In Love with 2 Women

[Universe]

The first woman is my girlfriend of 12 years. We're best friends and have had an amazing 12 year relationship. We never got married or had children because of financial reasons. We're both struggling financially now more than ever. I love her to death and can't bear the thought of being separated from her. We've built our lives around each other. I feel like I'm nothing without her. She's made me the man that I am. She is the most amazing person on the planet as far as I'm concerned. I've never met anyone even close to being as special as she is.

I'm a musician and have experienced some serious success/acclaim for my work. My GF loved me back when I was no one - when I was not very good and an amateur. She's supported me and my work and helped me to develop into the accomplished songwriter that I am today. She was essentially my manager for the early part of my career and held my hand through so many rough times.

But two years ago I had the great fortune (or misfortune) of meeting another great singer and songwriter who would join my band and help push us over the top. She has by far the most beautiful voice I have ever heard. And she plays her instrument as well as anyone I have ever played with. She's 8 years younger than me and, when we first met, was still honing her talents. She was still a beginner and very desperate to learn and be a part of something. She'd been home-schooled and from a small town. She was a lesbian and had never been with a man.

Because she was a lesbian I let my guard down (didn't worry about romantic feelings developing) and took her on as my protege. She was so much like me in so many ways. I instantly felt like she was my younger sibling. We grew very close and worked together constantly. We sang harmony together and our voices became one.

But she was lonely and desperate for a relationship. Before long she started saying she was not a lesbian, but bisexual. Then she decided she was exclusively in to men.

We had an extremely intense emotional affair. Then it got physical. We never had intercourse, but we made out for hours on three occasions. I convinced myself that it was just a passing infatuation on my end. For her, she made it very clear that just was absolutely crazy about me. When we made out, her body was a thousand degrees. She was physically out of control around me.

We clearly had some super-natural connection that I've never come close to experiencing with anyone ever. But things were still good with my girlfriend. I was still in love with her. I couldn't just throw away the last 12 years. We had planned to get married and have children together.

It was all such a nightmare. I didn't understand any of the things I was feeling. All I could do was trust my intellect. My brain said that my girlfriend was the one I wanted to be with. She's the one I want to have children with. She's the one who's proven over the last 12 years that she's the best thing for me.

In a moment of weakness, I exploded and told my girlfriend about the make-out sessions I'd had with the other woman. She was devastated and I had to break up the band to cope. It was horrible for me because the band was on the brink of releasing our album and going on tour. We had so much promise and it was my lifelong dream to have a band like that.

A year went by and I had barely any contact with the other woman. There were some run-ins. There was a point where my girlfriend allowed me to try and put the band back together. But the other woman was so hurt by my rejection of her and by the way I pulled the plug on the band that the reunion failed.

Then I found out through a mutual friend that the other woman was moving away (3000 miles away). I contacted her and we met up for drinks before she left. She was moving away with her new boyfriend and going to start a new life.

I was totally devastated. I had been hoping that the drama of the past year would bow over and we could work together again and be friends. But if she moved, those hopes would be all but destroyed. I told her I was happy for her. And I know that if I really love her, I should be. Part of me is. But the other part of me just can't let her go. We are so much alike. We make the same facial expressions at the same time. We act the same way socially. We share such an extreme passion for music. It's like we know what each other is thinking without saying anything. It's like we're the same person.

But I know better than to follow my emotions. I know in my brain that I don't want to be with someone who's just like me. I don't want to date myself. I'm shy and have trouble socializing and making friends. The other woman is shy and has trouble socializing and making friends. If we were together, neither of us would have any friends. The only friends I can make are the people who admire my music. But in circles where people don't know my music, I'm nobody.

My girlfriend, on the other hand, is a social butterfly. She's always the most popular girl at the party. Everyone loves her. She can walk in to any room and within minutes have everyone eating out of her hand. She's everything I'm not. If not for her, I would have no friends. Without her, I would be no one.

My girlfriend knows most of what's been going on with me. We've been in therapy for the past year. Our therapists says that I should keep my feelings for the other woman to myself. But I've already revealed much of them to my girlfriend. She still loves me and we're still working through it. It's easier for us now in a lot of ways, now that the other woman is gone. But for me, it's more difficult. The other woman is like a ghost. She's always in the room with me. I can't imagine going through life knowing that she exists, and not having her be in my life.

