udolipixie Posted September 25, 2011 Posted September 25, 2011 hypergamy http://www.jstor.org/pss/2092885 http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hypergamy That's not gender exclusive. Men have a tendency to engage in hypergamy and be polygamous and usually the resources are given to the youngest and most attractive unless the girl is an exceptional charmer. Though in today's times that polgamy tendency is now just hypergamy by replacing their aging wives with newer wives. The polygamy tendency comes out with mistress(es). An army of women on this forum have stated that they'd only date/marry/**** a man who is superior to them(and to other men); read the threads about turn-offs and turn ons. Most of them require a man to be x height, x height, x income, x education. Not much different than a guy who prefers to have a more attractive, younger, and less inexperienced girl. Not much different than the guys who stated they'd never date a girl they found unattractive, who was over a certain age, or who weighed a certain weight. Not much different than the guys who stated they'd get up & go if said girl gained some weight. To a certain degree, I am. A woman's appeal lies on her youth and her beauty. The younger she is, the easier it is for her to get pregnant and to bestow the men with healthy, strong children. Same can't be said women's for mechanisms of attraction. When they are young, they date bad boys or All-American boys, but as the decades accumulate, the good-looking man is relegated to the background - for the time being. This is when average and ugly men are more popular with women - at a very high price; they gotta pay for what the Alpha male had for free, by marrying or moving in with the woman, following this commitment with a divorce, and child-support and alimony, initiated by the woman. After the fulfilling of the woman's biological drive( to have children) and with the security of the beta's resources; women go back to ****ing the Bad boy or the Orlando Bloom. All that unnecessary info after "To a certain degree, I am" just proved that women don't always look up & men don't always look down. Essentially the average/ugly guys get average/attractive/more attractive women their age. So in terms of animal mating he finances for her looks. Since most households are equal contributors she's not getting an up in finances. Since most likely these women are either average/attractive/or more attractive he's getting an equally attractive partner and maybe a more attractive partner than himself. They also both lose. He loses fidelity from his partner and she loses sexual gratification/satisfaction from her partner. In everything. Bang the gang leader, blame it on ''the immaturity of young age,'' marry a hardworking man, divorce him, and blame that on '' I need to find myself.'' That's not really profiting because a guy can slut around and later on choose to settle down and get a young attractive girl. Plus a guy can be rejected in his youth and later on get a young attractive girl. Either way men profit because they don't get as harshly judged for aging and aren't judged as harshly for looks in attraction. So essentially men profit in being able to marry young attractive girls when older way easier than women can do the opposite. I know plenty of women who have achieved what men have but overall I think men have much more ease and it's more frequent to see in men. Women profit. Most of the time. Men profit by being able to attain a younger and more attractive partner easier than women. They can also profit most of the time by buying hookers and mail order brides.
udolipixie Posted September 25, 2011 Posted September 25, 2011 Nothing wrong with how they lived their lives and you are correct it is their problem. However it would become my problem also because they kept this a secret. So, when I reach that point where i'm done investing my time & attention into a woman (what she wants) that isn't giving me what I want in return they pull this crap out of the blue without ever mentioning it beforehand. sorry. No need to apologize. You have no need to apologize for your feelings..only hateful and violence encouraging feelings need to be apologized for. However it seems like you need a better bs detector if you continuously run into this problem. Or maybe it's just what you're attracted to?
phineas Posted September 25, 2011 Posted September 25, 2011 No need to apologize. You have no need to apologize for your feelings..only hateful and violence encouraging feelings need to be apologized for. However it seems like you need a better bs detector if you continuously run into this problem. Or maybe it's just what you're attracted to? Honestly? I'm clueless. I think I was just too fat for them. LOL! when I dropped 50lbs and updated my facebook profile a lot of these women contacted me THAT week to "catch up" LOL! I don't really have the problem where women waste my time anymore. They either go out with me or I move on. They don't even try to friendzone me anymore. Apparently under all the fat was a good looking guy. go figure. The problem I do see is a lot of women assume I have a GF or I get more ass than a toilet seat & it just isn't the case. Or their self esteem is shot to hell. I got kids, stuff to do on my house, no single friends my own age. If I go out it's a planned event or I just hit a bar on my own to watch the game. I really would prefer a woman my own age but like I said, too many wanting kids & that isn't going to happen so now I let them know straight up i'm not looking to get married or have more kids. This way if their in a hurry to start nesting we don't waste each other's time. All my buddies my age who divorced are now with 25-28yr olds & keep telling me to go for the younger ones. LOL!
