phillyfan Posted September 27, 2011 Posted September 27, 2011 Dude he's Neva given a f**k about a girl b4, his best friend is a sociopath, his pops is a narcisist who treats his mom like a freaking doormat...wat else do u need 2 know? U sound like a junior version of his mom n pop already and u ain't Neva even met the dude. He can brainwash u so easy from a computer screen, imagine wat this will be like if u r hangin in person. Girl it ain't healthy.
Emilia Posted September 27, 2011 Posted September 27, 2011 He reenabled it briefly a few weeks ago so we could play a game on facebook together. He had friends on it but it was obviously an account he never used because there were no photos and the wall was disabled. Then he disabled the account again when we finished playing the game. He is married or he is in a committed relationship
Author torn_curtain Posted September 27, 2011 Author Posted September 27, 2011 What I've learned from this thread: My boyfriend is a married serial killer who will be flying across the country for four days so he can rape and murder me and then return home to take care of his kids.
Emilia Posted September 27, 2011 Posted September 27, 2011 What I've learned from this thread: My boyfriend is a married serial killer who will be flying across the country for four days so he can rape and murder me and then return home to take care of his kids. He is likely to be married or otherwise committed and he is grooming you
betterdeal Posted September 27, 2011 Posted September 27, 2011 Jeez, if you're thinking like this and interacting in any way like the way you're describing, don't you think there's something essentially un-enjoyable about it all? Whether the cause is you, him, or the doubting Thomas' whispering in your ear, there's something inherently tense about this, and not in the fizzing sexual tension good way. Pay attention to your own feelings, honour them and maybe stop looking for ways to hug this particular fog. It's your life, your relationship, your heart. Do some other things that you enjoy. Things other than passing this relationship around the LoveShack.
Citizen Erased Posted September 27, 2011 Posted September 27, 2011 He is likely to be married or otherwise committed and he is grooming you She's not a 13 year old girl being preyed on by a 50 year old man into kids, she's an adult. If he is married, or has a gf, then I'm sure TC can take care of herself and tell him to bugger off. Not the end of the world. She's meeting him in a public place. I'm sure she will be more on the lookout for if anything is off about him, than most people are when they go home with a complete stranger they met at a bar.
Els Posted September 27, 2011 Posted September 27, 2011 She's not a 13 year old girl being preyed on by a 50 year old man into kids, she's an adult. If he is married, or has a gf, then I'm sure TC can take care of herself and tell him to bugger off. Not the end of the world. She's meeting him in a public place. I'm sure she will be more on the lookout for if anything is off about him, than most people are when they go home with a complete stranger they met at a bar. Agreed. Sorry so many people are derailing your thread, OP. To be fair though, you appear to be responding more to them than to those who are posting about your situation.
xxoo Posted September 27, 2011 Posted September 27, 2011 but at the end of the day if we're happy together that's what matters more than what anyone else thinks of our relationship. This is true. But if you are happy together, why post threads detailing relationship problems?
Author torn_curtain Posted September 27, 2011 Author Posted September 27, 2011 This is true. But if you are happy together, why post threads detailing relationship problems? I regret doing that, at least about something that I don't consider that big of a deal.
Author torn_curtain Posted September 27, 2011 Author Posted September 27, 2011 Agreed. Sorry so many people are derailing your thread, OP. To be fair though, you appear to be responding more to them than to those who are posting about your situation. Well I was responding to the other posts upthread but I got distracted by the provocative ones.
