mullberry Posted September 24, 2011 Posted September 24, 2011 Ok, so having been single for 8 months (my heads still not in a great place) but I met a great girl who I was enjoying dating. We went out 5 times and each time she said she had a great time with me. She has a demanding job and is generally only available at wkends. Now, I liked her and kept trying to get a mid week date (thinking this would also let her know that I liked her). However, after our last date I get a text saying she is too busy to date anyone and calls it off. I replied respecting her decision, but can I turn this around? We really did have some great dates and have a lot in common. I'm thinking wait a couple of weeks and text her again. Any advice?
daphne Posted September 24, 2011 Posted September 24, 2011 I would take what she said to mean that she's not interested enough to try to find time to date you. I would not try to change her mind. If she doesn't want you in her life enough to be with you, you would never have more than half a relationship to begin with. Find someone who does like you enough to not consider you taking her free time as a chore. There are enough women out there to find one that wants to spend time with you.
Author mullberry Posted September 26, 2011 Author Posted September 26, 2011 Fiver - if you find this, this is my original post. Daphne has a point.
fiver Posted September 26, 2011 Posted September 26, 2011 Mullberry, I see... Now that is a good point. I of course like you have talked with friends and posted this online. The majority in my case seem to believe that maybe she got scared. My advice from a number of friends is give it a few days or a week or longer. Call, don't text, and just say I liked hanging out with you, I would like to remain friends. Leave the ball in her court. If she comes back great, or maybe she will want to be friends and things could resume later on down the road. If you get a no or she doesn't respond then well there is your answer. I am going to give this a shot, because I like to fight for things, I don't think its a big challenge or over the top, but a nice way to approach it without being too needy or desperate. Hope it all works for you bud!
Eddie Edirol Posted September 26, 2011 Posted September 26, 2011 Mull, dont bug her. She found someone else that she wanted to date that she thought was a better fit for her than you. She wasnt that interested in you in the first placfe, or maybe you pushing for a weekday date was the thing that killed it for her. You dont push women for more time, you let them push you.
Author mullberry Posted September 27, 2011 Author Posted September 27, 2011 Ed - that's a bit negative. I'm sure she hasn't met someone else, she hasn't had the time! I suppose what I'm getting at is 2 or 3 months in, if you make a mistake its easier to take it back and reverse it, but early on, to make a mistake (like being a bit too pushy) its punishable by dumping and no return! There is for sure a way to reverse this, I just need to figure out how to go about it.
grkBoy Posted September 27, 2011 Posted September 27, 2011 Ok, so having been single for 8 months (my heads still not in a great place) but I met a great girl who I was enjoying dating. We went out 5 times and each time she said she had a great time with me. She has a demanding job and is generally only available at wkends. Now, I liked her and kept trying to get a mid week date (thinking this would also let her know that I liked her). However, after our last date I get a text saying she is too busy to date anyone and calls it off. I replied respecting her decision, but can I turn this around? We really did have some great dates and have a lot in common. I'm thinking wait a couple of weeks and text her again. Any advice? Let her go. Sorry to be the bearer of bad news. I've met many "busy" women like this, and they did have jobs or kids or something that made their lives busy. I notice though when an "amazing" enough guy comes along they suddenly have loads of free time. Suddenly they're not working late every night, or they have easy access to a sitter. Maybe it's just that she's busy, but I also think she deemed you as "not worth it" to go and free up time for. She's decided working more hours is more appealing to her than dating you. I'll bet you anywhere from 1-8 weeks you'll see her with a man she'll call "her boyfriend", and notice she's got plenty of free time. Move on and find someone new.
rie39 Posted September 27, 2011 Posted September 27, 2011 Mullberry, I don't think it's a good idea to jump to assumptions at this stage because you don't actually know what is going on. She may have found someone else, but then again she may not have. She may actually be willing to see you again but just too busy at the moment to take action. Unlike daphne I wouldn't conclude that she is not interested in you yet. It sounds good so far - you've been out with her 5 times and she said each time that she enjoyed her time with you. I say keep asking her out; and if she keeps turning you down/cancelling dates then you can be confident it isn't going to work out between you two. Maybe give her a bit of space first (wait a week before asking her out again) but definitely keep trying
fiver Posted September 27, 2011 Posted September 27, 2011 Mull--- Any update on your end? I have decided to give it more time for me. I will probably wait till next week.
