lonelynyc Posted September 24, 2011 Posted September 24, 2011 Since my ex broke up with me about 2 months ago, my behavior has been that of a cowering manchild. Actually worse... I think I had more self-respect in my youth. Every time she has contacted me I have dutifully been at her beck and call like some sort of lackey devoid of any dignity. I have listened to her say all sorts of things about who I am as a person, how terrible our relationship was, yet still acquiesced when she asked me to walk her dog. I have been so utterly weak willed she felt comfortable sending me an email complaining that the new guy she's interested in isn't reciprocating her interest. All of this, and every time I have spoken to her since the breakup, I have told her I still love her. Well, my temper has risen. I have gone from sad to furious. All of the stuff that my friends and people on LS have pointed out about the behavior of my ex have started to sink in. I know my decision to stay in touch with her has been half of the equation, but she has really been horrible since July-- taking advantage of my heartbreak with intermittent moments of spreading false hope only to send me crashing down to earth in the worst way. I feel like calling her and telling her that she is a terrible ****ing person. I cheated once at the beginning of our relationship. I would have understood if she wanted to sever ties after that. She didn't, not for a year and a half, and I appreciated her the way I was supposed to after that, showed her that she was the most important person in my life. Yes, I made mistakes and have flaws, but does that mean I deserve to be mistreated continuously? I want to tell her that her sick mind has made me the scapegoat for all of her problems in life, but that I'm just a proxy for the people who really ****ed her up. I want to tell her that using me as a free dog-walker and not giving a **** that my father is dying, never even asking me how I'm holding up, is just messed up. Most importantly, I want to tell her that I'm still a man which means after this she'll never hear my voice again and will probably never find happiness with some else until she changes her ****ed up ways. What's stopping me from making this call? I know I would go from sounding desperate to just bat **** crazy... Still, it's tempting. I never really stood up for myself this whole time.
esteem-jam Posted September 24, 2011 Posted September 24, 2011 A call? Dont do it, chances are you wont get the result you wanted. And there is always the red hang-up button which she can use. And you will be left with much unsaid, which will tempt to call again and again till you bring her "your point". But looking aside- this would not look healthy. The timeframe to act has gone. Deny her everything, deny her you. I am in similar situation, taken too much cr*p and now being angry. Gotta be with somebody that treats you right from the start...
Lucio Posted September 25, 2011 Posted September 25, 2011 Dont do it. It's not likely she will say "u r right! I'm so sorry!" because u just said **** to her. The most likely result is u will be even more upset with yourself for calling someone u loved so much *****. I have been there years ago. This is one thing I really can bet a grand on the result.
M2155 Posted September 25, 2011 Posted September 25, 2011 Sweetie you do sound bat ****crazy Don't do it. There is nothing that you can say that she doesn't already know. She knows you're her little puppy dog that will do whatever she wants and she doesn't have to respect you. If you call saying you are angry she will think "aww...he's angry *smirk*" because she's got you wrapped around her finger. I don't know why you chose to stay in contact but you need to disappear pronto! She is seriously taking advantage of you and will never respect you until you reinvent yourself. You're walking her dog? (Maybe you drifted this way because you wanted to compensate for cheating early in the relationship?). If she is to the point of complaining about her dates this isn't sounding like maintining this relationship adds any value to your life. You are going to be angry. If you call, you are still going to be angry. If you call you will hang up and still have some other things you want to say. Chances are you'll hang up even more angry. Don't call! Post what you want to say, go running, something, anything. Find another way! Erase this image of yourself starting now, you're giving up self-respect for nothing in return. You can do better!
