wse778 Posted September 23, 2011 Posted September 23, 2011 (edited) I recently ended an emotional affair with a co-worker. I'm 25 and the woman I cheated with is 35. It's not an atypical story, but it arose from a makeout session at a drunken Christmas party outing and resulted in months of painfully distanced emails of trying to rebuild a friendship at work while I half-heartedly tried to devote myself to my existing relationship. In that time, it ate me alive with how much I wanted to be with "other woman." I was and am extremely attracted to her. I'll admit that this was a perfect storm of life-long fantasies of being with an older woman possibly being acted on and taking advantage of a platonic relationship that always had a "more than just friends" vibe. Through eventually talking at lunches during work feelings became even more entrenched and I just couldn't help myself anymore. We kissed and this time it seemed like it was going to be a full-fledged affair. Shortly thereafter, my girlfriend of 4 years found out about the other woman. She was devastated and, honestly, I was just as equally. Despite what I've done, I still love her. It's hard to picture my life without her. But, I feel like it would have been easier to get over what had happened if it had just been a purely physical event of cheating. I could have looked at it in the terms of "Well, I cheated because I always wanted to be with an older woman." But, the fact remains that feelings were there before any of this ever happened and became even stronger after. My girlfriend wants to rebuild our relationship, as do I. I want to get to the point where I can physically invest myself with her as much as I can emotionally, but these nagging fantasies compounded by my feelings for the other woman make me feel like I have a giant mountain to climb that I'm not sure I can get over. I've gone a month without contact with her and the other day she just popped her by my office to say "Hi." I thought I was making baby steps to put this past me, but when I saw her all these feelings came rushing back tenfold. It makes me wonder if I'm with the right person or if the other woman is who I should be with. Or am I just lost? Where do I go from here? Edited September 23, 2011 by wse778 Typo
HappyFlower Posted September 23, 2011 Posted September 23, 2011 Stop telling your GF you want to rebuild the relationship if you're not 100% comitted. You did wrong by her and she's being brave in trying again. Sounds like you're thinking you can't imagine your life without her, so you're staying with her for your own benefit because its easier than leaving when the other woman isn't in regular contact with you. I think you need to take some time away from both women, both for your sake and your GF's. Decide what you want and what you're prepared to work at, and go from there.
nofool4u Posted September 23, 2011 Posted September 23, 2011 I recently ended an emotional affair with a co-worker. I'm 25 and the woman I cheated with is 35. It's not an atypical story, but it arose from a makeout session at a drunken Christmas party so it wasn't just emotional. it was physical too. sex or no sex. In that time, it ate me alive with how much I wanted to be with "other woman." I was and am extremely attracted to her. I'll admit that this was a perfect storm of life-long fantasies of being with an older woman possibly being acted on and taking advantage of a platonic relationship that always had a "more than just friends" vibe. Through eventually talking at lunches during work feelings became even more entrenched and I just couldn't help myself anymore. We kissed and this time it seemed like it was going to be a full-fledged affair. again, physical too, not just emotional. Ok, in all of that, where is the question? Or are you just wanting to get it out? Shortly thereafter, my girlfriend of 4 years found out about the other woman. She was devastated and, honestly, I was just as equally. Despite what I've done, I still love her. It's hard to picture my life without her. But, I feel like it would have been easier to get over what had happened if it had just been a purely physical event of cheating. I could have looked at it in the terms of "Well, I cheated because I always wanted to be with an older woman." But, the fact remains that feelings were there before any of this ever happened and became even stronger after. My girlfriend wants to rebuild our relationship, as do I. I want to get to the point where I can physically invest myself with her as much as I can emotionally, but these nagging fantasies compounded by my feelings for the other woman make me feel like I have a giant mountain to climb that I'm not sure I can get over. I've gone a month without contact with her and the other day she just popped her by my office to say "Hi." I thought I was making baby steps to put this past me, but when I saw her all these feelings came rushing back tenfold. It makes me wonder if I'm with the right person or if the other woman is who I should be with. Or am I just lost? Where do I go from here?
nofool4u Posted September 23, 2011 Posted September 23, 2011 Stop telling your GF you want to rebuild the relationship if you're not 100% comitted. You did wrong by her and she's being brave in trying again. I agree. just break up with the gf. she doesn't deserve this.
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