SugarLily Posted September 23, 2011 Posted September 23, 2011 As you probably know, I am in the very early stages of my break up. I got ditched 6 days ago today. The problem is that me and my ex literally live 10 minutes away from each other - and we sometimes socialise in the same places. Obviously I am going to avoid the places I know he definitely hangs out - but I can't predict where he's going to be and when. My question is - IF by some unfortunate luck I do see him - how do I act? I was thinking that it would be best to just say 'Hello' and ask how he is and leave it at that? Be civil and polite. The problem is, that because it's such a recent break up, I would probably be tempted to say something stupid like 'I understand why you did what you did - and I support you' . Would that be inappropriate? Your advice would be GREATLY appreciated!! x x x
Mack05 Posted September 23, 2011 Posted September 23, 2011 Sugar these are questions only you can answer. We may plan things in our heads but the reality turns out very different, especially when it's not expected. People deal with things in their own way. Some breakups are nasty, some are cordial. Mine was nasty and while I have forgiven my ex and wish her well, I wouldn't smile or approach her. Breakups that are cordial, maybe you can wave and say hi. Either way I personally wouldn't approach him but if he came to me and started a conversation I would engage..This one though is up to you..
Author SugarLily Posted September 23, 2011 Author Posted September 23, 2011 Wow - okay, thank you for the advice Mack! I guess I thought there was a clear code of conduct - but how can there be when we are all individuals and every relationship is unique? I've been reading a bit about 'indifference' lately. Though the reality is, in my mind, I spent a long time with this guy - for better and worse, so it would be sad if I couldn't even bring myself to say 'hi'. Though, it would probably come more naturally to ignore him at this stage. x
shortee143 Posted September 23, 2011 Posted September 23, 2011 Exactly like Mack said- we can try to plan, but it is hard! I see my ex often, as we have a million mutual friends, he lives with some, and we just see each other way more often than I would like. I tried to "plan" what to say and how to act every time I saw him (it was never unexpected, as I always knew he would be there), but not once did it go accordingly. Now that I am 6 months post breakup, he has a new gf...and all I have done the last 2 months is say nothing! Saying nothing, despite how much I want to say to him, seems to work for me. I am angry and hurt, but damned if he gives a hoot. Esp now that he has moved on..there is no point. Not too mention, being overly friendly is just too fake for me. But if you run into him, do what feels natural..you'll know. Like I find it natural now to just say nothing (despite my nerves and racing heart!!).
Author SugarLily Posted September 23, 2011 Author Posted September 23, 2011 Thank you for your reply Shortee! I guess i'll just have to see how I feel when (more hopefully IF) the situtaion arises. I hate the idea of not saying anything to him - but it might be easier than having to speak. I'm hoping that I find some sense of clairty in the next few months which will allow me to at least be polite. x
shortee143 Posted September 23, 2011 Posted September 23, 2011 Your welcome. It def takes time to get to the polite stage, or you just fake it haha. I have gone thru a lot of bs since he has been in my life post breakup, so I did it all. The fake friendly, making him think I am ok, telling him i love him, being bitter, yelling at him, etc lol..so now, I just keep quiet, bc it gets me nowhere (But don't get me wrong, there is so much I want to say to him!) I def hope if the situation arises for you it isnt too soon, and you can just pass him by, with little regard but a hello
rubberball Posted September 23, 2011 Posted September 23, 2011 I live down the street from mine, and we work together I try to be polite and treat her like everyone else, its hard since I miss her so much. Fake it till you make it.
blueskyday Posted September 23, 2011 Posted September 23, 2011 (edited) Depends on the reason for the break up, time elaspsed since break up, and if you still love them. Scenario #1 Recent, bad break up -- Calmly look away, ignore and walk away Scenario #2 Months ago, ok breakup, don't really care about them -- smile, say hi, chat for a minute, then be on way Scenario #3 Months ago, they broke up with you, but you still care -- Smile, keep walking by them as you say "Heyyy..." Don't turn around.... Scenario #4 Months, years, later, they cheated on you -- Pretend you don't notice them until they say something to you...act disinterested and non-chalant, as in "Oh, Hi." Fake smile. Pick up your phone and say into it, "Hey Baby, on my way home." Keep walking. Be nice, but like to a stranger who is trying to sell you something! Slighty annoyed. Good luck. Just never let them see you sweat! Edited September 23, 2011 by blueskyday
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