betterdeal Posted September 25, 2011 Posted September 25, 2011 Is this you, phineas? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GD8AFbD2mmE
phineas Posted September 25, 2011 Posted September 25, 2011 Is this you, phineas? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GD8AFbD2mmE They would be sweet. Unfortunately the only swagger I got that might be close to that guy's is the old spice deodorant in my medicine cabinet.
Cypress25 Posted September 25, 2011 Posted September 25, 2011 I don't understand though, and sometimes even get dates. The dates go well. We have afew drinks, laughs. I feel confident on the date and we talk about things. And yes, i'm a little flirty and listen to her interests and spark conversations w/them. But i can't seem to close the deal. Whenever i try to make it a little more intimate whether it be a kiss, sex, or anything, they close up, pull away. Are you trying to date these women or just have sex with them? Not all women want a one-night stand. The ones who don't will shy away from intimacy on the first date. They can probably tell that you're trying to "close the deal," which is insulting to them. You'll have to look for women who are up for a one-night stand.
phineas Posted September 25, 2011 Posted September 25, 2011 Are you trying to date these women or just have sex with them? Not all women want a one-night stand. The ones who don't will shy away from intimacy on the first date. They can probably tell that you're trying to "close the deal," which is insulting to them. You'll have to look for women who are up for a one-night stand. I assumed he had been on MANY dates with these women. OP, can you clarify how many dates average you take these women on before they shut you down?
Author fetish1980 Posted September 26, 2011 Author Posted September 26, 2011 Well, let's just leave it like this. The last date i had been on was with a girl i met at the bar. She was kind of a heavy drinker. But i went on aboout 3 or 4 dates with her. The one before that, i went on 2 dates with her before. I'm not even trying to necessarily get them to give it up, but at least start moving to some level of intamacy more than a church hug. I need to know how things are going and i hate asking them. They can always show me better than they can tell me! fetish
ChessPieceFace Posted September 26, 2011 Posted September 26, 2011 I am going to teach you something, you answered your own question in the first paragraph. What did you do with women that you were not attracted to? You did not care right? And they practically threw themselves at you. I thought this at first, but then realized 2 things: 1.) Some of those women were probably desperate. Llet's be honest, many women (not all) would have to be desperate to degrade themselves by overtly throwing themselves at someone. 2.) He's GETTING dates with the girls he likes, it just isn't panning out after a few dates or when he wants to progress to intimacy.
Author fetish1980 Posted September 26, 2011 Author Posted September 26, 2011 I thought this at first, but then realized 2 things: 1.) Some of those women were probably desperate. Llet's be honest, many women (not all) would have to be desperate to degrade themselves by overtly throwing themselves at someone. 2.) He's GETTING dates with the girls he likes, it just isn't panning out after a few dates or when he wants to progress to intimacy. Are you talking about me? because you're right if you are. I just think of myself as a pretty desireable, charming person that shouldn't have to try hard. As i said, dating is frustrating. fetish
Cypress25 Posted September 26, 2011 Posted September 26, 2011 I'm not even trying to necessarily get them to give it up, but at least start moving to some level of intamacy more than a church hug. Are you doing this in a public place? Not all women want to start making out with a guy while sitting at the bar. Go for a kiss when you have a reasonable amount of privacy (like while you're going for a walk during the date) and for further intimacy, invite her back to your place. Don't invite her back to your place right after the first kiss though. You've got to pace it right.
phineas Posted September 26, 2011 Posted September 26, 2011 Well, let's just leave it like this. The last date i had been on was with a girl i met at the bar. She was kind of a heavy drinker. But i went on aboout 3 or 4 dates with her. The one before that, i went on 2 dates with her before. I'm not even trying to necessarily get them to give it up, but at least start moving to some level of intamacy more than a church hug. I need to know how things are going and i hate asking them. They can always show me better than they can tell me! fetish How much are you spending on these women per date?
