YuGr. Posted September 22, 2011 Posted September 22, 2011 Whoa I'm still like WTF ? right now.. I just woke up with a text from my ex gf ''I just got your email this morning lol Pumpkin is just fine. I still love you and miss you sometimes.'' Pumpkin is the nick name to her civic lol I sent her an email that said ''Hey how are you?? I hope Pumpkin is doing good! Just an email to keep in touch, take care!'' TWO months ago... I've kept NC since what the hell... (For those who haven't followed my other thread.. she has a boyfriend right now! lol) I do want her back... but I don't think I should have to do anything to make her come back to me, she left me for someone else she should run back to me.. What do I do??
smudge21 Posted September 22, 2011 Posted September 22, 2011 If you want some positive response then remember she's kept that original text for 2 months and only now replied - so what made her keep it and what made her think to reply now...? I really don't know what to suggest on this one - I mean she left you for someone else and as far as you know she's still with him. So with that in mind, I wouldn't reply back. I would guess there is more going on than you know, but if it is anything to really do with her feelings for you in anyway (not going to suggest what, I'm sure your mind is already making up enough ideas), then you'll find out soon enough.
mike588 Posted September 22, 2011 Posted September 22, 2011 Whoa I'm still like WTF ? right now.. I just woke up with a text from my ex gf ''I just got your email this morning lol Pumpkin is just fine. I still love you and miss you sometimes.'' Pumpkin is the nick name to her civic lol I sent her an email that said ''Hey how are you?? I hope Pumpkin is doing good! Just an email to keep in touch, take care!'' TWO months ago... I've kept NC since what the hell... (For those who haven't followed my other thread.. she has a boyfriend right now! lol) I do want her back... but I don't think I should have to do anything to make her come back to me, she left me for someone else she should run back to me.. What do I do?? Maybe things aren't working out so hot with the new guy? She might be interested in coming back and hoping that you will reply to get some communications started. By telling you she loves and misses you she's put the ball in your corner now. What are you gonna do? I would'nt be in any big hurry to respond,, wait a few days and see if she contacts you again. If you want her back don't come across as to needy or desperate to get her back.
Eddie Edirol Posted September 22, 2011 Posted September 22, 2011 Dont do anything, leave her alone. Until that guy screws up, youre out of the running in her mind.
Thieves Posted September 22, 2011 Posted September 22, 2011 Whoa I'm still like WTF ? right now.. I just woke up with a text from my ex gf ''I just got your email this morning lol Pumpkin is just fine. I still love you and miss you sometimes.'' First of all, wait a while to respond. From a few days to a week. Secondly, wow. I'm surprised she just came out and said that. And you didn't even say anything like that to her first. And she has a boyfriend right now? Ah... Is this a red flag to anyone else right now? Everything was fine when I was reading your post... till I got to the part where you said she has a boyfriend. Now, this is something you'll have to think about, YuGr. If you were her boyfriend at the moment, what would you think of your girlfriend texting her ex that 'she still loves him and misses him sometimes' out of nowhere? Would you feel concerned, or would you brush it off? Be very honest with yourself. Do you think her boyfriend knows about it, and do you think he'd be okay with that text? I'm not trying to plant seeds in your brain, I promise, and I'm not saying your ex is a bad person. But I'm just telling you to look deeper for a sec. I don't want you to end up as just a back-up boy. If she does still love you and miss you, if she does possibly want to get back with you, then she's acting as the monkey who's still holding onto one branch before jumping to the other - as homebrew said, I believe. It also makes you seem like even more of a second option, even if you really aren't. Like if you don't respond, well, she'll still have her boyfriend there. Instead of being on her own and actually risking rejection for you. I would have more respect for her if she was single - hell, even if she just broke up with her boyfriend and then texted you. But she's still with him. What do you think about this?
M2155 Posted September 22, 2011 Posted September 22, 2011 Do you even know if she still has a boyfriend though? If you've been real NC for 2 months?
Author YuGr. Posted September 22, 2011 Author Posted September 22, 2011 She indeed still does have a boyfriend. We just made small talk and explained to me that she was madly in love with me so she cant keep pretending like i dont exist. We were together for 2 years and she's like i thought you were my soul mate..all that stuff. I direcrly told her i hope this appearencw of tours has nothing to do with things working out with the boyfriend, she said its not that its just she doesnt have what she had with me with this new guy. Keep in mind she left me and started dating this guy 3 days after we broke up.
