The Rebound. She replaced me.

[PositiveNegative]

Please read my prior threads for my story. Basically gf broke up with me last month for basic GIGS reasons. I'm doing my best to get better but was in no way over her. She strung me along during the break up with false hope about getting together again, writing me a letter saying that maybe we would be together again. I stayed NC except for one time I ran into her.

 

I ran into her friend the other day. I asked her how my ex was doing and just decided to ask if she was dating someone as she admitted that this guy liked her and she was not opposed to dating him. The girl asked me to ask me ex directly instead. There was no way I was going to do that though.

 

I thought, no way. This guy couldn't replace me, not after all the times that she told me she loved me and thought that I was perfect. Not after all the things we've been through and all the guys she rejected just to get to me. I thought this was a bump in the road. Everyone on these sites told me otherwise. You were all right.

 

I presume that her friend told her I asked. My ex emailed me today telling me that she was seeing someone. I was shocked. Less than a month after she broke up with me she has replaced me. I've seen countless stories about it, and I thought that that couldn't possibly happen to me, not after our "special" relationship. I was dead wrong. It almost seems routine now.

 

I asked if we could discuss some things as she told me I could ask her further questions. So I called her. The first thing I asked her was if she left me for him. She said she didn't. I'm not sure what I was trying to get out of the conversation, I was just so shocked that this happened. When I told her that this was a classic rebound she got angry at me. Exclaimed "You don't know him, and you don't know me!". Funny, it's as her defensive stance was a way for her to justify the relationship. And yeah she's right, after 1.5 years I don't know her. She explained that he shared outlooks on life that were similar to hers and shared "family values". Then she said that she felt that she should've left me months ago and was sorry that she didn't. Then she had the audacity to "thank" for me for the relationship "experience" so that she could know that she could date this guy she barely knows! I was angry, obviously, when I asked her why she would do this when I even asked her to not jump into something she said "I just needed to do what's best for me". And there it is. I don't matter to her anymore, and well, she broke up with me so I have no right to matter to her. She even said that this. "I will miss things about you, but I won't miss you as a person." Ouch.

 

People change. She isn't the girl I loved anymore. And subsequently, the girl I knew is dead. Never to be seen again.

 

Basically, I was a scapegoat for her love. I will probably always just be her "sophomore" year boyfriend. You can believe all you want that your relationship was "special" but in the end a break up is usually the end. Well. This was the last step, the last push for me to move on. I mean it really is weird because I have read so many threads where this happens, and I really thought that it couldn't happen to me, that she was different. It's a hard pill to swallow. How is it fair that she gets to be happy again while I have another hill to climb? I wouldn't dare start a relationship so soon after such a serious one!

 

My ex ex rebounded too. She admitted this to me much much later. She said it didn't work out, that she didn't even like the guy, she just missed having someone. The wonder if this will happen to her? No matter. This was the step I needed for it to be over. Moving along.

[gluttonForPunishment]

Man, I totally feel your pain. I was married for 12 years and my wife left me for another guy. After 9 months she came back and we have been living together for the last nine months. About 12 days ago she left me again. This time for no one in particular. But, she is already dating again. Day before she left she was telling me how much she loved me and wanted to spend her life with me. Since then she has even told me she is still attracted to me. I don't get anything this girl does. I do know I have to figure out a way to get over her and not take her back again if she ever does try. It sucks cuz I have four kids with this person and I totally thought I was spending my life with her. I thought I had lost her, then got her back and have now lost her again.

 

Anyway, so I totally feel your pain. I truly do not understand women. I wonder if they are all the same. I hope your pain passes quickly and that you move on fast. If she can say those kinds of mean things to you then she doesn't love you like you love her. And, she definitely doesn't deserve you!!!!

 

God I wish I could listen to my own advice

[mike588]

You may have read on of my threads. I was just recently dumped, by my g/f, she went back to her ex b/f . I know what your goin thur.

