Mme. Chaucer Posted September 27, 2011 Posted September 27, 2011 I find it frustrating that so many people feel the need to devalue our bond or call us crazy. I am not about that, but also I don't think you should devalue your own concerns - You told me earlier in the thread not to backpedal on my feelings for him and go with the status quo, so -- and I mean this as nicely as possible -- I don't see how telling me we put the cart before the horse is helpful right now in that it will just encourage my doubts and make it harder for me to go with the status quo? Maybe I'm misunderstanding, and I am taking your input seriously because you often make good points, but it seems like you're sending mixed messages in your advice. I'm sure that I am sending mixed messages, so apologies for that. Encapsulation: I do think you put cart before horse, but what's done is done and I do NOT believe you can back track, though I do think you can kind of chill. I think you agree. I DO think that you might be able to learn from this situation, in case you have circumstances in your future where you could reflect upon the choices you made here. That's why I say "mixed" stuff. I guess I am trying to promote you stepping outside of the immersion sometimes and taking as objective a look as you can. Without being hypercritical, idolizing, or villainizing your boyfriend. I am in a good relationship now, and my ability to be here is due in a large part to my recognition of messy paths I chose to take in past relationships - and not taking similar ones now. I'm over 50 years old though .
Pierre Posted September 27, 2011 Posted September 27, 2011 and it's not a healthy dynamic for anyone involved. I cannot believe you said that.:eek:
xxoo Posted September 27, 2011 Posted September 27, 2011 You have the right to communicate your needs and your feelings in a relationship without a fear or reprisal. It might be something you both need to work on. Do not set traps for each other; likewise, do not walk on eggshells around each other. If a relationship falls apart because you can't be yourself in it, than it was meant to fall apart. Assertively take the space that is rightfully yours. Great advice! I'd add...when you have a relationship bump (and you will...everyone does), sleep on it before you talk to anyone else about it. After you've slept on it, if it is still a major concern, talk to your partner about it. Not the internet.
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