Easyguy14 Posted September 22, 2011 Posted September 22, 2011 I ask this because after talking with 2 of my female coworkers they said it was something they would never consider. they gave me no reasons for it. also Im wondering about the expectations of women on dating sites, since I already decided to try it out. it's only been 3 days with no responses. Im curious if women are looking for unrealistic, fantasy based men because I notice that the women on the sites are average looking at best which Im okay with but unsure if they feel the same, since most of their profiles say how they respond very selectively. Im also curious as to whether free or paying dating sites generate totally dissimilar success rates. your help in this would help me in deciding if I should bother.
CarrieT Posted September 22, 2011 Posted September 22, 2011 What is your age and what age are the women you are looking at? I'm in my late 40s and I am very serious about it because there are so many more single, middle-aged women then there are men, I don't know of any other ways to meet guys...
oaks Posted September 22, 2011 Posted September 22, 2011 Some women are serious about it, and some take it less seriously. Ignore the "replies selectively" thing if that's on okcupid. If you saw the stream of crude, illiterate and lame messages that many women get you would understand that they won't respond to many messages. Plus, of course, they might not fancy you! You'll get at least 5 different opinions about the relative merits of paid vs free sites. Make sure you know how to write a good profile (which you probably don't, yet) before even considering parting with cash. (and you'll know it's a good profile because you'll get dates from the free sites... So you can save your money for buying dinner)
grkBoy Posted September 22, 2011 Posted September 22, 2011 What is your age and what age are the women you are looking at? I'm in my late 40s and I am very serious about it because there are so many more single, middle-aged women then there are men, I don't know of any other ways to meet guys... I agree here. I think older women will take it more seriously because they're not into the other options...meaning they're not in the mood for bars and all their friends are married off. This is NOT a jab at women, but just more stating that I see many older women on dating sites simply because they aren't into hitting bars anymore. I was also told that the pay sites are where you'll meet more serious women in general. Ones who are willing to pay money to be there want to find SO's...on the free sites it's hit or miss. Easyguy14, those two you mentioned are what I've noticed too. Unfortunately too many look at dating sites as "for losers" and thus refuse to try them, or try to secretly join hoping their friends and coworkers won't run across them. Some also get the idea that since they are taking what they call a "step down", that they'll only go for the "upper echelon" men and women. I think it's a stupid mentality to be honest. I roll my eyes more at people who speak about online dating as "for losers", but they continually hit the bars and clubs only to meet more scummy people...or worse they play with fire and date coworkers or try to steal married people. Who's more pathetic then?
D-Lish Posted September 23, 2011 Posted September 23, 2011 Depends on your age. I'm serious about meeting someone, but I only reply selectively. I myself get tired of getting sexual messages, or messages with text speak "u r hawt". I got a message today from some guy asking me if I wanted to watch him jerk off over skype... Oh yeah dude, that would be totally satisfying for me. Online, you get a lot of that as a woman.
aj22one Posted September 23, 2011 Posted September 23, 2011 IME, no women do not take online dating seriously. I was on Okcupid for about 7 months or so, never got a single reply and definitely no dates. It was then that I realized that online dating was a big waste of time for men (especially the free sites). Oh well, you live you learn.
El Brujo Posted September 23, 2011 Posted September 23, 2011 IME, no women do not take online dating seriously. I was on Okcupid for about 7 months or so, never got a single reply and definitely no dates. It was then that I realized that online dating was a big waste of time for men (especially the free sites). Oh well, you live you learn. ^Seconded.^ I've seen plenty of profiles and pics of plenty of women who are older than 45 (one was 81!) and they're still under the illusion that they're going to get swept off their feet by a millionaire.
Beachgirl8 Posted September 23, 2011 Posted September 23, 2011 I see it as just like any other place you might meet a bunch of random people, like an airport on a layover. Chances are slim you will meet anyone you actually connect with, but you never know.
CarrieT Posted September 23, 2011 Posted September 23, 2011 It is interesting the responses in this thread from guys who don't think women are serious or who believe they are looking for millionaires and the women who just want something serious besides sexual predators. There must be a happy medium somewhere but where it lies is questionable.
aj22one Posted September 23, 2011 Posted September 23, 2011 It is interesting the responses in this thread from guys who don't think women are serious or who believe they are looking for millionaires and the women who just want something serious besides sexual predators. There must be a happy medium somewhere but where it lies is questionable. Well, I don't think women are looking for millionaires or what have you. I think it primarily has to do with my age group. Women around my age (24) are generally not serious about relationships for whatever reason. Most that are are either in a relationship already or are married (and thus wouldn't be on a dating site to begin with). And this is just my experience having actually been on a dating site for more than just a few weeks.