 

I heard all the same stuff,, I Love You,, Your the best thing to ever come along in my life blah blah blah. What a bunch of crap.

 

Best thing for you is go strict N.C. I feel your pain, your not alone and you will get thru this.

[Mack05]

Positive sorry for your loss bro. Great post right there. I hope people that are suffering right now take it in. I always maintain when a person says "we might get back together down the line" they are just leaving you at the end of their string..I would say to everyone on this site, do not cling onto the words your ex's say when they break up with you. Most of the time their words are just empty promises and false truths.

 

I know right now you feel you won't meet anyone again but you will mate. When my ex broke up with me, I felt my world collapsing. After a few weeks of making an idiot of myself and focusing solely on her I started to rebuild my life. Therapy, gym, self education and forgiving myself for my life's mistakes. Four months later, I met the most amazing woman when I wasn't looking and least expected it. We share the same values that I never shared with my ex. She is so much more beautiful then my ex inside (more important for me) as well as out. I adore this girl and believe she is the woman I will spend the rest of my life with. I've never had 'that' feeling before. I'm telling you this mate, because this will happen to you. Focus on yourself, put the work in and when you are ready she will attract the right girl for you...I wish well mate. You have become very self aware and you are starting to think logically. That is half the battle...

 

P.S -> People that move on from relationship to relationship with little time in between are running away from their emotions. They don't want to or don't know how to deal with their feelings. Feelings are like weeds, if you ignore them, or run away from them they will end up running wild. Rebounders are normally emotionally immature people, who for various reasons can't be on their own. I could have told you that she would react like that when you said she was on the rebound. I think you have had a lucky escape there mate. In time you will see this..

Edited September 23, 2011 by Mack05

[Jonnyy]

Positive sorry for your loss bro. Great post right there. I hope people that are suffering right now take it in. I always maintain when a person says "we might get back together down the line" they are just leaving you at the end of their string..I would say to everyone on this site, do not cling onto the words your ex's say when they break up with you. Most of the time their words are just empty promises and false truths.

 

I know right now you feel you won't meet anyone again but you will mate. When my ex broke up with me, I felt my world collapsing. After a few weeks of making an idiot of myself and focusing solely on her I started to rebuild my life. Therapy, gym, self education and forgiving myself for my life's mistakes. Four months later, I met the most amazing woman when I wasn't looking and least expected it. We share the same values that I never shared with my ex. She is so much more beautiful then my ex inside (more important for me) as well as out. I adore this girl and believe she is the woman I will spend the rest of my life with. I've never had 'that' feeling before. I'm telling you this mate, because this will happen to you. Focus on yourself, put the work in and when you are ready she will attract the right girl for you...I wish well mate. You have become very self aware and you are starting to think logically. That is half the battle...

 

P.S -> People that move on from relationship to relationship with little time in between are running away from their emotions. They don't want to or don't know how to deal with their feelings. Feelings are like weeds, if you ignore them, or run away from them they will end up running wild. Rebounders are normally emotionally immature people, who for various reasons can't be on their own. I could have told you that she would react like that when you said she was on the rebound. I think you have had a lucky escape there mate. In time you will see this..

 

Amen...

 

She is being very immature and not caring for you at all even through all youve guys been through. She will soon realize that this new guy wont compare, and that he is just a space filler. You deserve better than to be treated like that from her. Cut all contact. Work on yourself. Find that special someone.

[allite]

wow are you ****in kidding?

you definitely do not deserve any of this sir.

She has no right to come into your ****in life and say i dont miss you but i have a new bf.

There is no right and absoultely ridiculous.

But now you can truly move on sir. You can tell how much she cares and dude, remember that new girl at the club? Talk to her some more man. Go to the gym man.

screw the ex that screwed us over.

 

ugh, dude and you have been doing so well. So damn well. Its okay though positive. You know u got this far and you know you can do it again. Just learn from the mistake. What you and her had was alright but what you and someone else will have will knock your ex out the park.

