TheSingleGuy Posted September 24, 2011 Posted September 24, 2011 Ladies, I'd really like some input on this issue. I was talking with a girl last night and she said she thought roughly 80% of all women are "settling" for WAY less than what they really want. What are the most common complaints from women who feel that they've settled?
wolfess Posted September 24, 2011 Posted September 24, 2011 I feel like if someone feels like they "settled" they have given up trying to find someone truly compatible because it wasn't worth the wait/effort/potential failure and instead stayed with their current partner even though they aren't what they really want
SteveC80 Posted September 24, 2011 Posted September 24, 2011 Women have unrealisitic fairy tale expectations on Men and marriage, i believe at least 80% of women feel they settled because not too many Men can live up to these fantasy expectations
laotzu Posted September 24, 2011 Posted September 24, 2011 The term settling is pretty immature, when you really think about it. On the one hand, it seems to indicate - as wolfess says - that people are admitting to abdicating their self-determination to find someone who's actually compatible with them. They get to a certain age, and decide they have to settle. On the other hand, I sort of see it as people ex-post-facto deciding that they've "settled" because they don't understand that, over time, you're probably going to find that your partner isn't perfect - even if they once checked off every box on the old list. Why don't we use the economics term? Instead of settling, people are doing what every choice involves: they're satisficing (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Satisficing). When a given set of options is available, it's likely that option A is going to have some favorable things that option B doesn't have, and vice versa - which means you have to decide which one is more important, since it's unlikely that an option C exists which meets all of your criteria, and is also within your market.
Casablanca Posted September 24, 2011 Posted September 24, 2011 Perhaps what they meant was that women are compromising in what they are looking for...but that is EVERYONE...no one is going to find what they are looking for exactly, it is about taking the good with the bad, and the imperfections...
udolipixie Posted September 24, 2011 Posted September 24, 2011 Ladies, I'd really like some input on this issue. I was talking with a girl last night and she said she thought roughly 80% of all women are "settling" for WAY less than what they really want. What are the most common complaints from women who feel that they've settled? He's: too old too fat bald unattractive too small....not about height too quick...premature ejaculation not good in bed...basically different sexual tastes or for 3 girls I know they only orgasm 1 out of 5 times Settling is to me is like compromising and lowering your standards to the point where your needs and wants are not fulfilled but the person doesn't repulse you enough for you to leave. Or like the 5 girls I know trading one important thing for another. They've married nice guys and traded a good relationship with a guy who'll be a good father and husband for physical and sexual attraction. Thank goodness their guys are open to using a dildo in bed otherwise they'd never enjoy sex. Though three still have to think of other men to get in the mood. The other two just try to focus on the vibrations instead of the guy.
ScienceGal Posted September 24, 2011 Posted September 24, 2011 Women have unrealisitic fairy tale expectations on Men and marriage, i believe at least 80% of women feel they settled because not too many Men can live up to these fantasy expectations Not all women have these expectations. All I want is to be loved and supported (not financially) 100% all the time. Mistakes are to be made, but communication and respect can't be compromised. I want to be 'on the same page' with my boyfriend. I want an amazing dynamic between us. Prince Charming is kind of a flake if you ask me... Perhaps what they meant was that women are compromising in what they are looking for...but that is EVERYONE...no one is going to find what they are looking for exactly, it is about taking the good with the bad, and the imperfections... Exactly. People need to first get realistic and loosen up a bit. Then, determine what can and what can't be compromised. My ex put on 20 pound when we were together. Gaining weight is not a deal breaker for me, unless it gets to be so much that it's affecting their health. If I love you, failing looks isn't going to drive me away. We're all going to get old and unattractive someday. But, he also started smoking again, which started fights between us and I couldn't deal with it. Both of my parents are ill from life-long smoking and it kills me inside to see someone I love make that choice. I tried to compromise for him, but just couldn't on this issue. I learned the hard way. So, learn your boundaries and stick to them.
