aerogurl87 Posted September 23, 2011 Posted September 23, 2011 My boyfriend and I had a rocky start to the year. We broke up about three times within a few months and after some begging on his part I finally agreed to move with him, although it was done begrudgingly. Anyway, I had some fears from the beginning about taking such a step and over the past 6 months that I've lived with him, almost every one has been realised and now I'm thinking of going back home. First off, I don't love him. I like him alot and I care about him and want him to be happy, but I don't feel like I love him romantically. We haven't had sex in a week (I usually like sex at least 5 days out of the week) and I'm completely fine with that. When he tries to kiss me, I want him to move away from me. I hate having him in my personal space and now that he's getting super clingy I'm just irritated with him. And I've tried to put in an effort to want to be affectionate, but it feels forced and I'm just not into it anymore. Second of all, I hate living here. My ex bestfriend and I had a falling out at the beginning of the year, so I don't really have any friends left. And I've yet to make any friends here since I don't consider getting drunk my whole weekend to be my ideal of a great weekend, unlike most of the girls here. I also feel like an outcast in my new city and just don't like it here. Third, I now have major trust issues with my boyfriend. It all started when he started texting one of his ex girlfriends because she was "depressed" and he felt obligated to be friends with her. I was ok with it until he implemented the "you still can't talk to your ex boyfriends" double standard. Then one day I came home to him quickly getting off the phone with her when I walked through the door which deepened my suspicions. I talked to him about it and it got brushed off by him. Then a few weeks later I found out that he went to the mall with some girl he met online and he says they just talked and walked around. That made me livid since he did the same thing when we were broken up (more on that later). After that his other ex magically got his new number, he claims he doesn't know how but I don't trust him period anymore. Fourth, I feel that he holds lots of double standards for us. When we were broken up for instance, he told me that he wanted me to be completely honest with him, and I was. From telling him about what my ex and I talked about on the phone to how I felt. And then I found out after I moved to be with him that he secretly went on a date with some girl while we were broken up. This was when he told me he wasn't seeing anyone cause he was too broken hearted to do so and that he just wanted me and didn't want me talking to anyone else because he wasn't seeing anyone either. I wouldn't have been as pissed off, except he made up an elaborate lie to cover up the date when it happened. Yet he expected me to be 100% honest with him and I was. He claims he's sorry for lying to me, but when it takes you months to come clean about something and you keep up a lie to me for those first few months, I have to wonder. Anyway, so I'm going home for a visit next month and I'm thinking of not returning. I would have a place to stay if I moved back, and since I didn't bring much stuff with me in the first place, it wouldn't be a hard thing to do. I know if I told my boyfriend I was thinking of moving back, he'd try to stop me anyway he could cause that's just how he is. Still not sure, but do you think it's bad to lie and say it's just a visit when I'm seriously considering making a permanent move back home?
sleepykitten Posted September 23, 2011 Posted September 23, 2011 Yes i think its bad to lie and say youre going for a visit when youre not and youre not coming back. How would you feel if someone did that to you. If youre going to end it you should do so face to face and not sneak off and lie. I think you should treat others how you would like to be treated yourself.
Author aerogurl87 Posted September 23, 2011 Author Posted September 23, 2011 Yes i think its bad to lie and say youre going for a visit when youre not and youre not coming back. How would you feel if someone did that to you. If youre going to end it you should do so face to face and not sneak off and lie. I think you should treat others how you would like to be treated yourself. Well I told him I may or may not come back, so I don't think I've lied. The thing is, right now I don't know what I'm going to do. So is that really a lie? EDIT: He just told me that I shouldn't leave because if I go back home I'll be broke and miserable. More manipulation.
TheDovic Posted September 23, 2011 Posted September 23, 2011 He doesn't treat you very well and you're unhappy (really unhappy by the sounds of things) so I think you should leave him. I do think you should tell him face to face though!
Author aerogurl87 Posted September 23, 2011 Author Posted September 23, 2011 He doesn't treat you very well and you're unhappy (really unhappy by the sounds of things) so I think you should leave him. I do think you should tell him face to face though! Well we've had a talk about things and I've told him face to face that I may leave. Like I said, I haven't made a definite decision yet. Of course he blames this on my hormonal birth control and swears everything is fine (it's not though). And he does treat me well, I mean he gave me his car when I moved here and he takes me out to dinner, buys me nice stuff, is very affectionate. It's just that when I state a concern and he doesn't agree with it he gets very defensive and/or finds someway to blame it either on an external source or says I'm just overanalyzing everything.