Nexus One Posted September 27, 2011 Posted September 27, 2011 When is this guy coming over again? (Don't want to read through the whole thread again to find that out)
heartbaitdotcom Posted September 27, 2011 Posted September 27, 2011 I promised myself I'd try to post less until we meet, but I could use some advice on this. My boyfriend has a really forceful personality. He's intense, somewhat demanding, direct, driven and aggressive. Usually I lead in relationships so I'm not used to this. But I've always wanted someone who is slightly more dominant. And even though I'm more attracted to him because of his forcefulness, sometimes it makes me feel bad about myself, like my personality is being slowly crushed beneath the weight of his. I think I just need to learn to hold my own more. Tonight we were having a conversation where he was he was really forceful (though not mean) in giving me advice. Like this is what you should do TC and this. He directs me a lot. By the end of it I almost felt on the verge of tears, which is silly. I don't want to paint him negatively. I love him and there's nothing wrong with how he is. He doesn't mistreat me. He's never mean. I feel like it's all me. I need to find a better way of regulating my emotions and self esteem. I feel this odd mixture of emotions when he gets like this -- aroused, protected but also insecure. Wow, that makes me sound like a masochist. I'm not a doormat with him. On the surface I hold my own, and he seems to think I'm really assertive, but deep down I feel like he's taking the lead. Does anyone who has been with a more dominant partner have advice? The man SHOULD be more dominant. You want him to lead. You want him to be in control and be able to take charge when the going gets tough. That's how men are designed and a man needs to FEEL like a man in a relationship. Granted he should always still respect your thoughts and feelings. Any successful relationship keeps the gender roles. That's the bottom line. Women don't respect men they can boss around. Being that you always wore the pants, could that be what's crushing your self-esteem? The fact that you're not running the show? Could it be a culture shock?
Star Gazer Posted September 27, 2011 Posted September 27, 2011 Ha! My FB profile is extremely detailed and open. I have tons of pictures that I update regularly (i.e. every week) with tons of friends in them and regular interaction via statuses and comments. I also check in all the time with other people. Yet, you probably think that I am weird and sketchy based on my LS persona..... Weird and sketchy? No. And I'm not surprised that your FB profile is that way, as it's the SAME WAY YOU ARE HERE: constantly updating, constantly putting up new pictures, etc.
Nexus One Posted September 27, 2011 Posted September 27, 2011 (edited) The man SHOULD be more dominant. You want him to lead. You want him to be in control and be able to take charge when the going gets tough. That's how men are designed and a man needs to FEEL like a man in a relationship. Granted he should always still respect your thoughts and feelings. The man shouldn't be more dominant at all, it differs per couple. There are relationships that work where the guy is the less dominant of the two or where the two partners are on equal footing with each other. The latter is what I personally prefer. I've noticed that I crush most intensely on girls/women with whom I'd be on equal footing. I've been hit on by dominating women, but their attitude did not appeal to me at all. The thought that came to mind when they hit on me was: "I'd be so unhappy in a relationship with you, you'd form the relationship using a sledgehammer, I don't want to live that way." Edited September 27, 2011 by Nexus One
Author torn_curtain Posted September 27, 2011 Author Posted September 27, 2011 When is this guy coming over again? (Don't want to read through the whole thread again to find that out) the 18th but we won't see each other until the 19th. I think I told you the 20th, Eternal, but I was wrong about the date. I am *very briefly* posting a picture of him in my profile so you guys can see how normal and non sketch looking he is. I realize that he could be different in real life but I think I'm pretty good at reading people and talking to him for months on skype has given me a good sense.
Cee Posted September 27, 2011 Posted September 27, 2011 I do not normally ogle men, but it was for research purposes. *fanning myself* Ahem, yes he does appear to be a well groomed and physically healthy gentleman.
Author torn_curtain Posted September 27, 2011 Author Posted September 27, 2011 I do not normally ogle men, but it was for research purposes. *fanning myself* Ahem, yes he does appear to be a well groomed and physically healthy gentleman. Lol. It's kind of a silly photo of him in terms of his pose, but I think you guys get the basic idea. Not sketch.
Kamille Posted September 27, 2011 Posted September 27, 2011 T - to whom are you trying to prove he isn't sketchy? And why do you feel it's important to prove he isn't sketchy? And do you really think a photo of him is going to change their minds? Your gut is telling you he isn't sketchy. Go with that. Which doesn't mean not putting processes in place to protect yourself. You can make sure you're safe in all eventuality and still feel that he's a great guy. But you're under no obligation to prove anything to anyone here. I say the very brief period of posting his picture should end now. I don't see what purpose it serves.