I don't mind her having a boyfriend. I mean - I mind a little bit. But it doesn't really bother me all that much. What bothers me is knowing that she's out there - and knowing that we have this amazing connection - and that nothing will ever come from it. I dream of us reuniting. I dream of us going on tour together and making all that beautiful music that we were making before. It seems wrong to sacrifice it all. But I know that it would destroy my relationship with my girlfriend if I ever reunited with the other woman. But I worry that maintaining the separation from the other woman may destroy me.

 

Has anyone ever been through anything like this? This is absolute torture.

[TBH]

well theres no easy way through this.

 

its a shame that your band and music has had to suffer but (without judgement) that happened because you and the other woman chose to become intimate.

 

Being in a relationship with someone you work with even if they are your only partner is potentially always dangerous because when the relationship turns sour, the art cannot be maintained as the dynamic has changed.

 

this aspect should really have been considered with regard to the longevity and success of your band apart from the obvious moral and emotional issues that cheating brings.

 

so for the band, remember this could easily have turned out the same if you had been single. who is to say the relationship would have lasted anyway then you would still be in the same situation BUT without a loving caring partner by your side like you have now.

 

I think thats the key to getting over this other woman. it was forbidden, you shared a connection which was heightened by the danger and excitement, it may not have been so intense had you been single so there are other factors involved apart from the similarities between you and the other woman.

Also it sounds like you may have been her first male experience so therefore she reacted to you in a way similar to a virgin with their first sexual experience.

 

like you said, your partner has stayed with you through thick and thin. she is what matters. what you have in your mind isn't even real, its your romantic idealistic fantasy of what could be.

Try to accept that what you lost might not ever have been in the first place.

 

As a musician i'm imagining you are probably a sentitive and emotional person. its hard to cope with the loss of someone so sparkly and special but the glitter always flies off sooner or later and the fact you are so similar doesnt naturally bode well for a long term relationship.

 

You cant have this woman back in your life AND be able to move on into the future with your partner.

 

there will be other musical colaborations in the future without all that pent up angsty emotional stuff.

[TBH]

i'll also add that the other woman doesnt seem to be as invested in the band as you, otherwise she might have been able to put aside your emotional past and move forward with the band.

 

thats up to her of course but it does indicate maybe an immature mind and in this you are not similar and do not have the same goals so maybe the collaboration wouldnt have succeeded in the end anyway?

 

the thing to concentrate on now is your partner who has clearly put up with alot from you, many people would have left in the same situation.

 

appreciate her for all she has done and is doing for you and your relationship.

[Universe]

I know that this is all my fault. I know it could have been easily avoided. That's been a big part of getting over it - is dealing with my constant kicking myself over how stupid I was.

I'm incredibly lucky that my girlfriend is still with me. She's super intense and has, understandably, been very hard on me about the whole thing. She's come close to leaving me a number of times in the past year. It's frustrating for me because I know she deserves all of my love, but there's this part of me that can't ignore the connection I feel to the other woman.

The other woman was extremely invested in the band. Not as much as me because I had written all the songs and had been doing it longer. But the band was everything to her. We had our little affair and I broke it off. She was angry at me for that. But she was still willing to do the band. The band continued for a few more months after. But then I told my girlfriend about it and I told the band that I needed to take a break. I told them that I hoped it would be temporary, but there was a chance it would be permanent. At that point the other women said she never wanted to see or talk to me ever again. She was absolutely devastated that I had taken the band away from her. She knew I had ruined any chance we may have had to make it work. I can't blame her for that. I really messed everything up. I can't believe I was so stupid.

After a year had gone by, she and I did make somewhat of amends. But it was too late. She'd already put her life on course to move away with her new boyfriend. When I saw her before she left, it was pretty clear (at least to me) that the connection between us was still there. She just feels like a close younger sibling to me - or even like my own child. I can't explain it.

It's so frustrating because I can't help looking at this connection and wondering if I'm not meant to be with this person. We have so much music we could do together. Music is the most important things in both of our lives. It could be so incredibly amazing. The year we spent together making music was the most awesome experience I've ever had in music. I've worked with other musicians my entire life. I'm 32. And I've never experienced anything like this.

I want someone to tell me that somehow it could work out some day - that some day she and I could work together and be friends. But I can't sacrifice my relationship with my girlfriend. It's the most real thing I have. 12 years is a long time - and they've been good years. We've loved each other with our whole hearts. When she's come close to leaving me in the past year, it completely destroyed me. Watching the other woman move away and fade out of my life has been excruciating. I cry and sob about it all the time. It's a constant pain. She's like a ghost that follows me everywhere I go and I can't stop thinking about her. But experiencing the reality of my girlfriend leaving me is like death.

