Kageytn Posted September 23, 2011 Posted September 23, 2011 (edited) This week was really, really rough. I am getting closer to dealing with my issues and confronting my emotional abandonment as a child in therapy. I think feeling those feelings made me panic. I needed to unfeel them or push them aside and I made really bad choices. As Mack so brilliantly put it, my addictive personality came out and my normal logic failed. I am going to do better. I am not going to beat myself up and, actually, even with the addictive personality taking control, I didn't completely collapse. I am thinking of going to a support group. I am not sure what one to go to but I am going to do research. I think it would be immensely beneficial. When my addictive personality comes out, when I start getting panicky and anxiety ridden, I am going to: 1. Call my therapist 2. Lean on people for support 3. Stay busy-I have two tests coming up in Jan. I need to study! 4. Exercise 5. Look at all my lists for reasons not to contact him 6. Read, read, read If anyone else has any suggestions of what to do when addictive logic starts to rule you, let me know. I do not want to go down this road again. I am going to quit saying I'm trying no contact. I am not trying. I am doing it. I refuse to be reactive anymore. I will be proactive from this moment on... Edited September 23, 2011 by Kageytn Horrid grammar
sleepykitten Posted September 24, 2011 Posted September 24, 2011 Hi there K, This is a great post and am in the same boat as you as far as addictive thinking, and the panicky feelings steming from childhood abandonment-they override any rational thoughts and make you behave like a scared kid!! I have literally been hysterical and begging my ex not to leave when we had rows before in the past, then of course him knowing this he would do it all the time eventually leaving me a shell of my former self. At least half the battle is understanding this and being self aware and like you having a backup plan of logical steps. Good luck, how long have you been nc. Today is 19 days-my longest ever, its the weekend so am feeling a bit flat as its a beautiful day and my ex was with someone else from day 3 of our split, classic rebound but still hurts like hell. If i carry on thinking about it like i have all morning which is why i came on here to stop myself looking at her open to the world fb page, i will just continue to feel worse and my day will spiral into a long sad one. So thank you for reminding me we can choose how our day turns out.
sleepykitten Posted September 24, 2011 Posted September 24, 2011 A coping stratagy i have implemented this morning to staop my thoughts of him was to watch the rugby, my ex is short, skinny and not very brave....would probably die on a rugby pitch. And love big hulking rugby players.....already feeling better!!
geegirl Posted September 24, 2011 Posted September 24, 2011 Kage, I relate to your childhood issues and during my break up had a difficult time with anxiety and panic attacks. If you don't control addictive thoughts, they will take you down a self destructive path. Aside from the things that you have already listed, one thing that really helped for me, and something my therapist was very adamant I practice and be very conscious of was thought stopping. You can do all of the above and keep as busy as you want, but you need to control your mind, which is what starts it and keeps it running in the first place. When they come, breathe, talk to yourself calmly, rationally and keep breathing and slowly pull yourself out of it, even visualize it. Breathing exercises helped greatly. One bad/addictive thought can grow like weeds and if you let it run, it will debilitate you and make you react. You must pull yourself back, pull your mind back and control it. It's as if your mind only knows how to think one way, so now moving forward and breaking it from going down that one way, the only way it knows, you have to retrain and control the new path that it now has to take. Only you can do it. When I would get panicky and anxious, I would literally tell my brain to STOP, STOP, STOP...I would do my breathing exercises, think rationally about the situation and I would have a list of positive thoughts that I needed to focus on and I focused. It would ease me out of those bad feelings. Meditation did wonders for me. It helped me be more centered and when those feelings came it's as if my mind and body knew how to regroup and calm itself. Other things that helped me focus was delving into my passions that fell to the wayside because my head and heart was caught up with other issues. Keep yourself busy and if you have passions/hobbies that you love, set goals so that you use your free time to focus, versus letting an idle mind run rampant in negative ways. If you have a cause that you love, volunteer. You cannot imagine the sense of accomplishment and the gift you are giving to others. Good feelings sparked from giving will combat negative feelings that you have inside you. Keeps you busy and channels your energy in ways that boosts your self-esteem and keeps you focused on a new found perspective on life. If there is one single thing that helped me the most, it was thought stopping. The mind is a powerful tool. If you control it, it works for you. If you let it run rampant, it will overcome you.
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