Woggle Posted September 24, 2011 Posted September 24, 2011 It really guys want to commit when they know their wives will think of them in that way doesn't it?
thatone Posted September 24, 2011 Posted September 24, 2011 He's: too old too fat bald unattractive too small....not about height too quick...premature ejaculation not good in bed...basically different sexual tastes or for 3 girls I know they only orgasm 1 out of 5 times Settling is to me is like compromising and lowering your standards to the point where your needs and wants are not fulfilled but the person doesn't repulse you enough for you to leave. Or like the 5 girls I know trading one important thing for another. They've married nice guys and traded a good relationship with a guy who'll be a good father and husband for physical and sexual attraction. Thank goodness their guys are open to using a dildo in bed otherwise they'd never enjoy sex. Though three still have to think of other men to get in the mood. The other two just try to focus on the vibrations instead of the guy. i have terrible news for all 5 of them that you can pass along...... every one of them is a day older today than they were yesterday. tomorrow they'll be a day older again. and eventually, they'll be 'too' old too.
udolipixie Posted September 24, 2011 Posted September 24, 2011 (edited) i have terrible news for all 5 of them that you can pass along...... every one of them is a day older today than they were yesterday. tomorrow they'll be a day older again. and eventually, they'll be 'too' old too. How is that terrible news? That news doesn't apply to just those 5 women. It applies to most women after all most women know that most men would upgrade if given the chance. Though that situation most likely won't happen to these 5 women because they chose their husbands for the good relationship and security in that. So hey 2 may resent them, 1 be indifferent, and 2 disgusted but they have a good husband, good father, and good provider who loves them and wouldn't leave them. Seems like men have quite an issue when ageism is turned on them. Edited September 24, 2011 by udolipixie addition
Woggle Posted September 24, 2011 Posted September 24, 2011 I know that it is a shock to some women but some men genuinely do love the women in their lives and would not trade them for anything. This is why men are so damn afraid to commit these days. They know that this is what many wives end up thinking of their husbands.
udolipixie Posted September 24, 2011 Posted September 24, 2011 I know that it is a shock to some women but some men genuinely do love the women in their lives and would not trade them for anything. This is why men are so damn afraid to commit these days. They know that this is what many wives end up thinking of their husbands. That fear of commitment due to what your partner may end up thinking about you is not gender specific after all this is a prime example: and eventually, they'll be 'too' old too. Youth and beauty women know men value it so of course some women will fear commitment due to the fact many know husbands may think negatively about her or wish he had the means to upgrade. As for "these days" I don't think that this fear of commitment due to what your partner may end up thinking about you is anything new. The only difference is that unlike the past men know now their wives are fully capable of leaving them and that they don't have the power advantage of being her means of survival so the fear is now more important.
Woggle Posted September 24, 2011 Posted September 24, 2011 His point is that most of these women who nitpick every slight little flaw about their men are usually far from perfect themselves but despite popular opinion most men are not resentful that they coudn't marry some impossibly perfect person. The men who mainly think like that are the ones women like the most who have the options and are willing to use them.
udolipixie Posted September 24, 2011 Posted September 24, 2011 His point is that most of these women who nitpick every slight little flaw about their men are usually far from perfect themselves but despite popular opinion most men are not resentful that they coudn't marry some impossibly perfect person. The men who mainly think like that are the ones women like the most who have the options and are willing to use them. I don't consider this list nitpicking: too old....plenty of LS men have enough to say about older women too fat...plenty of LS men have quite enough to say about fat women bald...pretty sure most men prefer hair on a woman's head unattractive....do I even have to go there? too small....that's about her sexual gratification. So she doesn't want to have to work around that issue that's her right. Just like it's a guys right not to have to work around having sex with a large vagina. too quick..that's about her sexual gratification. not good in bed...basically different sexual tastes or for 3 girls I know they only orgasm 1 out of 5 times that right there is more of a sexual compatibility issue. His point is that most of these women who nitpick every slight little flaw about their men are usually far from perfect themselves but despite popular opinion most men are not resentful that they coudn't marry some impossibly perfect person. So only perfect women can want perfect men? The concept of asking in a partner what you have in yourself doesn't seem to be one most men apply to themselves with ugly guys wanting attractive girls, fat guys wanting skinny girls, old men wanting young/much younger girls. The men who mainly think like that are the ones women like the most who have the options and are willing to use them. The men who think like these women? Exactly how do these women think? That they want a partner they are attracted to and enjoy having sex with. If you mean those men who want attraction & care about sexual gratification and sexual compatibility in most cases those types of men are already snatched up with partners they find attractive and have sex they enjoy with. Those types of men aren't using women. The men who use women don't think like this they think more of she's disposable and replaceable.
