effee Posted May 12, 2004 Posted May 12, 2004 A simple question, one that I've been asking myself alot now.. Here goes... If you knew you would go through all this hurt, would you still have started the relationship? For me, I would do it all over again a hundred times if I had to.. If only.. And though, we're split apart, and the intensity of the pain has faded, but not gone.. I thank her, for if she didn't break my heart, and showed me how cruel people and love can be, I would still be in an ignorant bliss. So here I am, 1 month later, battered, bruised but not broken, finding love growing again, and I know, that although we wish for it to go on forever, all good things will come to an end, and this other person, we will probably split up and go our seperate ways eventually.. And I will be hurt again, and feel heartbreak again, but I'll heal I know, and the cycle starts again, until I've found the right one. Better to have loved and lost, than never loved at all right?
HokeyReligions Posted May 12, 2004 Posted May 12, 2004 Yes. I would do it all again. Each triumph and each tragedy builds our lives. I would like some things in my life to be different, but I would not change my foundation. Well, if I could have come from wealthy parents who would pamper me and give me a huge trust fund ........ LOL!
meanttolive4ever Posted May 12, 2004 Posted May 12, 2004 of course....it was the best 10 1/2 months of my life..so absolutely i would
MESO Posted May 12, 2004 Posted May 12, 2004 god yes ...it was the greatest time of my life...i never felt more loved, wanted and appreciated when it was good it was sooo good...its just not fair i would give anything to go back and just relive and cherish those moments not fair...
meanttolive4ever Posted May 12, 2004 Posted May 12, 2004 wow no one has said no yet...ok..but what would you have done differently....like lets say they want you back...what would or they would have to do in order to get back with you?
MESO Posted May 13, 2004 Posted May 13, 2004 i wonder if the dumper would do it again??? i mean if they were with us for any amount of time they had to have enjoyed some of it but they obviously got tired of it... i wonder if tehy ever think "things couldve been different " or if they are just glad its over
Author effee Posted May 13, 2004 Author Posted May 13, 2004 1 thing that I would have done differently.. I would never have loved her with all my heart.
sportsloving Posted May 13, 2004 Posted May 13, 2004 Originally posted by effee 1 thing that I would have done differently.. I would never have loved her with all my heart. Is that something you can control? When I fell in love, it was completely and totally, no holds barred.
moimeme Posted May 13, 2004 Posted May 13, 2004 I wouldn't want to change one millisecond of my life for fear I might then not have ended up where I am today. I persist in believing that there's a bright future for me and I sure wouldn't want to miss it.
Author effee Posted May 13, 2004 Author Posted May 13, 2004 Yes you can. Hold back your love a little..never giving it you're all.. Thats what I'm doing now, and yes I know it's not right, but for the sake of my bruised heart...
meanttolive4ever Posted May 13, 2004 Posted May 13, 2004 i wouldnt have been so clingy on him...i know i wanted to hold him a lot...i just needed to grow up and i did..so hopefully he'll see that now and now he'll grow up. I also did like the baby faces and baby talk...maybe thats why he was so fed up with it he would always say "its cute every once n awhile..but then it gets annoying"
sinkerswim Posted May 13, 2004 Posted May 13, 2004 I would do it all over again.. Maybe change some things about myself though... I wouldnt be all clingy and somewhat controlling. Thats what go me into this mess. But I would give ANYTHING to go back and re-live those 8 years with him. Went by waaaay too fast.
tom_gbr Posted May 13, 2004 Posted May 13, 2004 yeah i would do it all again...i would give anything to go back to that weekend with her in disneyland paris....sitting in the rainforest cafe with her having dinner on valentines day... looking accross at my girlfriend who is the most gorgeous girl that i had ever seen...then walking back to the hotel with her alongside the river both of us laughing..you could tell because we were both so happy..we never felt closer. i have found it really hard to look back at that weekend as it made me really upset, but now i'm able to look back at it feeling so happy that i spent it with her and that both of us will never experience it with anyone else. i gave her the happiest six months of her life which makes me feel so good
coursingthru Posted May 15, 2004 Posted May 15, 2004 Originally posted by MESO i wonder if the dumper would do it again??? My dumper did come back. He said he wanted his girls back. (Myself & my 14 yr old daughter) That he loved us and missed us. I crumbled and told him no, that if he loved us, he never would have left us like he did and keep telling me "this is how it has to be for now", without telling me why even when I asked. I am in the middle of an idenity crisis right now - stemming from making choices for others and not myself and now that I am starting to be a little selfish - for the good this time - I ended up emailing my ex fiance today with this: (we were together 3 years - lived with him from 5/03 to 12/03 - he left us the week of xmas.) It has now been almost 5 months on May 23rd. Here is what I wrote: i know that you do not wish to hear from me and i don't blame you. i hope you are well. i am sorry for the email the other day but i realize it was the thing to do, although i will never know why or understand it - i just know it was for the best. i am having an idenity crisis right now and so is my sister. i think i am because what she is going thru right now with her man - is what i went thru with you - in the emotional and mental beginning stages of our relationship. it is making it difficult as i can see he is a lot like you - even looks just like you, except he is 44, a professor and has a beard. i am trying to help her thru what i went through and it is stirring me up, but at the same time, opening my eyes of understanding of what you and i went through and why it ended up so bad. i never was so crazy in so many ways to myself, my kid, and my life until i was with you. what i realize is that i was in love you, the first man ever in my life and i felt in my heart - you were the one for me, but the fact of the matter - despite all the things you said and did for me (& r* ), i never really had you. this is what i knew the whole time - which made me crazy (as well as my own issues that were happening of course i do not ignore those at all). i was trying to hold onto something that i didn't have and i couldn't make you go away to leave me alone until you were ready to be with us. i was willing to face