fetish1980 Posted September 25, 2011 Posted September 25, 2011 (edited) Hey all, I've been posting on LS for a while and might need a little help on dating since i've been out of the dating scene for the last 8 years since i was in an 8 year long relationship with my ex. I'm having a problem sealing the deal for intamacy with women i'm attracted to. Now i try to talk to all women and treat everyone the same, but women i'm not attracted to at all just basically throw themselves at me. As far as women i'm attracted to, It seems that i go out, have an interesting conversation with them. Sometimes i get their number, sometimes i do not. Sometimes i give my number first and they call me from their phone to store it in, thus their number showing up on my phone. I don't understand though, and sometimes even get dates. The dates go well. We have afew drinks, laughs. I feel confident on the date and we talk about things. And yes, i'm a little flirty and listen to her interests and spark conversations w/them. But i can't seem to close the deal. Whenever i try to make it a little more intimate whether it be a kiss, sex, or anything, they close up, pull away. Maybe i'm expecting too much of people, but even someone who's playing hard to get, they eventually give in. The last girl i tried to get with on an intamate level was such a hoodrat; Didn't respond to compliments and kind of blew them off or made fun of them, was an alcoholic, and wasn't really giving me any rhythm or indication she was in to me. And when talking to a woman at a lounge or bar, if the conversation is going well, is it more attractive for us not to ask for your number at all in hopes of meeting at a later date. I had someone (my mom lol) tell me that getting a number "high school". Well, i guess i still am in a young state of mind since the last time i was in the dating scene was 23 yo. Just curious. What's the fun in being single again? I don't see how people over age 50 ever get divorced after 20 yrs marriage and get back in to the dating scene. I'm just slightly out of my 20s and i'm starting to see a lonely life ahead. IS it really supposed to be this frustrating? fetish Edited September 25, 2011 by fetish1980
wilsonx Posted September 25, 2011 Posted September 25, 2011 I am going to teach you something, you answered your own question in the first paragraph. What did you do with women that you were not attracted to? You did not care right? And they practically threw themselves at you. ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ READ THIS AGAIN.... This is the best dating advice you will ever get... READ IT AGAIN.... You want to know why? Because when you have this attitude you display confidence, you know what you want (while you know its not them they throw themselves at you). What changes between this and the ones you are attracted to? You change! You probably show off some sort of neediness and dont even realize it. Dont believe me, try it.
Wolf18 Posted September 25, 2011 Posted September 25, 2011 There is some slight truth to the above post, but come on, are you serious? The ugly girls aren't throwing themselves at him because he doesn't care, they are throwing themselves at him because he's probably better looking than them. If you want to hear the word yes, find your league and date 1 down. If not, prepare for a long and miserable road.
Author fetish1980 Posted September 25, 2011 Author Posted September 25, 2011 (edited) they're not barff ugly. It's just they're either fat or people i wouldn't really want to be seen with. (No offense) Because i know dating shouldn't be solely on looks, but at the same time, i don't want to settle. wilsonx, yes i've noticed the "don't care" approach on the unattractive girls. I've tried the "don't care approach" on attractive girls and it never works. They still respond the same way.... not at all (LOL) And Wolf, i'm not trying to brag, but i'm told by alot of people that i'm pretty good looking. I stay in the gym, work out. I'm not superbuff, but i am cut and the muscle does show. I try to give everyone a chance when meeting them, even if its just friendship, but i don't want to pretend there's something more than that if there isn't. I also don't want to force myself in to trying a romantic thing with someone i'm not interested in just to make a point. I don't want to lead anyone on. It scares me that a person my "speed" or "league" are only the ones that i have no physical attraction to whatsoever. fetish Edited September 25, 2011 by fetish1980
madjac74 Posted September 25, 2011 Posted September 25, 2011 Fetish, I understand your frustration because I too had to start dating again after a long marriage almost 10 years. I met a lot of great women that a lot of men would and have begged to date but I just didnt feel the connection with them. Then there were some that were pretty and really cool but heavy. I am not really a snob but I am very honest with people that I don't want a relationship with that type. Some of these women were very understanding and are still very good friends. Now I am coming out of a relationship with what I consider the most amazing woman I have ever met in every way. Sexy, smart, witty, sassy, sarcastic, wild, sophisticated, a great mom...perfect for me! The only reason we didn't make it was because she had to move for a job and family. We tried long distance and failed. Now I'm wondering how I ever date again knowing I was with the girl of my dreams. No girl will ever really stand a chance.
