TheDovic Posted September 23, 2011 Posted September 23, 2011 (edited) As many people on this site who have read my replies know, I believe we were dumped because our ex's stopped being attracted to us in some way. I also advise people to stop being needy and desperate, telling your ex how much you love them etc... as this kills attraction. Well I found an article outlining research into playing "Hard to get" and why it actually does work. It basically says that when a person is unsure how you feel about them they will be more attracted! With my ex initially I acted needy and desperate, but since then I have given her really mixed messages and she keeps contacting me, so maybe I am on to something! Read on: ARE WOMEN ATTRACTED TO “UNDECIDED” MEN? We are all familiar with the term ‘playing hard to get.’ Now, a new study finds there may be some credence to the behaviour. “Playing hard to get” has a new gender twist, if the results of a new study turn out to be replicable. Researchers from Harvard and the University of Virginia found that a woman is more attracted to a man when she is uncertain about how much he likes her. According to study authors Drs. Erin R. Whitchurch and Timothy D. Wilson of the University of Virginia and Daniel T. Gilbert of Harvard University, a lot of psychological research has found that person A usually likes person B about as much as they think person B likes them. “If we want to know how much Sarah likes Bob, a good predictor is how much she thinks Bob likes her,” they wrote. “But what if Sarah is not sure how much Bob likes her?” This might lead Sarah to spend a lot of time thinking about Bob, wondering how he feels, and she might find him more attractive the more she dwells on him. In the study, forty-seven female undergraduates at the University of Virginia were told that the experiment was designed to study whether Facebook could work as an online dating site. Each student was then told that male students from two other universities had viewed her profile and those of 15 to 20 other females. Then the women were shown four men’s Facebook profiles that they thought were real, but were actually fictitious. Some of the women were told they’d seen the four men who liked them the most; others were told these were four men who rated them about average. A third group were told the men could be either the ones who liked them most or the ones who liked them about average — so those women didn’t know about the level of the men’s interest in them. As other research has found, women who believed the men liked them a lot were more attracted to the men than women who thought the men liked them only an average amount. HOWEVER, THE WOMEN WHO FOUND THE MEN MOST ATTRACTIVE WERE THE ONES WHO WEREN'T SURE WHETHER THOSE MEN WERE INTO THEM OR NOT! “Numerous popular books advise people not to display their affections too openly to a potential romantic partner and to instead appear choosy and selective,” the authors write. Women in this study made their decisions based on very little information on the men — but in a situation not unlike meeting someone on an internet dating site, which is common these days. “It may be that popular dating advice is correct: Keeping people in the dark about how much we like them will increase how much they think about us and will pique their interest.” (The study is published in Psychological Science, a journal of the Association for Psychological Science) http://psychcentral.com/news/2011/02/08/are-women-attracted-to-undecided-men/23266.html Edited September 23, 2011 by TheDovic
M2155 Posted September 23, 2011 Posted September 23, 2011 I totallly believe in the a-little-hard-to-get-but-not-too-hard theory....now. Ah if only I learned these things two years ago. "Hey I like you. OK! Let's get together" doesn't build attraction- curiosity absolutely does. I secretly hope my ex and his now conquered sappy girlfriend (his ex before me) get sick of each other and she experiences the not-so-attentive side of him;). But I'm sure there was excitement in reconnecting behind my back. Oh right but I'm not bitter! Moving on.... But it doesn't work if you start at the end of your relationship, my ex really thought I was indifferent. Maybe for getting an ex back, I can see it more if they end up looking backwards. Honestly the exes that usually came back to me were the ones I never gave a second thought about.
aerogurl87 Posted September 23, 2011 Posted September 23, 2011 I agree to some point. When I threw myself at my ex (I mean confessing my undying love, bawling in the phone, writing him messages on facebook) he kinda thought I was crazy and didn't really take me seriously. It wasn't till he realised he might lose me (I told him I was moving to another country) that he decided that maybe it was time to finally show some real emotion. I mean, yes before that he would throw me the occasional scrap, but it was nothing significant. I think when you want someone back you should try to move on and better yourself. Tell the person how you feel and leave the ball in their court. If they come back before you move on, great, maybe you can start things up again. If they come back too late though, it's their loss.
yzyzyz325 Posted September 24, 2011 Posted September 24, 2011 I totallly believe in the a-little-hard-to-get-but-not-too-hard theory....now. Ah if only I learned these things two years ago. "Hey I like you. OK! Let's get together" doesn't build attraction- curiosity absolutely does. I secretly hope my ex and his now conquered sappy girlfriend (his ex before me) get sick of each other and she experiences the not-so-attentive side of him;). But I'm sure there was excitement in reconnecting behind my back. Oh right but I'm not bitter! Moving on.... But it doesn't work if you start at the end of your relationship, my ex really thought I was indifferent. Maybe for getting an ex back, I can see it more if they end up looking backwards. Honestly the exes that usually came back to me were the ones I never gave a second thought about. Just curious, if your ex could get back with his ex, why can't you? Maybe you can learn from them, and make your own plan of getting back. May I know their story please? Bcoz I also want to learn
M2155 Posted September 24, 2011 Posted September 24, 2011 Just curious, if your ex could get back with his ex, why can't you? Maybe you can learn from them, and make your own plan of getting back. May I know their story please? Bcoz I also want to learn That one still baffles me. After about a year and a half he went back to her. I don't think there was any solo-time in between (although he was pretty solo sometimes during our relationship). I did make some mistakes though, giving too much and or not saying how I really felt. She pours words of love and appreciation 24/7 so not sure if that's why he chose her. As long as I "want" him, I could never have him back so hoping this loss means there is someone better. My plan has to be letting it go and wishing him the best (although I still don't want that to work out, which sounds ridiculous and pointless too...but he let a real good one go without any fight!). But every realtionship wasn't meant to work out...gotta find the ONE that is:bunny:
yzyzyz325 Posted September 24, 2011 Posted September 24, 2011 That one still baffles me. After about a year and a half he went back to her. I don't think there was any solo-time in between (although he was pretty solo sometimes during our relationship). I did make some mistakes though, giving too much and or not saying how I really felt. She pours words of love and appreciation 24/7 so not sure if that's why he chose her. As long as I "want" him, I could never have him back so hoping this loss means there is someone better. My plan has to be letting it go and wishing him the best (although I still don't want that to work out, which sounds ridiculous and pointless too...but he let a real good one go without any fight!). But every realtionship wasn't meant to work out...gotta find the ONE that is:bunny: Yes, i think those (love and tears) work to men. Men are more likely manipulated, maybe. But how they broke up in the first place?
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