Eddie Edirol Posted September 27, 2011 Posted September 27, 2011 Ed - that's a bit negative. I'm sure she hasn't met someone else, she hasn't had the time! I suppose what I'm getting at is 2 or 3 months in, if you make a mistake its easier to take it back and reverse it, but early on, to make a mistake (like being a bit too pushy) its punishable by dumping and no return! There is for sure a way to reverse this, I just need to figure out how to go about it. Its not negative, its realistic. There is no way to reverse someones feelings who isnt into you anymore, that only works in the movies. You obviously dont have options otherwise you would have known to leave this one alone. Women now dont tell you how you turned them off, they just find excuses so they dont have to deal with a confrontation. because men are aggressive and try like you to keep it going when they get obsessed. You can keep pursuing her if you want, but she either wont answer your calls, or she will get mean and tell you to leave her alone. You cant turn it around because she doesnt want you to, if she did, you would have been on a new date by now. You will find this out, if you havent already, but women act all nice and sweet and tell you they had a good time to get a date over with to avoid confrontation. She wasnt too busy for you for the five dates, but all of a sudden shes too busy for you for a 6th? Why would you believe a woman you dont even really know? You dont know if shes a habitual liar after 5 dates. Just leave her alone so you dont get embarrassed, have some dignity.
Author mullberry Posted September 28, 2011 Author Posted September 28, 2011 This is why you must stay objective and make your own decisions and not listen to everyones advice. I sent her a short email just to let her know about a play I knew she would be interested in was coming to town soon. She replied saying that she had been hasty but that she missed me and wanted to get to know me more but slower (as I had been pushy). So, yes I can turn her decision around and I have. Now, before anyone says it, yes I know this may not last, but the difference now is I am in control. I get to see her again and if it doesn't work out, so be it. Fiver - good luck to you, I hope you get to the same position. And Rie39 - thanks for you post it really helped. Eddie - you were a nice balance but I'm glad I didn't take your advice!
Author mullberry Posted September 28, 2011 Author Posted September 28, 2011 Eddie - although I will take the advice about letting her pursue me now. That is good advice, so thanks for that one!
rie39 Posted September 28, 2011 Posted September 28, 2011 I sent her a short email just to let her know about a play I knew she would be interested in was coming to town soon. She replied saying that she had been hasty but that she missed me and wanted to get to know me more but slower (as I had been pushy). So, yes I can turn her decision around and I have. Now, before anyone says it, yes I know this may not last, but the difference now is I am in control. I get to see her again and if it doesn't work out, so be it. That's great to hear and is a good relief I hope that it does work out between you two!
fiver Posted September 28, 2011 Posted September 28, 2011 This is why you must stay objective and make your own decisions and not listen to everyones advice. I sent her a short email just to let her know about a play I knew she would be interested in was coming to town soon. She replied saying that she had been hasty but that she missed me and wanted to get to know me more but slower (as I had been pushy). So, yes I can turn her decision around and I have. Now, before anyone says it, yes I know this may not last, but the difference now is I am in control. I get to see her again and if it doesn't work out, so be it. Fiver - good luck to you, I hope you get to the same position. And Rie39 - thanks for you post it really helped. Eddie - you were a nice balance but I'm glad I didn't take your advice! Mull- I am super pumped for you! Basically the same situations and one came out on top already. I do agree that you should let her pursue you, and that you never know what may happen. The thing is you are in the game so to speak. I am going to make the call tonight so I will let you know how mine turns out. Fingers crossed.
Author mullberry Posted September 29, 2011 Author Posted September 29, 2011 Fiver - what happened? Hope all went ok?
eatNrM Posted September 29, 2011 Posted September 29, 2011 Ok, so having been single for 8 months (my heads still not in a great place) but I met a great girl who I was enjoying dating. We went out 5 times and each time she said she had a great time with me. She has a demanding job and is generally only available at wkends. Now, I liked her and kept trying to get a mid week date (thinking this would also let her know that I liked her). However, after our last date I get a text saying she is too busy to date anyone and calls it off. I replied respecting her decision, but can I turn this around? We really did have some great dates and have a lot in common. I'm thinking wait a couple of weeks and text her again. Any advice? Attraction isn't a choice. (She actually does have time to date people). I agree with daph, use your energy towards finding someone who will want to be with you my friend.
fiver Posted September 30, 2011 Posted September 30, 2011 Fiver - what happened? Hope all went ok? I left a voicemail. No new news. No text or call back yet. I did what I could so thats that. I will just start to move on, and if she calls back great. If not oh well shes missing a great thing.
grkBoy Posted October 5, 2011 Posted October 5, 2011 This is why you must stay objective and make your own decisions and not listen to everyones advice. I sent her a short email just to let her know about a play I knew she would be interested in was coming to town soon. She replied saying that she had been hasty but that she missed me and wanted to get to know me more but slower (as I had been pushy). So, yes I can turn her decision around and I have. Now, before anyone says it, yes I know this may not last, but the difference now is I am in control. I get to see her again and if it doesn't work out, so be it. That's great. I wish you much luck. I probably would have done that too, but then made that the "move on" point if she turned me down.
mrgoodcat Posted October 5, 2011 Posted October 5, 2011 Is she younger than you or your age? Depending on her maturity level, it may be true that she is busy OR she may have found another guy.
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