Author fetish1980 Posted September 27, 2011 Author Posted September 27, 2011 Are you doing this in a public place? Not all women want to start making out with a guy while sitting at the bar. Go for a kiss when you have a reasonable amount of privacy (like while you're going for a walk during the date) and for further intimacy, invite her back to your place. Don't invite her back to your place right after the first kiss though. You've got to pace it right. The last girl i was dating, there were plenty of opportunities we could have done something (at least a peck kiss). When i dropped her off at her place, i came in for a few minutes, but she would always kick me out after about 15-20 minutes. Our last date out, i tried inviting her over for a quick nightcap drink but she declined. I figured i was wasting too much time and money on her. I haven't been heard from her since nor have i tried. How much are you spending on these women per date? it ranges but last time it could be between $30 and $50 per date. Yeah i know, i'm not rich. fetish
phineas Posted September 27, 2011 Posted September 27, 2011 The last girl i was dating, there were plenty of opportunities we could have done something (at least a peck kiss). When i dropped her off at her place, i came in for a few minutes, but she would always kick me out after about 15-20 minutes. Our last date out, i tried inviting her over for a quick nightcap drink but she declined. I figured i was wasting too much time and money on her. I haven't been heard from her since nor have i tried. it ranges but last time it could be between $30 and $50 per date. Yeah i know, i'm not rich. fetish Seriously? you shouldn't be spending $10 on a chick you arn't even in a relationship with. Unless she calls it a DATE herself I still probably wouldn't drop even $20 unless she come forth with the romantic ACTIONS. Which is what a date is. Otherwise, she can hang out with me while I do something I was normally going to do. If a woman is into you, she won't care what you are doing as long as she gets to do it with you. Basically, I got child support. day care & a mortgage. I got no money to waste on women that are just bored & using me until someone else comes along or they realize they can't keep leading me on without some kind of romantic contact.
wilsonx Posted September 27, 2011 Posted September 27, 2011 I thought this at first, but then realized 2 things: 1.) Some of those women were probably desperate. Llet's be honest, many women (not all) would have to be desperate to degrade themselves by overtly throwing themselves at someone. 2.) He's GETTING dates with the girls he likes, it just isn't panning out after a few dates or when he wants to progress to intimacy. I am going to disagree with both of these. You are making assumptions. I am going to give you the pick up artist mentality on this. It honestly does not matter if they are desperate or not. One of the biggest mistakes people can make in dating is not befriending everyone. Make your network grow. Even these so called "desperate women." You do not have to sleep/hook up with them but they may have some more friends that you might be into. As for getting dates with girls that he likes but cant progress any further. There are 2 things you want to look at here. The biggest thing I want to point out is it may not be you fetish. It may be she is not ready. If you can hook up with a girl in one or two dates, they honestly aren't long term relationship material. The ones that take their times are the keepers. You do have to keep escalating at your pace though. Set boundaries for the date. I rarely pay for a first or second "date" sometimes even third. I am always upfront and say lets go dutch before we even hang out. If someone you are interested in dating isn't into this, its usually a key indicator of it not going to work in the first place. My magic number for intimacy is usually after a really good 3rd date or on the 4th date. If nothing happens after escalation I walk. This is my pace, I set my pace and I stick to it. If she pushes for the second, I push back and jokingly say slow down woman I just met you. Maybe next time. You see how I am the one leading? If something happens the after the second date. I lead and jokingly push back. If something happens after the 3rd, this is where I choose if I want to pursue intimacy or hold out. Always set your own boundaries and lead. If nothing is happening within your boundaries, then just let it go and tell yourself it wasn't you it was her. And that is technically true.