I'm trying so hard to put it out of my mind and move on. My therapist is helping me. I'm doing my best. But I still can't really let go. I still can't REALLY give up hope. I'm trying, but I can't. And it's driving me crazy.

[TBH]

I know that this is all my fault. I know it could have been easily avoided. That's been a big part of getting over it - is dealing with my constant kicking myself over how stupid I was.

I'm incredibly lucky that my girlfriend is still with me. She's super intense and has, understandably, been very hard on me about the whole thing. She's come close to leaving me a number of times in the past year. It's frustrating for me because I know she deserves all of my love, but there's this part of me that can't ignore the connection I feel to the other woman.

The other woman was extremely invested in the band. Not as much as me because I had written all the songs and had been doing it longer. But the band was everything to her. We had our little affair and I broke it off. She was angry at me for that. But she was still willing to do the band. The band continued for a few more months after. But then I told my girlfriend about it and I told the band that I needed to take a break. I told them that I hoped it would be temporary, but there was a chance it would be permanent. At that point the other women said she never wanted to see or talk to me ever again. She was absolutely devastated that I had taken the band away from her. She knew I had ruined any chance we may have had to make it work. I can't blame her for that. I really messed everything up. I can't believe I was so stupid.

After a year had gone by, she and I did make somewhat of amends. But it was too late. She'd already put her life on course to move away with her new boyfriend. When I saw her before she left, it was pretty clear (at least to me) that the connection between us was still there. She just feels like a close younger sibling to me - or even like my own child. I can't explain it.

It's so frustrating because I can't help looking at this connection and wondering if I'm not meant to be with this person. We have so much music we could do together. Music is the most important things in both of our lives. It could be so incredibly amazing. The year we spent together making music was the most awesome experience I've ever had in music. I've worked with other musicians my entire life. I'm 32. And I've never experienced anything like this.

I want someone to tell me that somehow it could work out some day - that some day she and I could work together and be friends. But I can't sacrifice my relationship with my girlfriend. It's the most real thing I have. 12 years is a long time - and they've been good years. We've loved each other with our whole hearts. When she's come close to leaving me in the past year, it completely destroyed me. Watching the other woman move away and fade out of my life has been excruciating. I cry and sob about it all the time. It's a constant pain. She's like a ghost that follows me everywhere I go and I can't stop thinking about her. But experiencing the reality of my girlfriend leaving me is like death.

I'm trying so hard to put it out of my mind and move on. My therapist is helping me. I'm doing my best. But I still can't really let go. I still can't REALLY give up hope. I'm trying, but I can't. And it's driving me crazy.

 

thanks for explaining further about what happened with the band. I do understand why the other woman was hurt and angry.

 

i know many people would judge you, but i dont waste my time doing that. I really feel sorry for you, not because you did wrong and are suffering the consequences but because sometimes we do meet people and feel torn. I have felt a similar way long ago in my past too and I know how that feels.

 

your actions were not wise, but everyone makes mistakes and its very hard to move forward while you're living in the past and dreaming of possibilities.

 

now be honest, and tell me what you would do if the other woman came back into your life and offered you a relationship?

 

i'm asking you because i fear for your partner that if that did happen, she may loose out.

 

you have to be brutally honest with yourself about what you truely want, and accept that EVEN IF you can't have a relationship with the other woman, you might not be able to stay with your partner anyway.

 

You said 'we loved each other with our whole hearts' not 'we love' she doesnt have your whole heart now.

if I knew that my husband felt the way you do for another woman, regardless of whether he could have her or not, I would not want to be with him anymore.

 

I dont know what kind of therapy you're doing but have you tried EMDR?

 

I've been through it recently and I realised that what I thought I wanted to get from it, I didnt really want at all. I found something else which was much better, it was a most strengthening and empowering experience.

It was also quite quick too so not too expensive.

 

The reason I say this is because the way you talk and obviously obsess about the other woman sounds quite unhealthy. even the way you describe your connection is too intense for a normal relationship.

You need something which will enable you to take a step back and find some space in your head for thinking that isnt full of your worries and emotions.