Woggle Posted September 24, 2011 Posted September 24, 2011 If you noticed I never bashed older women. Ignorance in one gender does not excuse ignorance in another. There are plenty of men who don't fit what you say but if you want to stereotype a whole gender go ahead. I also do believe that people should be able to deliver what they ask for themselves. If you are not perfect you have a lot of nerve demanding it from other people.
udolipixie Posted September 24, 2011 Posted September 24, 2011 If you noticed I never bashed older women. Ignorance in one gender does not excuse ignorance in another. There are plenty of men who don't fit what you say but if you want to stereotype a whole gender go ahead. When & where did I stereotype a whole gender? If anything I stereotyped the men on LS: too old....plenty of LS men have enough to say about older women I also do believe that people should be able to deliver what they ask for themselves. If you are not perfect you have a lot of nerve demanding it from other people. So you're not in support of age gap relationships? Interracial relationships? You must really dislike hetero relationships since most people ask that the person has a different set of genitals from themselves. Asking for something you don't have /= asking for perfection. You can continue to believe what you wish but you can only enforce your beliefs on yourself and if some fat girl wants a fit guy that's her right.
Woggle Posted September 24, 2011 Posted September 24, 2011 I have no issue with interracial or age gap relationships. My wife is older and I have dated black women so it is no big deal. What I mean are the traits that go beyond, race, gender and age. People should be willing to live up to the standards they set for others. Usually people who demand perfection from others have boatloads of things wrong with them.
thatone Posted September 24, 2011 Posted September 24, 2011 so you answered any questions we had about the 5 friends, udolipixie. they aren't in relationships with the men they got. they're in a relationship with themselves and their fantasies. let us know how their divorces go.
udolipixie Posted September 24, 2011 Posted September 24, 2011 so you answered any questions we had about the 5 friends, udolipixie. they aren't in relationships with the men they got. they're in a relationship with themselves and their fantasies. let us know how their divorces go. How are they in a relationship with their fantasies? They definitely didn't get their fantasy. They got a good husband, good father, and good provider. Their fantasy is a good husband/provider/father who they are attracted to and enjoy having sex with. How are they in a relationship with themselves? If they were in a relationship with themselves they'd be with a guy they were attracted to and enjoyed having sex with. If anything they've just traded their happiness for a good relationship. LMAO XD at divorce. Their husbands love them and the men are happy. Quite odd how ignorance is bliss sometimes.
Woggle Posted September 24, 2011 Posted September 24, 2011 How are they in a relationship with their fantasies? They definitely didn't get their fantasy. They got a good husband, good father, and good provider. Their fantasy is a good husband/provider/father who they are attracted to and enjoy having sex with. How are they in a relationship with themselves? If they were in a relationship with themselves they'd be with a guy they were attracted to and enjoyed having sex with. If anything they've just traded their happiness for a good relationship. LMAO XD at divorce. Their husbands love them and the men are happy. Quite odd how ignorance is bliss sometimes. It is bliss until these women have an affair and end up leaving their husband who didn't see it coming.
udolipixie Posted September 24, 2011 Posted September 24, 2011 It is bliss until these women have an affair and end up leaving their husband who didn't see it coming. Nah these girls are seriously headf*cked. They won't be having an affair to risk the good relationship they traded their happiness for. It's just dildos and thoughts of other men. Quite a sad picture that they think they have to sacrifice their attraction and sexual satisfaction to have a good relationship. I do hope they will divorce these guys and find happiness and love with a guy who loves them.
thatone Posted September 24, 2011 Posted September 24, 2011 i hope you have these scenarios to dream up and post for us in every thread. maybe we should have a fiction writing forum.
udolipixie Posted September 24, 2011 Posted September 24, 2011 i hope you have these scenarios to dream up and post for us in every thread. maybe we should have a fiction writing forum. Dream up? Nope these scenarios are real. I interact with a lot of people It's not surprising you'd think they are dreamed up though when I post stories about how guys I know treat women. The uproar was that no man who use these tricks and no guy would treat a woman this way and that they'd know if a guy was manipulating her. Seems like people's reaction to things they dislike hearing about human nature is disbelief. Also people I know /= my friends.
DepressedinDenver Posted September 24, 2011 Posted September 24, 2011 I do hope they will divorce these guys and find happiness and love with a guy who loves them. You said their husbands love them. Your friends are just selfish terrible people is all.
thatone Posted September 24, 2011 Posted September 24, 2011 Dream up? Nope these scenarios are real. I interact with a lot of people It's not surprising you'd think they are dreamed up though when I post stories about how guys I know treat women. The uproar was that no man who use these tricks and no guy would treat a woman this way and that they'd know if a guy was manipulating her. Seems like people's reaction to things they dislike hearing about human nature is disbelief. Also people I know /= my friends. seems like your reaction is making up scenarios that justify your assumptions. you should get together with one of these dateless men on here. they have a lot of assumptions that justify their failures too.
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