Can't stop feeling bitter.

[In A Rut]

Hi.

 

I need advice on how to move on. About 2 months ago I ended a two year friendship with a girl, but she wasn't any girl she was a girl that meant so much to me. I've never felt the way I did about this girl before. No other woman came close to her.

 

We started off as work colleagues, but it soon became apparent to me, her and everyone else at work that me and her had a special chemistry between us, an attraction, but I was always respectful of the fact she had a boyfriend and initially my attraction to her wasn't something I couldn't keep under wraps, but as time passed by I found my feelings and attraction for this girl grow in intensity.

 

She split up with her boyfriend in late March/early April and we began to spend time together. We spoke on the phone a lot, texted each other loads and I felt our friendship couldn't have been better and I felt my feelings grow stronger. Our mutual friends and work colleagues wanted us to become a couple desperately, but I was always weary of the situation because I didn't want to be rebound, plus I was due to sign up to join the Military in less than six months. One day when we out together, the flirting was at all time high as was the laugh and fun and she said to me "I wish you weren't going into the military, we could be together if you weren't going in" and she told me how she couldn't be with someone in the Military. So we decided to just remain friends.

 

I couldn't handle the fact that I felt like I was being punished for wanting this career and I became frustrated, well not long after she started acting more distant to me. We were supposed to meet up and then she was cancelling on me. She wouldn't text me back and I felt like she had changed her perception of me. I called her out on it and asked why has she started acting differently and she would never be honest with me and that's when we started to clash and argue.

 

These arguments came to a loggerhead in a nightclub a few months later. We weren't talking to each other and she shoved me in the back as she walked past, so we got into an argument and she told me some honest truths about what she thought of me, "How I wasn't special to her, how I was average and she could get better and that I ruined her last relationship with her boyfriend". I won't pretend I was a Saint in all of this, I take my fair share of the blame, I am certainly not a victim and I hope I haven't given off that impression?

 

Well a few weeks later, she apologised and I gave the friendship another shot, which was a mistake because she went around spreading rumours that I stalked her, was obsessed with her and that I was a complete freak of nature and a weirdo. Pretty damaging accusations and accusations that don't paint me in a positive light. How do I know about this? She told my best friend when she saw him in a bar on a Saturday night. Well the next day after hearing the news I was livid and made it known that under no circumstances did I ever want to hear or see this girl ever again. She tried to say she was joking and didn't mean it and that I was overreacting and she was drunk.

 

Well fast forward two months and I feel bitter, I've never felt more bitter. I also have a grudge against this girl and it's not shifting. I want to be able to let go, move on with my life, but everyday I think about this girl and I ask myself where did it go so horribly wrong. I ask myself what I did wrong and when I think of her smile or I see her come up on a friend's facebook page I feel bitter and resentment towards her. In fact everytime I think of her name my face looks like I've just swallowed a bitter pill.

 

I want to get my life back on track, but I feel like she has done my a personal wrong and I suppose in many ways I just want an apology and an explanation about why how one month we can be close and how the next month we can be like sworn enemies.

 

I think it's ashame that nothing materialised because I thought we would make an exceptional couple, because I felt we were exceptional friends, I guess I wrong. I know I can't change what's happened and she is no longer in my life, so I need to move on, but it's harder than I ever imagined it would be.

[Desensitized]

OP, sometimes we think that these sort of things can't happen to us. I, too, was an in a similar situation. I used to ask myself, "where did I go wrong?" Just know that everything you did then, happens for a reason, and, you wouldn't have acted the way you did if you weren't provoked. Like you, I was extremely bitter. But, after some months passed, I'm completely over it.

 

First thing's first, you could deactivate your Facebook. However, if you absolutely need it in your life, you could simply block her on Facebook and then you won't see her pop up anymore. Moving on is never easy. I never thought I would move on when I broke things off with my first true love/fiancee. We all move on. Whether we want to or not, really doesn't matter.

[grkBoy]

I dunno man. I read your post twice. You told her you wanted to get into the military and she made it clear she didn't want to be in a RL with a military man. Right there it should have all stopped.

 

I felt like I was being punished for wanting this career

 

She wasn't punishing you, but simply stating she didn't want to be in a RL with a military man. It could be the case if you like to body build and she rejects you because she doesn't want a man who is in the gym all the time instead of being with her. Maybe she's not wanting to end up as an "army wife" (have you seen how they're treated now?) or worse you head off to war and end up dead...or shipped far away to some base and she never sees you.

 

If she had gotten into a full RL with you knowing you wanted to enlist, and dumped you when you did...then I'd agree with you. She made it clear she's not going to take it to the "next level" because of your choice.

 

Her behavior after that is flaky, but it looks like she's worried about getting feelings for you. In many ways you should have seen this simply as "it's not meant to be" and moved on. Even the childish BS speaks volumes.

 

It's ok to be angry right now, but the next move is to delete her from your life, don't consider her a friend or anything, go to the military, stay alive, and later find a better woman who won't play games or reject you.

[In A Rut]

Thank you both for your responses. I feel much better after being able to get the monkey off my back. I've decided to put it past me, what's happened has happened, it shouldn't have happened, but it has done and if I don't move on from the past then I can't live for the present and build for the future.

 

I have deleted her from my life, I have had no contact with her for two months, but for some reason I've just felt bitter. I suppose it is because we both said a lot of horrible things to each other and the fact that she wasn't honest with me enough. One day you think you're really close to someone and the next day you're treated like an ordinary person that doesn't matter. I don't think I deserved that treatment, but it doesn't matter now. I can see why she did what she did and I accept that now. I won't get in contact with her and I'll be moving away from my town when I enter the Military, so I probably won't ever see her again. Even if I do see her I won't be unpleasant to her, I'll just smile, say hello and continue about my day.

[betterdeal]

Sometimes you have to make choices and you chose your career. She was probably a bit pissed that you rejected her in favour of your career, and being a bit odd about it is her way of disconnecting. Sucks, but what's done is done and you've made a clear decision, and you'll soon be over this and in a completely different life once you join up. Moving away will also help you draw a line under this one.

[In A Rut]

You're right but to me there was no choice to make I was always going to join the Military, it is what I've wanted to do for long time, long before I met her. I told her when I first met her that I was going to join the Military and she had a boyfriend then so it didn't matter. I was selfish to expect her to want a relationship with someone who wanted to be a Soldier and I guess on my part I was just frustrated because I never liked a girl as I much as liked/like her and not being able to have her really got to me as did the thought of someone else having her and that's where the problems started I think, along with her switching her feelings off like a switch. I admire people who are able to feel one thing for somebody one day and then the next day it changes, because I can't do that. As I say I'm not blameless in this, but I just want to be able to get over once and for all, remember the happier times we had and move on with life and I think by posting this thread I am finally ready to do just that.