Mack05 Posted September 22, 2011 Posted September 22, 2011 Mack to Yugr:If you pour that hot water over your skin,you know its going to hurt right? Yugr to Mack: U know what, I think I will do it anyway... Mack to Yugr: If you chase this girl or get back with her, she is going to break your heart so much worse then it's broken now.. Yugr to Mack: U know what, I think I will do it anyway...
Author YuGr. Posted September 22, 2011 Author Posted September 22, 2011 She indeed still does have a boyfriend. We just made small talk and explained to me that she was madly in love with me so she cant keep pretending like i dont exist. We were together for 2 years and she's like i thought you were my soul mate..all that stuff. I directly told her i hope this appearence of yours has nothing to do with things not working out with the boyfriend, she said its not that its just she doesnt have what she had with me with this new guy. Keep in mind she left me and started dating this guy 3 days after we broke up... I ended the convo with basically " unless your intentions are to work things out with me i think we shouldnt speak. if u do however want to rethink things over id very much like to take you out somewhere whenever u want, but thats up to you, not me. "
Thieves Posted September 22, 2011 Posted September 22, 2011 I ended the convo with basically " unless your intentions are to work things out with me i think we shouldnt speak. if u do however want to rethink things over id very much like to take you out somewhere whenever u want, but thats up to you, not me. " Almost got it. The second part is what I would've changed a bit, if it were me. I personally think it should've said: "If you do however want to rethink things over, and you've ended things with your boyfriend, I'd very much like to take you out somewhere whenever you want, but that's up to you, not me." It sounds harsh but the boyfriend part is needed, otherwise it sounds like she's willing to sneak around while still with him. And I doubt her boyfriend would be alright with her meeting you, an ex she loves - as most wouldn't. Again, would you be alright with this if you were with her? It's just asking for trouble. It sounds like it does have to do with things not working out with her boyfriend. Sure, things are working out.. but not as well as they did with you and her. Yes, it may feel good to have her confessing all of these things after she left you, but until she's not with him, it's all words. She left you, she made her choice. So in my opinion.. if she really means what she's saying, if you really were her soulmate, then she'd be single, asking to meet you and saying all this in person. Until she does, or is at least single, it can't mean much more. She's still holding onto that other branch...
DenumChkn Posted September 23, 2011 Posted September 23, 2011 She left you and had a new guys 3 days later? She obviously had that one planned out while you were still together, and is obviously a volatile individual (no matter how much you may still love her). I would continue no contact (your NC is really LC as you should not even know that she is with a new guy or what the status of their relationship is, the fact you know that much implies to me that you have not been maintaining TRUE NC) and not read much into this. After what she did this girl needs to be on her knees begging before I'd take her too seriously. In my humble opinion, you should find someone else as you deserve better than playing second fiddle to some other shmuck - let him deal with the inevitable heartbreak she already sounds ready to lay at his doorstep sometime in the near future.
Thieves Posted September 23, 2011 Posted September 23, 2011 I agree. YuGr, you've said your piece to her now. She knows the deal: put her money where her mouth is. In other words, actions not words. So I think now would be a good time to start true NC - no texts, no e-mails, no phone calls, no Facebook, IM's. Etc. In all honesty, you're probably better off not hoping to get back with her and healing for the sake of your own self. You deserve someone better than a person who thinks you're their soulmate, dumps you, and then gets with someone else 3 days later.
mike588 Posted September 23, 2011 Posted September 23, 2011 (edited) Believe what DenumChkn said: She already had it planned while you two were together. I know from experience.You stated you want her back,,, the call is yours if you take her back or not but I would heed everyones advise here. As others and myself said,, if she contacts you again don't call/text her back the the second she does.Wait a day or two, don't come across that you have been "sitting by the phone" waiting for her to call! Edited September 23, 2011 by mike588
LuluinAZ Posted September 23, 2011 Posted September 23, 2011 True love deserves to be heard at least. The door is open and you can walk through it. I would want to hear what she has to say and know that she has learned things in the time apart. We are humans and we make mistakes. You don't want to make one and regret it 10, 20 or 30 years from now.
