Is "touchy feely" on a first date bad?

[snug.bunny]

I had a first date with a guy. He started just brushing his against my arm or back. I could tell he was interested in me so I took that as a "good" thing. Then it started getting more, like half hugging me...

 

He probably should have stopped at there (see above). Going on to touch your legs/thighs went over the line.

[Cracker Jack]

I also agree with oaks.

 

But I do believe he overdid it with the touching.

[AlexDP]

I personally don't like it when someone becomes physical with me when I don't know him at all. I first want to have some closeness on a mental and an emotional level.

 

I tend to touch women a lot. Most of the time this is done in a completely friendly manner though, not in a I want you kind of way. I've never really had any negative experience with that. Then again, I'm not American and even if Belgians do not touch other people nearly as easily as the Italians or the French, they still seem to do so far more than Americans.

 

I also think that it's easier to become close on a mental and emotional level if you touch. Not sure why, I just do. That being said, it is a sign of disrespect to continue touching someone who clearly doesn't want contact. In this case I'd ask myself if it was actually clear that I didn't want contact. The guy probably misread the situation or is rather clumsy in these things and didn't know what you appreciated.

[red shoes]

I tend to touch women a lot. Most of the time this is done in a completely friendly manner though, not in a I want you kind of way. I've never really had any negative experience with that. Then again, I'm not American and even if Belgians do not touch other people nearly as easily as the Italians or the French, they still seem to do so far more than Americans.

 

I also think that it's easier to become close on a mental and emotional level if you touch. Not sure why, I just do. That being said, it is a sign of disrespect to continue touching someone who clearly doesn't want contact. In this case I'd ask myself if it was actually clear that I didn't want contact. The guy probably misread the situation or is rather clumsy in these things and didn't know what you appreciated.

 

This guy is likely to want to get me close on a mental and emotional level so he could get into my pants.

 

I didn't throw him over the bar counter to stop him from touching me because I didn't completely hate it. He just overdid it and went somewhere inappropriate.

[rafallus]

I took his other touching in other areas as interest. But when it got too often and too far up the thighs, it became weird.

 

Well, if he jumped straight to thigs from more casual touching, that certainly was awkward. I got called out once for doing pretty much that.

[red shoes]

Well, if he jumped straight to thigs from more casual touching, that certainly was awkward. I got called out once for doing pretty much that.

 

Why did you do that? Were you so attracted to her you couldn't resist or you just wanted to sleep with her?

[rafallus]

More like drunk and clumsy. Essentially, all of the above.

[ChessPieceFace]

Haha. Someone on loveshack has a quote in their signature about how anecdotes aren't synonymous with data - or something to that effect.

 

The data points of everyone I've known are still data, even if the resulting analysis has a wide margin of error. Both the touchers I've known in my life have been messed up (either sociopathic or manipulative), and in addition, I can logically analyze the reasons why. I'm not trying to imply the absurdity that EVERYONE who is touchy-feely is a sociopath or a manipulator. However, I would definitely suggest that this behavior warrants closer scrutiny of the person's integrity.

 

I'm pretty touchy-feeling, and might do some light touching depending on the responses I get from a girl - if not on the first date, then certainly on the second. It's called building intimacy and familiarity.

 

It's also called control and manipulation through touching, depending on who's doing it and why. You assuming that your perceived personal integrity (one data point) dictates the overall truth of the situation is even less credible than someone who is analyzing as an objective outsider.

 

I've never cheated on anyone, and as long as I take my medications and talk to my therapist a few times a day, I can keep my sociopathic tendencies in check.

 

Were you being sarcastic with that last part, or are you really on meds and in therapy for the exact type of behavior I mentioned?