Pierre Posted September 24, 2011 Posted September 24, 2011 I have to reiterate what I meant. I don't expect her to offer all the time. Every once in awhile to me at least shows that im being appreciated. Do you think its ok for her to not even attempt though? Some people are careful with money. I have a male friend that makes as much as I do and this guy cannot spend money. He saves almost everything he makes and is always concerned with his future. We have gone out to lunch many times over the years and I always pay. At this point he expects me to pay because I am well aware of his neurosis about not spending money. He is not stingy, but he is incapable of spending money. I think it is some sort of mental illness. For 20 years my ex sister in law and husband never picked the tab. I did not care, but my wife was livid. Some people love to eat for free. I don't think they are evil. That is just the way they are.
Keke1 Posted September 24, 2011 Posted September 24, 2011 Some people are careful with money. I have a male friend that makes as much as I do and this guy cannot spend money. He saves almost everything he makes and is always concerned with his future. We have gone out to lunch many times over the years and I always pay. At this point he expects me to pay because I am well aware of his neurosis about not spending money. He is not stingy, but he is incapable of spending money. I think it is some sort of mental illness. For 20 years my ex sister in law and husband never picked the tab. I did not care, but my wife was livid. Some people love to eat for free. I don't think they are evil. That is just the way they are. Ok you say you do have extra to spend. What if your SO knew that you didn't shouldn't she want to help out some at least.
Art_Critic Posted September 24, 2011 Posted September 24, 2011 2. We like to court the women we date. We consider it a privilege for you to accompany us out. We take great pleasure and are honored to do nice things for you. We don't do nice things from a position of power, domination, control or implying that you are weak... Those thoughts never enter into our minds. The way I see it, I'm courting her. Amen... the new generations have lost the art of courting.
Pierre Posted September 24, 2011 Posted September 24, 2011 D:rolleyes:Ok you say you do have extra to spend. What if your SO knew that you didn't shouldn't she want to help out some at least. When I made less money I had concerns with money. I understand your point. Perhaps she is like my friend and cannot spend money. However, that is different from someone taking advantage of you. Do you live with her?
D-Lish Posted September 24, 2011 Posted September 24, 2011 Some people are careful with money. I have a male friend that makes as much as I do and this guy cannot spend money. He saves almost everything he makes and is always concerned with his future. We have gone out to lunch many times over the years and I always pay. At this point he expects me to pay because I am well aware of his neurosis about not spending money. He is not stingy, but he is incapable of spending money. I think it is some sort of mental illness. For 20 years my ex sister in law and husband never picked the tab. I did not care, but my wife was livid. Some people love to eat for free. I don't think they are evil. That is just the way they are. My exH and I had the same experience with another couple that were close friends of ours. The bill would come and they would literally lean back in their chairs and fold their arms (like they were distancing themselves from the bill). My exH made (makes) a lot of money- and "we" always paid the bill when we went out with these two. It used to drive me crazy, but he never cared that much- he always pulled out the visa.
Keke1 Posted September 24, 2011 Posted September 24, 2011 D:rolleyes: When I made less money I had concerns with money. I understand your point. Perhaps she is like my friend and cannot spend money. However, that is different from someone taking advantage of you. Do you live with her? No that relationship has run its course just recently. It was more problems than that one with me. Her being a liar, selfish, and sneaky. No cheating as far as I knew. It wasn't that good and it wasn't all her fault. Some of the things she did I wouldn't have done to my woman though.
Pierre Posted September 24, 2011 Posted September 24, 2011 No that relationship has run its course just recently. It was more problems than that one with me. Her being a liar, selfish, and sneaky. No cheating as far as I knew. It wasn't that good and it wasn't all her fault. Some of the things she did I wouldn't have done to my woman though. Folks that avoid the check can be sneaky. My sister in law was like that. I know she felt intense gratification in not paying. My ex wife also noted she always ordered the most expensive dish on the menu. She was also very demanding on the waiters even though she was not paying. I accepted her as she was. However my wife could not swallow the behavior of her own sister.
