bdfan1026 Posted September 23, 2011 Posted September 23, 2011 So I've known this girl for about a year, we've been merely acquaintances until now but we've talked and enjoyed eachother's company. We're both college students... about a month ago I started trying to talk to her more. I asked her out on a date to mill creek park (gorgeous place) and she said she'd get back to me. Apparently a mutual friend between the two of us said that she wants to go on a date but that something a little simpler would fit the bill more, so I asked her if she wanted to grab coffee and I took her to this place that neither of us have been before. It was fun and we both had a genuinely good time, I could tell. We laughed alot. (and she laughed alot especially, even if my comments weren't funny) : ) the only issue for me was that she kind of just got up and left the car when I dropped her off, it was confusing. I would have liked to walk her to the door or something at least... I asked her on a follow-up date to the drive-in movie theater the next week. We ended up holding hands and cuddling under a blanket... I squeezed her hand affectionately and she did so back to me. I'm 99% sure that it was genuine attraction... I guess I can't know for sure though. In between these dates, we really haven't gotten much of a chance to talk together much. She's rather old fashioned about dating and so I don't think she wanted to make it look like we were talking or courting or anything, so I left it at that. It seemed like she was a little bit nervous about the situation so I didn't want to push her into a social situation she didn't feel comfortable in; generally I thought things were favorable overall. I started to want more... At this point I was excited about how things were going, and I may have moved a little too fast. I don't know. I bought a vase, picked some flowers that I found and made a beautiful arrangement. It wasn't excessive, just something nice that I put together. I left it outside her office door (she works at the library) with a goofy note that I wrote for her next to it. The next day I got a chance to talk to her again privately, and she thanked me for the flowers. I was just about to ask her our again (make her breakfast at my place and we could watch 2001 A Space Odysee, which she mentioned on the first date, maybe go on a walk down a path in the woods that I found a long time ago.) She said, before I asked, in her words "Dylan, before you say anything............... I'm sorry, I really like you, I think you're a nice boy............. I just don't feel comfortable dating right now... I need some time to figure some things out." I said it was ok, we talked for a bit about it, I asked her if we could try again later after some time and she said she didn't know. She also said, though, that if she found that she was ready to date, she would tell me and that I would be the first boy to know anything. Apparently, I talked to some people that she talked to as well, and she said that she really would date me if she wanted to date anybody at all. I don't know if that means she just wants to be single for a while or if she's just not interested. I dealt with it for a few days, a bit dissapointed but I was fine.I accepted her decision. Then she walked back to the main building that we study at with her ex from last year, and he sat and hung out with her for an hour and a halfish until one or both of them left (whether or not they left with eachother I don't know. I merely passed next to her office a few times to take care of some business.) This upset me. I didn't say anything but I think she could tell I was bothered by it, just by my expressions and movements. I'm not 100% sure but whatever... I guess I was mad because it seemed really soon for her to do something like that right after we almost started dating. Maybe I'm being too emotional, but I can't help it. I felt like poop the rest of the day (not only that but one of my best friends had recently attempted suicide) so I was miserable. I kept wondering if my anger/frustration/dissapointment was justified since we never actually committed to a relationship, but to me it just seemed rude to say that she wasn't interested in dating anybody and then to be so chummy with her ex afterwards. I really don't know who's in the right/wrong here, maybe I'm reading into this too much. I guess my questions are... 1. I want to date her but I don't want to wait. There are not many girls I know that I am attracted too, and my college major/career isn't one where I get a chance to meet new girls very often so it's not likely I'll be asking anybody out anytime soon anyway. Plus, even if I did, I don't want her to think that I only wanted to date her for her looks, etc. I was sincere about everything for herf but at the same time I don't want to wait for 6 months and find out she's still not interested, nor ever will be. IF I date somebody else though, even if I'm not in a committed relationship, could this ruin my chances with her? I have no idea what to do. 2. Am I reading into the ex situation too much? 3. Should I just give up dating? I feel like dating is too much of an emotional investment for me after this. I simply felt hurt. Call it clingy, overly emotional, whatever, but I don't feel like I did anything excessive or out of line. It could be considered shallow, but I would like to date young girls my age in my early 20s. I feel like it would likely be more fun than in my 30s. I just am sick of being hurt by this kind of stuff. (situations prior to this one, not the same, but ****ty nonetheless. I did have a girlfriend for about a year and a half, if this gives you any perspective however.) I'm rambling, I know, but when you age, does dating get worse? stay the same? etc. 4. Even though I never said anything to her about her ex, or how I felt, she may have read what I was feeling in the way I walked, etc. I don't know for sure. could this help or hurt me? I'd think it would hurt me, but I don't know. Maybe I'm too nice. I know this is long but I don't have anybody to talk to or ask these kinds of questions in this kind of detail. If anybody has any feedback, by all means. i appreciate it. Thank you. I typed this in a rush (I have lots of studying to do, but it's been killing me) so forgive me if I sound like I'm still in high school or something.
Author bdfan1026 Posted September 23, 2011 Author Posted September 23, 2011 and finally, does she actually like me?
Author bdfan1026 Posted September 23, 2011 Author Posted September 23, 2011 there have been no responses so I'm bumping this back up so people are more likely to see it.
Cee Posted September 23, 2011 Posted September 23, 2011 Let this woman go, but don't give up on dating. Dating is hard and there is a lot of heartbreak with it. But don't give up yet. Keep trying with different women. Even if you don't like someone right now, look around and be friendly and flirty with women. A new love interest will come into your life sooner or later. Whatever you do, stop pursuing the woman who rejected you. I know you still like her, but you will get over her in time. Pursuing her is a waste of your precious time. She gave you her answer and respect it.
karaoke Posted September 23, 2011 Posted September 23, 2011 hey i'm pretty new here:) that girl had some unfinished business with her ex. and i'm sure your attraction to eachother was sincere, also from her part, but the past can be really strong, ad if she has to tke care of this and find out whatever she has to find out, it means that she wouldn't be able to give you what you deserve, even if you started dating, so it's better this way for you, than dating her and feeling miserable. You would feel like you are doing something wrong, and that's not true, it's just that she's in love with someone else. It's not your fault. and who cares if she sees that you are hurt? she cannot play with your emotions and expect you to be cool with everything. I'm sure it hurts. And no one is forcing you to date. You will date when you're ready. good luck with everything!!
AH1990 Posted September 23, 2011 Posted September 23, 2011 and finally, does she actually like me? She definitely does! I just went through pretty much EXACTLY same thing that you went through! She eventually said the same thing to me that she said to you. She wasn't ready to date and be in a relationship. She needed more time. Soon enough, about 4 weeks later, she was back with her ex. And she still wanted to be friends with me after all of that! All I said to her was 'good luck with everything. see yah around'. I don't really get how that could piss her off. But it sure did!! Maybe she's one of those people that wants to have her cake and eat it too. The best thing to do in your situation is just to back off and tell her you don't want to be friends. She might or might not come back. Getting into relationships with people that aren't over their previous is a receipe for bad news.
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