Author YuGr. Posted September 23, 2011 Author Posted September 23, 2011 Alright guys thanks a lot for you opinions, as you may know not every relationship is how they seem. There's was a lot of complications during our relationship. I know for a fact the new bf wasn't planned out when we broke up. That being said, he's a rebound.. I just think you guys are being a little tough here. Why would I wait a few days to reply a text, to me that doesn't make sense at all.. It just clearly shows I was thinking about it for 3 days before answering, its not an email, she knows I got the text when she sent it lol.. Anyways I'll see what happens.. There are some things I am to blame for the relationship ending, she didn't just leave for the hell of it, so it's partially my fault. It's not just her who left for another guy and now has to beg for forgiveness. I do However completely 110% agree that she should not have a boyfriend if she's going to do this, it's not fair to him nor is it to me. She shouldn't be talking about getting back with me while sleeping with another guy, it just doesn't make any sense.
Dark Phoenix Posted September 23, 2011 Posted September 23, 2011 I just woke up with a text from my ex gf ''I just got your email this morning lol Pumpkin is just fine. I still love you and miss you sometimes.'' Pumpkin is the nick name to her civic lol I sent her an email that said ''Hey how are you?? I hope Pumpkin is doing good! Just an email to keep in touch, take care!'' TWO months ago... I've kept NC since what the hell... (For those who haven't followed my other thread.. she has a boyfriend right now! lol) I do want her back... but I don't think I should have to do anything to make her come back to me, she left me for someone else she should run back to me.. What do I do?? if it takes two months for her to receive an email I suggest you and/or her change your email to another domain, that's ridiculous. Anyway.... it took her 2 months to get that email (sending email is faster than text messaging), so that would give you what? 2.5 to 3 months before you are obligated to respond? good deal, make her wait.
Thieves Posted September 23, 2011 Posted September 23, 2011 Why would I wait a few days to reply a text, to me that doesn't make sense at all.. It just clearly shows I was thinking about it for 3 days before answering, its not an email, she knows I got the text when she sent it lol.. Um... that's sort of the point. To think out what you say before you say it. It's not a mind game. It's giving you time to think it over before making any unwise decisions. After a break up is when you need to be more cautious. Yeah, every relationship has complications. Do you think every person here writes out every single detail of their relationship? No. But that's why we're here, to give an outside perspective. And people still come back to say we were right. Sometimes a person can get so lost in details, they forget to see the bigger picture... Yeah, it seems like we're being tough. Why? Go out to the store, get a surgical knife, and cut every one of us open so you can see our hearts. There, you'll see scars and bruises of pain we had to endure because we didn't have anyone to tell us the mistakes we were making back then. We didn't have anyone to tell us "No, you're going to cause yourself more heartbreak". You do. I'm sorry, but do you honestly think we'd keep taking free time out of our days - time we could be doing anything else - to write out paragraphs saying "Don't do this" for the hell of it? We're doing it because we care and have been through this before. But you're still a person who can make your own decisions, so. Anyways I'll see what happens.. There are some things I am to blame for the relationship ending, she didn't just leave for the hell of it, so it's partially my fault. Really, whether she left because of you or not, what is the point in staying in contact with her right now? Even if the break up was equally each other's fault, she's still with him. If the tables were turned, we all know how you'd feel, so maybe it's best not to talk to her, period. I don't see what you can solve without disrespecting the relationship she's in now. Rebound or not, he's still a person with feelings.
silly_panda Posted September 23, 2011 Posted September 23, 2011 I guess you are very determine to give this another try regardless of what everyone here have to say... You love her too much and the temptation of her coming back to you is just too big... In my humble opinion, your ex left you for a reason... And the reason will most probably be there is something that her new guy is able to provide her that you don't... It may be the attention she needs, security, affection, etc... If you really wanna get back to her... I reckon you find that out... That's the reason she left you... If you don't get that fix, she will do the same again even if you get back together... Even by doing so will not guarantee she won't repeat the same thing again... Once a theif, always a thief... Good luck...
aerogurl87 Posted September 23, 2011 Posted September 23, 2011 Ok YuGr, my question is why did you break up in the first place? That can put a whole new spin on things. If she left you cause you cheated on her or something like that, then I'd give her another chance ONCE the boyfriend was out the picture. As for her telling you she loves you, does the boyfriend know this? I ask cause he could know that already. Hell I told my boyfriend that I was in love with my ex before, and I also told him that I'll always love my ex and for some strange reason he's ok with that. But that's not my point. The question is is she being honest with all parties involved. Its one thing for her to be texting you all this and keeping the boyfriend in the dark and for her to be telling you and him the same thing.