Mme. Chaucer Posted September 27, 2011 Posted September 27, 2011 t_c, with respect, I do not think you should be posting his picture here unless he agreed to it. That's exactly in line with what I view as "oversharing." Are you approval seeking here? Or what. The fact that you have posted that picture (yes, guy in picture looks good) doesn't give all the naysayers (most of whom are simply responding in their own ways to the stuff YOU'VE posted, so don't be blaming them for speaking their minds) any "proof" that they're wrong in their fears. I want to point out a pattern: This is the second time (in this incarnation on LS, with this particular love interest) that you've shared something "concerning," elicited a lot of response and concern, and then backpedaled ("it doesn't really bother me after all"). The backpedaling contains some sort of accusatory vibes towards those who respond to your original statement of concern (like, "you can't understand our love" type of thing). Last time, (reaction to your sociopathic ex boyfriend) you then returned, post-backpedling, with MORE concern. Not healthy for you individually, and certainly not healthy for any intimate personal relationship. For the record, and for future reference, these types of issues ought to be well explored and addressed, and solid trust established, well in advance of declarations of true love plans for a life au deux being made.
Author torn_curtain Posted September 27, 2011 Author Posted September 27, 2011 (edited) This is the second time (in this incarnation on LS, with this particular love interest) that you've shared something "concerning," elicited a lot of response and concern, and then backpedaled ("it doesn't really bother me after all"). The backpedaling contains some sort of accusatory vibes towards those who respond to your original statement of concern (like, "you can't understand our love" type of thing). I think you're projecting a bit into what I wrote. His behavior does still concern me. I heeded a lot of the feedback, but I also rolled my eyes at some of the more extreme commentary -- like suggesting he's a serial killer/married man with children. I find it frustrating that so many people feel the need to devalue our bond or call us crazy. That wasn't what the thread was about. In other words, I wasn't dismissing the advice that seemed reasonable to me, even if it was critical of him. It was just some of the more outlandish comments I was responding to. For the record, and for future reference, these types of issues ought to be well explored and addressed, and solid trust established, well in advance of declarations of true love plans for a life au deux being made. You told me earlier in the thread not to backpedal on my feelings for him and go with the status quo, so -- and I mean this as nicely as possible -- I don't see how telling me we put the cart before the horse is helpful right now in that it will just encourage my doubts and make it harder for me to go with the status quo? Maybe I'm misunderstanding, and I am taking your input seriously because you often make good points, but it seems like you're sending mixed messages in your advice. Edited September 27, 2011 by torn_curtain
xxoo Posted September 27, 2011 Posted September 27, 2011 I regret doing that, at least about something that I don't consider that big of a deal. I get that you regret it, but why do you start these threads? This isn't only the second. There have been more threads regarding issues in THIS relationship. Why all the overanalysis if you are happy? It really seems like you are trying to convince yourself you are happy. Why post a photo to show he isn't sketchy? (you do know that sketchy people sometimes present as very charming and attractive, right?) Are you a generally impulsive person? Impulsiveness seems to be the one repeating theme here.
Author torn_curtain Posted September 27, 2011 Author Posted September 27, 2011 (edited) OK, guys. I'm bowing out of this thread as it's exceeded its usefulness at this point and taken an accusatory turn where I'm feeling the need to defend something I shouldn't have to defend -- the legitimacy of my feelings for somebody I love. I know where these threads leads once they've turned like this, and it's not a healthy dynamic for anyone involved. I've done some good introspection as a result of the feedback I've gotten here. Thanks to everyone who has contributed. Edited September 27, 2011 by torn_curtain
Kamille Posted September 27, 2011 Posted September 27, 2011 I applaud your decision TC. This thread has reached an unwarranted level of scrutiny and suspicion. The one thing I hope you took from this thread is this: You have the right to communicate your needs and your feelings in a relationship without a fear or reprisal. It might be something you both need to work on. Do not set traps for each other; likewise, do not walk on eggshells around each other. If a relationship falls apart because you can't be yourself in it, than it was meant to fall apart. Assertively take the space that is rightfully yours.
Star Gazer Posted September 27, 2011 Posted September 27, 2011 You have the right to communicate your needs and your feelings in a relationship without a fear or reprisal. It might be something you both need to work on. Do not set traps for each other; likewise, do not walk on eggshells around each other. If a relationship falls apart because you can't be yourself in it, than it was meant to fall apart. Assertively take the space that is rightfully yours. Fabulous, fabulous advice for ANYONE!!
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