appletini Posted September 23, 2011 Posted September 23, 2011 After a very painful but peaceful goodbye, my ex and I cut off all contact and haven't spoken since. We left the door somewhat open (neither of us said "please don't call"), and we are both willing to be friends with time. The first week was actually very good for me - I was busy, there were some exciting new developments in my life, and I felt freed from some of the anxiety and confusion that relationship brought into my life. The second week... not so much. I'm starting to feel depressed again, and I think it's because during that first week it didn't register that it was "really over". I still expected a text of some sort. We broke up still in love, and I figured that love might prevail. To be honest, it shouldn't: we have irreconcilable differences that will not make for a healthy long-term relationship. But... I miss and love him. I'd like to think he still feels the same (is that unhealthy? probably). At the two-week mark with NC, I feel like he's actually moved on. That should make me feel better, but for some reason it makes it so much worse. I know some people mourn their breakups for months, but I don't think he's really like that. He's a big partier, drinker, and socializer, and I think he's probably back to the single life in full force. Can love really be wiped out that quickly?
Unrequitedlove Posted September 23, 2011 Posted September 23, 2011 Like you said, you both agreed that it was best to end the relationship. For some, that could be enough for faster healing. It's not that he doesn't love you or that the love you both had for one another was "wiped away", but you gave him closure. It's difficult for you because you love him, but it'll get easier in time.
Niaka44 Posted September 25, 2011 Posted September 25, 2011 My ex and I also broke up due to irreconcilable differences, and although I was the one to initiate it, I was still in love with him too. I felt this exact same way - that he was moving on so quickly, that he was over me already, but then I realized that the partying, drinking, and socializing were more than just that: they were his coping methods. He was throwing himself back to the single life in full force because he WASN'T over me, but hoped to make it happen faster by pretending to be. People who have the mentality of needing to "get over things" quickly will always do whatever they can to appear fine and pretend everything is okay. Just speaking from my own experience, I would guess that your ex does still love you; he's just doing what he needs to do to cope with the loss of you from his life. You both need time to heal.
triphopper414 Posted September 25, 2011 Posted September 25, 2011 Appletini, I don't think love can be wiped out that quickly. Sorry but chances are he did not love you as much as you loved him. He probably just said he wanted to be friends so you would not take him for the jerk that he is. I don't know him and I don't mean to offend you but calling him a jerk. I think these days exes saying "let's be friends" is just a way to make them feel better about the situation without acknowledging what is truly going on. As for NC, keep doing it. The stages of grieving are not linear, don't expect to be finished with each one every week, they will come and go with different intensities. I am on NC for almost four months now and it has been tough. It gets easier every day. Even though I am still upset about the way he treated me, we did agree to become friends later on the road, but I don't think I can be friends with someone who treated me the way he did. It will be tough, but you can do it! Cut him and scrub him out of your life. Delete phone numbers and delete him off of your social networking accounts. It will reduce the temptation for you to see what he is doing.
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