all of my fears with you because i thought you were safe and understanding . i thought you felt the same with me and when i found out you didn't - it devastated me to the core. which in turn made me feel like i wasn't the one for you, because if i was - you wouldn't have said one thing and done another. i know my life hasn't been the greatest path - but i know i have always been the one that comes to the fork in the road and choose to climb over the fork. i have been making choices in my life for everyone else for so long and now here i am in an idenity crisis because of it. you know that i am not someone who can pretend in something for very long and if i do - it eats away at my innerself. i am beginning in a new direction soon and it is something i am doing for myself despite the effect it has on others. it is something that will put my heart at peace as well as r*'s once and for all. my one fear left - worrying about upsetting others by my selfishness and doing what i want and not to keep everyone else happy. i am sorry for every pain i have caused. it is not the woman i am nor was before. take care of yourself. This email wasn't sent to get back with him at all. We have been talking and emailing off and on for a few weeks and the same craziness I had while with him - was back again during that time in which I completely told him I had to have nothing to do with him for my own sanity and his protection. If I could do it over again - I would with him but this time, make sure that his heart was truly ready for us. He had just come out of a 10 year marriage - no kids but she was the first gf/lvr, etc... I have lived a very full life and always knew deep inside he needed time, but he would say he didn't and my resistance was because I'd never been in love or have someone love me as he did me. I listened to him because I "thought" he was right when I should have always listened to my heart - I didn't and now all the pain we went through - could've been prevented. Losing him as I did was in comparison to my Dad passing away. I have never felt such devastation since then. He opened my heart to love - and it is one thing I will be thankful for always. Only, now - it isn't something I can so easily give without hesitation because I thought he was it for me. I am with someone else now - a really great guy who treats me amazingly - even has put up with me being in contact with my ex f - which confuses me. Anyway - I know it steered a little to the left -but it also helped me make my point.
poohbear Posted May 15, 2004 Posted May 15, 2004 Even though I am still hurting from the break up (a week ago) I would absolutely do it all over again...Of course there would be things I would change if I could but if I couldn't I would still go through just for the memories and to know there are people out there like my ex.
CurlyIam Posted May 15, 2004 Posted May 15, 2004 I was the dumper and I probably wouldn't do it again if i couldn't do things differently! It changed me a lot, it made me the person I am right now, he was and still is a great person, a great man, a great friend, just not a great boyfriend. If I knew I could change things I did, yes I would definetely like to have another go at it. During our first two and a half years it was the perfect college relationship. I would want to have another try to see if it was my fault for accepting too much or if it was him the one who changed. It was him, I know it was, but I'd still want to try to save it.
winterwonderland Posted May 15, 2004 Posted May 15, 2004 Hmmmm.....not sure if I would want to try it again. Love is a wonderful thing. In fact for me it would be the best emotion in the world. But as it is to be loved that is the way it hurts. There isn't a greater hurt. So for me, if I would venture to try love again I sure would be cautious. For me it would be easier to walk than fall in love. I guess for the fact that I am not sure if I would make it through another love disaster. (emotionally that is). This might be due to loving to deeply, not sure.
CurlyIam Posted May 15, 2004 Posted May 15, 2004 I, on the other hand, would try to do less and love more! much more! And demand more...
UCFKevin Posted May 16, 2004 Posted May 16, 2004 I was thinking about this earlier today. Yes. I would. In a heartbeat. Over and over again. I came away from my last relationship with so many wonderful memories that it was worth it, in the long run, now that I have hindsight, to go thru what we did.
reservoirdog1 Posted May 16, 2004 Posted May 16, 2004 My caveat before answering this is the fact that i have two wonderful kids, and I'd never give them up in a million years. But, aside from them, my answer to the question would be, "never in a million years." She married me for all the wrong reasons, cheated during the engagement and within weeks of the wedding, and god knows how many times after that. Other than the kids, it was pretty much a colossal waste of time. It should never have happened. The marriage was stillborn... and I didn't even know it till nine months ago.
torned Posted May 17, 2004 Posted May 17, 2004 I've been in relationship for a 1 and a half and I found myself pulling what I needed out of the relationship. The affection, feeling important etc. Alot of times I felt as if I was alone or talking to a brick wall. Anyway now we have been seperated for about a 2wks now. I have met a very nice and interesting guy I want to be wiht but I live with my ex and he wants me back I love him but don't know if I should go back or give the new guy a chance. HELP!!!!!!! I really like the new guy but I love my ex???
dazednconfuzed Posted May 18, 2004 Posted May 18, 2004 I don't think I'd do it again. She gave me my first taste of love, and I realized what I had been missing all these years. Then she pulled it away and left me wide eyed and alone. Before I didn't understand love. I always managed to dodge it ... or run from it. Then I met her and things changed. I opened myself to her. I loved her with all my heart. Now that she has fallen out of love, I am very aware of what I've lost. And even though I have cut her out of my life, (so that I can get on with my life), I still feel cold and empty ... I ache.
hurtingandconfused Posted May 18, 2004 Posted May 18, 2004 I don't think I'd do it again. She gave me my first taste of love, and I realized what I had been missing all these years. Then she pulled it away and left me wide eyed and alone. Before I didn't understand love. I always managed to dodge it ... or run from it. Then I met her and things changed. I opened myself to her. I loved her with all my heart. Now that she has fallen out of love, I am very aware of what I've lost. And even though I have cut her out of my life, (so that I can get on with my life), I still feel cold and empty ... I ache. What he said.
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