k100danny Posted September 24, 2011 Posted September 24, 2011 I saw my ex last night, we saw each other a week after breaking up and it felt slightly different then but i still felt i knew her. its now a month later, we have been over things a lot well i have asked a lot of questions that must have annoyed her i get insecurely attached and this was my first relationship in many years. anyway we were both out for a mutal friends birthday and i saw her totally when i was off gaurd and gave a kind of half smile i didnt know what else to do. we spent the night not speaking out of what must have been us both feeling awkward but i didnt want to leave it at that so i asked if i could have a word before i left. We spoke quite a bit nothing nasty was said and im not sure why i wanted to speak i could have just left it there, I really didnt feel like i knew her last night, so far apart from where we were and it was strange because we were friends for a long time before getting together. after us duscussing the relationship at great detail previously she had blocked me on facebook, i realised yesterday before we saw each other that she had unblocked me and i could see her comments on friends statuses ect so i blocked her, not to be petty just dont want to see certain things if they pop up. then after i see her she texts me from her new mobile number, she changed it after we split, she said she wanted to see me today when we were both sober im not sure why. her message said she wasnt sure why she was texting me but she was, and that she was sorry and just got home and feeling sorry for herself. she said she wouldnt do it again but wanted to say hi. My question is im obviously not over her totally but at the same time i feel like i dont know her at all, i must be thinking of how we were before and i know we will never be those people again so i should just be able to move on. why do you feel so different after breaking up? maybe she wants to see me because she feels guilt or something for the way she feels she acted and is trying to set her own mind straight? i dont know why though i have never blamed her for anything i know why we broke up and it was down to me being anxious in the relationship and it caused me to start a lot of arguments.
EgoJoe Posted September 24, 2011 Posted September 24, 2011 I hope you didn't text her back. She texted you because you blocked her. Maintain NC until you no longer need to ask others about what they think about her actions.
EricaH329 Posted September 24, 2011 Posted September 24, 2011 i feel like i dont know her at all, i must be thinking of how we were before and i know we will never be those people again Ding ding ding!! You are finally beginning to see the relationship, and the two of you, for how things really were/are. Your mind is starting to distinguish itself between your heart. You may still have those lingering feelings, but once logic starts to settle in more, those feelings you have towards her will begin to go away. A lot of people get stuck in this stage because it's difficult to just let go. It's as though you are hanging on by a thread, and you will eventually knowingly have the ability to cut the cord, or to keep swaying from that string. I suggest cutting it as soon as possible, rather than letting it drag on and becoming more painful.
smudge21 Posted September 24, 2011 Posted September 24, 2011 You're healing, the rose tinted glasses are starting to come off and maybe she's taken a few steps down from that pedestal we all put our loved ones on. Stay NC and stay focused. You're doing great.
silly_panda Posted September 24, 2011 Posted September 24, 2011 Almost everyone feels that thier ex had changed or became a complete different person... Some of them do changed (attitude or personality) and some of them don't really... If by talking to her and you feel that she is like another person, I don't think that she change at all... She is just being the her while talking to a friend... We were too used of her talking to us as a girlfrind/boyfriend, so when they go from that to friend conversation, we feel weird and different... We still can't adjust to that yet... We still hope that they are able to talk to us the intimate way that they used to... But when that did not happen, we feel disappointed and hence, feel that they are different... Now is not the time to figure out what she is trying to do and what she wants... It's time for you to figure out what you need to do to move on... Even you really wan her back rite now, the best way is to just move on... If she comes back then good, if not, you are already miles ahead on your healing process...
Author k100danny Posted September 24, 2011 Author Posted September 24, 2011 I don't think i want her back but i do miss how i felt in the relationship when everything was good, i know you feel it will never be that way with someone else and it never is, every relationship is different but of course i will be attracted to someone and feel those strong feelings again. as i said i do get anxiously attached and i have some abandonment issues, i tend to push people to see if they like me enough or love me. i didnt realise why i did this at the time i just thought i was a bit jealous but the things i argued about never mattered after so it couldnt have been that. I have started to go to psychotherapy mainly for some old issues i had that didnt get resolved and were brought to the surface with this relationship so hopefully if one good thing comes from it it will be that i finally adress these issues i have.I loved how someone thought so much of me and really fell for me but i know what people feel towards me shouldnt be what makes me happy. I do feel like i should just man up and move on, after all it wasnt a long relationship and everyone else seems to move on just fine but as i say i have some attachement issues so im guessing this is why. I wont lie and say im totally over her but i know it can never be the same again so im not sure why i long for it? I cant turn back time. seeing some guy trying to kiss her last night really annoyed me. I hope when these feelings have totally gone we can be friends because we were so close for a long time before we got together but in the back of my mind im thinking it can never be like it was.
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