betterdeal Posted September 25, 2011 Posted September 25, 2011 Wilson is right. You can adapt that to suit you i.e. take the attitude that you will probably not get it on with the women you fancy and take it a lot less seriously - like you do with the women you have no interest in. This is what makes people comfortable - being carefree (not careless) and yourself. Separate the flirting, sex, kissing etcetera from being close to your soul and you'll get a lot further with women - guaranteed.
joeyanna Posted September 25, 2011 Posted September 25, 2011 Fetish, I understand your frustration because I too had to start dating again after a long marriage almost 10 years. I met a lot of great women that a lot of men would and have begged to date but I just didnt feel the connection with them. Then there were some that were pretty and really cool but heavy. I am not really a snob but I am very honest with people that I don't want a relationship with that type. Some of these women were very understanding and are still very good friends. Now I am coming out of a relationship with what I consider the most amazing woman I have ever met in every way. Sexy, smart, witty, sassy, sarcastic, wild, sophisticated, a great mom...perfect for me! The only reason we didn't make it was because she had to move for a job and family. We tried long distance and failed. Now I'm wondering how I ever date again knowing I was with the girl of my dreams. No girl will ever really stand a chance. So sorry to hear about you breaking up with your gf, whenever you post on here about your relationship, you guys always seem really happy. Don't be despondent though, it's too soon to be considering dating and that's the reason you feel no one else could ever match what you had but you won't always feel that way!
madjac74 Posted September 25, 2011 Posted September 25, 2011 So sorry to hear about you breaking up with your gf, whenever you post on here about your relationship, you guys always seem really happy. Don't be despondent though, it's too soon to be considering dating and that's the reason you feel no one else could ever match what you had but you won't always feel that way! Thank you. I really appreciate the kind words. I really don't plan on dating anytime soon. I went out with the ex-wife and the kids last night and it was a very nice distraction. I'm just going to focus on the kids and my writing for awhile. My son actually brought her up tonight and I sort of wanted to go hide and cry. sorry to thread jack by the way, fetish (I think thats what they call it)
joeyanna Posted September 25, 2011 Posted September 25, 2011 Thank you. I really appreciate the kind words. I really don't plan on dating anytime soon. I went out with the ex-wife and the kids last night and it was a very nice distraction. I'm just going to focus on the kids and my writing for awhile. My son actually brought her up tonight and I sort of wanted to go hide and cry. sorry to thread jack by the way, fetish (I think thats what they call it) You're bound to feel like that as it's all still very raw but it's great you're able to distract yourself, distraction is a wonderful thing, take it from someone who know's it well. It's early days but you'll get there! Whoops, yeah I'm very sorry for hijacking the thread too!!
madjac74 Posted September 25, 2011 Posted September 25, 2011 You're bound to feel like that as it's all still very raw but it's great you're able to distract yourself, distraction is a wonderful thing, take it from someone who know's it well. It's early days but you'll get there! Whoops, yeah I'm very sorry for hijacking the thread too!! I know, you hijacker! Geeesh! Anyway my writing isn't much of a distraction because one of the characters of my book is based off her and our long distance relationship
joeyanna Posted September 25, 2011 Posted September 25, 2011 I know, you hijacker! Geeesh! Anyway my writing isn't much of a distraction because one of the characters of my book is based off her and our long distance relationship Then put that book aside for now and start writing a new one until you feel able to continue! I paint as a distraction which is easier as I definitely don't sit around painting pictures of my ex lol!
madjac74 Posted September 25, 2011 Posted September 25, 2011 Get a room you two Shush up better We did! haha jk...kinda
joeyanna Posted September 25, 2011 Posted September 25, 2011 Shush up better We did! haha jk...kinda Shhhhhh, don't tell everyone, it was supposed to be our secret!!!!
udolipixie Posted September 25, 2011 Posted September 25, 2011 Hey all, I've been posting on LS for a while and might need a little help on dating since i've been out of the dating scene for the last 8 years since i was in an 8 year long relationship with my ex. I'm having a problem sealing the deal for intamacy with women i'm attracted to. Now i try to talk to all women and treat everyone the same, but women i'm not attracted to at all just basically throw themselves at me. As far as women i'm attracted to, It seems that i go out, have an interesting conversation with them. Sometimes i get their number, sometimes i do not. Sometimes i give my number first and they call me from their phone to store it in, thus their number showing up on my phone. I don't understand though, and sometimes even get dates. The dates go well. We have afew drinks, laughs. I feel confident on the date and we talk about things. And yes, i'm a little flirty and listen to her interests and spark conversations w/them. But i can't seem to close the deal. Whenever i try to make it a little more intimate whether it be a kiss, sex, or anything, they close up, pull away. It doesn't seem to be that you should but that perhaps you should start picking some girls who show more interest in you since they pull away at you trying to touch them. Maybe i'm expecting too much of people, but even someone who's playing hard to get, they eventually give in. The last girl i tried to get with on an intamate level was such a hoodrat; Didn't respond to compliments and kind of blew them off or made fun of them, was an alcoholic, and wasn't really giving me any rhythm or indication she was in to me. You also seem to take this notion that they're playing hard to get and you can get them to eventually give in. Perhaps it's just low interest? Also seems like the type of girls you're going for.
