starryeyed12 Posted September 24, 2011 Share Posted September 24, 2011 (edited) I finally got out of a horrible 2 year relationship and am ready to get back into the dating scene. I even took the leap of joining a dating website, which has felt kind of weird so far, but, then, it has only been a week! Anyway, I just got a new job about 2 months ago and have been loving it. Lots of work and long hours, but it finally feels like my life is coming together. I feel happy again, no pills necessary. It's wonderful. I'm digressing because I don't even know how to start. Basically, there is this guy at my work who absolutely stunned me the first time I saw him. He is so handsome, hot, sexy, you name it. I had to consciously tell myself not to stare because I find him so attractive. This is a rare feeling for me because its not often that I'm this attracted to a guy I meet. It took a while for us to finally get introduced because he was pretty shy during some of our early encounters. I would say hello then make some comment to try to muster up an intro, but he would clam up, then I would clam up, and then nothing. We were finally introduced by another co-worker. I kind of set a situation up where I would have the co-worker intro us without me having to tell him to do it. I don't really want people at work to know I have this crush on him because I know it would spread like wildfire and could potentially make things awkward. People kind of give me this look when they bring him up around me as if they expect me to have a crush on him. Or maybe it's written all over my face or something! I try not to let it show. I get the feeling that some of my co-workers could see us dating, but don't want to bring it up since I haven't given any real hints about how I feel. So, we finally get introduced and have great conversation!! It turns out we are the same age and he lives across the street and 4 houses down from me! I have only lived in this neighborhood for a brief time, and have never seen him out before. That same night we went out to the bar after a work function with some other young employees. After joking about carpooling, we somehow came up with the idea that he would give me a ride home. All went well that night and I felt really comfortable around him. He's great and I really think there could be some serious LTR potential. However, it was a couple of weeks until I saw him again and I felt like we had lost the momentum from that night. Also, I should note that every time we get talking he always mentions how shy he was growing up, how no girls paid much attention to him and how he was a late bloomer. Why exactly is he telling me this? Just for me to get to know him and his past? Or for me to know he is shy and to be patient with him? Ok, so now to my problem. I don't want to hold back these feelings I have for him much longer. I am crazy about him, but I hardly know him and I don't know if he feels the same way! I would love, love, love for him to ask me out, but I just don't know if he will or won't, or how long I will have to wait. I mean for me its "love" at first sight and he is such a sweet, smart, nice guy. I would feel like the luckiest girl in the world to be with him. I am so smitten . I've caught him staring at me too. I think he feels something too, but I think I have to make the first move. I've been trying to convince myself that even if he rejects me I will get some satisfaction of knowing that I listened to my heart and did all I could, but it just wasn't meant to be. That said, should I plan to ask him out when the next good opportunity presents itself? Will this scare him away? Should I let more time go by to see what unfolds? What kind of date should I ask him on? Drink or just hanging out? I'm so nervous!!!!!!!!! Edited September 24, 2011 by starryeyed12 Link to post Share on other sites
january2011 Posted September 24, 2011 Share Posted September 24, 2011 My first thought was that you need to check your company policy/staff handbook about romantic relationships between staff members. Even without such a policy, if either of you are in a position that holds some influence over the other and/or a fallout could jeopardise clients and lose money for the company because neither of you can separate the professional from the personal, then it's perhaps not a good idea to pursue this. Indeed, if you're concerned about people at work knowing that you have a crush on him, how will you feel when if they find out that you're dating? Nonetheless, I know that feelings are feelings and sometimes the emotions are so overwhelming that you'd be willing to sacrifice all of that for one shot with this guy. If you go down that route, then I suggest just casually hanging out, for a drink, for a coffee and then escalate it up to dinner, etc. A casual, "hey co-worker, I'm going for a walk/coffee after my lunch, would you like to come along?" might suffice. Link to post Share on other sites