Pierre Posted September 24, 2011 Posted September 24, 2011 I have the money, so to speak, EVERY DAY. It's not a big deal for me to have money to pay. I ALWAYS have the money to pay when I go out to eat; I don't scrounge for pennies. Do you think that I only have money to pay for meals on "certain days"? I find that offensive too! A waiter should know to put it in the middle as not to offend any party. Waiters should know that they can offend someone if they put the check in front of someone specifically with no indications of having to do beforehand. It's their job to know that some select individuals might be offended by that. I sense a lot of anger. The place where the waiter puts the check is not that important. I never pay attention to that. I don't know anyone that watches where the waiter places the check. In my case it does not matter because i always grab it first to pay. Let me tell you a secret: I also don't like people to pay my way, however, I am not angry about it. Every once in a while I run into a friend that wants to pay and puts up a huge fight to grab the check. If the guy is not hurting for money I graciously let him pay. With women it is even harder. I always thought a gentleman pays for the women regardless of who they are. For me it is an old fashion value and if i had lunch with you i would want to pay the check. You must realize that this is done with no malice or intention to control you. You need to see a psych to see why you are so angry about this.
cerridwen Posted September 24, 2011 Posted September 24, 2011 It's because I look young for my age so many sales people don't treat me seriously EVEN when I am dressed up. I am in my thirties but look very young (size 00, under 100 lbs, flawless skin, zero wrinkles). Some think I'm 18. I am like the short man who needs to drive a Ferrari to prove his manliness; that's me. I have to prove myself. Nothing is more OFFENSIVE to me in life than someone thinking I don't have enough money. To me that is the worst. I even get offended with "internet people" call me out on it. I used to go to great lengths to want to prove it to them that I am who I say I am. I am offended also if someone calls another customer SIR but doesn't address me with a title. I made a thread about this like 4 years ago on this board but under a different nickname. Money and power is everything to me. I love money and power. Your fly is down.
cerridwen Posted September 24, 2011 Posted September 24, 2011 I decided not to rent that place btw. I hate that woman; she gets on my nerves. Hate her. Not just for the fly comment but her demeanor in general. I know exactly what you mean.
Pierre Posted September 24, 2011 Posted September 24, 2011 Money and power is everything to me. I love money and power. I make good money, but I don't base my worth on money. I also have a title. I prefer to be called by my 1st name than my title. Trying to find happiness with money, power, or a title will get you nothing. You will always be unhappy with the waiter and everyone else around you. You will always be stressed out about how you relate to others. Where the waiter puts the check is not important at all. Do you agree? If someone at work does not name you correctly it is not about you. It is not your fault they are ass holes. They are wrong and there is nothing wrong with you.
thatone Posted September 24, 2011 Posted September 24, 2011 I would be OFFENDED and chew out the waiter or waitress assuming this. Just because I'm a woman doesn't mean that I need a man to pay for me. I make plenty of money; I can afford to pay for myself. I would make a scene and put her in check for this seriously. I don't like people "assuming" things about me. Don't assume that it will be the man who will be paying. I'm a modern woman; I have no problem paying for a guy. yeah well in modern restaurants, which you don't go to with anyone else because, as you say, you don't want a boyfriend or any other friends for that matter, when a man and a woman eat a meal the man pays about 90% of the time. so there's no reason for a waiter to ask each person who wants the bill.
Kamille Posted September 24, 2011 Posted September 24, 2011 This is the first thread on LS where I see guys get positively offended by the idea that a woman wants to pay for herself. I don't know what to make of it...
Author chelle21689 Posted September 24, 2011 Author Posted September 24, 2011 I would be OFFENDED and chew out the waiter or waitress assuming this. Just because I'm a woman doesn't mean that I need a man to pay for me. I make plenty of money; I can afford to pay for myself. I would make a scene and put her in check for this seriously. I don't like people "assuming" things about me. Don't assume that it will be the man who will be paying. I'm a modern woman; I have no problem paying for a guy. OP, No offense but it's pretty pathetic to be so broke and always need to depend on your bf to pay for you. I pride myself on being independent and being able to provide for myself. I can't stand weak women who need a man to take care of them; I just feel embarrassed for them. Thanks for insulting me. You misread my post. I don't want my bf to always pay for me....I just said that I don't like when he pays because I feel the need to pay him back.........wtf I even paid for his meal which was $30 last time and he didn't even expect it. Read carefully again.
soserious1 Posted September 24, 2011 Posted September 24, 2011 (edited) Let me ask you a simple question, when you are out on a dinner date with your BF, when the server brings the food out are you "too nervous" to open your mouth to insert your fork? if not I suggest that you sit down 1:1 with your BF and have a conversation, you should open the convo by saying "I have been really unfair & wrong by assuming that you will will always pick up our dinner bills, I am sorry that I've allowed my fear of having a straight, direct convo with you result in you getting stuck with all the bills, how can we work together to handle this so that it's fair to us both & eliminates awkward moments in public?" IMHO, you should also pick up the entire tab for your dating activities for quite awhile to make up for past unfairness or alt6ernatively purchase a special gift for your BF something you know he really wants & make it a point to thank him for his generosity around this issue when you give the gift to him. Edited September 24, 2011 by soserious1
soserious1 Posted September 24, 2011 Posted September 24, 2011 I wonder what the women who posted in the feminism thread think on this subject. As another poster stated, the only time a feminist is quite is when the cheque arrives I supported a stay at home husband who now receives $2,750 per month plus medical in alimony each month. I also pay for ALL costs associated with my entertainment, which includes, dinner, drinks etc for any date I have.