udolipixie Posted September 25, 2011 Posted September 25, 2011 There is some slight truth to the above post, but come on, are you serious? The ugly girls aren't throwing themselves at him because he doesn't care, they are throwing themselves at him because he's probably better looking than them. If you want to hear the word yes, find your league and date 1 down. If not, prepare for a long and miserable road. Or perhaps because he's on the same level looks wise.
betterdeal Posted September 25, 2011 Posted September 25, 2011 How you look doesn't necessarily effect who you find attractive. Goes for girls as well as boys.
antinko Posted September 25, 2011 Posted September 25, 2011 Don't play games. Don't be someone that you're not. Simply be considerate and get some self respect. Don't 'not care' because that is unattractive and you won't attract the right girls, but do be confident in yourself and put yourself first. Be genuine. To be honest, I think that's what the majority of girls want even if they might not articulate it a lot of the time: genuineness. The problem is that men rarely seem to quite 'get' what being genuine actually is and instead they try to adopt artificial behaviours which simulate some of the effects that being truly genuine carries, but they're neither sustainable nor consistent. Logically, if we're going along with the idea that women are very instinctive, then it only makes sense that guys are going to screw up repeatedly if they're anyone else but themselves.
phineas Posted September 25, 2011 Posted September 25, 2011 I am going to teach you something, you answered your own question in the first paragraph. What did you do with women that you were not attracted to? You did not care right? And they practically threw themselves at you. ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ READ THIS AGAIN.... This is the best dating advice you will ever get... READ IT AGAIN.... You want to know why? Because when you have this attitude you display confidence, you know what you want (while you know its not them they throw themselves at you). What changes between this and the ones you are attracted to? You change! You probably show off some sort of neediness and dont even realize it. Dont believe me, try it. I was like the OP. Sort of. Got myself in shape, met a few women that just wanted ONS, attractive women much younger than me. but dating women my own age, i could go a month or 2 without inviting them over & they'd come over for a movie cuddle on the couch then shut me down. WTF?!?! Another older guy like me (40) that lifts gave me great advice. Date multiple women at once. Make it clear to them that sex = exclusive, priority, ect & let them make the choice. basically my attitude is no sex - no care no matter how hot they are. and any woman who balks at that is free to go somewhere else because i'm tired of women that are just bored & looking for a guy to pay attention to them until they find a guy they really want to get naked with. I'd rather enjoy my own company than an attention whore's. Granted, my situation is different. The playing field is level or slightly tilted in my favor now. I was divorced last yr so I have no intentions of wifeing anyone up anytime soon or even moving someone into my house (where my kids also live half the week) until I really really really know them. So I make it clear up front i'm not looking to get serious any time soon, but I can be exclusive and respectful and take my time to get to know them better. Problem is these women spent their lives having fun with "bad boys" and now their biological clock is ticking and they want a family NOW. I aint gonna be someone's sperm donor & don't need another child support payment when they get bored with me.
udolipixie Posted September 25, 2011 Posted September 25, 2011 I was like the OP. Sort of. Got myself in shape, met a few women that just wanted ONS, attractive women much younger than me. but dating women my own age, i could go a month or 2 without inviting them over & they'd come over for a movie cuddle on the couch then shut me down. WTF?!?! Another older guy like me (40) that lifts gave me great advice. Date multiple women at once. Make it clear to them that sex = exclusive, priority, ect & let them make the choice. basically my attitude is no sex - no care no matter how hot they are. and any woman who balks at that is free to go somewhere else because i'm tired of women that are just bored & looking for a guy to pay attention to them until they find a guy they really want to get naked with. I'd rather enjoy my own company than an attention whore's. Granted, my situation is different. The playing field is level or slightly tilted in my favor now. I was divorced last yr so I have no intentions of wifeing anyone up anytime soon or even moving someone into my house (where my kids also live half the week) until I really really really know them. So I make it clear up front i'm not looking to get serious any time soon, but I can be exclusive and respectful and take my time to get to know them better. Problem is these women spent their lives having fun with "bad boys" and now their biological clock is ticking and they want a family NOW. I aint gonna be someone's sperm donor & don't need another child support payment when they get bored with me. That's more of a problem for those women. You can chose to date same age, older, or younger women who aren't looking to start a family.. Not sure what's wrong with spending your life having fun with bad boys plenty of guys spend their life having fun slutting around. The only real problem is the biological clock not the time they spent having fun because women lose quantity then quality in reproductive value and have more of an urge to start a family than men do in general.
