Cheating?

[Matt3223]

I need your help. I'm not sure that this is the right forum or anything but I hope I can get some advice from somebody.

 

So my girlfriend and I have been dating for close to a year now. But, about a month ago she cheated on me. She ended up going to a party where she was completely smashed. (This was confirmed by people at the party not just her). She had only been drunk once in her entire life before this and this was the first party she has ever attended. Her friend talked her into going to the party after she had already told her no multiple times. On the way to the party my girlfriend had told her friend to not let anything bad happen because she didn't know what to expect. It being her first party and only the second time she had gotten drunk. The first time she got drunk, she was with her girlfriends and they just acted stupid and thought the party would be fun just like goofing off with her friends, which she was obviously wrong about. She drank a lot to the point where she says she doesn't remember much of that night except a few certain things. She ended up having sex with a guy and says she doesn't remember anything about it except realizing she didn't have a shirt on and that when they came out of the room people were laughing at them. Now, before I go any further let me say that she has always told me that cheating is the worst thing in the world and that she had been cheated on so many times in the past and couldn't handle it if I would cheat. So I don't want to believe that she would do this, also I have read that being drunk is just an excuse and that your actions when you are drunk are just things you want to do while sober but don't have the courage to do. After she had a while to sober up she realized what she did by putting the things she remembered together and having other people tell her what she did. She ended up crying herself to sleep and wanting to come see me that night but they wouldn't let her drive because of obvious reasons. Out of everybody at the party she was the first to come out and tell me while other people were at first denying what had happened. I have to give her credit for being the one who told me and didn't try to keep it from me like some people who had told her to just keep it a secret. She also got my initials tattooed on her which was a way of her telling me she is sorry and serious about us. Many people will say that is stupid but it helped me in some ways. Like I said, it's been about a month now, and I am still so upset about this. We are technically still together but I am very hurt by this. I would have never imagined her doing something like this. I understand that she made the choice to go to the party and she says she will never drink again. But she has owned up and taken responsibility for everything. I just want to know somehow, if she just didn't care that she cheated because she was drunk, or she really didn't know what was going on and had no idea what she was doing. Please help me.

[Untouchable_Fire]

Now, before I go any further let me say that she has always told me that cheating is the worst thing in the world and that she had been cheated on so many times in the past and couldn't handle it if I would cheat.

 

Matt... I'm 32 and I swear to you every woman I've ever dated that is a pathological cheater has given me that line. Normal girls don't say stuff like that and they don't think it.

 

Tell you why. Because they are inherent cheats and it's hard for them to believe you are not like them too. It's like a constant liar that distrusts everybody else. Get it?

 

She also got my initials tattooed on her which was a way of her telling me she is sorry and serious about us. Many people will say that is stupid but it helped me in some ways. Like I said, it's been about a month now, and I am still so upset about this. We are technically still together but I am very hurt by this. I would have never imagined her doing something like this. I understand that she made the choice to go to the party and she says she will never drink again. But she has owned up and taken responsibility for everything. I just want to know somehow, if she just didn't care that she cheated because she was drunk, or she really didn't know what was going on and had no idea what she was doing. Please help me.

 

Bottom line is this... IF you continue to let yourself fall in love with her it will only end in tears. Don't be a douche.

 

I'm not saying that you should dump her. Just realize that this relationship won't go the distance. At this point you should consider her a ****buddy or FWB and that's it.

 

About the tattoo... My sister got a tattoo with this dudes initials F.B. and they broke up 2 months later when she met a guy she liked better. To this day she tells guys that the tattoo is her favorite band Fallout Boy.

 

You will learn as you get older that most women change directions like the wind. Love you one minute hate you the next. When they love you... they DON'T CHEAT. Sorry.

[country_gurl]

I need your help. I'm not sure that this is the right forum or anything but I hope I can get some advice from somebody.

 

So my girlfriend and I have been dating for close to a year now. But, about a month ago she cheated on me. She ended up going to a party where she was completely smashed. (This was confirmed by people at the party not just her). She had only been drunk once in her entire life before this and this was the first party she has ever attended. Her friend talked her into going to the party after she had already told her no multiple times. On the way to the party my girlfriend had told her friend to not let anything bad happen because she didn't know what to expect. It being her first party and only the second time she had gotten drunk. The first time she got drunk, she was with her girlfriends and they just acted stupid and thought the party would be fun just like goofing off with her friends, which she was obviously wrong about. She drank a lot to the point where she says she doesn't remember much of that night except a few certain things. She ended up having sex with a guy and says she doesn't remember anything about it except realizing she didn't have a shirt on and that when they came out of the room people were laughing at them. Now, before I go any further let me say that she has always told me that cheating is the worst thing in the world and that she had been cheated on so many times in the past and couldn't handle it if I would cheat. So I don't want to believe that she would do this, also I have read that being drunk is just an excuse and that your actions when you are drunk are just things you want to do while sober but don't have the courage to do. After she had a while to sober up she realized what she did by putting the things she remembered together and having other people tell her what she did. She ended up crying herself to sleep and wanting to come see me that night but they wouldn't let her drive because of obvious reasons. Out of everybody at the party she was the first to come out and tell me while other people were at first denying what had happened. I have to give her credit for being the one who told me and didn't try to keep it from me like some people who had told her to just keep it a secret. She also got my initials tattooed on her which was a way of her telling me she is sorry and serious about us. Many people will say that is stupid but it helped me in some ways. Like I said, it's been about a month now, and I am still so upset about this. We are technically still together but I am very hurt by this. I would have never imagined her doing something like this. I understand that she made the choice to go to the party and she says she will never drink again. But she has owned up and taken responsibility for everything. I just want to know somehow, if she just didn't care that she cheated because she was drunk, or she really didn't know what was going on and had no idea what she was doing. Please help me.

