Absolutely Curtains Posted September 23, 2011 Posted September 23, 2011 If your bf/gf lied to you over something really stupid - where the issue isn't so much what was lied about, but the fact of the lie - would you break up with them? For us specifically, we've been dating for several years, and have been talking about getting married.
Ginger Beer Posted September 23, 2011 Posted September 23, 2011 I'd be worried there could be a pattern forming but it really depends on the lie. If she was asked to iron my shirt for example, and said she did but it was creased still, no I wouldn't.
Author Absolutely Curtains Posted September 23, 2011 Author Posted September 23, 2011 I'd be worried there could be a pattern forming but it really depends on the lie. If she was asked to iron my shirt for example, and said she did but it was creased still, no I wouldn't. Yup, I'm concerned that 1) there was a lie and 2) his "explanation" for lying.
oaks Posted September 23, 2011 Posted September 23, 2011 Maybe. I've dumped someone over a lie before, although it was a lie about a really big thing (but I still felt that the lie was worse than the thing). I was younger then. Now I might talk about it more and see if I could understand why, but telling lies to your SO is unacceptable.
Ginger Beer Posted September 23, 2011 Posted September 23, 2011 Yup, I'm concerned that 1) there was a lie and 2) his "explanation" for lying. The example I gave I could easily forgive, purely because it's done out of pure laziness and the sort of thing I've done myself (and admittedly still do). Really wouldn't see the point of getting mad over something like that. It really does depend on what was lied about though.
Author Absolutely Curtains Posted September 23, 2011 Author Posted September 23, 2011 The example I gave I could easily forgive, purely because it's done out of pure laziness and the sort of thing I've done myself (and admittedly still do). Really wouldn't see the point of getting mad over something like that. It really does depend on what was lied about though. The specific lie: He went to Las Vegas for a bachelor party. Because of who the party was for, I assumed they would go to a strip club (didn't care - I'm uncomfortable with certain things, but just watching is not an issue for me). Because of my assumption, I never specifically asked if they went to one. So first, he lied by omission, because I did ask what they did, and he appeared to give me a blow-by-blow account (there were no nights unaccounted for - even going so far as to mention that they ate dinner every night, as though I cared to know that). Then, he went out of his way to specifically tell me that they did not go to any strip clubs. One or two weeks later, I find out from other people - every single other guy on the trip told his gf/fiance about going to a strip club - that they went to a strip club. Again, my issue is 1) that he lied and 2) his explanation for lying, not what was lied about.
Ginger Beer Posted September 23, 2011 Posted September 23, 2011 The specific lie: He went to Las Vegas for a bachelor party. Because of who the party was for, I assumed they would go to a strip club (didn't care - I'm uncomfortable with certain things, but just watching is not an issue for me). Because of my assumption, I never specifically asked if they went to one. So first, he lied by omission, because I did ask what they did, and he appeared to give me a blow-by-blow account (there were no nights unaccounted for - even going so far as to mention that they ate dinner every night, as though I cared to know that). Then, he went out of his way to specifically tell me that they did not go to any strip clubs. One or two weeks later, I find out from other people - every single other guy on the trip told his gf/fiance about going to a strip club - that they went to a strip club. Again, my issue is 1) that he lied and 2) his explanation for lying, not what was lied about. Ah. I'd probably be angry at that. If he lied just because he thought you'd be mad then that's one thing but if he lied because 'what she doesn't know won't hurt her' then that's different, if this makes sense.
OnyxSnowfall Posted September 23, 2011 Posted September 23, 2011 The specific lie: He went to Las Vegas for a bachelor party. Because of who the party was for, I assumed they would go to a strip club (didn't care - I'm uncomfortable with certain things, but just watching is not an issue for me). Because of my assumption, I never specifically asked if they went to one. So first, he lied by omission, because I did ask what they did, and he appeared to give me a blow-by-blow account (there were no nights unaccounted for - even going so far as to mention that they ate dinner every night, as though I cared to know that). Then, he went out of his way to specifically tell me that they did not go to any strip clubs. One or two weeks later, I find out from other people - every single other guy on the trip told his gf/fiance about going to a strip club - that they went to a strip club. Again, my issue is 1) that he lied and 2) his explanation for lying, not what was lied about. ... it would break trust for me, at least. And unless otherwise heavily invested, I personally would probably get out. Every situation is certainly unique and while there's multiple possibilities, in my experience, that kind of lie is a huge issue. Even if it's just because the person wanted to avoid potential conflict out of sheer stigma (as in you gave them no reason to suspect it would be a bad idea to be honest)... that's about as innocent as it gets. Otherwise, as in my experience, they've already been hiding other things and have been sleezing around and just want to avoid anything related to it like the plague Being open and honest is important within a relationship... even if it causes little storms... at least they don't turn into tumultuous ones that spill out from no where.
Author Absolutely Curtains Posted September 23, 2011 Author Posted September 23, 2011 Ah. I'd probably be angry at that. If he lied just because he thought you'd be mad then that's one thing but if he lied because 'what she doesn't know won't hurt her' then that's different, if this makes sense. It doesn't make sense, actually, since if he lied because he thought I'd be mad, it doesn't change the fact that he lied....if he's doing something that he thinks I'll be mad about, should he really be doing it? It seems like the same thing to me - If he lies because "what she doesn't know won't hurt her" isn't that really the same things as lying because he thinks I'll be mad (ie hurt by his actions)? That's more of a general comment, however, as neither of those, on the surface, matches his "explanation" for lying to me....though since he's established himself as a liar, the reason he gave me for lying to me doesn't necessarily have to be the reason he lied to me. Isn't that just the trouble with liars, you can't trust 'em.
Ginger Beer Posted September 23, 2011 Posted September 23, 2011 It doesn't make sense, actually, since if he lied because he thought I'd be mad, it doesn't change the fact that he lied....if he's doing something that he thinks I'll be mad about, should he really be doing it? It seems like the same thing to me - If he lies because "what she doesn't know won't hurt her" isn't that really the same things as lying because he thinks I'll be mad (ie hurt by his actions)? That's more of a general comment, however, as neither of those, on the surface, matches his "explanation" for lying to me....though since he's established himself as a liar, the reason he gave me for lying to me doesn't necessarily have to be the reason he lied to me. Isn't that just the trouble with liars, you can't trust 'em. You're right, what I said doesn't make sense. It was, however, what I was thinking at the time. Sorry. The other poster has just summed it up nicely.
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