heartbaitdotcom Posted September 27, 2011 Posted September 27, 2011 Hey all, I've been posting on LS for a while and might need a little help on dating since i've been out of the dating scene for the last 8 years since i was in an 8 year long relationship with my ex. I'm having a problem sealing the deal for intamacy with women i'm attracted to. Now i try to talk to all women and treat everyone the same, but women i'm not attracted to at all just basically throw themselves at me. As far as women i'm attracted to, It seems that i go out, have an interesting conversation with them. Sometimes i get their number, sometimes i do not. Sometimes i give my number first and they call me from their phone to store it in, thus their number showing up on my phone. I don't understand though, and sometimes even get dates. The dates go well. We have afew drinks, laughs. I feel confident on the date and we talk about things. And yes, i'm a little flirty and listen to her interests and spark conversations w/them. But i can't seem to close the deal. Whenever i try to make it a little more intimate whether it be a kiss, sex, or anything, they close up, pull away. Maybe i'm expecting too much of people, but even someone who's playing hard to get, they eventually give in. The last girl i tried to get with on an intamate level was such a hoodrat; Didn't respond to compliments and kind of blew them off or made fun of them, was an alcoholic, and wasn't really giving me any rhythm or indication she was in to me. And when talking to a woman at a lounge or bar, if the conversation is going well, is it more attractive for us not to ask for your number at all in hopes of meeting at a later date. I had someone (my mom lol) tell me that getting a number "high school". Well, i guess i still am in a young state of mind since the last time i was in the dating scene was 23 yo. Just curious. What's the fun in being single again? I don't see how people over age 50 ever get divorced after 20 yrs marriage and get back in to the dating scene. I'm just slightly out of my 20s and i'm starting to see a lonely life ahead. IS it really supposed to be this frustrating? fetish Could it be that you're picking out all the wrong women and getting signals mixed up? Maybe they're just being polite and you're seeing more than what's really there? Dating is an art and it requires time, patience and perseverance. The worst thing you can do is give up. Don't give up!
Author fetish1980 Posted September 27, 2011 Author Posted September 27, 2011 WilsonX, thanks for your great advice and you're right, as i'm starting to learn the importance of setting boundaries. It makes you look more as a "Stand up" kind of person which is a quality that women love from the so called "bad Boys." As far as you telling your dates you're going dutch, that's pretty bold. Now i told that to my ex of 8 years all the time, but that was after i had already "had" her. I thought the rule was, whoever invites the girl out is the one who pays. But i guess you can always agree to pay for let's say the 1st round of drinks upfront, and then they'll get the idea they're on their own after that. I'm not necessarily looking for a relationship right now. I got out of an 8 year relationship almost 8 months ago and honestly, i'm not ready to enter into a "relationship" with a new person yet. I hate to say i just want to get laid but i'd rather say, FWB . But i guess you still have to build a friend relationsihp 1st. And yes, i'm probably getting impatient. I'm not used to going this long and not used to the dating scene again. and heartbaitdotcom, thanks for replying. Yes, i have to admit i've been trying with the girls who hang out in happy hour. As i've understood, those are the ones that are looking to get laid. It's usually said that if you don't go home with one of them the first night, chances are it won't happen period. fetish
wilsonx Posted September 27, 2011 Posted September 27, 2011 "The Rule" of whoever pays for it is whatever "YOU" make it. Its part of setting boundaries. If she gives you her phone number and you want to call her the next day to express thanks for meeting her and plan a hang out in the near future, then do it. The only "RULES" are the ones you make and follow When a girl gives me her phone number, I will tell her aww thanks, Ill text you tomorrow. Then I follow up and text tomorrow thank her for hanging out and tell her you had fun and plan a "hang out" for the future. Then I will give 2-3 day space after that. If the date hasn't come up yet, I still express interest while I know shes at work by a silly text. My favorite one (This happens 2-3 days of NC) is: me:What do you call a fish with no eyes? her: err I dunno me: A fsh They usually laugh And then I leave it alone unless she starts a conversation. This reminds her that you are a stand up guy, funny, and not needy
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