Matt3223 Posted September 24, 2011 Posted September 24, 2011 I need your help. I'm not sure that this is the right forum or anything but I hope I can get some advice from somebody. So my girlfriend and I have been dating for close to a year now. But, about a month ago she cheated on me. She ended up going to a party where she was completely smashed. (This was confirmed by people at the party not just her). She had only been drunk once in her entire life before this and this was the first party she has ever attended. Her friend talked her into going to the party after she had already told her no multiple times. On the way to the party my girlfriend had told her friend to not let anything bad happen because she didn't know what to expect. It being her first party and only the second time she had gotten drunk. The first time she got drunk, she was with her girlfriends and they just acted stupid and thought the party would be fun just like goofing off with her friends, which she was obviously wrong about. She drank a lot to the point where she says she doesn't remember much of that night except a few certain things. She ended up having sex with a guy and says she doesn't remember anything about it except realizing she didn't have a shirt on and that when they came out of the room people were laughing at them. Now, before I go any further let me say that she has always told me that cheating is the worst thing in the world and that she had been cheated on so many times in the past and couldn't handle it if I would cheat. So I don't want to believe that she would do this, also I have read that being drunk is just an excuse and that your actions when you are drunk are just things you want to do while sober but don't have the courage to do. After she had a while to sober up she realized what she did by putting the things she remembered together and having other people tell her what she did. She ended up crying herself to sleep and wanting to come see me that night but they wouldn't let her drive because of obvious reasons. Out of everybody at the party she was the first to come out and tell me while other people were at first denying what had happened. I have to give her credit for being the one who told me and didn't try to keep it from me like some people who had told her to just keep it a secret. She also got my initials tattooed on her which was a way of her telling me she is sorry and serious about us. Many people will say that is stupid but it helped me in some ways. Like I said, it's been about a month now, and I am still so upset about this. We are technically still together but I am very hurt by this. I would have never imagined her doing something like this. I understand that she made the choice to go to the party and she says she will never drink again. But she has owned up and taken responsibility for everything. I just want to know somehow, if she just didn't care that she cheated because she was drunk, or she really didn't know what was going on and had no idea what she was doing. Please help me.
january2011 Posted September 24, 2011 Posted September 24, 2011 The other side of the coin is that in some places, having sex with someone who is so drunk that they are considered incapable of giving consent constitutes rape. Does that change your viewpoint? At the very least, she needs support because she may have issues with alcohol. And she needs better more trustworthy friends.
Author Matt3223 Posted September 25, 2011 Author Posted September 25, 2011 The other side of the coin is that in some places, having sex with someone who is so drunk that they are considered incapable of giving consent constitutes rape. Does that change your viewpoint? At the very least, she needs support because she may have issues with alcohol. And she needs better more trustworthy friends. Yeah I agree, she needs to pick better friends. That was only the second time she has ever been drunk so I don't think there is an alcohol problem. I try to believe her when she says that he took advantage of her and she had no idea what was happening until she sobered up later that night. Thanks for your response, hope I can get some others.
coolheadal Posted September 25, 2011 Posted September 25, 2011 She knew what she was doing, even if she was drunk. Can't use that as an excuse today. Tattoo your name on her body and still she might go back to do it with someone else. If I was like you I would go with her for now on to these so call parties. But that's your call to do so. She drunk cheated you. But you could forgive her if you deep in love with her and she is with you.
Untouchable_Fire Posted September 25, 2011 Posted September 25, 2011 The other side of the coin is that in some places, having sex with someone who is so drunk that they are considered incapable of giving consent constitutes rape. Does that change your viewpoint? At the very least, she needs support because she may have issues with alcohol. And she needs better more trustworthy friends. If she files a rape charge I would believe her... otherwise it's just a lie. Judge actions not words. If this guy did rape her... he needs to go to jail or he will be doing this again. If she meant for this to happen she needs to just admit that straight out.
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