Author starryeyed12 Posted September 24, 2011 Author Share Posted September 24, 2011 Woah, yeah I didn't even think about that. I just checked the faculty handbook and saw nothing about it. We are both teachers, so it's not about money. ha Also, private schools don't have the same rules as public, so maybe that's why it's' not in there? My main concern about people knowing that I have feelings for him is because I don't want it to get back to him and scare him off. He is shy and it could intimidate him to know how I really feel. Funny story, some students saw us by each other briefly today and told their other teacher, who is a friend of mine, that they think we should date. That idea could spread like wildfire now among students. The other teacher made the comment like, "yeah he should date you." Slowly the idea of "us" is spreading whether we want it to or not. I'm just scared to ask him out because I don't want to blow it by not just waiting for it to "naturally" happen with HIM asking ME out. Some guys seem to not like that idea. I just don't know how much longer I can wait. I am under the philosophy that when you see someone you could possibly spend your life with, you want to get living that life as soon as possible. Just don't want to ruin things! Link to post Share on other sites
january2011 Posted September 24, 2011 Share Posted September 24, 2011 You don't need to spill your (emotional) guts to him right now. Asking if he'd like to join you for a coffee or on a walk is pretty casual. Spend some time with him and get to know him. He'll feel more comfortable in your presence and it will hopefully feel more natural for either one of you to take the relationship beyond friendship. My knowledge is limited and I can't answer specifically about private schools (perhaps someone else can), but given that it is an educational establishment where there are young minds to influence, a certain level of professionalism is likely required, I would still proceed cautiously with this. Link to post Share on other sites
Johnny85 Posted September 24, 2011 Share Posted September 24, 2011 For some reason, this post reminds me of The Office (the cute couple). I would proceed carefully, as someone mentioned above, go slow. Link to post Share on other sites
Author starryeyed12 Posted September 24, 2011 Author Share Posted September 24, 2011 Oh, trust me I have a wall up when I am around him or talking about him with other co-workers. As I mentioned, I have not spilled my emotional guts to anyone at work and it's been 2 months. I really only have 1 friend who I have confided in how I feel. This right here is the most I have let myself go on about it besides just daydreaming, and honestly looking back at what I wrote is a bit wild. I have the ability to bury my feelings deep, and when I do let them spill out they almost frighten my more bottled up side. The job factor and the bottled up side of myself along with his shyness = me scared to make any kind of move. But there are days that I see him, like today, that I don't want to hold back as much. I want to spend more time with him. Link to post Share on other sites
SincereOnlineGuy Posted September 25, 2011 Share Posted September 25, 2011 Why not motivate yourself additionally with the idea that he may be resisting advances made toward you because of the work environment. IF YOU step forward and make it clear that you would be receptive to the idea of socializing with him, then he may be perfectly content to date someone from work. (in this case, it translates to yes, indeed, ask him out!) Link to post Share on other sites
musemaj11 Posted September 25, 2011 Share Posted September 25, 2011 Its your choice. Either someone starts something or nothing will happen at all. Link to post Share on other sites
Author starryeyed12 Posted September 27, 2011 Author Share Posted September 27, 2011 Thanks for the encouragement! I was feeling down about the situation today because it was starting to feel like it wasn't worth the complications due to the work factor. But since we are colleagues I don't think there is any issue. I'm still not 100% sure, and the only way of knowing is to ask someone. There is only 1 teacher, my dept. head, who I trust and has taken me under her wing. I feel that I could talk to her, but I'm sure she would just tell me to err on the side of caution and is the type who might worry about me after the convo. I don't know if I should bring it up to her before things happen or after (if there is an after). If we actually did start seeing each other I think I would want her to know. The benefit of asking her ahead of time would be for the possible comfort in knowing that I am not threatening my job or his. I don't think I'm going to ask her yet. At the same time, if a good opportunity arises to ask him for a drink, I'm going to do it! Still scared, but life is too short to ignore your feelings, right?! I'm sure it will come down to one of those moments you just can't prepare for. Link to post Share on other sites
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