jeff2321 Posted September 25, 2011 Posted September 25, 2011 (edited) Dude you need to STOP talking to your ex immediately. Just drop off the planet. Cut her out of your life completely. No calls, texts, facebook, emails, smoke signal, or telepathy. No mutual friends. No estalking your ex or google searching her. When it comes to facebook, just stop using it. Disable your account for 6 months. Oh and change your phone number too. Make it virtually impossible for her to contact you. Oh and your mutual friends, take a break from them... contact them later after you've had time to get over your ex; they will understand if they are good friends. I have been NC for 14 months now and it is the best decision I have made. It was hell getting here and I had to almost chew my arm off at times not to contact her, but I didn't. Being NC has helped me get over her a lot faster, as I didn't have to watch her date all these new guys and basically be a nice doormat for them to wipe their feet on. [ My ex just sent me some lame email a few days ago and I'm still going to remain NC. Screw her pathetic attempt at trying to patch things up with me. I deserve better! My ex put me through a YEAR of hell... she can beg me to come back this time.] Take control of your life and remove this cancer before it keeps dragging you down even more. No matter what you say to her, she isn't going to listen and do you really want to beg your ex to be with you? There are what, 3 billion females on this planet? Start over with someone new, someone without all this history and crap they put your through. It's not worth it man. Go NC and never look back. It's what they deserve for giving up on the relationship and it is what they asked for in the first place; a breakup. Give them what they wanted. That means no last CALL or anything. Create a chart on your fridge for the week and put an X in each box for each day (or even hour) you are NC. Your first goal is to be NC 24 hours. Then a week. Then a few weeks. Then a month and so on. If you have to turn your cell phone off, do it. Don't contact your EX again if you care about your sanity. Apologies if I am harsh, but this is how I see it. Jeff2321 Since my ex broke up with me about 2 months ago, my behavior has been that of a cowering manchild. Actually worse... I think I had more self-respect in my youth. Every time she has contacted me I have dutifully been at her beck and call like some sort of lackey devoid of any dignity. I have listened to her say all sorts of things about who I am as a person, how terrible our relationship was, yet still acquiesced when she asked me to walk her dog. I have been so utterly weak willed she felt comfortable sending me an email complaining that the new guy she's interested in isn't reciprocating her interest. All of this, and every time I have spoken to her since the breakup, I have told her I still love her. Well, my temper has risen. I have gone from sad to furious. All of the stuff that my friends and people on LS have pointed out about the behavior of my ex have started to sink in. I know my decision to stay in touch with her has been half of the equation, but she has really been horrible since July-- taking advantage of my heartbreak with intermittent moments of spreading false hope only to send me crashing down to earth in the worst way. I feel like calling her and telling her that she is a terrible ****ing person. I cheated once at the beginning of our relationship. I would have understood if she wanted to sever ties after that. She didn't, not for a year and a half, and I appreciated her the way I was supposed to after that, showed her that she was the most important person in my life. Yes, I made mistakes and have flaws, but does that mean I deserve to be mistreated continuously? I want to tell her that her sick mind has made me the scapegoat for all of her problems in life, but that I'm just a proxy for the people who really ****ed her up. I want to tell her that using me as a free dog-walker and not giving a **** that my father is dying, never even asking me how I'm holding up, is just messed up. Most importantly, I want to tell her that I'm still a man which means after this she'll never hear my voice again and will probably never find happiness with some else until she changes her ****ed up ways. What's stopping me from making this call? I know I would go from sounding desperate to just bat **** crazy... Still, it's tempting. I never really stood up for myself this whole time. Edited September 25, 2011 by jeff2321
EgoJoe Posted September 25, 2011 Posted September 25, 2011 There will come a time to assert yourself. I promise. It is not now, not while you're in this state. We are all here for you.
Author lonelynyc Posted September 25, 2011 Author Posted September 25, 2011 Dude you need to STOP talking to your ex immediately. Just drop off the planet. Cut her out of your life completely. No calls, texts, facebook, emails, smoke signal, or telepathy. No mutual friends. No estalking your ex or google searching her. When it comes to facebook, just stop using it. Disable your account for 6 months. Oh and change your phone number too. Make it virtually impossible for her to contact you. Oh and your mutual friends, take a break from them... contact them later after you've had time to get over your ex; they will understand if they are good friends. I have been NC for 14 months now and it is the best decision I have made. It was hell getting here and I had to almost chew my arm off at times not to contact her, but I didn't. Being NC has helped me get over her a lot faster, as I didn't have to watch her date all these new guys and basically be a nice doormat for them to wipe their feet on. [ My ex just emailed me some lame email a few days ago and I'm still going to remain NC. Screw her pathetic attempt at trying to patch things up with me. I deserve better! My ex put me through a YEAR of hell... she can beg me to come back this time.] Take control of your life and remove this cancer from your life before keeps dragging you down even more. No matter what you say to her, she isn't going to listen and do you really want to beg your ex to be with you? Go NC and never look back. It's what they deserve for giving up on the relationship and it is what they asked for in the first place; a breakup. Give them what they wanted. Apologies if I am harsh, but this is how I see it. Jeff2321 You're not being harsh, this is all healthy advice for me to absorb and hopefully follow. I've been posting so much on LS the past few days because that email from my ex on Thursday night really set me back in my efforts to just get my life together. I was doing really well, honestly. I didn't need to log into LS to vent or even bother my friends with all this stuff. The silver lining here, I guess, is that I didn't contact her or dignify that shameless email with a response. You're saying 14 months NC... I don't want to still be using that term a year from now, I want to just erase her from my life entirely, fall completely out of love. I don't think I could endure a year of this sort of pain. But I really have to employ strict NC if I have any chance at all of getting over her. Hopefully you've dated a little bit in the past 14 months? I can't even imagine being able to date anyone else the way I feel right now, but again, I don't want a year of solitude either.
Recommended Posts