Ex knows it's me calling and hanging up but hasn't called back -- why?

May 12, 2004

For the past two weeks, i have not had any contact with my ex.But when i do feel like calling him, i usually call once and hang up, so that he would see my name on the caller ID. It's funny though because even though he sees my name on the caller ID he never calls me back. So should i call him again?

I wrote a letter to my ex back in Feb when we first broke up stating that if there was the slightest chance of us getting back together that a lot of things would change. After recieving the letter he called me the same day and wanted to talk to me. Well me being the stupid person, i didnt talk to him. The next day I called him and went to see him at his apt. WE've been in contact since then but its only calls here and there. So do you think that I should write him another letter?

He still has my pictures in his cabinet by his bed. Does it mean maybe he still thinks of me? He also has my letter that i sent him probably in there too. I dont know what to do.

May 12, 2004

If he's not returning missed calls from you, either he's not interested anymore or needs time to think about things. In either case you might want to sit down and write down all the things that were good about the relationship and then all the things that were bad about it. Was the relationship really that great? or do you think you can find something better? Every person diserves a significant other who makes them happy and understands them. Good luck.

May 12, 2004

Originally posted by Shindig
If he's not returning missed calls from you, either he's not interested anymore or needs time to think about things. In either case you might want to sit down and write down all the things that were good about the relationship and then all the things that were bad about it. Was the relationship really that great? or do you think you can find something better? Every person diserves a significant other who makes them happy and understands them. Good luck.

well considering he's going out with a 16 year old doesn't help much. Like ive said in past posts..this girl isnt good news. She doesnt have anything to offer him like a job or money or even a car. With me, i had all of it. Our relationship was awesome. Except for the fact we would argue way too much. I just wish he would see that we could work on it. We'd sit down every now and then and talk about what we needed to work on, he said he would try, but when it came down to it he never did. He gives up way to easily.

May 12, 2004

hmm my ex fiance is at our apt , I moved out and let her stay until the end of the month because it was easier for me, when i went over couple weeks ago to pick up some clothes our pictures was still hanging all over the place and all the cards I got her were on the tv. She is wearing the engagement ring on her right hand and she still wears the necklace i got her on her neck. I on the other hand tore up the pictures of us and her and i dont wear the ring she got me, because it hurts alot to think of the past and when she got me those things how happy she was and i was to have it. It is much easier for the dumper to see hang on to those things than the person who got dumped, thats the way I see it, because she still has everything i got her and it doesnt seem to change her feelings or make her feel different. So i wont read into those things as much.

May 12, 2004

What did you two talk about after the first letter that you wrote? You say that you asked if there was the slightest chance of you two getting together again. What was his answer then and what are you going to say that's any different in a second letter?

It sounds to me that you're still hoping that you two are going to get back together. Is that it? Are you prepared to hear the truth from him or do you think that if you keep sending him a letter every few months he might change his mind?

You shouldn't call and hang up like that - he'll think you're a psycho !! Maybe that's why he's not calling you back. Personally I would figure if they had something to say they wouldn't be hanging up after one ring so what's the point in returning the call?

I've read a few of your postings in other threads ( ) and I think what you're really dealing with here is the dreaded no-contact thing. Am I right?

May 12, 2004

I think you really need to give him space. I know it's hard, and you want things to be better now, but guys really suck and they don't understand how emotional we are. If he still has your pictures, he obviously feels something for you, but the more you push the more he'll resist. Believe me, I know from what I'm going through right now and what I've gone through before. I hurt like hell and want to call my ex and tell him how I realize where our problems were, and how I want to work on them, and that I love him. But, he knows that I love him, I've told him. Deep down, I know he loves me. But, there's a reason we broke up and the more I contact him, the more he'll never want to see me again if that's not ture already. I wish I could tell you that love conquers all, but sometimes it's not true. When you want to call him, call your friends. By calling and hanging up he'll just think that your a little psychotic, and that if he would try things with you again you wouldn't be the lovely, sane, independent person that I'm sure you are.

