analogman Posted September 22, 2011 Posted September 22, 2011 I was dating this girl for a little over 4 months. The first 3 months were amazing. We did everything together and loved every minute of our time together. At the 3 month mark, she told that she wanted some "alone time". I was surprised since she hadn't given me any indication she was feeling overwhelmed. She told me it wasn't just me; she needed alone time from everyone to recharge (typical introvert). I gave her space, but from that point on, our relationship felt different. She said I changed, and I did, fearing that I wasn't giving her enough space. For the last month, our relationship became an emotional roller-coaster. She felt distant then close. She didn't seem excited to see me, but called me every day. At the time, she told me she was really stressed with work, etc. I felt myself going crazy -- Does she want to be with me? What's going on in her head? She told me not to worry and that she loved me and wanted to be with me. Last weekend, she came up to stay with me to celebrate my mother's birthday. She wanted to bring a present, so we went out and bought flowers. During the entire weekend she was fine and my parents agreed, saying that I must be oversensitive. On Tuesday night, I stayed at her house. We drank wine, watched a movie and laughed, but she wasn't initiating any physical contact and things felt off again. When we went to bed, I asked her if she was OK. If we were OK. She said that something's wrong, but she doesn't know what it is and she started to cry (which I'd never seen and she told me never happens). She explained that she feels depressed about life in general - work, money, her enormous student loans, the terrible weather on its way, etc. I asked if it had anything to do with me and she said she wasn't sure. She was never good at verbalizing her feelings. It was late and she wanted to go to sleep before coming to any resolution. Needless to say, I couldn't sleep at all. I was thinking the worst. I had a terrible feeling in my gut. In the morning, I asked if she's still committed to a relationship and she said she "I don't know what to say". Then, after sitting in silence for a few minutes she said "I'm not sure I love you". I was shocked. I didn't know what to say besides "I guess that answers the question". I got up and started to pack my things. I left and haven't communicated with her since. I know I can't make her love me, but do you think she's just overwhelmed right now and giving her few days will help her think things through? I love her very much and want desperately for things to work. I'm having a very hard time not contacting her, since we didn't talk much before I left. What should I do???
smudge21 Posted September 22, 2011 Posted September 22, 2011 Tough one to call but yeah, she could have a lot going on and not know how to deal with it all. We all can lose it at times too so it all depends how she deals with stress and insecurities I guess. My advice would be to send her a letter or email, just being nice and telling her how you feel. Say you want to understand and help but only if that's what she wants. There's no suggestion of anything dodgy going on here so I see no problem in keeping the lines of chat open. You've only known her a short time so you don't know what issues she may have that could be causing her to act this way, so just take it gently. Make her fully aware that you are here for her and see if she opens up to you. However, also understand that you have your own feelings to think about too. If she refuses to open up and only become more distant than you may have to decide how long you're willing to keep trying for. Sometimes we meet people who do have problems and we want to help, but remember you can only help those that want help in the first place. A lot of people prefer to hide away from their problems rather than face them, and no amount of talking will ever help. They end up getting more damaged until it's too late. Sadly, you can't help people like that. Contact her first and then let her come to you. If nothing for a week, make another small gesture. After that, I'd leave it and see what happens. Hope it works out.
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