ScienceGal Posted September 25, 2011 Posted September 25, 2011 How long do you wait for someone that you love? It was instant attraction for me. I've had LTRs (2-4 years) before and this was so different. He was the one and I was sure of it very early on. We were only together for 7 months, but it evoked more feeling in me than anything else. It's been over 3 months since the split and I have been getting out more. I feel just 'ok' most times, but always act happy around others. I met a guy tonight that seems great. I'll go out with him if he calls, but I just feel numb and as though I don't care about anything. There is this sinking feeling in my heart. I still miss my ex. I still believe that he is the one I am suppose to be with. The thought of just kissing anyone else makes me want to cry. At what point do I start being tough with myself? Let's say 3 more months go by and I still feel this way. I can't be scared and withdrawn forever. I have never ever been this affected by anyone before and I don't know what to do. I am asking for opinions and personal experience. Thank you.
Buttercup84 Posted September 25, 2011 Posted September 25, 2011 I am sorry you are feeling sad hun. It has been almost four months for me and I do not know how I am really feeling now. I miss him a lot sometimes then I don't. Like you I have been going out more but it is still hard. I have been on two dates , there was so chemistry. But the difference is now , I could imagine kissing one of those guys I went out with , not be with him seriously but just have a make up session haha. Before I could never imagine doing that , I thought my ex was the one. Three months isn't long , at least you are going out.But you will one day meet someone and feel an attraction again.It might just be a flirt , could turn into something more but you will then know that you can think of someone else. xxx
january2011 Posted September 25, 2011 Posted September 25, 2011 You don't wait. You pick yourself up and you carry on along the path of healing. But if you're not excited to see a new guy again then it's probably too soon to date.
green_tea Posted September 25, 2011 Posted September 25, 2011 I think you wait as long as you need to. That said do go out and meet other guys. If it doesn't feel right with this new guy, then don't try to force yourself to like him. When the right guy comes along you'll know it. I speak from experience, was with a guy on and off for 5 years. He broke my heart about 3 years ago, I have not seen him since. I thought I would never be able to feel that way about anyone else ever again. But I did meet someone - and fell for him hard. Unfortunately I had bad luck with him as well - and he is the one I am trying to get over now. There is more than one person out there for us, it's just a matter of finding the right ones.
Drift Wood Posted September 25, 2011 Posted September 25, 2011 Took about a week for me to fall for my EX. I met her once at an event, but I didn't even feel attracted to her. I thought she was kind of cute, but it was different from dating cute. She appeared in one of my classes, which was 3 weeks later after we met. We hung out like 3 times and then it hit me. I woke up and I realized I had fallen HARD for this girl. I've never felt like this before. It's been 2 months for me and I as well still have that sinking feeling. The thought of meeting other girls or doing things with them makes me sad. I still love her unfortunately and I miss her everyday. I just wish things would return to the way they used to be.
KS11 Posted September 25, 2011 Posted September 25, 2011 Not that this will help at all, but i think you wait for as long as you still love them. Which i know goes against what every else has said, but for me personally..i cant even begin to think about seeing any else, im certain this girl is the one and i love and care for her more than anything. I know its totally the wrong thing to do, but there still a big part of me that is hoping something might change...and however small that chance is, i believe she is worth the wait. The way i see it, if i try and move on, its gona hurt, if i wait its gona hurt.
1Dunno Posted September 25, 2011 Posted September 25, 2011 Not that this will help at all, but i think you wait for as long as you still love them. Which i know goes against what every else has said, but for me personally..i cant even begin to think about seeing any else, im certain this girl is the one and i love and care for her more than anything. I know its totally the wrong thing to do, but there still a big part of me that is hoping something might change...and however small that chance is, i believe she is worth the wait. The way i see it, if i try and move on, its gona hurt, if i wait its gona hurt. As hard as it is to accept, I think that most of us eventually have no choice but to move on. I agree with your statement that it's going to hurt whether you move on or wait, but all waiting is going to do is to prolong the hurt with what, in most cases, is holding onto false hope.
shortee143 Posted September 25, 2011 Posted September 25, 2011 Ive had bfs before, like you, but my most recent ex felt very diff from the rest, and I thought it was for real. I would say at about the 5 month mark post breakup I started to feel better and stop waiting (now broken up 6 months). I still miss the OLD him with all my heart, and I am doing my best to not live in the past. I see him often, and that def prolongs my healing. He moved on to a new gf months ago- and I guess that has forced me to stop waiting for him to come back, as when he was single I would wonder, but but now that he has moved on...what is the point in my still sulking and waiting. There is no time limit we can give you- you just sorta get used to the separation at some point...baby steps, we all get there but its a long, hellish journey. I havent really dated- I just havent felt ready, and I am ok with that. I have made out with a few guys just for fun, and to me, even that is progress...bc before all I wanted was my ex!
SillyS Posted September 25, 2011 Posted September 25, 2011 I think you shouldn't rush yourself. Let it take its natural course, if you force yourself or don't take enough time to recover from this, then you could get even more hurt in the future. Feeling like wanting to cry is your red flag. It's simply too soon. There isn't a standard time for everyone. It's basically dependent on the type of person you are, and the relationship in itself. I think this time around, I will take about 6-10 months to resolve it probably, my guess. Just think there is a lot for me to learn about the situation. I love myself, but I didn't like the type of person I became during the relationship. I'm seeing the fault in myself, and taking responsibility for these things and however long it takes is fine by me. Hopefully right before, my mother starts giving out my phone number to random guys she meets in the grocery store!
betterdeal Posted September 25, 2011 Posted September 25, 2011 Hey ScienceGirl, It's been (counts on fingers) 7 months for me since a short, intense and difficult relationship, and, I think, now I am open to the idea of a relationship. Bizarrely, the more ready I am, the less is matters. But I have other things to improve in my life, and I am still learning what it was in me that made me susceptible to being so embroiled in a toxic relationship. I'm in no rush.
triphopper414 Posted September 25, 2011 Posted September 25, 2011 I don't think it is a matter of how long someone waits. I don't think you can put a timeline on emotional healing. You will know when it is right. What helped me and this may not be the best remedy for everyone was to go to clubs and flirt with men like crazy. (I made out with a few too. Sssssh.) There was no commitment and no attachment. It does help in the process of getting out there. I did feel validated that really good-looking guys found me attractive, but that is not the sole origin of me feeling good about myself. It did make me feel wanted which is one thing people struggle with after a break up.
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