Elysian Powder Posted September 25, 2011 Posted September 25, 2011 There is some slight truth to the above post, but come on, are you serious? The ugly girls aren't throwing themselves at him because he doesn't care, they are throwing themselves at him because he's probably better looking than them. If you want to hear the word yes, find your league and date 1 down. If not, prepare for a long and miserable road. This. Average-looking men can have no strings-attached with ugly/fat women. Good-looking men have average to cute women putting out with no effort. Guys with the looks of Brad Pitt **** Spider-man's Mary Jane, daily, and with only the trouble of calling the woman. Women always look up, and men always look down. equality my sun-touched ass.
phineas Posted September 25, 2011 Posted September 25, 2011 That's more of a problem for those women. You can chose to date same age, older, or younger women who aren't looking to start a family.. Not sure what's wrong with spending your life having fun with bad boys plenty of guys spend their life having fun slutting around. The only real problem is the biological clock not the time they spent having fun because women lose quantity then quality in reproductive value and have more of an urge to start a family than men do in general. Nothing wrong with how they lived their lives and you are correct it is their problem. However it would become my problem also because they kept this a secret. So, when I reach that point where i'm done investing my time & attention into a woman (what she wants) that isn't giving me what I want in return they pull this crap out of the blue without ever mentioning it beforehand. sorry.
udolipixie Posted September 25, 2011 Posted September 25, 2011 This. Average-looking men can have no strings-attached with ugly/fat women. Good-looking men have average to cute women putting out with no effort. Guys with the looks of Brad Pitt **** Spider-man's Mary Jane, daily, and with only the trouble of calling the woman. Women always look up, and men always look down. equality my sun-touched ass. That's extremely false. Both genders are known to look up and rarely look down. After all how many ugly/average guys come on her asking about hot girls? I think you meant get not look...women always get up and men always get down.. Though even that is false because aren't you promoting that women are in their prime when young & beautiful while men don't lose their desirability. That guys when older can get attractive and more attractive girls if they're average and financially secure? Also in terms of women getting better is it for sex, relationships, or marriages?
Elysian Powder Posted September 25, 2011 Posted September 25, 2011 (edited) That's extremely false. Both genders are known to look up and rarely look down. After all how many ugly/average guys come on her asking about hot girls? I think you meant get not look...women always get up and men always get down.. Though even that is false because aren't you promoting that women are in their prime when young & beautiful while men don't lose their desirability. That guys when older can get attractive and more attractive girls if they're average and financially secure? Also in terms of women getting better is it for sex, relationships, or marriages? hypergamy http://www.jstor.org/pss/2092885 http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hypergamy An army of women on this forum have stated that they'd only date/marry/**** a man who is superior to them(and to other men); read the threads about turn-offs and turn ons. Most of them require a man to be x height, x height, x income, x education. Though even that is false because aren't you promoting that women are in their prime when young & beautiful while men don't lose their desirability. To a certain degree, I am. A woman's appeal lies on her youth and her beauty. The younger she is, the easier it is for her to get pregnant and to bestow the men with healthy, strong children. Same can't be said for women's and their mechanisms of attraction. When they are young, they date bad boys or All-American boys, but as the decades accumulate, the good-looking man is relegated to the background - for the time being. This is when average and ugly men are more popular with women - at a very high price; they gotta pay for what the Alpha male had for free, by marrying or moving in with the woman, following this commitment with a divorce, and child-support and alimony, initiated by the woman. After the fulfilling of the woman's biological drive( to have children) and with the security of the beta's resources; women go back to ****ing the Bad boy or the Orlando Bloom. Also in terms of women getting better is it for sex, relationships, or marriages In everything. Bang the gang leader, blame it on ''the immaturity of young age,'' marry a hardworking man, divorce him, and blame that on '' I need to find myself.'' Women profit. Most of the time. ow many ugly/average guys come on her asking about hot girls? well, genetic garbage is of no importance. Pay no heed to them. Edited September 25, 2011 by Elysian Powder
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