[Universe]

Thank you so much for not judging me. I've posted on here before and had everyone jumping down my throat for cheating. I've never been a cheater or done anything that could hurt my girlfriend until this emotional affair happened. I know I was wrong. I know I deserve to suffer the consequences. I'm suffering more than I ever thought possible for something like this. So thank you for actually listening and offering real advice.

 

I have not done EMDR but I think our therapist did it with my girlfriend a while back. She had some traumatic experiences growing up. We see our therapist individually and sometimes together. So I wasn't there when they did it and don't know all the details.

 

now be honest, and tell me what you would do if the other woman came back into your life and offered you a relationship?

 

i'm asking you because i fear for your partner that if that did happen, she may loose out.

 

I've thought about this a lot. Mostly, I think about the follow-through of my own fantasy: having the other woman coming back to the band and it being ok with my girlfriend - and we all forge a healthy friendship. I know it's ridiculous for me to consider this a possibility. But I can't help myself. Anyways - when I follow through with that fantasy, I think to myself - "Oh god. What if all of that really happened? What if I got everything I wanted? And then that fiery connection between me the other woman started again and my feelings forced an end to my relationship with my girlfriend?" I don't want to put my girlfriend through that. I tell myself that it would be ok - that I would be happy to just be friends with the other woman and have a working musical relationship with her. But if there's one thing I've learned in the past year, it's that I never really know how I'm going to feel. So even if I follow my fantasy through to it's conclusion, I find myself in a potentially dangerous situation.

To answer your question more directly, though - I can say with a lot of certainty that I would not take the other woman up on the offer if she came back and wanted a relationship. I've thought about this a lot as well. We lived in the same town for a whole year after everything went down. It may or may not have been true, but I went through that year operating under the assumption that the other woman still wanted a relationship with me. I'm fairly certain that if I had left my girlfriend, that it wouldn't have taken much to reconcile with the other woman and start a relationship with her. And every time that thought came to me over the past year, I decided without much difficulty that I wanted to stay in my relationship and make it work.

But that was before the other woman moved. When she moved away it really tore open a hole inside me. I'd hoped that if I just waited a few more months that all the feelings on all sides would die down and we'd eventually be able to put the band back together. I never thought the feelings I had for the other woman would last this long. In fact, I think they've instead distilled themselves into a harder stronger core. I can no longer say that I love my girlfriend with my whole heart. And that, in itself, breaks my heart. I want to love her like before. I mean - I do love her like before. But now there's just this other love that co-exists with my love for her. It's like my heart got bigger. It loves for two now. It doesn't love the one any less. It just enhanced itself to have the capacity to love more than just one person. At least that's the way it feels for me.

It kills me to know that if my girlfriend really knew the true depths of my feelings for the other woman, that she would most likely leave me. I try to put myself in her shoes. I don't think I would leave her. (We had a situation 7 years ago when we broke up and she immediately started having a sexual relationship with another man. I didn't give up and eventually won her back to me.) But she's not me and I can't expect that from her. This situation is a whole lot different than what we went through 7 years ago.

So now - part of me is fatigued from fighting through this. My brain still says that if the other woman came back and wanted a relationship, that I would say "No - I want us to be close, but I won't leave my girlfriend for you." And that's what I said last year. But it's been a year since then and my heart has grown heavy. Will this feeling ever leave? Maybe I should just stop fighting it. Maybe I can't save my relationship with my girlfriend and I should just give in. I don't want to. But I don't want to deceive my girlfriend any more than I already have. I want to be with her. I want to make it work. I think I can. But if I'm honest, I know there's a chance that these feelings for the other woman and the connection that we shared will prove to powerful in the end. And I'm scared.

you have to be brutally honest with yourself about what you truely want, and accept that EVEN IF you can't have a relationship with the other woman, you might not be able to stay with your partner anyway.

This is a big part of my dilemma right now. I know I'm messed up right now. I know I'm torn. I know I have a lot to overcome. And I don't want to waste my girlfriend's time. I don't want her to be in this relationship under false pretenses. I know that if this feeling doesn't go away - that I will have to leave my girlfriend. And if it came to that, I don't think I could pursue a relationship with the other woman either. I would have to just be on my own. I told my therapist the other day - it's not like a one or the other decision in my head. For me, there can be no relationship with the other woman without a relationship with my girlfriend. There is no 'other woman' without my girlfriend. My girlfriend is like bedrock. Without her, there is nothing. A relationship with the other woman can only exist in addition to my relationship with my girlfriend.

even the way you describe your connection is too intense for a normal relationship.

