ScienceGal Posted September 22, 2011 Posted September 22, 2011 I am curious how many of you are open to being friends with someone you just met of the opposite sex. I am almost 30. I am active and love doing anything from hiking, watching a movie, grabbing a beer, or going to a concert. But, I don't want to date right now. I want to make new friends and enjoy experiencing life with people my own age. I'm fine with meeting a guy and being just friends. How many of you are ok with that? I am going hiking (supposedly ... if he calls ) with a guy I told straight out that I am just looking for friendship. Am I wasting my time trying to make platonic connections?
Eddie Edirol Posted September 22, 2011 Posted September 22, 2011 absolutely. Complete waste of time if Im a single guy and Im looking for a gf. You might want to look for some girlfriends, because if a guy is single, he might be looking to hook up no matter what youve told him. If he has a gf, then you have to wonder how she feels about him doing all this exciting stuff with you (if she doesnt go along). I bet in another month this guy will tell you he has feelings for you. What you might want to do is join a hiking club. Plenty of people to meet there.
oaks Posted September 22, 2011 Posted September 22, 2011 I am curious how many of you are open to being friends with someone you just met of the opposite sex. Depends how we meet and how cool you are.
grkBoy Posted September 23, 2011 Posted September 23, 2011 I am curious how many of you are open to being friends with someone you just met of the opposite sex. I am almost 30. I am active and love doing anything from hiking, watching a movie, grabbing a beer, or going to a concert. But, I don't want to date right now. I want to make new friends and enjoy experiencing life with people my own age. I'm fine with meeting a guy and being just friends. How many of you are ok with that? I am going hiking (supposedly ... if he calls ) with a guy I told straight out that I am just looking for friendship. Am I wasting my time trying to make platonic connections? I have many female friends...some of whom were women I first tried to pursue in dating. Why we worked as friends is because they let me know early on that they were not into me, were honest about it, and I didn't have any deep attachment to them. I liked them, thought they were attractive, but I wasn't deeply into them. I only tell guys to reject the friendzone when it's a girl they truly want as "more". If you're deep into her, and she tries to FZ you, then move on. Give it up on her and move on. I know I do that when it's a girl I'm really into...and I'll be honest about it. ScienceGal, my only advice is to be sociable, but know most guys are probably going to try to date you. Be upfront and honest about it, but be polite. If he can't handle the truth and keeps trying to change your mind, drop him. ALSO...DO NOT JOIN A DATING SITE. I think it's ridiculous when women join dating sites to "make friends" and then complain how all the guys who message her only want to date her.
carhill Posted September 23, 2011 Posted September 23, 2011 At my age now, with the attendant life experiences, that would be right up my alley. My best friend's daughter and I did a bit of cycling together on our last camping trip (her H was running) and I started thinking about getting back into the cycling club. Always had some great female friends there over the years. One rule.... no tamponing. I'm not a girlfriend. Focus on general topics and interests. The ex who cheated on you and your overbearing mother are not general topics nor interests. Thanks for your consideration
thatone Posted September 23, 2011 Posted September 23, 2011 i'm not open to it at all, generally. but i have a very large and social/active family to do things with so i don't really feel a need for making platonic friends.
ThsAmericanLife Posted September 23, 2011 Posted September 23, 2011 With most things... I think that if you are clear about your expectations up front, there is no reason why you can't have any kind of relationship you want. I don't see any problems going on a dating site and saying 'new friends' either. Just like I don't see any problems with people stating 'casual sex' as their goal on dating sites. However, casual sex isn't 'dating' in my book. I wish those folks would head over to one more oriented towards that instead of trying to hump everything that walks (and lying about their intentions) on a site for people looking for legitimate relationships. I have a number of male friends and don't see the need to cut out half the population as people to spend time with. Just like I wouldn't advise people to necessarily choose careers that are single gender... The people I find the most interesting are those that have friends of both genders. It is alot easier for me to believe they value the opposite sex as human beings and not just potential sex partners.
USMCHokie Posted September 23, 2011 Posted September 23, 2011 I am absolutely for being platonic friends with women. However, as others have said, it has to be clear from the beginning. I usually fare pretty well with girls who are already taken. There's a clear boundary that I would never cross and the girl knows and trusts that I would never cross it, so she doesn't play ridiculous bullsh*t games with me. It works.
carhill Posted September 23, 2011 Posted September 23, 2011 ALSO...DO NOT JOIN A DATING SITE. I think it's ridiculous when women join dating sites to "make friends" and then complain how all the guys who message her only want to date her. That's good advice. Try 'meetup.com' or something similar for interest-focused connections. Another venue is interest-focused forums (like LS but focused on an interest). Great way to meet people. I've got some friends I've known for over a decade who started as 'virtual' friends on early old car forums back in the 90's.