May 12, 2004

Originally posted by canithappen?
I think you really need to give him space. I know it's hard, and you want things to be better now, but guys really suck and they don't understand how emotional we are. If he still has your pictures, he obviously feels something for you, but the more you push the more he'll resist. Believe me, I know from what I'm going through right now and what I've gone through before. I hurt like hell and want to call my ex and tell him how I realize where our problems were, and how I want to work on them, and that I love him. But, he knows that I love him, I've told him. Deep down, I know he loves me. But, there's a reason we broke up and the more I contact him, the more he'll never want to see me again if that's not ture already. I wish I could tell you that love conquers all, but sometimes it's not true. When you want to call him, call your friends. By calling and hanging up he'll just think that your a little psychotic, and that if he would try things with you again you wouldn't be the lovely, sane, independent person that I'm sure you are.

Guys are emotional too! dont generalize

I was the one doing the crying

May 12, 2004

Originally posted by Jareddms
hmm my ex fiance is at our apt , I moved out and let her stay until the end of the month because it was easier for me, when i went over couple weeks ago to pick up some clothes our pictures was still hanging all over the place and all the cards I got her were on the tv. She is wearing the engagement ring on her right hand and she still wears the necklace i got her on her neck. I on the other hand tore up the pictures of us and her and i dont wear the ring she got me, because it hurts alot to think of the past and when she got me those things how happy she was and i was to have it. It is much easier for the dumper to see hang on to those things than the person who got dumped, thats the way I see it, because she still has everything i got her and it doesnt seem to change her feelings or make her feel different. So i wont read into those things as much.

I was tempted to keep the ring he gave me, it was a promise ring i recieved for christmas. Which i did for a long time after we broke up solely because he said to wear it "no matter what happens". Yeah he still wears the clothes i bought him and everything. Its just too much for me.

May 12, 2004

Originally posted by bluechocolate
What did you two talk about after the first letter that you wrote? You say that you asked if there was the slightest chance of you two getting together again. What was his answer then and what are you going to say that's any different in a second letter?

Well i never got to talk to him about the first letter. I think thats why i refused to talk to him when he called. I just wanted him to think about it for awhile.

I think all i got out of it was "Dont push the fact that we're not together, and i know how much you think "this" sucks."

It sounds to me that you're still hoping that you two are going to get back together. Is that it? Are you prepared to hear the truth from him or do you think that if you keep sending him a letter every few months he might change his mind?

Yes, i'm hoping that we do get back together. I usually cry everyday but only for a period of minutes, then i'm fine the rest of the day. I have no clue if his mind will change or not, but i am hoping that it will. I'm prepared to hear the truth although i dont like rejection.

You shouldn't call and hang up like that - he'll think you're a psycho !! Maybe that's why he's not calling you back. Personally I would figure if they had something to say they wouldn't be hanging up after one ring so what's the point in returning the call?

well i would call when he wasnt home, for some reason it made me feel good. But when i leave a message with his sister or someone else, i dont think he gets it and wont ever call me back. I just really need to talk to him, it will make me feel so much better.

I've read a few of your postings in other threads ( ) and I think what you're really dealing with here is the dreaded no-contact thing. Am I right?

I'm not trying to do that...but he wont call me when i said to. Like the other day i finally got ahold of him and told him to call me sometime..all he said was ok. But i still havent heard from him. I miss him a lot. The other night my friend called because she's having the same problem i am. She was just bawling and i was trying not to cry with her because i thought i had finally got over him. Needless to say , I was crying the majority of the time.

May 12, 2004

working off your initial post...

it could also be as easily as this, he might think you are just playing games calling and hanging up. Often times knowing that it is someone from your past that is calling and just hanging up makes it all the reason not to reply. However a call and a message is better. To me, I can't help but equate it to some highschool antic, maybe the way to go is to be more adult about things. It helps me that I have no caller ID

Communication...some ppl thrive on it. I'm one of them

it's 50/50

He could want something but feel you are playing games OR he could not and doesn't want to deal with the possibility you do. Make your feelings clear and let it go at that. If you can't help it, talk to him about it...tell him you'll try to call less and less but that it might be very hard for you, etc.

May 12, 2004

Originally posted by canithappen?
I think you really need to give him space. I know it's hard, and you want things to be better now, but guys really suck and they don't understand how emotional we are.

I've basically have given him space since the 2nd week of our breakup..i dont purposely go over to his apt to see him, i mostly went over there to see his sister and her baby. But he just happened to be there. At first he would always leave when i got there, then when i came over the last time, he stayed around for awhile and was showing me his computer that he had got. And i was trying to show off that i had lost weight. Needless to say it worked. His eyes lit up when he saw me. And i saw that the letter i had mailed him was right by his computer.

But i'm still trying to figure out if maybe he still needs time to get this out of his system or not.