Mack05 Posted September 23, 2011 Posted September 23, 2011 Aero this is very clear for me. The relationship is over. It's just a matter of when. Packing up and moving is a cowardly way of dealing with things. How would you feel if a man you loved did that to you? Here is what I would do if I were you. I would pack up and leave when he is not there. I would then stay in a hotel for a night, before you are going home. I would meet him in a public place and explain to him basically what you just wrote here. He deserves the truth. If a man hears a woman does not love him, he will normally leave without too much of a fight. It he gets a bit messy at least you are in a public place. Once the final confrontation is finished you can get a taxi to the hotel. Once you have given him your goodbye's to his face, then you don't owe him anything after that.
tigressA Posted September 23, 2011 Posted September 23, 2011 This is a no-brainer. Get out of there ASAP. Arguing about texting exes...drama. If both of you were truly happy with each other there wouldn't be any arguing over that. You wouldn't want to bother being in touch with anyone you used to date.
Author aerogurl87 Posted September 23, 2011 Author Posted September 23, 2011 Aero this is very clear for me. The relationship is over. It's just a matter of when. Packing up and moving is a cowardly way of dealing with things. How would you feel if a man you loved did that to you? Here is what I would do if I were you. I would pack up and leave when he is not there. I would then stay in a hotel for a night, before you are going home. I would meet him in a public place and explain to him basically what you just wrote here. He deserves the truth. If a man hears a woman does not love him, he will normally leave without too much of a fight. It he gets a bit messy at least you are in a public place. Once the final confrontation is finished you can get a taxi to the hotel. Once you have given him your goodbye's to his face, then you don't owe him anything after that. I think I'm just gonna pack up my stuff and a day before I leave I'm gonna tell him that I'm leaving for good. I already told him I was falling out of love with him and things aren't getting better and I'm not happy, but he's in major denial. I shouldn't be surprised though cause he's always been like this. I'm waiting to see if things change though cause I do want things to work (I hate feeling like a failure), but I've tried and tried and nothing has changed. @tigressA I should leave now I know, and yes the arguing about texting exes is sad. The thing is I didn't care that he talked to them till he started sneaking to do it behind my back while lashing out at me for being upfront with him about me talking to people I used to date. I feel like this relationship is just one sided and I'm fed up.
Star Gazer Posted September 23, 2011 Posted September 23, 2011 I already told him I was falling out of love with him and things aren't getting better and I'm not happy, but he's in major denial. It doesn't sound like he's in denial to me. It sounds like he's too lazy to end the R himself, and doesn't care. It also sounds like he's trying to line up the next woman so he won't be alone when you dump him. I bet good money he knows what's coming down...
Mme. Chaucer Posted September 23, 2011 Posted September 23, 2011 You owe it to yourself to be a stand-up woman and actually tell him what's going on with you, and communicate clearly and openly about whether you are breaking up with him or not. It seems very sneaky, weak and passive (maybe passive aggressive) to halfway plan to never return from a visit to your family. That means you have to know what you are going to do, yourself. People who get involved in serious relationships do owe it to themselves and to the other person to be honest and clear. Your relationship certainly does not sound like it has any aspects to it that are strong enough to work on saving, from your description.
sandyenric Posted September 23, 2011 Posted September 23, 2011 i would suggest you to leave him and pack up your things and go to your home
Author aerogurl87 Posted September 24, 2011 Author Posted September 24, 2011 It doesn't sound like he's in denial to me. It sounds like he's too lazy to end the R himself, and doesn't care. It also sounds like he's trying to line up the next woman so he won't be alone when you dump him. I bet good money he knows what's coming down... Nah he's in denial. This is the same guy who told me that the Devil was trying to end our relationship when I told him I still had lingering feelings for my ex and he wouldn't believe me. I've been as honest as anyone can be and quite honestly if I was dating someone and they told me half the stuff I've told him (cause he asked and I promised him I'd always be honest with him) I would've left a long time ago. I did talk to him last night and told him that I really didn't know if I wanted to continue our relationship and he told me that we would see how I felt once I came off my birth control. I agreed to this, but I doubt it's just the birth control making me feel this way. I think he's just afraid of being alone and that he thinks if I leave him he'll be alone which is what he's scared of. I am his first love, first girlfriend, first girl he had sex with, so he's afraid of all that going away I guess. Plus, he has low self esteem. I know he doesn't want our relationship to end, I think now he's just trying to do everything and anything to make it work out even if he knows it's ending.
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