 

Ugh, now i know to never ever talk to my ex or even remotely find out her well being.

Edited September 23, 2011 by allite

[EgoJoe]

Positive, we are all here for you and I echo Homebrew's sentiment.

 

I will add this one bit of information. When she said, "You don't know him and you don't know me." This is what she was really saying, "You are right. I am not going to admit it to you or myself because thinking this way spares me pain that someday I will either face or find another distraction until I become self-aware or die."

 

Welcome to the world of egotistical defense mechanisms. I went round and round before I discovered this information and it's ironic that I learned about the tell-tale signs from an uneducated woman after going over alot of information and data about the fact from professionals. Knowing this it is so much easier for me to spot this behavior and realize what I am in fact dealing with.

 

 

I would suggest having some compassion while simultaneously enforcing healthy boundaries for yourself. I struggle to follow this advice myself so do not beat yourself up too much.

[PositiveNegative]

Everyone,

 

Wow. Thank you so much for the responses. It really really means so much to me. Jon, Allite, I know all three of us are going through the same stuff simultaneously and have really appreciated input from you guys.

 

glutton, oh man. That sounds about 10 times worse than my situation. We are just kids. I am so sorry. I really can't fathom how you must be feeling right now.

 

Mack, that PS is spot on. This girl is seriously emotionally immature and my good friend whose wife left him had actually just told me the exact same thing. That the rebounders tend to lie to themselves about these kinds of things. Her time will come, I'm sure of that.

 

I am home with the folks now. I guess she told me at a good time, I would otherwise have been by myself. This is, obviously, quite a set back but also necessary for me to surrender the hope I was holding on to. I have broken down again and I will probably have a bit of trouble sleeping tonight. It's a different feeling than the initial breakup. Whereas the breakup had anger on the image of never having her again, the rebound has me angry at the thought of her with another man. It's honestly a much more powerful type of anger. To know that she is being held by someone else and sleeping with someone else. The pain is so fresh, I feel like punching something when I think about it. That she gets to have that happiness (fake or not) and I still have to suffer.

 

It's just all so weird. I bet she felt like such a great person that she allowed me to call her. She even ended the conversation saying that if I wanted to ever ask her something that I could contact her. She is trying so hard to soften her guilt. When I first started asking her questions she even said "I don't know how much I should tell you because I don't want you talking s*** about me." Well, here's the thing. Of course I will talk bad about her. Even if I didn't my friends aren't stupid. They know the pain I am going through, it's visible. I wouldn't have to say a word about her and they would know that she did my wrong. I asked her what separated him from me. She responded "I can't talk to you about this like I can my friends". Here's the thing. The two friends that she mentioned (and frankly the only friends she has left here) have zero relationship experience. Those are the shoulders she had to cry on and undoubtedly the ones that told her what she is doing is right. I have multiple friends with 4+ relationships and whose advice comes from actual experience and not assumptions or television shows. They have helped me tremendously which actual stories to relate to me.

 

My best friend and my once desired future partner is now, frankly, someone I despise. Hate? That may a little too harsh, can't deny going that far though. But that's the tale of the break up, isn't it? I will ignore her on campus. I will not contact her. And like most of the 6 billion people on this Earth, she is now a stranger. I can't wait for my time, dammit, I deserve my happiness.

[EgoJoe]

You really dodged a bullet with this one man. She uses self defeating behavioral language, employs egotistical defense mechanisms in the face of conflict and has deflected blame on to you.

 

You'll be alright when you let go of the attachment and are able to remind yourself of these things...you'll have new issues to confront then and believe me you'll have a chuckle or two about it at that time. I know I am and there is someone else on this forum that I PM with that is chuckling alongside me having witnessed the evolution of events as per my emotional and mental state.