That's kinda the point - I've never really, at any point, been interested in a relationship with the other woman. I just want her in my band. I want her to be close. But I'm not really interested in having her be close if she's not in my band. It's really strange. The feelings I have for her are all twisted up and backwards. I can't explain how this is possible. It's bizarre. I know that when we are together that it's very electric. We want to touch each other. But I can resist the temptation. It was only when she crossed the barriers that my resistance broke down. But a normal relationship has never been something I envisioned with the other woman. I really don't see that working for any length of time. I just want to sing with her and feel her music integrating with mine. It's very intimate. And that's really all the intimacy I want with her. But I want it REAL bad! It's kinda like I've always had two loves in my life - my girlfriend and my music. And the other woman became part of my music. And now going back to my music without her just feels so empty. And it hurts.

[TBH]

ok so first i'll just say a little about the therapy before we move on.

 

its a scientificaly based therapy which mimicks REM sleep while thinking about painful memories. the theory is that some experiences are so upsetting or complex for our brains to process in the normal way we would while we are aslepp and our brain compartmentalises them. basically the left and right hand side of your brain is stimulated either visually with eye movements left to right or audially with a tone left to right in your ear through earphones.

I know it sounds crazy but its used on people who have PTSD with quite frankly amazing results.

 

I was worried that i would change because so many things from our past kind of define us but it wasnt like that at all. it was like a service for my brain (i think a lot, too much in fact and brood over things which are basically pointless) it just cleared out all that sh*t and I was left just the same only happier and stronger. I can now remember upsetting things without feeling the way i did when it happened if that makes sense.

I'd recommend it to anyone who's having trouble sorting through their emotions.

 

OK so enough of that, anyone would think i'm on commission...

 

Thank you for taking the time to express yourself so clearly.

I totally get what you are saying about your connection with the other woman, I think whats happened is you've experienced a totally different kind of love but its strength has you totally overwhelmed.

 

Of course you know it sounds weird to say your relationship could only exist in addition to your current one, but strangely i do understand what you're saying.

your love for the other woman isnt inherrantly physical or sexual, its an emotional connection which involves sharing that part of yourself which is in love with music with a kindred spirit.

I think the reason now you feel you cant fully love your partner only, because this connection fed you emotionally and artistically and now you dont have that, you feel are not a complete person.

Such a connection must be very hard to loose.

 

It became physical when she crossed the line, and understandably the subtle differences between the two types of love confused the hell out of you because a natural reaction to the strength of such a connection is to believe it is physical as well because you want to touch that person.

 

I think thats just an extension of the intimacy of sharing something you love with someone who instinctively understands.

 

I guess its kind of like when people are kidnapped and are thrown into an intense experience together - they are drawn to each other because no-one else understands what they are sharing, only of course yours was a pleasureful experience but you get my meaning i hope.

 

hmm.. all very confusing for you.

 

thing is, like it or not this lady has gone. while she was living near you you could carry on, believing things would get better and you would be able to put the past behind you and everyone would be happy. and you needed to believe this because this is the only way you can imagine being truly happy. with both elements nourishing you. your partner romantically and the other woman artistically.

 

with things as they are, there doesnt seem to be a way of having both, and its probably dangerous to do so because as we've established, the lines become blurred and there's nothing to say that such an arrangement could be maintained with no possibility of venturing over to the physical again. especially considering it was the other woman who crossed the line.

 

you still have what appears to be ultimately what you want first and foremost which is the relationship with your partner.

 

the other woman has moved away and taken away the false hope you had for reconcilliation. that is her choice. honor that choice as it is hers to make.

she's done you a favour because now you are going through the process of grieving for that lost connection. before she left you could not do that.

 

it is a process. you say you think it can work and you want to move forward.

i know time and distance has compounded your feelings but thats natural and it will ultimately reveal itself in one of two ways. It will either wear you out so much you will just become plain sick and tired of feeling that way and then your brain will take over and guide you out of it. or it will grow and grow and you will have no choice but to leave your partner.

 

neither of these have ultimately been reconciled yet and theres no way of knowing how it will turn out.

for the moment i dont think you're in the right place to be making any large decisions. give yourself more time. if your partner cannot handle it, allow her to leave if she wants to.

 

maybe try to find some way of getting some time alone. being around your partner constantly will be making you feel very guilty and affecting your thought process.

time alone is always a good thing.

 

take each day as it comes and work through it bit by bit.

