ElizabethW1 Posted September 23, 2011 Posted September 23, 2011 Ok, here`s the situtation. my boyfriend and I have been dating for 9 months now, and it is a pretty good and healthy relatinship. he never cheated on me, he is always supportive and not a bit jelaous. the problem is. he spends too much time with his friends (he has a group of 10-11 friends). they see each other 2-3 times a day. we see each other aprox. twice a day, for a coffe in the morning and a beer and a walk in the evening. i have been out of the city for 5 days, came back yesterday, and expected a romantic friday evening with him, but he told he was going out with two of his friends. i got a little mad, told him how sad i feel about spending a friday night alone (i dont how much friends.) he kept saying he really loves me and how important i am to him, but didnt offer to take me out anyway. the fact that pisses me of the most is that he is having fun with them, and i am sutck home with nobody to go out and have fun with. this isnt the first time i stayed home alone while he was out with them: it happens at least twice a month. do i have the rigth to be angry with him? and how should i react to make him weant to spend time with me more?
phineas Posted September 23, 2011 Posted September 23, 2011 You've allready told him how you felt & he disreguarded those feelings & went out anyways. Find a new BF. Stop trying to fix this one. I'm willing to bet there are tons of guys who would love to spend time with you instead of his friends. go find one of them.
Eddie Edirol Posted September 23, 2011 Posted September 23, 2011 You have no right to be angry. The way you make it sound, he has always been like this. You have to accept him as he is. He wants to spend more time with hisx friends than with you, you know where you stand, and you stay in the relationship anyway. If youre not getting what you want, then dump him. Also, unless you made plans with him to go out the friday when you came back, and didnt ASK him if he made plans with his friends, you shouldnt expect him to hang with you when he already made plans. If he didnt already make plans, then you really know where you stand. He doesnt like to hang with you that much, hes not that into you, he likes his friends more. The only way to get him to want to spend more time with you, you have to restrict your time with him. You have to get your own life and friends, and then make him feel slighted. Give him a taste of his own medicine. But I have a feeling you need this relationship more than he does.
oaks Posted September 23, 2011 Posted September 23, 2011 this isnt the first time i stayed home alone while he was out with them: it happens at least twice a month. Are you really saying that twice a month your boyfriend goes out with his friends without you? That sounds quite healthy, rather than something to complain about. Do you have any friends? Maybe you should do something with them a couple of times a month, too!
make me believe Posted September 23, 2011 Posted September 23, 2011 I think twice a night "guy nights" sounds fine, and also that you should try to make some female friends so you can have girl time while he's with his friends. But also, does he ever invite you out with him & his friends? He should be including you sometimes when he goes out with them.
january2011 Posted September 23, 2011 Posted September 23, 2011 Ok, here`s the situtation. my boyfriend and I have been dating for 9 months now, and it is a pretty good and healthy relatinship. he never cheated on me, he is always supportive and not a bit jelaous. the problem is. he spends too much time with his friends (he has a group of 10-11 friends). they see each other 2-3 times a day. we see each other aprox. twice a day, for a coffe in the morning and a beer and a walk in the evening. i have been out of the city for 5 days, came back yesterday, and expected a romantic friday evening with him, but he told he was going out with two of his friends. i got a little mad, told him how sad i feel about spending a friday night alone (i dont how much friends.) he kept saying he really loves me and how important i am to him, but didnt offer to take me out anyway. the fact that pisses me of the most is that he is having fun with them, and i am sutck home with nobody to go out and have fun with. this isnt the first time i stayed home alone while he was out with them: it happens at least twice a month. do i have the rigth to be angry with him? and how should i react to make him weant to spend time with me more? I'm a bit confused. He sees them a twice a day or twice a month? I agree with Eddie that communicating with him about your return and making plans for the Friday may have mitigated the current state of affairs. Unless you both have the same expectations, you're going to have to communicate them to each other otherwise someone's going to end up being upset. Whilst it might have been nice for him to anticipate that you'd want to spend time with him that Friday, unless you are explicit in your communications, he's not going to be able to read your mind. Egos aside, unless it's an emergency, would you really want someone who bails on ready-made plans, just because something 'better' came along?
Imageiko Posted September 23, 2011 Posted September 23, 2011 You see him twice a day but he can't go out 1 night a week with his friends?? Seems to me like you're being too selfish and needy by getting upset by a twice a month boys night out. Why complain that he has friends and you don't, that's not his fault. Go get some friends of your own then you won't be all upset when he's got other plans ocationally.
grkBoy Posted September 23, 2011 Posted September 23, 2011 I dunno Elizabeth. I can understand you miss him, and you could get mad if he's not planned any time with you this weekend...but he sees you twice a day, and you two date normally (I assume), but you're seemingly getting mad that two days out of a generally 30-day month he goes out without you. This is actually one thing my fiance does that bugs me...and we've talked about it. I'll plan to go out with friends and then see she's all sad when the day comes. I told her not to get all codependent, and even urge her to see her own friends and such when times come. I've told her at times she also needs "girl time". It's not pushing her away, but simply trying to help her keep balance. Too often I'll see men and women (especially women) make their RL "their entire world". They won't have many or any friends, and thus the only person they have is their SO. Suddenly the SO is out without him/her and they can't stand it. You need to make some friends, have a life outside of the RL. Right now it looks like you're codependent, and this will only lead to things getting worse as time goes on. Build your own life, so you can enjoy alone time as much as you enjoy couple time.
Imageiko Posted September 23, 2011 Posted September 23, 2011 It's not pushing her away, but simply trying to help her keep balance. Too often I'll see men and women (especially women) make their RL "their entire world". They won't have many or any friends, and thus the only person they have is their SO. Suddenly the SO is out without him/her and they can't stand it. You need to make some friends, have a life outside of the RL. Right now it looks like you're codependent, and this will only lead to things getting worse as time goes on. Build your own life, so you can enjoy alone time as much as you enjoy couple time. Very good advice here imo.
Mme. Chaucer Posted September 24, 2011 Posted September 24, 2011 He sees his friends 2-3 times a day, and sees you twice a day? Does he have time to go to work or anything? Joking aside, you NEED to have your own friends and activities that you enjoy. I do understand wanting to be with him after 5 days away, and being annoyed that he is not prioritizing that, but otherwise I think you're setting yourself up for big problems. Obviously you are involved with a very social fellow and he's likely to grow weary of you depending upon him for all your own fun and socializing.
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