billy42515 Posted September 23, 2011 Posted September 23, 2011 I am back,really don't know what to do next. Divorce is not what I want but she is now completely shut down. We have not had a discussion for a week, she completely ignores me, we went to our boys school open house and it was "I,I,I"not we or us. I have ceased to exist. She has talked about my family and I on Facebook (not good things either). Like so many couples that think it's ok to beat down the spouse verbally but you can't defend yourself or it gets worse.We are both professionals she has earned a masters degree and earn a good living,live in a nice home, and have well mannered children at least when their not at home pretty normal life. My wife cannot or will not forgive on any level for any wrongs I have done even the things that are not true. I don't know how much longer I can go with the constant barrage of that I as a husband, have never been a partner, don't do anything around the house and do not support her in any way. Well a good provider doesn't count building a nice home without any support from her doesn't count taking care of the boys doesn't count doing all of the outside maintenance doesn't count, cleaning dusting vacuuming and some cooking doesn't count. As like some others I have never had any other relationships while dating or married ( she cannot truthfully say the same although denies it)I do not verbally or physically harm her or the children we are not drug users or alcoholics. This emotional disconnect along with the prodding of her coworkers to tear down our marriage is almost more than I can bear. The easy solution is to get an attorney file and move on but, I still love my wife although she doesn't recognize valentines day our anniversary or my birthday which is hurtful but as Lloyd is Dumb and Dumber said" So you mean there is still a chance" Help it's hard enough with no support but when your in the negative column it's even worse.
worldgonewrong Posted September 23, 2011 Posted September 23, 2011 Your story parallels mine in some respects. One word of advice (or observation): you can't change selfish people. If you try, it strengthens their selfish resolve. They have to 'wake up' (or not) on their own.
reboot Posted September 23, 2011 Posted September 23, 2011 You may not want to hear this, but it sounds like she's having an affair.
andyg99 Posted September 23, 2011 Posted September 23, 2011 I've come across enough posts here where I can honestly say that there are tons of guys who would read this and say "hey, that's what my wife did/said!"... the only thing you can do is move on and be the best dad you can be... let her go... and if you really want that one-in-a-million chance that Llyod was talking about then you HAVE to let her go... by being needy and clingy your chances become a big fat ZERO. And the good thing is that if you move on and heal IF she ever wants back in you can make a decision NOT based on emotion (or very little emotion)...
robf1971 Posted September 26, 2011 Posted September 26, 2011 ... let her go... and if you really want that one-in-a-million chance that Llyod was talking about then you HAVE to let her go... by being needy and clingy your chances become a big fat ZERO. And the good thing is that if you move on and heal IF she ever wants back in you can make a decision NOT based on emotion (or very little emotion)... If you cut the clingy, needy behaviour, start manning up, be decisive, stand up to your wife' without being a jerk, that 1 in a million chance becomes 1 in 10. I am testament to that,
andyg99 Posted September 26, 2011 Posted September 26, 2011 If you cut the clingy, needy behaviour, start manning up, be decisive, stand up to your wife' without being a jerk, that 1 in a million chance becomes 1 in 10. I am testament to that, exactly - a lot of guys have it backwards, all of the "you're my world" or "I love you with all my heart" needs to be saved for when the marriage is on solid ground... when things are headed for divorce the best thing to do is take charge, if you want to save the marriage then show her you are ok without her - it sounds like playing a game but it's not... I learned this after my marriage failed, had I taken a different course she might have changed her mind... BUT I'm glad we didn't reconcile at that time, I've had an amazing life without her! when we are left/cheated on/hurt/etc. the majority of the time the hurt spouse would do anything to fix it... think about what you want to fix before YOU put in the effort (and usually the person who was screwed over does all the work - see the problem here??)
Tiberius Posted September 28, 2011 Posted September 28, 2011 She is an old fashioned woman who wants an assertive man and puts her in her place, thats why she is frustrated. Sadly in todays world being that man carries many risks and is no longer feasible.
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