rubyjuly Posted September 25, 2011 Posted September 25, 2011 i posted this in other section, then realized probably shouldve posted it here in this area... my bf disappeared today..i got home early bc we were suposed to spend the day together, when i got home he wasnt there..he called but was acting very cold distant..i asked him where he went, he said to a friends...i asked 'what about our plans we had to spend day togehter? he didnt say much and when i asked if i could join him at his friends house, he said not now..he was being very cold...i told him i had made breakfast and he texted back this 'i got soemthing to eat out, dont wait up for me tonight' not sure why or if i should mention this but i might be pregnant..waiting to find out, he is aware i still havent gotten my cycle yet
Author rubyjuly Posted September 25, 2011 Author Posted September 25, 2011 should I call him back and insist that he either be willing to let me know where he's at and meet me there? and if he refuses to tell me where he's at, then just tell him nevermind?
whichwayisup Posted September 25, 2011 Posted September 25, 2011 should I call him back and insist that he either be willing to let me know where he's at and meet me there? and if he refuses to tell me where he's at, then just tell him nevermind? He is treating you like crap, so don't go chasing after him. Look, as hard as this is going to be, my suggestion is, do NOT call him. Let HIM contact you. He's acting like an ass and giving himself time to 'make up a story' or something. Listen to your gut. You know something ain't right and he's acting distant and cold, brushing you off.
wannabdone Posted September 25, 2011 Posted September 25, 2011 He is treating you like crap, so don't go chasing after him. Look, as hard as this is going to be, my suggestion is, do NOT call him. Let HIM contact you. He's acting like an ass and giving himself time to 'make up a story' or something. Listen to your gut. You know something ain't right and he's acting distant and cold, brushing you off. Yeah, I'm with this. Don't call him, don't ask him a damn thing. He is clearly being highly disrepective to you. Teach him how to respect you. Don't expect you can demand to ask him about his behavior and you will get any answers. Doesn't seem like he is willing to give you much of anything right now. I hope you are not pregnant. Doesn't seem like he is wanting to be settled right now. Good luck to you!
Author rubyjuly Posted September 27, 2011 Author Posted September 27, 2011 i found out last month he had cheated a couple months back...when i asked him about it he said he felt bad about it but the reason he did it was bc he had asked me to stay over that night and I told him i couldnt...i thought he understood the reason- i have a daughter I had to get home to. He told me one thing he always liked about me is im a responsible mom...through our relationship i spend alot of time almost daily with him,when shes in school etc but in the evening i have to get home to her... apparently he resented that i had not stayed the night. this is very painful, because he made it sound like i wasnt there for him or something...and along came this woman that same night, she had all the time in the world for him, because she lost custody of her kid for using/drinking... isnt that ironic? he told me he liked how im a good mom and take care of my kid....but then when i couldnt stay over that night, bc I had to be a parent...he went w/ this other woman who of course, had all the time in the world for him, bc she lost custody of her kid. If she had been a decent mom and not done those things, she wouldve had custody of her kid, and wouldve had to tell him the same thing "sorry, I have to get home now to my kid..." for some reason, even though i know objectively i didnt do anything wrong, I always spent alot of time with him, and only left that night to take care of my daughter...but for some reason he has me second guessing how good of a girlfriend I've been to him...when i told him how bad he hurt me by cheating that night, at first he told me he was sorry, but he added "I told you not to leave...." and went on to tell me how he didnt feel like I was fully 'there' for him, and she was. I pointed out the only reason she was 'there' for him, was bc she had lost custody of her kid. ever since this happened, i have felt inadequate, and have trouble knowing what it is he really wants...a gf who takes care of her kid or one that parties and has all the time in the world for him bc she lost her kid? he says he needs alot of attention and he feels bad for what he did but at the same time seems to believe its my fault for not having stayed over that night... its so ironic that i had been spending every day about with him, the only times I didnt were bc of my daughter and he said he liked that I didnt pawn her off on babysitters, he would tell me he liked that I take care of her... for him to turn around and sleep with someone that night, im not sure I have alot of resentment towards him about it... i dont think theres any excuse to cheat, but at least if he had cheated bc I had done something really bad, but the reason he cheated was I had to get home to her? while I know its backward what he did, for some reason he has me feeling its my fault, does anyone else struggle with knowing what their SO did was wrong, but at the same time second guessing if they're to blame? maybe when i found out i shouldve just left. But for soem reason I didnt and now im wracked with alot of questions, like how do I know what he really wants? he always told me he liked how i took care of her, but then evidently he resented the attention i had to spend on her, and ended up having a one nite stand bc he wanted more attention how do i know what hes really feeling? thats maybe the most difficult part of it that I always felt i knew him, and after this, I dont know what he's really thinking inside, wanting or planning
fltc Posted September 28, 2011 Posted September 28, 2011 i found out last month he had cheated a couple months back...when i asked him about it he said he felt bad about it but the reason he did it was bc he had asked me to stay over that night and I told him i couldnt So he thinks getting his rocks off is more important than your relationship? Well, you know exactly where you stand with him, don't you?