Cypress25 Posted September 23, 2011 Posted September 23, 2011 IME, no women do not take online dating seriously. I was on Okcupid for about 7 months or so, never got a single reply and definitely no dates. It was then that I realized that online dating was a big waste of time for men (especially the free sites). Oh well, you live you learn. I love it when guys say this. What they're really saying is "Women on dating sites don't want to date ME, therefore they couldn't possibly be taking it seriously." I'm a 25-year-old woman who does online dating because I'm not into the bar scene and I don't date coworkers, so I'm limited in places to meet men my age. And let me assure you, I take online dating seriously. I take it so seriously that I don't reply to generic copy/paste messages from guys who haven't even read my profile. I ignore 85% of the messages I get because most of them say things like "hey what up sexy" or "wanna chat?" or "u have a great smile" or "I like your profile and I think we have a lot in common. Write back if you're interested." Clearly, these guys aren't taking it seriously because they're playing it like a numbers game. They don't bother reading profiles and they don't bother writing personal messages. They think if they throw enough sh*t at the wall, something will stick. And then they complain when women don't respond.
aj22one Posted September 23, 2011 Posted September 23, 2011 (edited) I love it when guys say this. What they're really saying is "Women on dating sites don't want to date ME, therefore they couldn't possibly be taking it seriously." I'm a 25-year-old woman who does online dating because I'm not into the bar scene and I don't date coworkers, so I'm limited in places to meet men my age. And let me assure you, I take online dating seriously. I take it so seriously that I don't reply to generic copy/paste messages from guys who haven't even read my profile. I ignore 85% of the messages I get because most of them say things like "hey what up sexy" or "wanna chat?" or "u have a great smile" or "I like your profile and I think we have a lot in common. Write back if you're interested." Clearly, these guys aren't taking it seriously because they're playing it like a numbers game. They don't bother reading profiles and they don't bother writing personal messages. They think if they throw enough sh*t at the wall, something will stick. And then they complain when women don't respond. Right. Well, I was on OKC for 7 months and I wrote unique, genuine messages that demonstrated that I had indeed read their profile and indeed we did have things in common. Now, I'm a bright, college educated, thoughtful young man who's reasonably good looking and I have no problems getting dates in the real world. Online however, nothing. Now perhaps I had a horrible profile, but I doubt that was the reason that EVERY SINGLE WOMAN I wrote a message to never responded. But go ahead, feel free to assume I'm just writing stupid cut and paste messages, because obviously you know me and know the kinds of messages I wrote. I guess I'm just one crazy, entitled whiny guy... Or, perhaps paradoxically, women just aren't into reasonably good looking, thoughtful, bright men who like to enjoy life. That must be it. Edited September 23, 2011 by aj22one
laotzu Posted September 23, 2011 Posted September 23, 2011 I found online dating to be a pretty weird, mixed bag. I had quite a few dates over the course of my time there, and I will say that many of the girls looked significantly different "in real life" than "in unreal life". Many of them were also precisely as advertised, and a couple of them I really regret sort of deciding they weren't good enough, or not pursuing it definitively. I've noted that there are many more attractive, interesting older women (35 - 45) online than in my own age group, which is sort of depressing. It's nice to hear that those women are still around in that age group, as I'm getting concerned at my own probability of finding a happy mate in my late 20's and early 30's. I will say, the girls have a ton of options online, and when I dated some girls that told me how many other people they were seeing at once, I didn't put much, or any, effort into them. I'm considering going back on, and I'm looking to date someone seriously. I hope it's out there, but my guess is that it's not online.
Cypress25 Posted September 23, 2011 Posted September 23, 2011 Or, perhaps paradoxically, women just aren't into reasonably good looking, thoughtful, bright men who like to enjoy life. That must be it. Or maybe you're not as good looking, thoughtful, or bright as you think. Or maybe you were emailing women who had way too many options and couldn't possibly reply to every message. Or maybe the internet is the wrong forum for you. I know some great guys who are terrible writers and they're not photogenic, so their online profiles don't do them justice. Don't assume that women don't take online dating seriously just because they don't respond to you. The ones who are serious about relationships will zero in on 2-3 guys, at most, because they're trying to narrow it down to one. So if you're #4 on a girl's list of preferences, you may never hear from her.
aj22one Posted September 23, 2011 Posted September 23, 2011 Or maybe you're not as good looking, thoughtful, or bright as you think. Or maybe you were emailing women who had way too many options and couldn't possibly reply to every message. Or maybe the internet is the wrong forum for you. I know some great guys who are terrible writers and they're not photogenic, so their online profiles don't do them justice. Don't assume that women don't take online dating seriously just because they don't respond to you. The ones who are serious about relationships will zero in on 2-3 guys, at most, because they're trying to narrow it down to one. So if you're #4 on a girl's list of preferences, you may never hear from her. Well, that's why I said "IME" which means "in my experience", because well, that's my experience with online dating. It's no skin off my nose since I get dates regularly by other means, and I'm not generally hard up for female attention. However, I would never recommend to a man that he use online dating. The cards are extremely stacked against them online. It's a fact. If you like it though, feel free to use and have fun. Just don't tell me my experience is invalid because you don't like what I say.