If he still has your pictures, he obviously feels something for you, but the more you push the more he'll resist. Believe me, I know from what I'm going through right now and what I've gone through before. I hurt like hell and want to call my ex and tell him how I realize where our problems were, and how I want to work on them, and that I love him.

I'm hoping that he does still have feelings for me, I just want to know if he thinks about me or nor, just because of the pictures and that i think of him all the time. Yes i found that out too. He told his ex girlfriends boyfriend that "the more i'm around the less he wants me" because i was constantly over there. But now whenever we see eachother we're really happy and we flirt. I dont know if its mixed signals or what. i'm just really confused. Yes i want to do the same thing. i want to call him and tell him how much i care and how much i love him. because believe me i love him more than anything and i would do anything for him. But sometimes life isnt fair.

But, he knows that I love him, I've told him. Deep down, I know he loves me. But, there's a reason we broke up and the more I contact him, the more he'll never want to see me again if that's not ture already. I wish I could tell you that love conquers all, but sometimes it's not true. When you want to call him, call your friends. By calling and hanging up he'll just think that your a little psychotic, and that if he would try things with you again you wouldn't be the lovely, sane, independent person that I'm sure you are.

And my guy also knows how much i love him, he used to ask me all the time when we were together "you really do love me dont you?" and I would always say "of course" so i duno. So i should just cut all the contact all together? I'm the most sane person you will ever meet and i'm the most caring and nicest person too. And believe me i am no way psychotic lol.

May 12, 2004

Originally posted by Jareddms

Guys are emotional too! dont generalize

I was the one doing the crying

guys are emotional...my ex used to get so emotional over the months we were together..then he started getting less and less...now he's so cocky..i dont know what got into him

May 12, 2004

If this guy isn't going to get back with you (and he's said as much), then I think for your own sanity you should leave it be. Stop calling each other. Don't get in contact with him.

Maybe one day you'll be able to be friends, but not until you've gotten over your feelings for him. All you are doing is prolonging the agony, hanging around and delaying moving on in your life in the hope that one day.............. This is not how friends behave with one another. It's an unequal relationship where you're waiting around for a morsel of a phone call and he's getting on with things. The longer you take to realise this the longer it's going to take you to get over it and move on.

Sure cutting him off entirely won't be easy, but what you're doing now is not a healthy way to exist. You end up obsessing & hoping & he ends up getting tired of it all and in the end no one is happy.

May 12, 2004

Originally posted by dudesomewhere
working off your initial post...

it could also be as easily as this, he might think you are just playing games calling and hanging up. Often times knowing that it is someone from your past that is calling and just hanging up makes it all the reason not to reply. However a call and a message is better. To me, I can't help but equate it to some highschool antic, maybe the way to go is to be more adult about things. It helps me that I have no caller ID

Communication...some ppl thrive on it. I'm one of them

it's 50/50

He could want something but feel you are playing games OR he could not and doesn't want to deal with the possibility you do. Make your feelings clear and let it go at that. If you can't help it, talk to him about it...tell him you'll try to call less and less but that it might be very hard for you, etc.

Well he hasnt called me so i cant tell him how i feel..So its that much harder to try to contact him...before whenever i would call..he would call me back..but i guess not. I dont know whats going through his mind, and i'm sure he doesnt know what he wants just yet.

May 12, 2004

i dont know but we'll see what happens

May 12, 2004

anymore advice?

May 13, 2004

Well, my opinion is that you should leave him alone. The more you call the more he knows that he has you, and the more he thinks he has you, the more security he finds in staying away from you. Get it? If he knows that he can come back to you when he wants, then he can stay with the stupid high school chick, and when he's done with her come back to you (your behavior is consciously/subconciously telling him this).

Take care of you. You said that you are losing weight, good. Get involved in some other things. As a matter of fact don't even mention the relationship to him. Don't tell him how you feel, nothing. Eventually try to be friends with him (if you really want him back), and be the best friend that you could be. Make the time that he spends with you feel good, not dramatic...Eventually his girlfriend may get jealous of your "friendship" and start acting insecure and crazy, but you still keep your head and focus on being the most desirable person you can be (once again do not come at him with the drama). Soon, he'll think that she's crazy, and that you aren't. He'll enjoy spending time with you, and not her because she's always arguing with him about you.

