MAGGIE15 Posted September 23, 2011 Posted September 23, 2011 After a long drawn out saga with my ex, i finally decided 8 weeks ago that to escape the pain i was in , i needed to go NC and work on the issues i had with myself. I got a better paid job, finished my degree and started to think positively. I knew my ex would never contact me as he really is cold hearted and would never ever show his emotions. I knew that in the long run that would be the best thing for me, as it would quash any hope i may have stupidly been holding on to, but........... Why do i now feel like i have stopped going forward. Why do i feel like im beginning to hurt again. I thought i was beginning to feel better in myself , yet today i had a crying fit because i missed him so much. I feel like i now have to fight with myself just to stop me contacting him. My heart says, texting 'hello' wont be that bad, but my head screams at me not to do it. My logic tells me if i contact him, i will just go straight back to sq 1 when he doesnt respond or at best, he will give me a cold curt reply which will show me he still see's me as a hinderance. I feel worse now than i did a month ago. Why after all this time do i feel like im regressing?
Viv Posted September 23, 2011 Posted September 23, 2011 Maggie, You posted this on my thread a while ago and it's really helped me to stop contacting the cold, heartless ex. I've managed 11 days so far, and reading old diary entries makes me realise that I'm not in the immense pain I was. So don't do it, you're having a bad day, but it will be better again soon, don't go back to square one! x "Take it one day at a time. It is so hard trying to not contact them when you have so many questions and so much pain inside you and maybe even think that 'this time' you may get the answers or response that you need and want. It is the worst feeling in the world to fight the urge to send that last email, text, IM, whatever, but you need to stay strong and fight your way through this. I didnt think i could do it and believe me i made EVERY mistake there was hoping he would change his mind or the latest piece of info i had would open up a dialogue again and maybe we could fix whatever issues we had. But all it did to me was make me an emotional wreck everytime he responded coldly or cruelly or just didnt respond at all. I realised that contacting him and the feelings i got when he 'disgarded' me again were actually worse that the feeling of not being in contact. When you feel like you need to contcat him and the urge gets unbearable, just take one minute to think of how you would feel if you got the response you didnt want. Think of those feelings of despair when you dont get the answer you so desperately want. Think of that sick heavy feeling in your guts when they dont respond. Think of how much worse you will feel about yourself and the damage to your self esteem. They say ignorance is bliss, and in both our cases , it truly is !!"
Author MAGGIE15 Posted September 23, 2011 Author Posted September 23, 2011 Thanks so much for that reply Viv. I needed to read that to see it in black and white just how i would feel if i did contact. My head tells me exactly what he would say and how i would be so hurt by it, but my heart seems to be totally off the radar and tells me something completely different. I thought after 8 weeks my heart would have caught up by now, but it still seems to want to fight with my head !!!!!! Im not in that immense pain like at the beginning, but somedays it feels like it is trying to creep back in. Thanks again for reminding me just what i would let myself in for if i did it. Well done for reaching day 11. I hope you are beginning to feel better . Did you manage to finish your assignment without any help from your ex? x
Thieves Posted September 23, 2011 Posted September 23, 2011 Your head and logic are pretty damn spot on. Listen to them. Tell you what, if you're really thinking of texting him, do me a favor: wait. Wait and sleep on it for a day or two, and then come back here and tell us how you feel about texting him then. While you're waiting, think about this: What are you expecting to get out of texting him 'hello'? Be totally honest. What if you don't get what you expected at all? It's easy to fall back to the thought of contacting an ex, but you know why? Because you're having a rough spot. Simple as, Maggie. That's all. You're starting to heal, but it can still sneak up and all of a sudden you're filled with doubt and nostalgia that you thought you were over by now. But if today had been an awesome day, a day filled with optimism and positive feelings, would you be wanting to text your ex? Most likely not. You'd want to that good feeling to last and not let your ex ruin it, right? Well, the same thing goes for right now. You're not regressing either. The proof you're not is that you're doing great with getting a new job, your degree, and your new positive mindset. Don't risk blowing all that work out of the water because you feel you have to text him..
Author MAGGIE15 Posted September 23, 2011 Author Posted September 23, 2011 Thanks Thieves for your reply. You are so right. I have been feeling nostalgic and for some reason remembering the good times, and maybe stupidly thought that 8 weeks was enough time to have 'forgotten' all the bad stuff that happened with my ex and just maybe he might be different this time. But i know he wont be and yet again , it will be me crying in the bathroom, sick feeling in my guts and my mind racing over and over. Just reading the posts from you and Viv have made me realise just how stupid my train of thought has been going lately and that staying complete and utter NC is the only way forward . Thank you both for 'knocking some sense in to me' !!! x
Viv Posted September 23, 2011 Posted September 23, 2011 Hey Just posting the great advice you gave to me . It sucks that you're feeling like this after 8 weeks of NC but I guess everyone says it's a roller coaster, reminds me to be aware that there will still be some pretty bad days ahead. Yes I am feeling better thank you, can eat, sleep, concentrate again, and have stopped obsessively checking phone and email (well not so much). I got an extension for the assignment and had a couple of weeks where I couldn't concentrate at all, but should finish it within the next few days. All without the help of the ex, it's crazy that I really convinced myself I couldn't do it alone? When it turns out I can. I've just started reading 'How to break your addiction to a person', maybe it will help?
Viv Posted September 23, 2011 Posted September 23, 2011 Thanks Thieves for your reply. You are so right. I have been feeling nostalgic and for some reason remembering the good times, and maybe stupidly thought that 8 weeks was enough time to have 'forgotten' all the bad stuff that happened with my ex and just maybe he might be different this time. But i know he wont be and yet again , it will be me crying in the bathroom, sick feeling in my guts and my mind racing over and over. Just reading the posts from you and Viv have made me realise just how stupid my train of thought has been going lately and that staying complete and utter NC is the only way forward . Thank you both for 'knocking some sense in to me' !!! x Thank goodness, 8 weeks is way too much of an achievement, stay strong x
Author MAGGIE15 Posted September 24, 2011 Author Posted September 24, 2011 Viv, You are right, it is a rollercoaster and can creep up on you at anytime. It has taken me all my strength to get to 8 weeks and i would be a complete and utter fool to break it now, especially as i know the outcome. Why would i want to put myself through that again?? He has consistently shown me he couldnt care less about how i feel or whether or not he see me or hears from me again, so why should i think this time would be any different!!hought about texting him Just reading what i wrote to you brought back all those feelings of dread when i thought about texting him and it just reinforces the feeling that i should never ever do it again. I dont think i am addicted to him as such as i know he is cold and cruel and only ever thinks of himself, but i think i miss what i thought it could be if that makes sense. WELL DONE for completing your assignment on your own without any help from your ex. It shows that you can do it and just how strong you are within yourself. Its good to hear you are feeling better about things especially after the way he treated you. Stay positive sweet and show him exactly what you can do without him !! x
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