Thieves Posted September 23, 2011 Posted September 23, 2011 If she left you cause you cheated on her or something like that, then I'd give her another chance ONCE the boyfriend was out the picture. The question is is she being honest with all parties involved. Its one thing for her to be texting you all this and keeping the boyfriend in the dark and for her to be telling you and him the same thing. Exactly. That's what I'm trying to say. We all have absolutely no problem with YuGr. trying again with his ex-girlfriend, as long as the boyfriend is out of the picture. If he's still in the picture, one: he's letting her off easy by letting her hanging on to him and her boyfriend at the same time, two: we don't know if she's being honest with everyone involved, like you said. It just causes a lot of unnecessary confusion.
Author YuGr. Posted September 25, 2011 Author Posted September 25, 2011 We spoke a bit more. I brought up maybe going out and see what happens, but this tims I said when your single. She said she hasnt seen her boyfriend in a few days so she has to see him first (?)(?)(?)(?) when i asked why/what that had to do with anything she didnt reply. I finally left off the texting with a "Don't contact me anymore unless your single and committed to giving us another shot. Other than that there's no reason foe us to speak. I hope to hear from you soon if your intentions are right. Take care." What you guys think of that? And knowing her, id bet an arm and both legs he has no idea this is going on. I dunno whats going to happen next. She'll either break up with him and text me i guess (i really dont see this happening) or i wont hear from her for a very long time and keep going as if nothing ever happened.
betterdeal Posted September 25, 2011 Posted September 25, 2011 I think that was a very good first stab at asserting your needs and desires. You made it very clear under what conditions you'd entertain her again. However, my criticism would be that you have implied that you are committed to giving you guys another shot under those conditions. Ask yourself this, are you?
Author YuGr. Posted September 27, 2011 Author Posted September 27, 2011 I am Update She texted me again today, <3 at 11:11 like we'd always use to do, i replied <3 make a wish she then said "I know its none of my business but have you been with other girls since me?" For once I had the balls to not reply. Which I think will shake her a little. This whole time i havent been speaking to her in a 'hard to get' way AT ALL. I dont want to give it to her so easily anymore, I doubt its helping me. Plus, she left me, i shouldnt be the one running after her.
betterdeal Posted September 27, 2011 Posted September 27, 2011 Yeah, that's one of those dead-end questions. I'd ignore it too.
Thieves Posted September 29, 2011 Posted September 29, 2011 We spoke a bit more. I brought up maybe going out and see what happens, but this tims I said when your single. She said she hasnt seen her boyfriend in a few days so she has to see him first (?)(?)(?)(?) when i asked why/what that had to do with anything she didnt reply. Yes! Way to go, YuGr.! And that's interesting about the boyfriend. Go figure she texts you saying she misses/loves you, and then you find out she hasn't seen him in a while. What you guys think of that? And knowing her, id bet an arm and both legs he has no idea this is going on. I dunno whats going to happen next. She'll either break up with him and text me i guess (i really dont see this happening) or i wont hear from her for a very long time and keep going as if nothing ever happened. I think it's great, YuGr. You've made your intentions clear, and that's good. So now she knows what's going on and what you expect of her. However... No contact means no contact. She texted you at 11:11 yesterday and you replied, right? That's not No Contact! It means just that: no contacting the ex. At all. Even for small things like making wishes at 11:11. Unless you plan to go LC (little contact), then it's fine, but just know it's not actually NC until you're not speaking with them or replying to them at all. It's important to know the difference because otherwise it'll seem like you're not sticking to your word when you told her "Don't contact me anymore, etc." It's good you didn't answer her question about other girls, though. But honestly, that gave it away. Things obviously are not going too well with her boyfriend, or at least not how she wants it, and so she's casually checking up on you to set-up a possible return. That is, if things continue not to go so well with the boyfriend. And a $100 bet that you're right about him not knowing any of this. You shouldn't have to run after her, you're right. Just don't keep waiting around for her to figure this out either, even if you are doing NC.
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