[PositiveNegative]

Update:

 

I decided to email her. I had thought about it and I was too lenient on the phone call with her. Yes, I still love her and I have always backed down when she turned the tables on me. During the phone call I did not have the guts to tell her how angry I was. I decided to tell her how I really felt. The anger that I am going through as a result of the break up, the false hope, and the rebound. I do not blame her for the break up, as I understood her reasons. Though she would never admit it, she did not love me anymore, I could not do anything about that. I am quite angry at the fact that she lead me on like she did and that she swiftly replaced me and I believe I have the right to be. I expressed my anger without insulting her, it was done in a nonchalant way. I didn't know if she would respond. 4 hours later she did.

 

The first thing she did was say that she was going to write an apology email to me before she read my email. That she wanted to set things straight because she had regretted what she had said to me over the phone. She said "Shame on me, apparently, for thinking that I am a good enough person to do that" and that she wanted to "let [me] know just how much meant to [her]". I couldn't believe it. A pity email? A pat on the back for being a good Samaritan? This girl is truly running away from the guilt that she should have. Well, while she wanted to write me this "apology" email she instead wrote me a furious and angry email as a response to the one I gave her. She was trying to turn the tables on me. Note: I am the dumpee. I am the one that has been hurt.

 

She used the f-word quite a lot, and in capital letters. She scolded me for "transforming" her into a villain. She scolded me for not allowing myself to remember the good times we had together. The thing is, I remember them, and you know what? The good times make it much harder to understand how she has hurt me this badly. She said she wish she could have written "the email that I wanted to that would have detailed this and would have shed a better light on the situation".

 

She barely addressed the fact that she lead me on. I made a whole paragraph of it in my email. About being together again someday she said "Yes, I did inflate that statement into something more than I should have because it was what I wanted to believe at the time", she mentions that she had changed a lot already and "At the time that I said the things I said, it was what I thought I wanted, and they were the right things to say at the time. Now, in hindsight, I realize that I shouldn't have said them". She didn't say sorry though. She barely touched on the subject that made me hurt the absolute most.

 

I called her out on using me as a safety net in case this new relationship did not work. She was furious at this statement calling it the worst thing that has ever been said to her. She cursed me out, told me to imagine her screaming at me. She told me that she was planning to "tell you that I would have still liked to have been a part of your life and vice versa and let you know that me letting you go was hard". PART OF HER LIFE?!

How the hell did she STILL expect me to be a part of her life!? Yes, that's what I would love to do with my life. Hang out with my ex and my replacement! She STILL had the balls to say this. Letting go of me was hard!? Hard enough to be kissing (screwing?) a new man in two weeks!? She said that the email had made her feel all of the feelings that I described. "worthless, used, ignorant and just plain stupid".

 

"You have no right to judge me for being in a relationship now". Not true. I believe I had every right to judge her for the jump into a new relationship. She said how dare I try to "equivocate me to that of a shameless and desperate whore". Let me say now that I never used that word in my email, nothing close to it. I think her use of the word reflects her own worries about people's judgment of her character. I only told her that she should have given both her and I that time to think clearly about the break up.

 

I told her that the old her, the one I love, is now gone. She tries to say that she is the same person she always was saying "Yes, I have changed a lot already. That doesn't mean that I am a completely different and unrelatable person." I am not sure if she is trying to convince me or herself as that just sounds like a contradiction.

 

She goes on to tell me that she will only have good memories of me "Things that I will miss about you - because, yes, I will miss you". She took back what she said in our phone conversation, and mentions how this email was an apology for saying that. Another pat on the back for herself. To think, "Damn, I am such a good person for apologizing to him and being there after I tore his heart out!".

 

She ends it by telling me she had been more hurt by my email then she could describe. How it was the worst thing that anyone had ever said to her. That I succeeded in leveling the playing ground. Ending with "I guess you can move on now, knowing that you have truly hurt me and scarred me."