LifesontheUp Posted September 28, 2011 Posted September 28, 2011 i found out last month he had cheated a couple months back...when i asked him about it he said he felt bad about it but the reason he did it was bc he had asked me to stay over that night and I told him i couldnt.. He is very immature and selfish. What on earth are you doing with someone that treats you like he does? You deserve better rubyjuly. You know you do.
Posh Polly Posted September 28, 2011 Posted September 28, 2011 He is very immature and selfish. What on earth are you doing with someone that treats you like he does? You deserve better rubyjuly. You know you do. This guy is a classic abuser. He is chipping away at your self esteem already. Dump him!!
freestyle Posted September 28, 2011 Posted September 28, 2011 He's absolutely behaving like a spoiled,petulant child himself--- The moment things don't go his way, he's going to turn to another woman, and put you at risk for an STD? Let alone, messing with your head & heart? Save your love for someone who's ready to be a man. You did nothing wrong, by making your daughter your priority. Anyone worth your time would understand that, and admire you for that. Not use it as an excuse to cheat on you. This is NOT you being a "bad girlfriend"-- It's HIM being a lousy boyfriend. And for him to to try to shift the blame on to YOU--for HIS bad behavior?!?!?! Introduce him to the curb..........
Author rubyjuly Posted October 4, 2011 Author Posted October 4, 2011 i would like to be able to talk to him about this issue...but he doesnt like to discuss things...overall we get along pretty good, but from time to time if an issue comes up, when i try to talk about it, he will quickly in a couple minutes say he doesnt want to talk about it...then he will shut down, leave, once he put his hand tightly over my mouth and said 'be quiet..or leave' tonite he wants to meet me after work, he told me a time thats kind of late for me, so i asked "can we make it a *little* bit earlier?" he just simply said "no" no explanation or what wouldve been nice is 'oh, if your tired, how about this time instead? or ? something to show hes aware I have needs too..just want to know how to be able to talk to him about this..thanks for any advice
freestyle Posted October 4, 2011 Posted October 4, 2011 i would like to be able to talk to him about this issue...but he doesnt like to discuss things...overall we get along pretty good, but from time to time if an issue comes up, when i try to talk about it, he will quickly in a couple minutes say he doesnt want to talk about it...then he will shut down, leave, once he put his hand tightly over my mouth and said 'be quiet..or leave' :eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek: Why on earth would you allow anyone to treat you that way?!?!?!?!?!?!? tonite he wants to meet me after work, he told me a time thats kind of late for me, so i asked "can we make it a *little* bit earlier?" he just simply said "no" no explanation or what wouldve been nice is 'oh, if your tired, how about this time instead? or ? something to show hes aware I have needs too..just want to know how to be able to talk to him about this..thanks for any advice I'm sorry, but anyone putting their hand over my mouth to "shut me up" would be lucky to get their hand back again. That type of behavior is a clear , giant red flag of potential physical abuse. No one ever has the right to put their hands on you in a manner that's not loving. Being heard is a fundamental , basic human right.Anyone putting their hand over your mouth to stop you from speaking your mind is violating that. Please consider saving your love for someone who will respect your fundamental right to communicate your feelings. I'd also like to recommend that you do some reading on emotional abuse---a google search will bring up a wealth of informative reading on the subject.
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