciprocal communication. In other words, he may very well disappoint you when it comes to talking about your own thoughts, feelings and concerns. Because of this, you may not always feel like a priority around him. Furthermore, there’s a risk for becoming an emotional “crutch” to someone like this. Be aware that a guarded love interest often causes women to breakup for reasons related to feeling ignored or that her partner is disconnected and unconcerned with her needs. This can also spur doubts about his honesty and suitability for a committed relationship. Therefore, as the relationship progresses it’s crucial to explore under what circumstances he’s most communicative and affectionate so you can help to ensure your needs will be heard and met I think I am guilty of forgetting these things since we broke up. He says all of the right things but nothing ever changes. I even said to him 'It's not what you say, it's what you do that shows how much you love someone' He made a point of being extra thoughtful to me AFTER we split up. What's that all about? He even quoted me back. I don't feel like contacting him now though so that's something.
Author Lilmissohdear Posted September 26, 2011 Author Posted September 26, 2011 Well he smashed my hearts to bits yesterday and I burnt the bridges myself. I feel like the universe answered my post above. I discovered that he broke the last promise he made to me. The one that proves he has no respect for me and is even more selfish than I realised. I sent a lot of angry texts. He didn't apologise. He sent one asking me to 'please remember what he is actually like and give him the benefit of the doubt'. I KNOW what he is actually like now. I am in no doubt. I feel sh*tty today as I feel like the year we spent together meant nothing to him. I'm glad I sent the text messages though. I got some release. He had no excuses.
Author Lilmissohdear Posted September 27, 2011 Author Posted September 27, 2011 Everything is reminding me of him today. I saw an offer on a trip to Venice, where he was going to take me next. It was emailed to me and I know he will have got one too. I couldn't help but wonder if it made him think of me. I made him a Mix CD for his birthday and have been hearing the songs on TV and radio all day. I have been trying to keep myself busy to keep my mind off him. He is off work today and tomorrow and it is eating me up wondering what he is doing. I know it's none of my business and I won't be breaking NC. I can't seem to stop my mind wondering back to him. I feel like I have brain washed myself in this relationship. I feel like he reeled me in. I have never felt so secure or happy. Then he started to back off and so the pattern of 'reeling me in' and him 'backing off' continued. I feel like we created a whole future together on a tapestry which I am now having to unpick. He told me it was 'timing'. That he wasn't ready to move in together (after moving the date back a couple of times). His actions since that though suggest that he has GIGs. I want to know that he is upset...that he feels SOMETHING...that he misses me. Does that ever go?
Author Lilmissohdear Posted September 27, 2011 Author Posted September 27, 2011 Some quotes to help me stay focused and positive about the future One day at a time--this is enough. Do not look back and grieve over the past for it is gone; and do not be troubled about the future, for it has not yet come. Live in the present, and make it so beautiful it will be worth remembering.” ~ Unknown "There are times when it is hard to believe in the future, when we are temporarily just not brave enough. When this happens, concentrate on the present. Cultivate le petit bonheur (the little happiness) until courage returns. Look forward to the beauty of the next moment, the next hour, the promise of a good meal, sleep, a book, a movie, the likelihood that tonight the stars will shine and tomorrow the sun will shine. Sink roots into the present until the strength grows to think about tomorrow." ~ Ardis Whitman Life's not about expecting, hoping and wishing, it's about doing, being and becoming. It's about the choices you've just made, and the ones you're about to make, it's about the things you choose to say - today. It's about the pictures that are, or are not, in the spaces around you. It's about what you're gonna do after you finish reading this. ~The Universe (Mike Dooley) All the happiness you ever find lies in you - anon Decide to be happy and the world will beat a path to your door - anon Believe in yourself and all that you are. Know that there is something inside you greater than any obstacle." ~ Christian D. Larson It's perfectly ok to feel happy after trials and loss. Life is not always easy, and often times we get caught between worlds and emotions. We were born to live life to the fullest, with purpose, and happiness. Allow yourself to be free. "Sometimes pain becomes such a huge part of your life that you expect it to always be there, because you can't remember a time in your life when it wasn't. But then one day you feel something else. Something that feels wrong only because it's so unfamiliar, and in that moment you realize, you're happy." One Tree Hill
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