 

Here's the thing. If she truly wanted to tell me how hurt and how badly she felt for the email I sent her she would have said nothing. That would have hurt me more than anything she could have said. I think the guilt got the best of her though, she responded immediately and the format and language of the email showed anger but the guilt was clear. I'm glad that she responded, I know in time she will fully accept what she has done. I'm glad that I said everything from my heart. I wanted her to hurt. I wanted her to feel the anger that I have been through. She honestly figured that I would not be hurt from the events of this past month. She really really believed that. Impossible, if the break up has one person still in love then they will be hurt. This has been the hardest month of my entire life, she had the nerve to get mad at me! Thank you for following my story. I think this chapter has fully come to a close now.

[immitable]

well she broke up with you and people who break up do whatever they think feels right at the given moment, I feel sorry for the poor guy.

 

She seems mad at you because that's what she wants to believe. I can also tell you that in given time she is going to hit the rock bottom with teh rebound of hers but it is not your porblem.

 

You should have left her alone to figure it out for herself.

[Rorschach64]

PN,

 

I know how recieving that kind of e-mail feels like.

 

I did the same exact thing you did and confronted my ex-fiancee about all this bull**** she did to me just so she could walk away from the relationship guilt free and continuely string me along whilst playing the victim card if I tried to fight back.

 

In response she called me idiotic, pathetic, and I should wallow in my own **** for trying to get her to come back. Further more she said she never wished to see me again, regrets ALL the time we spent together and wish she never met me, also regrets offering me her friendship because she loved and care about me (Bull poop). Not once did I curse her out or was rude, I just expressed my feelings towards her actions and so forth.

 

She probably wasn't going to write an apology letter to you at all. She just said that to make herself feel great and noble, while making you out to be an impatient jack ass. She will eventually realize she is a total jerk.

[allite]

oh no positive -.-

i have so much to get off my chest, i have so much to tell my ex, how much she still hurts me and how can she move on just like that

but i dont.

i really didnt want you to email or call her

it wouldve been best to just leave her be cause its just bringing you back further.

but whats done is done. Honestly, what did you emailing her accomplish?

nothing so just dont do it again. if she emails you, read it and ignore it. or just dont even read it.

Not worth the time man.

[M2155]

When I briefly spoke with my ex, he said he was going to write me a email to explain himself too but in 3 weeks he hadn't so maybe he was just telling me that when I cornered him. I know he felt guilty and I let him off the hook by contacting him and letting him say he was confused blah blah blah instead of living with the guilt. I felt so much better short term after having the exchange but now I regret it. He got to confess that he wasn't feeling things the same, but wasn't trying to hear where he went wrong. It always takes two to tango and he got to walk away feeling like he closed the book and can move on without the guilt.

 

I suspect she is experiencing a lot of emotions too in order to respond that passionately. It takes time for the emotions to settle and to see the relationship for what it was, I mean it certainly took time for me as a dumpee to recognize my flaws so I can imagine what it will take even longer for a more complex relationship such as yours. I would say don't contact her anymore. She doesn't want to feel guilty right now and you are giving her fuel not to. Only time will allow her to face her own issues.

Edited September 24, 2011 by M2155

[mike588]

I was my ex g/fs rebound guy and 2 weeks after being dumped I emailed her telling her how she used me, never loved me etc.

 

She responded right away with a long so sorry email, never meant to hurt me , explaining what happened blah blah.

 

Now I regret it as M2155 said I too (I guess) let her off the guilt hook by being the 1st to contact her and allowing her to justify her actions? I would of prefered to allow her to hurt and feel guilty longer.

 

Almost 2 months later not a peep from her.