Warning the above advice should NOT be followed if he's cheated on you. And also if you cannot control your feelings enough to endure being his "friend" throughout this process. It could backfire, and he could choose her over you two having a friendship and then you'll be right back here. Take care of YOU first, do not get involved in ANYTHING (even visiting the baby) that could POSSIBLY end with you being more hurt than you are now. Each time you call, and he doesn't call back you are more hurt so stop calling. Each time you reach out and get rejected you feel that much more worse sot stop reaching out. Love yourself more than you love him.

May 13, 2004

Originally posted by 2ndConfusedfemale
Well, my opinion is that you should leave him alone. The more you call the more he knows that he has you, and the more he thinks he has you, the more security he finds in staying away from you. Get it? If he knows that he can come back to you when he wants, then he can stay with the stupid high school chick, and when he's done with her come back to you (your behavior is consciously/subconciously telling him this).

You're so right. I can't believe i didn't see it earlier. The more i'm constantly bug him the more he's pushed away and the more he he knows that i'll always want him back. Guys are just stupid erg.

Take care of you. You said that you are losing weight, good. Get involved in some other things. As a matter of fact don't even mention the relationship to him. Don't tell him how you feel, nothing. Eventually try to be friends with him (if you really want him back), and be the best friend that you could be. Make the time that he spends with you feel good, not dramatic...Eventually his girlfriend may get jealous of your "friendship" and start acting insecure and crazy, but you still keep your head and focus on being the most desirable person you can be (once again do not come at him with the drama). Soon, he'll think that she's crazy, and that you aren't. He'll enjoy spending time with you, and not her because she's always arguing with him about you.

Yes i've kept 10 lbs off which i dont know how i did it lol. I eat all the time. A bunch of people have said to tell him how i feel, cause its a win/lose situation, but i guess telling him nothing is better. Well apparently we are "friends" but i never go over there anymore, if i see him anyhere its at my work. And he constantly tries to flirt. He never comes over, even though i told some of my friends to try to get him over here, the only excuse he kept giving was "i'm with her i cant". The girl already is crazy. She's crazy for messing with him. I'm just trying to find out what made him fall in love with me, right now i have no clue what it was. But who knows. But i mean if he would actually come over, then we could talk and have fun together.

Warning the above advice should NOT be followed if he's cheated on you. And also if you cannot control your feelings enough to endure being his "friend" throughout this process. It could backfire, and he could choose her over you two having a friendship and then you'll be right back here. Take care of YOU first, do not get involved in ANYTHING (even visiting the baby) that could POSSIBLY end with you being more hurt than you are now. Each time you call, and he doesn't call back you are more hurt so stop calling. Each time you reach out and get rejected you feel that much more worse so stop reaching out. Love yourself more than you love him.

Well its good,because he never cheated on me =). Well to him i used to be this emotional train wreck..anything he said would make me cry, now i'm past that point and im not that emotional anymore. I havent been to his apt in over a month, and i dont plan on going back there. I've cut all ties and now it's in his corner..what he wants to do is up to him. I'm trying to love myself more, but i'm just not there yet. Thanks for the advice...i really appreciate it

May 13, 2004

thats good to know. But you should also keep in mind that if you are still "girlfriendish" would reason would he have to get back with you? Right now, he is still able to flirt, come over (if he asked), and call, etc. with you, w/o your acting like an emotional train wreck. So basically, he gets you w/o the trait that annoyed him, and he also gets to date the high schooler. He has it made, and if I was him I wouldn't really see a reason to go back to you (right now). My only advice is that you is that you HAVE to work on loving you first (if you love yourself through his love, you'll feel like nothing with him gone, and you'll feel like you have to get him back because that is the only way you love yourself...oh, and you'll feel worse about yourself everytime he seems like he doesn't love you). Other than that you have to show him that there is a difference between your being his girlfriend, and your being his "friend." You need to figure out what things were boyfriend priviledges (spelling?) and cut those things off. But remember, that what ever you do/don't do limit the risk of you hurting yourself more in the process.

May 13, 2004

i guess i jus need to still give him space...this is kiling me

May 13, 2004

see, you have the wrong attitude (no offense)...If anything you need to give YOU space. You need to use this time to figure out why do you even want someone who has this complete disregard for you. Do you really deserve this treatment? What kind of guy is this if he has his new girlfriend, but doesn't resist the chance to flirt with you? I don't like the idea of "giving someone space" because it implies that you are "waiting" and you should (IMO) not make someone else your priority, while you are their option.

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