 

She couldn't have been "too drunk to have sex." If she was so drunk that she doesn't remember anything, she wouldn't have been capable of having sex, she'd have felt too awful.

 

Seems odd to me, if it's really true, that she told her friend not to let her do anything stupid (or however it was worded here). That's not something most people would worry about, particularly if they really don't drink/get drunk.

 

It's possible the only reason she confessed to you as quickly as she did because she KNEW that others knew what she'd done and she obviously couldn't risk word getting back to you from someone else.

 

What ages are you both?

[rafallus]

If she really was "too drunk to have sex", that would constitute rape. Yet, she isn't even trying to play that card, so we can dismiss it as BS.

 

Yes, alcohol is truth serum, circumventing subtle social rules and letting people do what they had on their mind, but would be afraid to do so when sober due to those social rules. So, more likely scenario is: she met a guy, he made all the right moves, she got turned on, so they wanted to have sex with each other. Note "wanted" and "each other".

 

As for people, who told her not to tell you - make mental note of them. If you ever considered them to be friends, they are not and will never be - these are people who bail on you on the first hardships that come.

 

As for her, what UF said. I don't know if I would break up, I know I would get increasingly disconnected and interested in other girls.

[cdm369]

Feel for you...here is the other part you have to consider. If you stay with this girl the fact that she cheated will always be there. Been there before...easier to forgive than forget. Always in your mind...that fact will make you constantly analyze her....where is she....why is she late....who is she talking to. You wont believe what it will do to you. Guess what im sayin is if you can't tell yourself she is the one the smart thing to do is end it. All you will do is worry and wonder. Agree with everyone else...people who cheat always have an excuse...its never their fault. Someone told me one time"don't set yourself up for failure"....

[Bryanp]

You both need to get checked for STD's. Sorry but I do not buy this story for a second. The fact that she told her girlfriend in the car driving to the place to not let her do stuff tells you everything you need to know. What kind of a girlfriend says stuff like this? She also sounds amazingly immature. I think her story is very self-serving. Why would you feel special having a girlfriend like this?

[Matt3223]

She couldn't have been "too drunk to have sex." If she was so drunk that she doesn't remember anything, she wouldn't have been capable of having sex, she'd have felt too awful.

 

Seems odd to me, if it's really true, that she told her friend not to let her do anything stupid (or however it was worded here). That's not something most people would worry about, particularly if they really don't drink/get drunk.

 

It's possible the only reason she confessed to you as quickly as she did because she KNEW that others knew what she'd done and she obviously couldn't risk word getting back to you from someone else.

 

What ages are you both?

 

 

I am 20, she is 18. I am not defending her at all here but the reason she gave me was that she has only been drunk once before this incident and she was with just girls when she first drank. So she said she didn't know what to expect at a party because this was her first party, and only the second time she had been drunk. Being at a part was new to her.

 

When it comes down to it, I love her with all of my heart. I don't think I could ever find somebody else. I know that I am young and have a whole life in front of me with many opportunities to date and other things but she is so special to me. Had this been any other girl I have dated they would have been gone as soon as they told me they cheated. I am so lost right now.

 

I have read many websites on the internet about "blacking out", and it seems to me that nobody really understand blacking out. I have also read peoples own stories about blacking out and some of them are just absurd things that they did while being "blacked out". Why would some people do some of these things? Do you become a different person? Are you really not in control? I don't know because I am not a drinker and I like to be in control at all times. All in all this is the worse situation I have ever been in.

[cdm369]

I understand you wanting to make it work if she feels like she is the one you were looking for. That's what made me give my girl a second chance. However...know this...if you do give her another chance you are going to have a lot to deal with. You are going to be suspect of her everytime her phone rings or she is late or anything that comes up like that. It does get better with time but it never goes away. Its a lot to deal with and if you decide to go down that road you have to treat it as a new relationship. This is very hard...I struggle with it myself. If you do this both of you need to sit down and agree on boundaries. Good luck to you!

[Matt3223]

I understand you wanting to make it work if she feels like she is the one you were looking for. That's what made me give my girl a second chance. However...know this...if you do give her another chance you are going to have a lot to deal with. You are going to be suspect of her everytime her phone rings or she is late or anything that comes up like that. It does get better with time but it never goes away. Its a lot to deal with and if you decide to go down that road you have to treat it as a new relationship. This is very hard...I struggle with it myself. If you do this both of you need to sit down and agree on boundaries. Good luck to you!

 

Thank you so much. I appreciate your reply's.

[Osiris1234]

Out of everybody at the party she was the first to come out and tell me while other people were at first denying what had happened.

 

 

 

If I was in your shoes and i saw those other people to day i would have given them the middle finger and told them they are ****.