[PositiveNegative]

Right now, I do feel like I did what my heart wanted to do. I did think about it prior to sending it and I decided to do it based on the realization that I have let her walk over me throughout this whole break up. She was fair in meeting up with me for post-breakup meetings, but whenever I started to get upset with her she would turn the tables on me. Whether I regret it or not, I will find out in time. I don't know if she would've written that apology email. I would like to believe that she would've but I guess I will never know. I am not sure what difference it would have made though, reading the apology letter would have probably made me more upset and, like you all said, would have just let her continue to feel guilt-less. At the same time I do realize that if she sent it I would never have had to respond. I do wonder what it would have said, had I waited on sending my email I'm sure I would've seen it, in any case I don't think I could get over my anger over the quickly gained rebound. Am I wrong in feeling this angry about it? I'm sure she would have continued to recall all the good times we had together in an attempt to soften the blow, I remember the good times too as they were truly the best times of my life, but it is not my time yet to place those in front of the pain. The "what's if's" of the break up continue... In reading your posts I understand that the email I sent may have fueled her guilt-lessness and will extend it for a period of time.

 

Yes, I may regret it later. I do realize this. As M2155 had said I may just feel a short term feeling of righteousness having hurt her and having her tell me that. It means something to me that she even responded like she did, it was what I wanted to hear I guess. But, yes, maybe I should have shown my strength in my ability to ignore her. My anger got the best of me in this case. The thought of her with another man is truly an anger level that I have never experienced before. I will not contact her anymore. There is really no point. I will no doubt run into her on some days, there will most likely be no interaction between us as should be the case. Anyways, thank you all again for your responses. If anyone has further advice or comments it really would be much appreciated.

[PositiveNegative]

She called last night. I know what I should've done. Let it ring. I've told myself I would do that if it ever happened but when the reality was there I couldn't stop myself from answering. I never thought I would hear from her again, especially after her ridiculously angry email. She called just to apologize for the things she said to me and that she didn't want to leave anything on a bad note. The conversation started off as that but we ended having a full blown conversation for 2 hours. As I am sure is usual between two recent exes the conversation was a roller coaster ride of emotions. Anger, confusion, guilt, reminiscing, and finally back to anger. This was the first time we had had real conversation about our post BU lives since the BU. She told me what she missed about me. I tried my best to keep cool, I failed on so many levels. I kept asking her about this new relationship. For whatever reason she answered pretty much any question I had about it, she mentioned how guilty she was about the new relationship. She mentioned how the new relationship was not something that she wanted this soon but it seems like the guy was very forward in his approach and she didn't really think about it before she accepted it. She did have some feelings of regret but ultimately, of course, she thinks is it right. I asked her about the first time they kissed, she admitted that ours was better. She admitted that he was somewhat filling the emotional void that I left behind. I asked if she feels guilty when she feels happy with him and she said she does.

 

She mentioned how she was afraid that he would not be as good as me. She mentioned that she was afraid that she would not find better than me. And when there was complete silence she said "I don't know if it matters, but I miss you". She admitted to doing some virtual stalking after she had entered her new relationship and constantly checking her email to see if I ever emailed her. It all sounds so typical in hindsight, I've read so many stories where the dumpers say the exact same thing. At the end though there wasn't anything that she could have said that would've eased my pain of the rebound and I got angry when she tried more to justify it. She even told me that her friends told her initially that it was wrong. I told her to give me that speech that convinced them otherwise, she said she couldn't. I just got so frustrated and just couldn't control my anger, yelled at her, and hung up. I walked outside to cool down. She then texted me thanking me for even letting me talk to her. I didn't respond. This morning she texted me saying "I'm not happy...It is all just hitting me now and I am hurting more than you can imagine. I know you are so angry with me, and I am so sorry. Thank you for being such a good person and being mature enough to talk to me. I really miss you. Its not easy for me no matte what you think."

 

Five minutes later she says. "I'm sorry. Maybe I shouldn't have said that."

 

I am not going to respond, but dammit, I miss her too. I don't feel that bad for answering, but maybe I will later. I'm no expert at what to do here. I really am still learning...