 

remember whatever happens in the end, things will get ultimately work out for you even if its not in a way you can imagine now, or with the person you hope it will.

[TBH]

double post

[Universe]

wow - that was awesome. Thanks so much for all your thoughts. You're the first person I've talked to about this who really seems to understand.

 

I think whats happened is you've experienced a totally different kind of love but its strength has you totally overwhelmed....your love for the other woman isnt inherrantly physical or sexual, its an emotional connection which involves sharing that part of yourself which is in love with music with a kindred spirit.

This is totally it. I've always had two loves in my life - my girlfriend and my music. But now the other woman has integrated with my music and become part of that love. And now there's an enormous hole left behind by her departure. Plus she loved me in this incredibly overwhelming way that was altogether different than the way my girlfriend loves me. It's like I was blindsided by it.

 

because this connection fed you emotionally and artistically and now you dont have that, you feel are not a complete person.

Such a connection must be very hard to loose.

 

Totally. And I feel like I'll never be the same without it. I feel like my life was building up to something. Little by little I was building something. And then everything finally came together. I was getting everything I ever wanted. All my work was paying off. And then when the affair happened, the floor just fell out from underneath. Now I feel like I missed the boat. I missed my chance and I'll never get another one like that. I feel like I let everyone down and now they're all turning their back on me.

I've never felt a loss like this. And it's so frustrating because it didn't have to happen like this. And I can't wrap my head around why the consequences for such a small mistake are so dire. It's not fair. I deserve to suffer consequences, but this is unfair punishment. And there's no way out.

 

the subtle differences between the two types of love confused the hell out of you because a natural reaction to the strength of such a connection is to believe it is physical as well because you want to touch that person.

 

I think thats just an extension of the intimacy of sharing something you love with someone who instinctively understands.

 

That intimacy truly was so incredibly powerful and I completely underestimated it. I've had plenty of bands in the past. And playing my songs with a good band has always felt amazing. But nothing could prepare me for the over-the-top feeling I got from singing my songs with her. Her voice - her musicianship was just a whole new world. Sharing that together created a freight train of intimacy that I was completely unprepared to handle.

 

It will either wear you out so much you will just become plain sick and tired of feeling that way and then your brain will take over and guide you out of it. or it will grow and grow and you will have no choice but to leave your partner.

This scares the ever living daylights out of me. These feelings come and go in such overpowering waves. Generally, I think I have become sick and tired of feeling this way and my brain is guiding me out of it. But then sometimes another wave of longing comes and pulls me back under, and I fear that this wave is bigger and stronger than the last one. Is this feeling growing stronger or am I coming out of it? I don't know. It's very scary.

 

I do feel a bit better after talking to you about it though. My girlfriend has been in a better mood this week and I've been enjoying her company.

 

Actually - she had a dream the other night that freaked her out. She dreamed that I didn't love her anymore and was in love with someone else. It was a really vivid dream and she woke up feeling uneasy about our relationship. She needed reassurance that I still loved her and did not love anyone else. I did so. And I think it was the truth. I do still love her, very much. And I don't think I really love the other woman. I love my music. The other woman amalgamated with my music and it became very confusing for me. And the hole that she left behind is very difficult for me to accept. But I don't think it's really love - at least not the kind that my girlfriend was dreaming about.

 

This is such a sad scary situation to be in. I hope I'm coming out of it.

[TBH]

i'm so glad you are feeling a little better and i'm really pleased to have been able to help in any way.

 

Strong emotions are easy to confuse. I knew someone many years ago and at the time I kind of thought I loved him but realised I just loved the way I felt when I was with him.

Didnt make it any easier to get over, more difficult in fact because you're losing a part of you instead of something external.

 

that person gives you the ability to feel something amazing. so when they are gone, so too is the feeling. its this feeling you miss and yearn for.

 

Its not easy but hold onto whats important.

I think your floods of sadness and loss are just a natural part of grieving for what you've lost.

you'll have good days and bad days and just because a bad day is worse than before it doesnt mean it wont get better eventually.

 

I wont lie to you and say there will definately come a time when you dont miss it at all. but I hope you'll at least eventually be able to say 'i'm glad I had that experience even though its over now' without it hurting.

 

I think you're doing fine and confronting how you feel is the hardest part.

 

I'm no expert but i'm glad my prattling on has helped you in some way! it helps me to understand myself better as well.

Edited September 27, 2011 by TBH

[johndesuza]

mr.tbh is absolutely right