Nexus One Posted September 23, 2011 Posted September 23, 2011 I'm ok with that, under the following condition. If one person in the friendship develops feelings, yet the other starts trying to get involved with other people of the opposite sex for a relationship, FWB or NSA/ONS, then we break it off. Because it would be hurtful for the person who developed feelings to see the other get involved with another partner. I wouldn't hang around a woman to witness her getting involved with another man and I wouldn't want to do that to a woman by letting her witness me do that. Perhaps it's even better to break the friendship immediately in the case of a one-sided crush, unless of course both sides start crushing on each other.
Star Gazer Posted September 23, 2011 Posted September 23, 2011 I have quite a few male, platonic friendships, typically stemming from a common activity - a charity group, CrossFit, a running club, a ski club, etc. You just have to make sure to keep flirtation out of the picture... easier said than done. If your shared hobby/activity is one that's physical or competitive or challenging, it's also pretty easy to become emotionally attached to someone you spend a lot of time with and when you spend a lot of time encouraging and motivating each other, and sharing yourselves.
thehead Posted September 23, 2011 Posted September 23, 2011 I have no problem being just friends unless I was interested and she relegated me to FZ. Platonic relationships with females have always come easy because I grew up with three sisters. My impression of women was always positive. I have 8 good female friends from college and sports activities I'm involved with and I've known them for years. They're better than I at keeping in touch. But when they call with a guy problem, or want to get together for drinks, I make the time. They're all cool girls and that makes hanging with them especially easy.
Author ScienceGal Posted September 23, 2011 Author Posted September 23, 2011 I have many female friends...some of whom were women I first tried to pursue in dating. Why we worked as friends is because they let me know early on that they were not into me, were honest about it, and I didn't have any deep attachment to them. I liked them, thought they were attractive, but I wasn't deeply into them. I only tell guys to reject the friendzone when it's a girl they truly want as "more". If you're deep into her, and she tries to FZ you, then move on. Give it up on her and move on. I know I do that when it's a girl I'm really into...and I'll be honest about it. ScienceGal, my only advice is to be sociable, but know most guys are probably going to try to date you. Be upfront and honest about it, but be polite. If he can't handle the truth and keeps trying to change your mind, drop him. ALSO...DO NOT JOIN A DATING SITE. I think it's ridiculous when women join dating sites to "make friends" and then complain how all the guys who message her only want to date her. I tried to join a dating site to date. I was interested in one guy, and he ended up making a connection and canceling his account. I wasn't really into the online thing anyway, so I deleted my account too. I then met a guy through a mutual friend. We've hung out 3 times. I don't think they're dates though. We've hugged goodbye, but there has been no kiss and not even flirting. He hasn't even complimented me either. To be fair, I realize I am not flirting/complimenting either. I just don't see us being more than friends... which I plan to tell him next time I see him. QUESTION: 4th time hanging out this weekend and we're going to an event 2 hours away... should I tell him before that I only want to be friends so he has a chance to back out? I was going to tell him on the way home. I guess I am hoping he just wants to be friends too... hmmm. I just want to do the right thing. That's good advice. Try 'meetup.com' or something similar for interest-focused connections. Another venue is interest-focused forums (like LS but focused on an interest). Great way to meet people. I've got some friends I've known for over a decade who started as 'virtual' friends on early old car forums back in the 90's. Great idea, except the meetup events in my area aren't very plentiful. I joked about starting one... maybe I should get more serious about that.
Trovador Posted September 23, 2011 Posted September 23, 2011 Hate me for this but I've never been too much into being a girl's best gay male friend... the only friendships with women I have enjoyed are those in which exists a certain sexual tension and we like each other but for some current circumstances we can't form an item... otherwise, I am not interested in hearing about their bfs or husbands or as someone before said it monthly cycles... but I am cordial with all the females around me, mostly coworkers, but friendship is a tough word to honor...
piggyoink Posted September 23, 2011 Posted September 23, 2011 You don't have to be gay to be a girls friend.