[allite]

hey positive. i think that unless she calls and says, hey i regret my choice, i miss you and i want us to have a chance and im willing to work towards it. please just try to not let your guard down. Because this 2 hour phone call or just letting her say i miss you, i made a mistake is letting you put a guard down. and im not saying she will, but if one day she decides to leave again for this new guy then your back to base one.you made your stand when she broke up with you. just dont let her get to you again. it is painful hearing her say i miss you and im scared this new guy will not be as good when you think if he isnt as good, why are you going out with him. She is clearly really emotionally unstable and needs to work something out with or without you.

[mike588]

Yea don't respond to anymore contacts she may make with you. It's only gonna drag out your pain.

 

I only wish my ex would call to apoligize. I'm sure she won't cause she's back with the love of her life.

 

I know how hard it is. Keep posting if you need to "talk"

[PositiveNegative]

it is painful hearing her say i miss you and im scared this new guy will not be as good when you think if he isnt as good, why are you going out with him. She is clearly really emotionally unstable and needs to work something out with or without you.

 

Yeah, I asked he about that. In her words it's for the "experience". She says that in her heart that it felt right to be with him. She says she doesn't know if it will be a "good or bad experience" but whatever it is told her that it was right for her to be with him now. Experience. Stupid. I know.

[Diogenes]

I met a woman the other day at a cafe, she spotted the tan line where my wedding ring used to be, so I told her my tale of woe when she asked, and mentioned my bafflement at my treatment by women. We hit it off splendidly, and talked for hours. She told me, " You seem like a wonderful man, and don't deserve to suffer like this, I want to tell you a secret about women" I was all ears and leaned in close. She said " you know what women want ?" I leaned even closer, she said " We haven't a clue".

 

So the lesson here is you are never going to get a straight answer, what you are told on Monday will be wrong by Tuesday and not even remembered by them come Thursday. Unlike us poor slobs who are run mainly by testosterone, they spend everyday awash in a a variety of hormones, causing pre menstrual stress, period, post menstrual depression etc.

 

The end result they are only "normal" about three days in the entire month. It also seems to be they can turn off the love switch quickly for what seems to us to be unexplainable reasons, and they are, because not even they know why they feel this way.

 

We get a lot of verbage, but not much in the way of concrete answers. But what I do know is that when they are done with you, they are done with you, no amount of pleading, begging, or manipulation will get you anywhere long term. In some cases you might years later bump into them, only to be told "I was messed up, I don't know what I was thinking". So I gueus the short answer is, if they don't know , we are fools to even try and figure out the true reasons and move on to the next one, hopefully learning from the previous one.

[mike588]

That was good and so true. The part about when they are done with you they are done with you,,,, well,,,,, what about us suffering from an ex. going back to an ex when they are the ones who brokeup with them?

 

Apparently they weren't done?

[PositiveNegative]

Mike. Man, I've read about your situation and it really sounds so hard. I think for that we have to look at the part of the story where the woman said that women have no idea what they want.

 

My ex always used to say something to me whenever she was acting weird.

 

"Birth control is a hell of a drug".

[mike588]

Mike. Man, I've read about your situation and it really sounds so hard. I think for that we have to look at the part of the story where the woman said that women have no idea what they want.

 

My ex always used to say something to me whenever she was acting weird.

 

"Birth control is a hell of a drug".

 

Good point. It's kinda scary going into another relationship knowing that. I'll just guard my heart more closely next time.

[M2155]

Err... for the women I'd just like to say what we want is just hard to describe

 

Positvenegative, this woman does not sound equipped to be in a relationship right now. That is obvious in that you have her so easily second-guessing and feeling guilty. She jumped the fence and it's scary and she isn't so sure that she can jump back to the other side now. If you fold and let her, there is no precedent to keep her from doing it again when she gets her next whim to chase whatever it is that is missing. Keep doing what you are doing and take some time for yourself so you can see clearly if she is capable of maintaining the type of relationship you want. Right now she isn't and needs to deal with that on her own.