musemaj11 Posted September 24, 2011 Posted September 24, 2011 I supported a stay at home husband who now receives $2,750 per month plus medical in alimony each month. I also pay for ALL costs associated with my entertainment, which includes, dinner, drinks etc for any date I have. Cases like yours are like one in a million. Im a giver and I like to be in the company of givers. Personally I can't trust people who dont have a sense of reciprocity whether they are friends, family members or romantic interests. I keep distance from them and despise them.
Pierre Posted September 24, 2011 Posted September 24, 2011 I supported a stay at home husband who now receives $2,750 per month plus medical in alimony each month. I also pay for ALL costs associated with my entertainment, which includes, dinner, drinks etc for any date I have. I cannot imagine a man that allows his exwife to pay alimony. In my book that is not a man. Now I see where you are coming from. Wow ¡!!!!!!!!!
Author chelle21689 Posted September 24, 2011 Author Posted September 24, 2011 Let me ask you a simple question, when you are out on a dinner date with your BF, when the server brings the food out are you "too nervous" to open your mouth to insert your fork? if not I suggest that you sit down 1:1 with your BF and have a conversation, you should open the convo by saying "I have been really unfair & wrong by assuming that you will will always pick up our dinner bills, I am sorry that I've allowed my fear of having a straight, direct convo with you result in you getting stuck with all the bills, how can we work together to handle this so that it's fair to us both & eliminates awkward moments in public?" IMHO, you should also pick up the entire tab for your dating activities for quite awhile to make up for past unfairness or alt6ernatively purchase a special gift for your BF something you know he really wants & make it a point to thank him for his generosity around this issue when you give the gift to him. Why does everyone think I'm taking advantage of his money and that he pays all the time? I paid for him a few times and I mentioned if he does pay for me I feel obligated to pay back...which I do in return by picking up the tab or making up for it another way
soserious1 Posted September 24, 2011 Posted September 24, 2011 I cannot imagine a man that allows his exwife to pay alimony. In my book that is not a man. Now I see where you are coming from. Wow ¡!!!!!!!!! Why would he cease to be a man? I was the bread winner & he was the house husband, he's older, has physical limitations that look good on paper, he's entitled to 1/2 of the marital assets as well as ongoing alimony & support for his medical bills to ensure that my dependent doesn't become the taxpayers burden. I chose an alleged poor but honest & loving beta male, I chose poorly, I pay for that mistake, simple really.
soserious1 Posted September 24, 2011 Posted September 24, 2011 Why does everyone think I'm taking advantage of his money and that he pays all the time? I paid for him a few times and I mentioned if he does pay for me I feel obligated to pay back...which I do in return by picking up the tab or making up for it another way You obviously do feel though that there is some inequity in how you've handled this situation thus far or you wouldn't have posted this thread. I'm not saying you're trying to use this guy, what I am saying is that sitting there a bundle of nerves every time a check arrives is foolish, you are supposed to be in a trusting relationship with this person,shouldn't that include the ability to respectfully discuss any issue together?
Els Posted September 25, 2011 Posted September 25, 2011 (edited) Ask him. Talk to him. Figure out strategies that work for the both of you. (You could for instance, give him your half later if you two are out in public, so neither of you lose face.) I second this, if you're in a strongly guy-must-pay culture. I used to do this with an ex occasionally, especially if we were out with friends. It may seem rather pointless and unnecessary, but sometimes it's just easier to do so rather than work against the societal pressure. Edited September 25, 2011 by Elswyth
musemaj11 Posted September 25, 2011 Posted September 25, 2011 To be fair though, I think its the right thing to do for a guy to always pay if from the beginning he knows that he only intends to lead the woman on. When I knew that I wanted nothing serious with a girl while I knew that on the other hand she wanted something serious, I always paid for all the expenses during the relationship because for me, in a way its my way to clear my conscience so I could feel less guilty. I figure that since I always paid for our outings, I wasnt really doing her any disservice considering I basically paid for all the time she spent with me.
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