ascendotum Posted September 23, 2011 Posted September 23, 2011 (edited) I have many female friends...some of whom were women I first tried to pursue in dating. Why we worked as friends is because they let me know early on that they were not into me, were honest about it, and I didn't have any deep attachment to them. I liked them, thought they were attractive, but I wasn't deeply into them. I only tell guys to reject the friendzone when it's a girl they truly want as "more". If you're deep into her, and she tries to FZ you, then move on. Give it up on her and move on. I know I do that when it's a girl I'm really into...and I'll be honest about it. ScienceGal, my only advice is to be sociable, but know most guys are probably going to try to date you. Be upfront and honest about it, but be polite. If he can't handle the truth and keeps trying to change your mind, drop him. ALSO...DO NOT JOIN A DATING SITE. I think it's ridiculous when women join dating sites to "make friends" and then complain how all the guys who message her only want to date her. For another guy's take on this OP, this post above exactly matches my views, in terms of the nature of my friendships with women, the pitfall of staying on as a friend with a girl you are highly attracted to, and using a dating site to find a friend. There are a few sites out there that focus on bringing singles together for activities and also friendship. (can't remember the name of the one I used, but guys outnumbered females by quite a lot, but that would be ideal from your perspective) Still, when a guy is single (and not getting steady ons/fwb action) and is hanging out with an attractive female, sex with you is definitely going to cross his mind, so you will have to be very clear on no relationship/sex and your behaviour in terms of being friendly but watching the signals you give him. Tell the hiking guys you're a lezo. Edited September 23, 2011 by ascendotum
rafallus Posted September 23, 2011 Posted September 23, 2011 I am curious how many of you are open to being friends with someone you just met of the opposite sex. I am open to the idea of being friends with a woman, if there is no physical attraction between me end hers.
Author ScienceGal Posted September 23, 2011 Author Posted September 23, 2011 Thank you for the responses. Can I get thoughts on this other question I posted above? "...I then met a guy through a mutual friend. We've hung out 3 times. I don't think they're dates though. We've hugged goodbye, but there has been no kiss and not even flirting. He hasn't even complimented me either. To be fair, I realize I am not flirting/complimenting either. I just don't see us being more than friends... which I plan to tell him next time I see him. QUESTION: 4th time hanging out this weekend and we're going to an event 2 hours away... should I tell him before that I only want to be friends so he has a chance to back out? I was going to tell him on the way home. I guess I am hoping he just wants to be friends too... hmmm. I just want to do the right thing."
phineas Posted September 23, 2011 Posted September 23, 2011 Thank you for the responses. Can I get thoughts on this other question I posted above? "...I then met a guy through a mutual friend. We've hung out 3 times. I don't think they're dates though. We've hugged goodbye, but there has been no kiss and not even flirting. He hasn't even complimented me either. To be fair, I realize I am not flirting/complimenting either. I just don't see us being more than friends... which I plan to tell him next time I see him. QUESTION: 4th time hanging out this weekend and we're going to an event 2 hours away... should I tell him before that I only want to be friends so he has a chance to back out? I was going to tell him on the way home. I guess I am hoping he just wants to be friends too... hmmm. I just want to do the right thing." I don't hug my female friends. I hug women I want to get naked with. Period. In my opinion you already doomed it by crossing the touch barrier. Something I NEVER do with platonic female friends.
betterdeal Posted September 23, 2011 Posted September 23, 2011 Thank you for the responses. Can I get thoughts on this other question I posted above? "...I then met a guy through a mutual friend. We've hung out 3 times. I don't think they're dates though. We've hugged goodbye, but there has been no kiss and not even flirting. He hasn't even complimented me either. To be fair, I realize I am not flirting/complimenting either. I just don't see us being more than friends... which I plan to tell him next time I see him. QUESTION: 4th time hanging out this weekend and we're going to an event 2 hours away... should I tell him before that I only want to be friends so he has a chance to back out? I was going to tell him on the way home. I guess I am hoping he just wants to be friends too... hmmm. I just want to do the right thing." Isn't this the time when a woman says something like "I think it's great we hang out as friends. I see you like a brother. Just want to check that's okay with you?" and give him some time to think about it and answer you.
Author ScienceGal Posted September 23, 2011 Author Posted September 23, 2011 Isn't this the time when a woman says something like "I think it's great we hang out as friends. I see you like a brother. Just want to check that's okay with you?" and give him some time to think about it and answer you. But tell him before or after the event? And, I wouldn't tell any man that I see him like a brother! I just realize that I am not ready to date him or anyone else. He has told me that he is "not in a hurry" to get in a relationship. And, he hasn't been aggressive or even forward with me about "us". So, I think it'd be easily brought up in conversation... I mean, it does have to be addressed eventually! There is a chance that he might be thinking/feeling the same thing, as he does have female friends.
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