Cypress25 Posted September 23, 2011 Posted September 23, 2011 Just don't tell me my experience is invalid because you don't like what I say. Oh, I believe that your experience was real and valid, in that women weren't responding to you online. I just don't think it's because they weren't taking it seriously.
thatone Posted September 23, 2011 Posted September 23, 2011 (edited) Well, I don't think women are looking for millionaires or what have you. I think it primarily has to do with my age group. Women around my age (24) are generally not serious about relationships for whatever reason. Most that are are either in a relationship already or are married (and thus wouldn't be on a dating site to begin with). And this is just my experience having actually been on a dating site for more than just a few weeks. that's precisely it. in my age group (mid 30s) i had no trouble getting dates online, although wound up in a relationship with a woman i met offline while i was trying online, fwiw. with an age range of ~27 to 35 i got replies about 30-40% of the time and got dates from those replies about half the time. Edited September 23, 2011 by thatone
El Brujo Posted September 23, 2011 Posted September 23, 2011 I love it when guys say this. What they're really saying is "Women on dating sites don't want to date ME, therefore they couldn't possibly be taking it seriously." Not really. I admit I'm picky about which kinds of women I find attractive... and I am a difficult guy to get to know. But the immaturity I've seen on dating sites knows no age limits. There are plenty of women who are retirement age who play games like they're a bunch of teenagers. It's a real turn-off to people like me who are commitment minded. Then again... the men on those sites tend to be even MORE immature.
ThsAmericanLife Posted September 23, 2011 Posted September 23, 2011 The ones who are serious about relationships will zero in on 2-3 guys, at most, because they're trying to narrow it down to one. So if you're #4 on a girl's list of preferences, you may never hear from her. Agreeing to meet date 2-3 people simultaneously is hardly 'zeroing in'... I only agreed to meet one man at a time and never multi-dated. Maybe I missed out on some opportunities. But at least I know the ones I did agree to meet had my full attention. I wasn't doing to them what I hated done to me. I took it very seriously when I was there... but the ones I met were into multi-dating, had addiction/financial issues, or were moving on if they didn't get sex by date #3 or sooner. My impression was that it was the men who didn't take it seriously... I don't plan on trying it again in the near future. When someone comes up with a dating site that does background checks, I might consider it.
Author Easyguy14 Posted September 23, 2011 Author Posted September 23, 2011 What is your age and what age are the women you are looking at? I'm in my late 40s and I am very serious about it because there are so many more single, middle-aged women then there are men, I don't know of any other ways to meet guys... Im in my early 30s and looking at women anywhere from 20s to mid 30s is more appropriate to me. I've gotten 2 replies tonight but they were only answers to my questions. they didn't ask anything about me so I just felt they weren't really interested but just being polite? anyway Im trying to give this a shot, because though I go to the bar for drinks after work it's only to unwind after a long day and then sleep it off later. I dont look for dates there because the ladies that frequent these bars don't feel right, so I opted online as another venue to see how it goes. Im guessing here that Im gonna need to plug away more than 100 women daily to get the response rate of about 2%?
FitChick Posted September 23, 2011 Posted September 23, 2011 When someone comes up with a dating site that does background checks, I might consider it. Match.com does or will be doing due to the lawsuit. I'd be happy if they just did a credit check.
ThsAmericanLife Posted September 23, 2011 Posted September 23, 2011 Match.com does or will be doing due to the lawsuit. I'd be happy if they just did a credit check. Tell me more... they got a lawsuit? and they are adding this feature to their site?
CarrieT Posted September 23, 2011 Posted September 23, 2011 they didn't ask anything about me so I just felt they weren't really interested but just being polite? I wouldn't discount that -- I sent five messages to guys over the weekend (and bear in mind, these are men in their 50s!) and did not get a single reply. I at least thought folks my age had the common courtesy of a reply. I know that I reply to every single note, even if it is to say that I don't think there is any chemistry or they are geographically undesirable, etc... But NO response whatsoever drives me nuts and I think is the way most people operate. So getting answers to questions, to me, would be a good open to continue the discussion!
Cypress25 Posted September 23, 2011 Posted September 23, 2011 Agreeing to meet date 2-3 people simultaneously is hardly 'zeroing in'... I meant they're only talking to 2-3 guys online, to zero in on the one guy they want to meet. That's why they don't respond to many emails. They don't want to juggle. Im guessing here that Im gonna need to plug away more than 100 women daily to get the response rate of about 2%? Did you ever think the low response rate is due to the large volume of crappy messages you send out? Maybe if you sent 20 decent messages, you'd get 10 replies. As opposed to 100 generic copy/paste messages, to which you might get 2 replies. I know guys really want it to be a numbers game (it would be easier that way) but, believe it or not, women care about quality. They're not impressed with your ability to spam hundreds of girls a day.
Star Gazer Posted September 23, 2011 Posted September 23, 2011 Well, I don't think women are looking for millionaires or what have you. I think it primarily has to do with my age group. Women around my age (24) are generally not serious about relationships for whatever reason. Most that are are either in a relationship already or are married (and thus wouldn't be on a dating site to begin with). And this is just my experience having actually been on a dating site for more than just a few weeks. Women in that age group (early 20's) are typically looking for the hottest guy online. That's probably why you're failing, not because they don't want a serious relationship - they just want one with someone very attractive.
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